Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 
Welcome, Guest
Recent Posts

Re: Once and for all 19 Jul 2019 22:50 #342419

  • Onceandforall
  • Current streak: 10 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 23
  • Karma: 1
Just wanted to get on before shabbos to give myself some Chizuk before. And if anyone else happens to be reading this message before shabbos- please daven for me and I’ll daven for you and let’s together make a commitment to fight a little harder and a little longer if the going gets thought over shabbos. 

Good shabbos to all!!!

Re: GREAT HANDBOOK TO BATTLE TAYVA/Understanding Life 19 Jul 2019 17:50 #342415

  • Captain
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 1
  • Karma: 0
I also read this book and I found it so helpful! Check it out. It's life-changing!

Re: The Long War Journal 19 Jul 2019 16:58 #342412

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 946 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1820
Avoiding binging and posting the honest truth shows a fellow with bh a healthy mind. It means you understand fully that all is not lost and that the accomplishment remains. If someone went from acting out once a week = 52 times a year, to once every 242, that's awesome. Keep it up chaver. It is inspiring for all when one is courageous enough to post that he had a fall after so long, and that he is just moving on b'ezras Hashem.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
The following user(s) said Thank You: i-man

Re: Short insights with long lasting results 19 Jul 2019 15:00 #342410

  • gyehelp2017
  • Current streak: 85 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 70
  • Karma: 6
#28
Its not that we struggle with the bad part of ourselves, we struggle with something that is in essence 'not' really part of ourselves. So don't look down at yourself for having this struggle, it does not define your essence.
Feel free to email me at gyehelp2017@gmail.com
The following user(s) said Thank You: Hashem Help Me

Re: The Long War Journal 19 Jul 2019 13:58 #342409

  • Dave M
  • Current streak: 205 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 62
  • Karma: 3
I'm sorry to hear that you had a fall.  But, the fact that you manage to fight off the urge to "binge" is itself a major victory.  That is one of the big tricks of the Y"H.  I like your perspective on 242-1 record.  Please keep us posted on your continuous journey. 
Last Edit: 19 Jul 2019 14:17 by Dave M.

Re: The Long War Journal 19 Jul 2019 13:55 #342408

  • i-man
  • Current streak: 13 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 301
  • Karma: 51
Hey just dont forget the name of this thread...

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 19 Jul 2019 13:08 #342407

  • Dave M
  • Current streak: 205 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 62
  • Karma: 3
I had an interesting past few weeks.  Pretty stressful, as I had a to deal with a lot of things at once.  Nothing terrible, just real life stuff.  With a few exceptions, I was pleasantly surprise with how I dealt with the challenges.  I accepted that these are challenges from Hashem.  SInce I've joined GYE a couple of years ago, I've found that I have a higher awareness of Hashem in my everyday life.  Just reading the daily chizuk emails and reading how other members deal with their struggle have allowed me to appreciate the bigger picture of why we are here.  We are all on a journey.  We may not understand why we have to go what we go through, but it's a process.  May Hashem continue to give us strength in dealing with our challenges. 
The following user(s) said Thank You: i-man, Hashem Help Me

Re: The Long War Journal 19 Jul 2019 13:02 #342406

  • airmale613
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 55
  • Karma: 2
I am very sad to report that I had a fall last night. I had been struggling the last couple of weeks. I feel incredibly awful about it but managed to fight off the inevitable binge that usually ensues. I am ready to continue fighting. I had a streak of something like 242 days. Instead of thinking of it as a total loss im going to think about it like a boxer... I have a 242 to 1 record. Resetting the clock and battling on.
The following user(s) said Thank You: stillgoing, Dave M

Re: Once and for all 19 Jul 2019 00:44 #342396

  • ColinColin
  • Current streak: 194 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 305
  • Karma: 5
Keeping as busy as possible is clever.
But not if you get too tired...which is when you get vulnerable...so rest as well.
Keeping busy can be by being busy alone...i.e. studying, praying, reading, walking etc. etc.

Re: I can do this 19 Jul 2019 00:40 #342395

  • ColinColin
  • Current streak: 194 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 305
  • Karma: 5
Take it day by day Isaac.
Hour by hour if needed.
Good luck.

