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Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

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  • Elya K
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The Sex is Good, It’s the other 23 hours I’m struggling with!

In my couple’s intake survey, I have new clients rate their partnership satisfaction from Very Dissatisfied to Very Satisfied and everything in between. Invariably, I see a lot of couples who are extremely dissatisfied with closeness, attention, arguments and respect for each other, but the sex is good!

This tells me some very important and interesting points about this couple.

·      They are basing their relationship on sex, not on the other 7 forms of intimacy. And there probably isn’t much intimacy in these relationships either. Intensity without love is not intimacy.

·      People cannot change themselves when all they want is for their partner to change. You have to differentiate yourself, change yourself by increasing your communication skills. Then your partner will likely change their attitude toward you.

·      Couples don’t set limits on conflict.  They keep arguing and fighting until wee hours of the morning, then they’re too tired the next morning to discuss core issues in a more relaxed atmosphere.

·      Therapy is about developing new, reliable patterns of communication which allows each partner to experience the benefits of “leaving the prison” of their old way of relating to others.

Relationships based on “good sex” alone do not last.  Hence a 60% divorce rate.  Dr. John Gottman offers four predictors of divorce which he calls the Four Horses of the Apocalypse.

1.   Criticism versus gentle startup using “I” statements rather than accusations.

2.   Defensiveness versus responding with empathy and not sarcasm.

3.   Contempt like calling your partner names, giving over an air of superiority and using power and manipulation to get your way.

4.   Stonewalling, caused by overwhelming emotions, one partner cannot process everything they are feeling and short-circuit the conversation to calm down and retain control.

Good sex alone will not make a marriage thrive. Learning intimacy in all 8 areas gives you a much better chance of survival.  And that’s what counseling aims to accomplish, intimacy rather than the distractions of work, technology and emotions which thrive on intensity.

heywhataboutmecoversmall.jpg

https://mailchi.mp/allanjkatz/ztm0vcbin4
Presently one of the GYE hotline moderators for couples struggling with Shmiras Eiynaim issues in their marriage.  Elya is the author of 2 books, Help Her Heal with Carol Sheets for partners of SA and his latest book, Hey!What About Me: How to become a priority in a world of distraction, impulsivity and indifference. 
https://mailchi.mp/allanjkatz/ztm0vcbin4
Last Edit: 27 Mar 2020 17:52 by Elya K.
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  • DavidT
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https://www.turesponse.org/pesach/
An amazing collection of activities for kids 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Introducing myself 27 Mar 2020 14:20 #348134

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Welcome to this great journey!

I wanted to write you a few words of chizuk...

Please remember that Hashem loves us and is our Father. He is not a mean and demanding tyrant who angrily demands perfection and doesn’t realize what we are going through. Hashem understands the great challenge of self-control. He relates to you on an individual level and realizes how hard it is to win this battle.

He knows the emotions you experience when you want to give in to your desires. He feels your pain when you sway back and forth and are torn over what to do.

Since He created the challenge and put it in the world, surely He understands better than anyone else how difficult it is to overcome.

Although it isn’t easy, we really can permanently leave the web of sin if we put in the effort. By changing our perspective and using techniques to attain self-control, we will escape the yetzer hara’s grasp and succeed.

Controlling ourselves will become progressively easier once we start working on it.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Lyrics and Poems 27 Mar 2020 14:11 #348133

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After a fall

I wish that I could turn my heart to stone
So I don't have to feel what I feel when I'm alone

Re: Lyrics and Poems 27 Mar 2020 14:07 #348132

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For when I'm grateful for how much progress I've made, and how my life has made a turn for the better due to this fight.

