The Library

See Jack's 90-day journey time-line from 3 years ago here. Dear Guard, I'm approaching my 3-year anniversary in 'the struggle'. I can't say I'm perfect, and I've slipped along the way, but only about 5 times in the whole 3 years. What a difference from before I started,...

Often the addiction is not our main problem, but rather a symptom of an underlying problem. If we are depressed, anxious or stressed, then as addicts, we will escape to our "drug of choice" - which in our case happens to be lust.Physical activity and exercise can be very ...

Someone writes on the forum Lately, I'm practicing looking at my wife and smiling for a moment. In almost nine years of marriage, it's something I've hardly ever done. It sounds like a weird thing to 'practice' - but for sick people like me... what can I say? Dov Responds...

Chazal say that all your sexual drives and intimacy should be channeled towards your wife, which means that these desires and intimacy were created to bring a husband and wife to the ultimate connection. Throughout the day, you can practice thinking about your wife. Think...

Always remember to stay happy! The Yetzer Hara's biggest tool is depression and sadness. Working on one's self is not a "sad" and "confining" thing, but rather it should bring us tremendous joy that we have the merit to sacrifice our desires for the creator of the entire...

Is your surrendering done all by your lonesome, or do you have a few choices of folks you can call to quickly do the surrender with and then move on? It is important for us to surrender together with other people - and my favorite reason for that, is quite cool: The only ...

Lust addicts have a disease called "love sickness". They are in love with every good-looking person of the opposite gender that they see. And no matter what they do to convince themselves of how empty and silly it is, it still plagues them. Their heads are often filled wi...

For practical problems we can learn a lot from Chazal, of course, but what is indispensable for an addict is counsel from real live people.... not quotes from great people (even neviim) who are long gone. I learn a lot from Chazal, sure, but for my recovery issues, I'd m...

Q. I've tried quitting porn and masturbation before, but a funny thing happened - I got irritable and snappy toward my partner and surroundings. I then relapsed back into viewing porn and masturbation, because I didn't think becoming a nervous wreck was worth it. A. ...

A triggering teen, 'babysitting' young children, sat literally right next to me in the children's park one day (she honestly looked 'needy' as if there was not much love in the home she was coming from: she looked sad-wanting attention). The park is directly across the st...

You are not alone, no matter how alone your addiction may tell you that you are...you are not. Thank-G-d! There are other people who can relate to you on a very personal level. Seek them out and share with them to help them, and you will be helped even more, in turn. ...

Q. "I wanted to ask you what you thought about the fanatical separation of men and women in Arab countries. Is this the ideal for Jews as well in terms of separation of the sexes?" A. The approach in Judaism is not one of extreme separation from the temptations of this ...

I was walking home from Shul. 3 attractive girls were crossing my path and as much as I tried at the time to switch off my lust it was difficult since these girls were quite bubbly and ever-present --hard to ignore! So I went for plan B and shifted into giving mode. I imm...

We cannot afford to run from our lust, just as we cannot afford to give-in to it. We run to G-d and let Him take care of it for us - or we'll never get better at all. And we often learn just how to run to G-d, by running to people (other addicts) and shamelessly sharing...

I was talking to someone recently, and he asked me if I'd really be so bad off if I wasn't involved with GYE and the 12-steps. It's hard to believe that we'd all end up in the gutters so soon that we need to worry about it. I thought that if, instead of the gradual impro...

A question we received: When I was young I watched lots of bad things. Later, I became frum and got over the whole thing and married a very nice frum girl and we have a great marriage. But a couple of years after I was married it started to bother me that she was flat-che...

I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy the shmiras einiyim conference given at 8:30 evening. The Maggid Shiur is an extraordinary dynamic personality. And the subjects mentioned are very much insightful, from a broad range of sources; Chazal, Rishonim, Mussar and Chass...

Before recovery I was wracked with daily, frequent angst - I was sure I had married the wrong person because my wife's approach to sexuality and ruchnius are so different from mine. It drove me crazy and I had two panic attacks over it. By "over it" I mean that it was wha...