Re: We Got This - My 90 Day Diary 18 Jul 2019 22:37 #342390

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 946 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1820
Starting anew that was a great post. Stay connected and b'ezras Hashem you will get out of this. You sound like a very healthy thinking person and realize that you are not a rasha or loser because of past actions. What defines you is your true ratzon to get better.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Short insights with long lasting results 18 Jul 2019 20:02 #342389

  • cordnoy
  • Current streak: 6 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Moderator
  • I'm sailin', for I've got to be free
  • Posts: 11226
  • Karma: 513
Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 18 Jul 2019 19:04:
There are various definitions of teshuvah, gyehelp2017 is taking the chassidik approach that teshuvah means returning to hashem and simply stopping to do the aveirah, cordnoy is probably taking the more musar approach.

I'm all for various approaches and for returnin' to Hashem; teshuvah, however, is clearly defined by the rishonim, and it is all about the past.

Is there an approach to focus on the future? Most certainly! And, as a matter of fact, it is what I have done and continue to do; it is my only (probably) way of survival. However, that is not teshuvah.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."

Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
The following user(s) said Thank You: gyehelp2017

Re: Short insights with long lasting results 18 Jul 2019 19:04 #342388

There are various definitions of teshuvah, gyehelp2017 is taking the chassidik approach that teshuvah means returning to hashem and simply stopping to do the aveirah, cordnoy is probably taking the more musar approach.
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
The following user(s) said Thank You: gyehelp2017

Re: I can do this 18 Jul 2019 18:56 #342387

  • Issac
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 35
Day 1

I'm a little down but I really appreciate the support from the oilam. It really helps.
So far so good

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

The following user(s) said Thank You: gyehelp2017, Dave M

Re: I can do this 18 Jul 2019 18:52 #342386

  • Issac
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 35
Thanx

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

Re: Short insights with long lasting results 18 Jul 2019 18:01 #342385

  • cordnoy
  • Current streak: 6 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Moderator
  • I'm sailin', for I've got to be free
  • Posts: 11226
  • Karma: 513
gyehelp2017 wrote on 18 Jul 2019 14:42:
#27
'Tishuva' literally means - returning, going back to where we come from - and that is Hashem. So the idea of Tishuva is not to focus on the past, rather it is focusing on the future, how to improve our relationship with Hashem.

Actually, teshuvah IS about focusing on the past; charatah and viduy (and to some extent  azivas hacheit)  are the prerequisites to kabbalah al ha'asid. Then one focuses on the future.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."

Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
The following user(s) said Thank You: gyehelp2017

Re: Short insights with long lasting results 18 Jul 2019 14:42 #342383

  • gyehelp2017
  • Current streak: 85 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 70
  • Karma: 6
#27
'Tishuva' literally means - returning, going back to where we come from - and that is Hashem. So the idea of Tishuva is not to focus on the past, rather it is focusing on the future, how to improve our relationship with Hashem.
Feel free to email me at gyehelp2017@gmail.com

Re: Once and for all 18 Jul 2019 13:27 #342380

  • Onceandforall
  • Current streak: 10 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 23
  • Karma: 1
Day 9

BH still going well. I just wanted to say thank you for this tremendous community of people. I already know that this time is different than when I tried to stop on my own. It’s still
early but I am cautiously optimistic that with all of your help - I can really do this and continue to fight for the rest of my life- ad meah v’esrim. 

I just wanted to add a thought:

from a a lot of the reading I have been doing, everyone mentions thanking HaShem for all of the help they get, for gye, and for every day/moment that they overcome and beat the yetzer hara. I think we need to thank HaShem for giving us the y”h in the first instance. Clearly this is many of ours ultimate tafkid in life to overcome this and without this we couldn’t reach the levels that we all will be’H reach or have already reached (even one moment of willpower is higher than malachim...). So thank YOU for giving me this fight and giving me the strength to overcome and reap all the rewards that we will get. 

Also, thank you for the times in my life where things were bad and things didn’t work out and the lows and the hits and the cries and the pain— it’s all headed to something great and if that’s what it took to knock sense into me to get serious about this for real and reach out- then while it’s hard to admit- it was all worth it and I accept if fully with gratitude.

This is is a high level of recognition that I don’t think I’m actually on- but it’s a place I want to get to and really believe it.  
The following user(s) said Thank You: stillgoing, Hashem Help Me, Dave M

Re: I can do this 18 Jul 2019 12:33 #342377

  • Singularity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1307
  • Karma: 66
I'm also an emotional eater!! Welcome!!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
One day... At A Time :-D

Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: My Journey 18 Jul 2019 12:24 #342375

  • Singularity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1307
  • Karma: 66
Welcome! Quite a story!