אֲרומִמְךָ ה' כִּי דִלִּיתָנִי. וְלא שמַּחְתָּ איְבַי לִי: ה אֱלהָי. שִׁוַּעְתִּי אֵלֶיךָ וַתִּרְפָּאֵנִי: ה' הֶעֱלִיתָ מִן שְׁאול נַפְשִׁי. חִיִּיתַנִי מִיָּרְדִי בור: זַמְּרוּ לה' חֲסִידָיו. וְהודוּ לְזֵכֶר קָדְשׁו: כִּי רֶגַע בְּאַפּו חַיִּים בִּרְצונו. בָּעֶרֶב יָלִין בֶּכִי וְלַבּקֶר רִנָּה: וַאֲנִי אָמַרְתִּי בְשַׁלְוִי. בַּל אֶמּוט לְעולָם: ה' בִּרְצונְךָ הֶעֱמַדְתָּה לְהַרְרִי עז. הִסְתַּרְתָּ פָנֶיךָ הָיִיתִי נִבְהָל: אֵלֶיךָ ה' אֶקְרָא וְאֶל אֲדנָי אֶתְחַנָּן: מַה בֶּצַע בְּדָמִי בְּרִדְתִּי אֶל שַׁחַת. הֲיודְךָ עָפָר הֲיַגִּיד אֲמִתֶּךָ: שְׁמַע ה' וְחָנֵּנִי ה' הֱיֵה עזֵר לִי: הָפַכְתָּ מִסְפְּדִי לְמָחול לִי פִּתַּחְתָּ שקִּי וַתְּאַזְּרֵנִי שמְחָה: לְמַעַן יְזַמֶּרְךָ כָבוד וְלא יִדּם. ה' אֱלהַי לְעולָם אודֶךָּ:

Re: Lyrics and Poems 27 Mar 2020 14:03 #348131

  • Jj123
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For when the ups and downs wear at me.

Waves

There is a swelling storm
And I'm caught up in the middle of it all
And it takes control of the person that I thought I was
The boy I used to know
But there is a light in the dark
And I feel its warmth
In my hands, in my heart
But why can't I hold on?

It comes and goes in waves
It always does, always does
We watch as our young hearts fade
Into the flood, into the flood

And the freedom of falling
The feeling I thought was set in stone
It slips through my fingers
I'm trying hard to let go
It comes and goes in waves
It comes and goes in waves
And carries us away

By: You don't have to say if you don't want to

Lyrics and Poems 27 Mar 2020 13:56 #348130

  • Jj123
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Hi all!
Personally, I find that finding expression for strong emotion has a calming effect. 
This is true for both the "good" and the "bad" ones. Running from them never seems to work.

Hence this thread.

Please post any lyrics, poems, short stories or anything of the sort which has helped you.
If you want, you can add when it hits hardest.
Looking forward to reading 'em all!

ps. the stuff doesn't have to be inspirational. when I feel numb the sad stuff is what helps me most.

Cheers
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Basics,my friend the y"h can literally do whatever the hell he wants to get you, no matter how up on the mountain you are he will always find a loose rock to make you slide on,be it the change of scenery,(you were in e"y shtieging)now you came back home and have a little more time so even though you were holding way higher than lapsing it managed to snatch you down with Hope's to put you back in your old way DO NOT FEEL TO BAD TO PUSH FORWARD THAT WAS THE Y"H PLAN rather continue up the hard as hell mountain and keep climbing my friend you could do it (apparently because you just did!) I've had yout experience uncountable amount a times. Daven little harder in davening and have zero worries your a king and you did great last zman keep pushing forward
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Introducing myself 27 Mar 2020 05:31 #348124

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Hey I’m glad to finally join a forum of this sort and really look forward to growing and overcoming with the rest of you. 

intentional failure 27 Mar 2020 03:57 #348123

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I feel like sometimes I am doing so well that I will finally break free and then I fall. Obviously there are many reasons for this, My main reason I think is because I am scared of winning. I am so used to this challenge, maybe I dont know what I would do without it. How would I succeed when I couldnt see such obvious progress? (as I see when I am beating the urge to watch porn) How can I deal with this? Also If anyone has other reasons maybe that I dont wanna beat it pls put them out there.

Re: Small corona lesson 27 Mar 2020 03:51 #348122

  • greenland55
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WOW that's quite something. I know many people who seem to have no issue walking around with unfiltered phones and such, have no appearance of being in any difficulty. For an old person with lung issues smooching a coronavirus patient is just an odd way to commit suicide (G-d forbid) even if it isn't for a kid, and for us sitting alone in a room with an unfiltered computer is deadly, even if it wouldn't be for somebody else who might spend the whole time on sefaria.org

Re: My Clean Days Log 27 Mar 2020 03:43 #348121

Day 61.

I just wanted to say that there is something so powerful about clicking the update drop down on the left side of the screen and selecting "I'm still clean."

