The Library

Hey chevreh, approaching day 70 (!!!) Lots of emotional ups and downs, although I can testify that this has been a life changing experience so far, and one of the better life choices I've made. I've developed closer bonds with my loved ones, and have come clean (literall...

I was at a wedding last night and there was lots of stuff to look at, the cake, the miniatures, the bar, the choir, oh, and the women. I practiced. Closed my eyes, took some deep breaths and whispered gam zeh ya'avor ("this too, shall pass"). And eventually, they all did...

I want to thank GYE for the amazing website. I am only into Day 21 and already so many wonderful things have happened (Thank G-d)!!! The resources on the site and the Daily-emails have been invaluable!!! I am so grateful and appreciative that HaShem has led me (and so man...

I am not proud of all these things but just in case there is someone out there who finds this and thinks that he's alone - you should know, I was as perverted as they come.

*I was getting my teeth cleaned today - by a female hygienist who had to reach over me a couple times. והמבין יבין. I tried so hard to control my thoughts and think of Hashem's love in giving me this test. And, you know what she said to me? "Wow! You're a great patient! N...

I landed back in Newark clean b'h. There was one point towards the end of the flight where everyone around me was watching movies with explicit content and I felt the temptation. I took off my glasses asked Hashem to get rid of the urge and b'h it went away.

I am almost up to 40 days without a fall, and my wife is assur now, which makes things a little harder. Last night, I was reading business news and they had something about some woman etc. I googled who she was and a movie where she is the main actor came up. Not thinking...

1) A chaver who speaks/texts regularly with me, reached out for help today. His wife had been off limits for a very long time. There were very challenging moments, but with work and b'ezras Hashem he stayed clean. Today she was to go to the mikva but this morning she foun...

I had a miracle today which also reminds me how sick I am and can lose my new-found sanity in a matter of seconds. I've been abroad with my wife for a few weeks, I had with me a little dinky phone which I would never have imagined would be able to support any picture onli...

It was the week before Rosh HaShanah and I decided I will try to hold out from porn and masturbation the whole week. I was having a hard time but I kept pushing through. Then, a couple of days before the Yom HaDin, I was doing work in a place and there were some triggers ...

Rabbi Dov Bensoussan spoke recently about how Hashem is a "Rotze b'Tshuva" and sometimes we merit to see how He puts the opportunity to do Teshuva right in front of us. He related the story of a young man who was, unfortunately, traveling to a private place with a non-Jew...

I was driving from the target store in my neighborhood and a pretty girl came into view. Of course, I wanted to look but I decided that as difficult as it will be I won't. I was making a turn and I thought I was going to pass the test once I did. The problem is she crosse...

Yesterday, the internet was down at work. That means the techies come in and get to work.Till 48 days ago, I always got nervous when this happened. What if they start digging and find out all the stuff I saw? It may not be inappropriate websites but my boss would probably...

We got a "venting email" from a woman a few weeks ago: How can I say no to my phone? Sometimes, I think to myself that it's pathetic that I need to keep looking at Instagram, Whatsapp profile pics, Facebook etc., not for porn, but just because either I'm bored or to see ...

Yesterday, while I was on Youtube, I noticed a feature that hadn't struck me before. Every video that you've ever viewed is underlined in red. I was so completely shocked to see how much time I had wasted. I felt like I was wasting my life away and the darkness started ...

One of my issues is being quite unable to process highly emotional events. It triggers my anxiety in an exaggerated fashion. I am, BH, being slowly weaned off my medications and am, bli ayin hora, doing very well. This emotional challenge is a residual issue which will ho...

So last night had me congested and tossing and turning because of it. Keeping my mouth open wasn't helping, nor the nervous mind-mantra "fall asleep fall asleep fall asleep it's getting late." At that point, I was sure that only masturbating would help me fall asleep and ...

Dear GYE, Thank you for your congratulations on my reaching 1 year clean, it touched my heart deeply. Thank you, GYE, it definitely would not have been possible without you. Lately, I have been meditating, a practice that I have learnt recently. If I can work at its root,...