I am jealous that your p and m in 6th grade was with other people. At that point I was too socially introverted to involve others in my fantasies. I'm just surrendering this and moving on.

Keep coming back!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
One day... At A Time :-D

Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: My Journey 18 Jul 2019 12:20 #342373

  • stillgoing
  • Current streak: 35 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1606
  • Karma: 128
Hi Hope. Great to see you posting.
my two cents? After being active on gye for bout 6 years, being in sa and meeting and speaking to many s-x addicts and non-addicts, there are many in sa who would understand you, relate to your story And have actually "kicked the habit" too. Sounds like you have already progressed to the "heavy and hard" stuff,  going back is as easy as it sounds. I love gye, and I've gained tremendously from it, but for someone who already has a history of addiction, I don't think an  anonymous website is the safe way to go. Perhaps you've already gone to aa or na, but sa targets p&m, massage etc.. and you certainly won't be the only one like that. 

Best of luck whatever you do, and keep in touch
sg
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)
Last Edit: 18 Jul 2019 12:23 by stillgoing. Reason: For the love of pickles
The following user(s) said Thank You: Shnitzel and kugel

Re: My Journey 18 Jul 2019 07:36 #342368

  • David26fr
  • Current streak: 9 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 139
  • Karma: 7
Welcome to this forum
You have done a big step to share about your struggles here...

First, it seems to me that your social anxiety is one of the reason that leads you to these behaviors (drugs, sex...)
Am I right ?

Did you so something particular about this social anxiety, to get out of it, but not related with your behaviors ? It could be therapy, mindfulness, or whatever...

Behatslakha !
The following user(s) said Thank You: ColinColin

My Journey 18 Jul 2019 04:29 #342367

  • hopeful
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 7
  • Karma: 2
Hi Everyone!
I been on this site for a long time but this is my first post (I think, certainly first one I've started)
Basically I just had another fall and I can't keep doing that.  I want to post and keep ya'll updated on my journey to 90.  Be"H and with all your help I'll get there this time....and stay there!!
A couple of things about me.  
I have been sexually aware as far back as I can remember.
I started with P&M in 6th grade including with other ppl.
Throughout HS I was very heavy into it.  Beyond that I got into strippers hookers and massage parlors.
Late elementary school started getting into alcohol in HS got into drugs, that exploded when I went to Israel after HS then went nuclear when I came back.  After some time totally enslaved to substances I went to rehab, where surprise surprise I got kicked out for getting caught sneaking into one of the girl's rooms (she had invited me) After some time in and out of various programs I did basically get clean until today.  Still not 100%.
I turned my life around and became religious and started learning after a few more years and at that point I stopped with the porn and the stripper etc.  However I couldnt kick the mzl completely.  After that I got married and continued on the way up, although after some time P&M came back into my life on and off.  some time later I slipped back into my bad ways of strippers etc (mainly massage parlors, but everything) and got back into drugs.  Thankfully that was a short lived stint and I stopped with the bad ppl I had been seeing. That was over 4 years ago and since then I have been struggling on and off with P&M (and some mild drug use as well)
After mzl tonight I decided I need to post and I hope that will help me get through and finally kick this bad habit forever.
I forgot to mention that with all this I have social anxiety and difficulty connecting to ppl so never really built up any kind of support system in any of the programs I've been to.
Also I dont really have any friends at this point in my life.
Well that's my story morning glories and I'll try to keep posting my progress.
Thank you all for being here when I need you and I hope to be able to do the same.
Hatzlacha to us all!
The following user(s) said Thank You: cordnoy, ColinColin, Shnitzel and kugel, Onceandforall

Re: I can do this 18 Jul 2019 01:43 #342366

  • Issac
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 35
Shkoyach. I appreciate that

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

Re: Once and for all 18 Jul 2019 00:22 #342362

  • Onceandforall
  • Current streak: 10 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 23
  • Karma: 1
Jon86 wrote on 17 Jul 2019 02:34:
Hey
not sure if you started your tafsic yet? 
I actually renewed mine today! I found the template provided in the handbook to be helpful. You just plug the information into the blanks and read the nusach from the handbook.


I haven’t yet- thanks for the push. I have been meaning to but just didn’t sit down to think of some good ones to use for myself. I iy”h will do it this weekend. 