What I thought about just now, is that it isn't the satisfaction of another day without pornography and masturbation. I have already written in this thread how I don't get that much satisfaction out of abstaining.

What is powerful, for me right now, is that the act itself of selecting "I'm still clean" actually is a reminder of my commitment and really stops me in my tracks from acting on my sexual urges. More than it being a marker of my progress, it helps me get through the next day.

The 90-Day Count and this forum thread have been great interventions in helping me these last 61 days.
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  • Realestatemogul
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Hey Optomisim!

There are many on GYE who can probably relate to your anxiety, and even those who can't will still be able to relate for your "self-sooth' way. So first of all know you are not alone and many before you have conquered this challenge already! 

Anxiety is something Hashem put in this world because we are supposed to overcome it to the best of our ability. (I am not talking about serious cases of anxiety that require medication. If you think you should be taking medication see the appropriate doctor.) Similar to other internal struggles anxiety takes hold of us and we want to do anything to make stop. 

I highly recommend using GYE as a forum to make things very real and denounce the yetzer hara that comes in the form of anxiety. As you work on telling your yetzer  hara that he is not fix or "sooth" to your pure neshoma, share those successes. 

This is no doubt a challenge, but Hashem loves you and would only give you something you could handle! 

Hatzlacha! 
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Hello I can relate to social anxiety on many levels as well as the abuse I'm trying to make a forum for just people who got abuse but have no idea  I'm not gonna say I'm a survivor but as time did go and I put on a bull confidence it actually merged into something though the sweat still remains by social gatherings!!!
Thank you David for your words of encouragement and for sharing the wise words of Hillel, which is exactly what I needed to hear.
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Basics,my friend the y"h can literally do whatever the hell he wants to get you, no matter how up on the mountain you are he will always find a loose rock to make you slide on,be it the change of scenery,(you were in e"y shtieging)now you came back home and have a little more time so even though you were holding way higher than lapsing it managed to snatch you down with Hope's to put you back in your old way DO NOT FEEL TO BAD TO PUSH FORWARD THAT WAS THE Y"H PLAN rather continue up the hard as hell mountain and keep climbing my friend you could do it (apparently because you just did!) I've had yout experience uncountable amount a times. Daven little harder in davening and have zero worries your a king and you did great last zman keep pushing forward
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  • DavidT
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The difference between guilt and shame is that guilt is regret for having done something bad, while shame is feeling that you ARE bad. Of course, this is a major distinction as the Torah requires authentic guilt as one of the steps of repentance. However, guilt and regret is not the same as crushing self-hatred and shame.

The best indicator of whether your guilt is healthy or not comes by evaluating if you are ultimately growing and improving, or not. The person who makes excuses for his behavior does not grow, but neither does the person who is paralyzed and depressed by his guilt. It is unnatural for a person to stay at the same level. If that is happening, there is either too little guilt or too much guilt. If you are not able to see yourself objectively, then it is time to talk it over with someone whom you trust so you can get out of your rut and take steps to enrich your life.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
  • user010
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Congrats on level1! I can relate with what you wrote about fantasizing and thinking things about women. I find my mind wandering even at the mention of the word "my sister" that my friends mention.

I think that DavidT has a great point. I find that the more people made a big deal about shmiras enayim and how bad it is and how we need to be super super careful, this problem just gets worse because I think about how I'm not supposed to think about it which makes me think about it - little of a tongue twister there.
Last Edit: 27 Mar 2020 01:53 by user010.
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  • user010
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​Thanks. It's just that such a drastic changed occurred, from being in a comfortable position against this battle to now it being a very real challenge - I guess certain things about my circumstances in e"y helped battle against this challenge.

​Also, I still carry with me the guilt of this challenge before I had this long streak. I was never able to go more than a couple days without falling, some days days even falling multiple times.
Last Edit: 27 Mar 2020 01:26 by user010.
  • DavidT
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Eliezer Zev wrote on 27 Mar 2020 00:51:
This week has been tough, and today especially. Just a few minutes ago in the chat, a wise gentleman told me that I needed a recovery plan. Sounds obvious, right? I thought a web-blocker and a therapist would do the trick, but I found out this week that it just wasn't so. The reason: there is no trick. I will be in this fight for a long time... maybe the rest of my life. But so be it. I am going to win. I am going to double down on the good effects GYE has had on me. I've already sought a partner, and I am going to track my each of my days (in my 90 day count), and I plan to write here at least weekly. If you have advice, I'm all ears. BH.