Re: I can do this 17 Jul 2019 21:15 #342358

Glad to see that you are going to therapy! It helped me tremendously! Keep us posted! 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

I can do this 17 Jul 2019 20:33 #342357

  • Issac
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 35
Hi,

I made it to 90 days before, fell and have been on and off since then. 

This time I hope to go further. How? You see i'm an emotional eater. When my mood dips and I get down I have a tough time and that's when I fall. So, I manned up and found a competent therapist to help me deal with my depression. B"h it's helping and when I feel good about myself I really don't struggle as hard.

For now, I'm going to start by posting on here and doing the chart and I"ll see if we need some extra tools.

Let my mistakes empower me to succeed instead of pulling me down.

The following user(s) said Thank You: ColinColin, gyehelp2017

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 18:22 #342356

  • David26fr
  • Current streak: 9 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 139
  • Karma: 7
Filtering all Internet access is a mandatory... But this isn't the ultimate solution to get the sobriety.
The solution is to identify the triggers - apart Internet - and work on them, make a program, go to meetings, etc...


My example : my main triggers are anger, stress, tiredness...

If they are present, and they are taking control of me, and I am in a front of unfiltered Internet at this moment... I am in a very hazardous situation

But if I am feeling good, to be in front of unfiltered Internet will not be an immediat problem, and the probability of a fall at this moment will be more lower (but I have to keep in mind to avoid unfiltered Internet in any situation, for sure...)

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 17 Jul 2019 15:46 #342354

  • Dave M
  • Current streak: 205 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 62
  • Karma: 3
Yesterday was a little more challenging as I had to work with some co-workers who were not dress so modestly.  Similar to what ColinColin mentioned above, when I find myself in these triggering situation, I spend a few minutes reading the GYE handbook, GYE boost emails, or other source chizuk.  This is crucial for me.  If I continue to let these triggering thoughts linger, it potentially can morph into a full blow lust attack.
The following user(s) said Thank You: neshamaincharge, Hashem Help Me

Re: Once and for all 17 Jul 2019 14:36 #342352

  • stillgoing
  • Current streak: 35 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1606
  • Karma: 128
Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 17 Jul 2019 03:22:
Not trying to put down anyone but staying clean because one's  busy or because one made a shvauh is nice but very short term, but that's not dealing with the issue of lusting and as long as one hasn't done so, those temporary tools won't last too long...

For me it didn't help.... 

I liked the last line the best. For me, it didn't work either. (At first I was too busy to lust, then when the lust hit, I was too busy lusting), but for others - who knows...

Keeping busy is definitely one of the tools, and like Singularity said, we don't need to be constantly active, breaks are ok and good, but I I need to know why I am taking a break. To recharge and get back to work, or to zone out and escape from life a bit (or a lot). Recharge is great, but zone out means eventual act out for me.

Oh, and one more crutual ingredient - real self honesty. I've taken many breaks when I said I was just recharging, while if I was really really honest with myself I would have realized my true motivation. But real self honesty doesn't come overnight. I've made lots of mistakes - but as Ari Goldwag sings ".....I'm not perfect...I'm not perfect....but I want you to know that I'm starting to grow...."
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)
The following user(s) said Thank You: Shnitzel and kugel, Onceandforall

Re: Short insights with long lasting results 17 Jul 2019 14:25 #342351

  • gyehelp2017
  • Current streak: 85 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 70
  • Karma: 6
#26
The Zohar explains our struggle with the Yetzer hara with an analogy. A king once wanted to see the loyalty of his son, so he paid a woman to try to seduce his son and see if he will fall for her. The Zohar adds a powerful idea, that in truth the women herself does not want the son to fall for her, she wants him to stay loyal to the king that hired her. So too says the Zohar, that in truth the yetzer hara himself really wants us to overcome him and not fall for him!
Feel free to email me at gyehelp2017@gmail.com
The following user(s) said Thank You: Shnitzel and kugel

Re: A struggling bochur 17 Jul 2019 14:20 #342350

  • stillgoing
  • Current streak: 35 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1606
  • Karma: 128
PPepsi
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: How to Stop Lying 17 Jul 2019 10:31 #342348

  • Singularity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1307
  • Karma: 66
Hi Greenland. Seems you're a greenhorn to true authentic beautiful yiddishkeit. Welcome aboard! We're thrilled to have you.

You're in the same boat re the honesty. We're only as sick as our secrets. One of the best ways to kill the lust is to bring it out in the open, be honest with others and that will lead to self honesty. As Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai said to his talmidim (Brachos 28b?) "May your fear of heaven be on the level of your fear towards other people", because we will sin as long as nobody else sees. But there's always Someone who sees, no?

Hatzlocha on your journey.

PS: Speak with safe people. Don't go tell your issues to your wife, parents etc if they really won't understand. Here's a good place to start.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
One day... At A Time :-D

Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 10:23 #342346

  • Onceandforall
  • Current streak: 10 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 23
  • Karma: 1
Yidyidyid wrote on 17 Jul 2019 01:09:
Hi all,

​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...



I cannot speak to the 12 steps- but the others responders really know this stuff and talk to them in depth. I just wanted to point out that you could and should go to a TAG office and get gentech which can block everything and give you apps you need while still filtering those in app browsers or disabling completely. It’s really customizable!!

good luck - and welcome!
The following user(s) said Thank You: i-man

Re: Once and for all 17 Jul 2019 10:17 #342345

  • Singularity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1307
  • Karma: 66
Onceandforall wrote on 17 Jul 2019 00:53:

Markz wrote on 16 Jul 2019 16:07:
For me? I’m not sure. Could be it’s a solution on its own and it’s documented in the Talmud too...

Really where is that- would love to know the source? The only one I know about is in Kiddushin-  Barasi yetzer ha’rah, barasi Torah tavlin lo.  Possible source I can think of is the days between Yom Kippur and sukkos, you are so busy so you have no time to sin. But that isn’t entirely on point I don’t think, nor am I sure if it’s literal. 

For those keeping score at home- my day was super BUSY so no time to even think about stuff. BUSY works for me lol. 

My 2 cents is that I don't need to be busy per se, rather mindful. For example, even if I take ten minutes to relax, that's "busy" per se if the relaxation is constructive. If I feel I'm not busy, it's usually because I am in a situation and I wish I were somewhere else (like if I were out with my kids, sometimes I want to be at work, etc) so now my mind's somewhere else and I can't really be "present", and I'm therefore not busy with what I'm currently required to do..

Not to say I'm always holding on such a mindful level, but a long stretch of sobriety brings a clarity of thought with it and I've tastes glimpses of it.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
One day... At A Time :-D

Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 09:56 #342344

  • Singularity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • To write, or not to write?
  • Posts: 1307
  • Karma: 66
Hello Yid

Welcome! I hope your path to recovery is swift and fluid.

Don't worry, we're all struggling, you're quite normal.

So as a fellow 12-stepper I want to point out, where you say we learn to control our addiction, that's not how I see it. Quite the opposite: we realize we can't control it and the only way to get rid of it is to surrender it to the God of our understanding. How? Rigorous honesty, character defect housecleaning and the care of our loving Higher Power. So you won't figure out how to "control yourself" at a 12 step meeting.

That being said, do you feel you're addicted? Struggling for 20 years is a good starting point, but what is the severity of your behaviour, has it progressed, how frequent is it etc? Do you feel you can't manage your life?

Do you feel 12 steps are for you?
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
One day... At A Time :-D

Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 05:23 #342341

  • i-man
  • Current streak: 13 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 301
  • Karma: 51
Yidyidyid wrote on 17 Jul 2019 01:09:
Hi all,
Here it goes....time to tell my whole story. Hopefully merely putting it into words will give me some strength and/or insight into my struggles. And hopefully others will have some insight to share as well...

Im in my early 30's, married, overall successful in my life endeavors. If you knew me, I think you'd think Im a regular, successful normal guy. However, Ive unfortunately been struggling with porn and mzl since childhood (maybe 10 years old). I have had streaks, on and off, good times and bad, but here I am 20 years later, still struggling. 
Long story short - I got involved with GYE about a year and half ago and it has been super helpful. It is nice to not be alone in this struggle and its helpful to share ideas and strategies. With the help of some people I met here, Ive had multiple nice streaks of 50-60 days...but inevitably I fall again. 
I have found that the best thing to get me to those 60 day streaks is to simply remove all access to open internet. Now this is very tricky in 2019 - internet is needed for job, school, banking etc etc. I installed good filters on all my computers at home as well as on my phone. However the phone thing always seemed to get me. Even with filter and all, spending so much time (unfortunately) with my phone would somehow allow me to find "loopholes" for getting around the filter. 