You definitely have the right attitude to win the battle!

please rremember this "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"​

wishing you all the best !
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
  • DavidT
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This struggle is very normal, and everybody deals with it on some level or another. Having a desire for this doesn’t mean that there is anything negative about a person. Chazal tell us that , a person’s nefesh craves it. Chazal aren’t referring specifically to bad people; they are addressing every single person.

There is no kehillah that can be considered immune to this. Every group of Yidden across the entire world deals with this yetzer hora.

You need to realize that you have no control over when a nisayon comes your way. An improper thought may fall into your head suddenly, out of the blue. Since this is the case, you have no reason to feel bad that the thought came; it was out of your realm of bechirah.

Bechirah, however, does lie in whether the person will leave the thought alone and allow it to pass through,or whether he will dwell on it, which causes it to leave a stronger impact on him.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
This week has been tough, and today especially. Just a few minutes ago in the chat, a wise gentleman told me that I needed a recovery plan. Sounds obvious, right? I thought a web-blocker and a therapist would do the trick, but I found out this week that it just wasn't so. The reason: there is no trick. I will be in this fight for a long time... maybe the rest of my life. But so be it. I am going to win. I am going to double down on the good effects GYE has had on me. I've already sought a partner, and I am going to track my each of my days (in my 90 day count), and I plan to write here at least weekly. If you have advice, I'm all ears. BH.
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I'm a 21 year old bochur who just came back for bein hazmanim. Before going to e"y I struggled with Masturbation. I was clean for the entire zman - my longest streak ever and within my first week back at home I fell.

Being back home instantly made me start having urges - even without seeing anything inappropriate on the internet or going out (CaronaVirus). I have a couple chavrusas over the phone that I enjoy learning with and some other hobbies to try to fill my time.

Can anyone help - its as if a switch was flipped - its so frustrating and I feel bad about it? Also, do other people struggle with this even when things are going well and you feel fulfilled? Thanks.
Last Edit: 27 Mar 2020 00:41 by user010.
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  • DavidT
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Many of our members get their chizuk from the GYE website and forums online. But when Shabbos comes, they feel that they are bereft of their life-line.

To help our members get through Shabbos remaining inspired, GuardYourEyes is proud to announce the launch of a new weekly newsletter, designed to be printed out before Shabbos. The 4 page pamphlet contains divrei Torah, humor and anecdotes, which relate to the struggle of shmiras einayim in today's world, tied in with current events and the weekly parsha.

For the first edition for Parshas Va'Yikra, click here to download.

Print it out for Shabbos to breath a spirit of Kedusha on this holy day!
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"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 27 Mar 2020 00:17 by DavidT.
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Small corona lesson 26 Mar 2020 22:37 #348105

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Last night I was thinking in bed what can I learn about this crazy disease. more specifically a disease that literally for some people is nothing at all and people don’t even know they have it, and for some people will be deadly r’l. That is a pretty crazy thing. 
Some people might’ve noticed or talked about this how it applies to our struggle because I think it’s pretty obvious. Most of us on this site, if not all of us, can not afford even a tiny tiny drop of lust, of looking were we shouldn’t, or thinking about that one stupid fantasy for a little longer. While some people might be able to see an image or a specific person and not think about it later (they shouldn’t see it either but if they do) but for us it could stick with us and ruin our day and much much more. Literally deadly. I know I can be going strong, having learnt in the morning bavli, yerushalmi, Shulchan Aruch, and that same day want to do the worst aveiros out there because of one image I let in that I shouldn’t have and it snowballs.  Someone else might see that same thing and move on with his day with no lasting impression. But we have to be even more diligent and careful. We have the “underlying conditions” and need to isolate more. 
Kol tuv
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For a while I have been using Pluckeye, which is a filter mostly notable for protecting Linux machines. It looks like it's been discussed here a couple times. Here are some things I have learned from my experience. Implementing this stuff has caused me to not have a fall from my Linux machine in several months (I have, sadly done so, but its been from other devices).


Their website, pluckeye.net has good resources. For installation information, www.pluckeye.net/how-to-install.html has good information. Also this forum has good stuff by looking up "pluckeye" in the forum.


A few points and pointers that weren't emphasized on that website or this forum:


1. You shouldn't usually have root access to your machine. You'll need root access to set it up but not afterwards. What I did was go onto one of the many random password generator websites, generated 64 characters of gobblygook, printed that out and put it in a box outside of home. If I need to install software I can retrieve it, but usually I use a non-admin account. If you are one of those people with a photographic memory you might need to do something else.





Second: You really need to use a Ubuntu-like distro if you are on Linux. Debian, Pop OS etc all work but Ubuntu is by far the best.  Fedora, Arch, etc will not work. I feel Jon, the developer, is a bit too equivocal on this point. Maybe you like something else, but it's not worth it.


If you use anything that is not Ubuntu, even Debian, you may need to delete your recovery partition. To do this: format the recovery partition (you will need to be root to do this)


Then, before shutting down, edit /etc/fstab and remove the line that has the phrase "RECOVERY" or something like that. (If you shut down first, you can still do it but will need to go into recovery terminal mode).


By default it blocks all images but does not block access to any websites. This solves by default the majority of the problem. I have found it is best to use a whitelist still, because of time wasting and inappropriate reading material.


(the following setup commands do not need root, so you can send that paper to your Chaver in North Korea now or wherever you will keep it)


To set up  a whitelist.


type in to terminal, once it's installed:


pluck add "Deny"


After that, think of all the websites you know that are good.


pluck add "Allow simpletoremember.com"


pluck add "Allow work.biz"


etc. These sites will be totally allowed.


Once you've done all of this, Set it to really work :


pluck level 2


pluck set "delay 1 Day"


Now it's blocking all of your apps and any setting that you


If you need to make things more lenient by allowing a site etc you don't need root, just type in the change, wait for the delay and you'll be set.


If you find some loophole, try typing "pluck nhb" to increase protection even more although it might cause some problems. Otherwise email him.


Finally, ssh can cause some issues with this. If you have an account me@hackercentral-server.su just  type:


pluck add "Block hackercentral-server.su"


Also, the X-tian branding on some of it does not affect use of the software and you really should pay the suggested amount even if he doesn't make you.


This software works on Windows and Mac too, but haven't tried it on any of those. There's lots of stuff on their website at "www.pluckeye.net/faq.html" and examples of syntax at "www.pluckeye.net/eg.plu" Anyway, let me know if you have any questions and Hatzlicha to all programmers/nerds/free software enthusiasts!
Last Edit: 26 Mar 2020 21:00 by greenland55. Reason: made bit more better
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[hide]My freind,a lot of common cases of the average person being bangry is from real pent up garbage, that bleeds into a need to let it all out. The common cases are people that have been sexually or physically abused or have had another significant trauma in there life's. usually the only way to get through that is to deal with the real problem is by going through therapy (witch especially in the yeshiva world is kinda a pain in the rump to do)witch if done right can be an absolute game changer. but if you need and instant fix, a way to let your anger-turned teivas out is by working out immediately (it's something therapists will also tell you) and as you go down for the push up and you feel the strain push in to it and let it out on the floor push up with all your might push your stress onto the damned floor! your abs are killing as you crunch up but give a yell and push for another one it literally can be a game changer and you will not just lose your angry crap in your head you will also lose your teivas (just for the time being relax
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[hide]My freind,a lot of common cases of the average person being bangry is from real pent up garbage, that bleeds into a need to let it all out. The common cases are people that have been sexually or physically abused or have had another significant trauma in there life's. usually the only way to get through that is to deal with the real problem is by going through therapy (witch especially in the yeshiva world is kinda a pain in the rump to do)witch if done right can be an absolute game changer. but if you need and instant fix, a way to let your anger-turned teivas out is by working out immediately (it's something therapists will also tell you) and as you go down for the push up and you feel the strain push in to it and let it out on the floor push up with all your might push your stress onto the damned floor! your abs are killing as you crunch up but give a yell and push for another one it literally can be a game changer and you will not just lose your angry crap in your head you will also lose your teivas (just for the time being relax
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[hide]My freind,a lot of common cases of the average person being bangry is from real pent up garbage, that bleeds into a need to let it all out. The common cases are people that have been sexually or physically abused or have had another significant trauma in there life's. usually the only way to get through that is to deal with the real problem is by going through therapy (witch especially in the yeshiva world is kinda a pain in the rump to do)witch if done right can be an absolute game changer. but if you need and instant fix, a way to let your anger-turned teivas out is by working out immediately (it's something therapists will also tell you) and as you go down for the push up and you feel the strain push in to it and let it out on the floor push up with all your might push your stress onto the damned floor! your abs are killing as you crunch up but give a yell and push for another one it literally can be a game changer and you will not just lose your angry crap in your head you will also lose your teivas (just for the time being relax
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Here are some suggestions on dealing with urges, from the SMART recovery program:

D = Deny/Delay
Make a commitment that no matter what, you won’t act on an urge right away. Instead you’ll wait at least 20 minutes (or some other amount of time). Hopefully, by then the urge will have passed. If you want to use this technique, decide how many minutes you are ready to wait, and add it to your plan.
E = Escape & Avoid
If you know what is causing the urge, remove yourself from the source quickly — run if you have to — and wait for the urge to pass. 
You can keep track of your urges with an Urge Log. Urges can occur as part of a daily routine or weekly pattern, and are usually associated with something — a person, place, thing, etc. If you know in advance you’ll be in an urge-producing situation later in the week or month, PLAN to avoid it by using a Weekly Planner.

A = Accept
Tell yourself the urge will pass soon and if you don’t give in to it, the next urges will be less intense and come on less often. Sit down quietly and allow yourself to feel the urge build and then fade away

D = Distract
Make a list of possible distracting activities you can engage in when you have an urge, and add it to your plan. Find something that you think can really distract you. It needs to be something interesting that will grab your attention. Pacing back and forth in the room won’t do the trick...
Since your mind can’t think about 2 things at once, the distraction will redirect your attention away from the urge and into something else. Some examples are calling a friend or family member, playing a game, reading a good book (you might want to reserve a book just for this purpose), exercise, or taking a walk outside.
Be realistic, for some people a sefer can be distracting enough. For others, they’ll need a good (kosher) movie to do the trick. By the time you have an urge, it will be hard to come up with ideas of how to distract yourself. But if you plan in advance exactly what you will do and include them in your plan, you can start a distracting activity the moment you get an urge.

S = Substitute
Substitute the harmful behavior with a healthy activity. Exercise, go shopping, prepare a meal, have a cup of coffee or a refreshing drink. You can substitute an irrational belief (“this urge will kill me”) with a rational one (“this urge is bad but it won’t kill me and it will pass”).
HERE are more ideas for substitutes
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 26 Mar 2020 16:17 by DavidT.
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Today is Rosh Chodesh Nissan and Chazal tell us “בניסן נגאלו ובניסן עתידין להיגאל” – This is the month that is auspicious for Geula. At this time there are so many people anticipating the Geula. The Gemara says in Masechet Sukkah on the pasuk, “ציון היא דורש אין לה,” that in order for the Mashiach to come, people have to want him to come and, now, we are all feeling that need. 

The Midrash in Shir HaShirim Rabbah (chap. 2) says, “סמוך לימות המשיח דבר גדול בא לעולם – Right before the Mashiach comes, a big plague will strike the world.” Has the world ever seen a plague that has affected so many countries? This is another sign of the Mashiach. Throughout history, there have been many opportune times when Mashiach could have come, but we didn’t take the steps that we needed to during those times and therefore he didn’t. This time also seems to be an opportune one, but it is up to us to make it happen. Everything that happens in the world is a message from Hashem to us, His People. 

Now is the time to make those moves. B’ezrat Hashem, if we do, we’ll be zocheh this year to eat from the Korban Pesach in Yerushalayim Ir HaKodesh with the binyan Bet HaMikdash. Amen.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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I am still clean on day nine. I need help. I suffer anxiety and do not want to self-sooth in inappropriate ways HELP!!!!
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No matter how dismal or desperate a situation seems to be, Hashem could take us out of it in an instant. Now more than ever we need yeshuat Hashem. It seems like things are only getting worse. Many people have contracted the virus, rachmana litzlan, and many are in fear of contracting it. It is important for us to remember that Hashem is not only in charge of who gets it, but He also decides exactly how it affects a person. For some, they may have it and not even realize it, others may have it and only experience mild symptoms.

The pasuk says in Tehillim that Hashem is משליך קרחו כפיתים and Rashi explains the pasuk to mean Hashem sends the cold in accordance with the amount of blankets a person has to keep himself warm. Which means, Hashem doesn’t only control the temperature, He controls the effect that it has on every single individual differently. The same is true of heat and the same is true of a virus. Hashem could decide at any given moment to take away any negative effect that the virus is causing a person. Hashem could do it in the conventional way by allowing the world to discover a medication that helps cure it or He could do it with His words alone, like the pasuk says, “ישלח דברו וירפאם– He sends His word and heals them.”

We have to realize, we are completely biyad Hashem. He already gave people hope by allowing doctors to find a medication that has been helping people. Our best option of overcoming the virus is heartfelt tefilla to the only One who has any control over it. B’ezrat Hashem, everyone should be cured bikarov.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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Siri & co. 26 Mar 2020 14:50 #348093

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This thread is gonna be for all the groaners we’ve gotten from Siri (and Alexa, and others). Here goes 

I asked my new friend to meet me at the gym, but he never showed up. 
I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 26 Mar 2020 09:51:
I just fell...

Don't know what to do with myself...

So sorry to hear that you fell... 
maybe the thing to do now is forget about your "self"...
-rely only on the help of Hashem 
-pray for others
-try to help others  
-connect (virtually) with others for support...

we're all in this together! 

dust off, get up, restart... Hashem loves you!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
I just fell...

Don't know what to do with myself...
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I had a thought today about covid-19 that relates to the struggle of shmiras habris and shmiras aynayim. 

The obvious that I am sure everyone has thought of is that Covid-19 is invisible and yet it is the most powerful thing controlling our life. We all know that Hashem runs the world and this is just a more obvious than usual sign on Hashem's control of the world. But it hit me in the face that there is something else that is so powerful, yet we don't give it credit to how much power it has. It can in seconds control our lives and we are powerless very similar to this invisible virus. We even get upset with ourselves sometimes when we can't control it. 

I am talking about the Yetzer Hara.

Hashem gave the yetzer hara tremendous koach to almost control us. Everyone on this site knows how just like this virus, the yetzer hara in a moments notice could have huge talmidei chachamim or tzadikim on their knees begging for mercy. Yet, we pretend as it's our fault or we don't take it seriously and use unfiltered devices. 

We don't understand Covid-19, but we all know to stay inside all day or fear a serious potential life threatening disease. However when it comes to our ruchniyus, and we also don't understand how it could be so hard, we don't take the threat seriously. 

I guess I am trying to say two things:

One: Realize that Hashem created a strong yetzer hara even though you can't see it or understand it. (FILTER your devices!) (Also just like we are meant to grow from this virus and strengthen our commitment to Hashem, so to our yetzer hara serves to allow us to strenghten our sommitment to Hashem.)

Two: Don't get depressed about your challenges. Even though it seems as if the only plausible explanation is that your a hopeless basketcase, -which is obviously NOT TRUE - the reality is that Hashem created the yetzer hara with tremendous Koach so you may grow and come closer in your avodas Hashem. 

I hope that was clear and made sense. 

Wishing Klal Yisroel a Yeshua K'Heref Ayin!
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Re: My Clean Days Log 26 Mar 2020 02:22 #348086

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I'm happy to hear you are able to move on to other things!

Although you could remove it from your to do list, you should keep there on the "Trophy" side!

Either way, keep up the great work!! Hashem loves you!
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Lust is never satisfied. The more we feed it, the more we need it. If we don't work on ourselves before marriage, this addiction has the potential to destroy two people's lives, not just one. Many unmarried bochurim on our network have achieved full abstinence. It is possible.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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- חובת הלבבות: בן אדם ראוי לך לדעת כי השונא הגדול שיש לך בעולם, הוא יצרך הנמסך בכחות נפשך והמעורב במזג רוחך ... אתה ישן לו והוא ער לך, אתה מתעלם ממנו והוא אינו מתעלם ממך

knowing your enemy is vital to winning the battle...
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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