I finally came up with a pretty good plan: I deleted the internet app from my phone and just left my email app, WhatsApp, and any other apps that I felt I would need for work. This was perfect - I still technically had internet connection on my phone so I could stay up to date on my emails etc, but in practice I had no way to search for anything that I shouldn't be searching for. 
​I also had to do 1 more thing --- I went into the settings on my phone and removed the App Store (locked it up with a password that I dont know) so that I could not download an internet browser app (Firefox, safari etc) onto my phone. 
This was a good plan - and it worked for a while. 
​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...

One final thought: my understanding is that people who do 12 step programs learn to control their addiction even when the material may be avaialble (as opposed to my recent method of trying to remove all access). Is that a true statement? 
Could it be time for me to join 12 step meetings and learn how to control myself...even with access sitting there in my pocket?

If you are still reading this...thanks...
any help is greatly appreciated.

Yid

Maybe take out the word "however" which makes it sound like because you view porn and masturbate you are somehow not a "regular successful normal guy " ...
Guess what - most of us here are probably "regular successful normal guys" like you said its 2019 the nisayon of lust is an enormous challenge and we unfortunately may have gotten caught in the trap , but we cant let that take away from who we are in fact that type of thinking usually perpetuates the problem, 
Good luck

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 03:42 #342340

  • Joseph1
  • Current streak: 157 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 10
  • Karma: 0
Hi

I will just share from my experience 

I don't have a browser on my phone and I have the best filter on my computer but I acted out even without this 

I have started my sobriety here on guard your eyes by talking and sharing with people who are in SA program and i was sober for 119 days till I felt that to struggle my whole life without recovery even I am sober I still have my unmanageable life I am walking on the street and everything triggers me I have street lust I am just sitting in the office and I fill a urge to masturbate etc. 

So I called up my friend who is in the program and II went the next morning by the meeting in my area..... since then I started to see what life means..... people they had much more lower bottom than me are sober for so many years and I got so jealous of them and I am now attending life meetings almost every day and sometimes twice a day, I have a sponsor and starting to work on the 12 steps program what I hope this will safe my life like it saved others 

So my point is that by just blocking internet you can maybe stay sober for a while but it's not a happy joyous and freedom life

And now to your question if they're people and SA what they don't have any ffilter of the phone yes they're plenty and they are not acting out and they're not taking any action of lust by searching.. etc. But this should be the reason to enter 12 steps meetings I can almost promise you that you will not stay sober even in SA because you actually want to have a browser you're still in active addiction wanting to lust and just you dont want to be a שגץ and your thought telling you by having a unblocked phone you are a שגץ so you will enter SA and you will be allowed to have a open phone because there is people who don't have a filter and not acting out this is not the way to get sexually sober the only way to get sober is with a desire to stop lusting and to give up everything in your life just for the only reason to stay sober if you still have some thoughts in your mind before getting sober will the 12 steps not help you 


wishing you all the best 

keep up trucking and stay sober 

hod should show you the right way where and what you should go
Last Edit: 17 Jul 2019 03:44 by Joseph1.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Yidyidyid, Shnitzel and kugel

Re: Its 2019 - access is everywhere 17 Jul 2019 03:26 #342339

Yidyidyid wrote on 17 Jul 2019 01:09:
Hi all,
Here it goes....time to tell my whole story. Hopefully merely putting it into words will give me some strength and/or insight into my struggles. And hopefully others will have some insight to share as well...

Im in my early 30's, married, overall successful in my life endeavors. If you knew me, I think you'd think Im a regular, successful normal guy. However, Ive unfortunately been struggling with porn and mzl since childhood (maybe 10 years old). I have had streaks, on and off, good times and bad, but here I am 20 years later, still struggling. 
Long story short - I got involved with GYE about a year and half ago and it has been super helpful. It is nice to not be alone in this struggle and its helpful to share ideas and strategies. With the help of some people I met here, Ive had multiple nice streaks of 50-60 days...but inevitably I fall again. 
I have found that the best thing to get me to those 60 day streaks is to simply remove all access to open internet. Now this is very tricky in 2019 - internet is needed for job, school, banking etc etc. I installed good filters on all my computers at home as well as on my phone. However the phone thing always seemed to get me. Even with filter and all, spending so much time (unfortunately) with my phone would somehow allow me to find "loopholes" for getting around the filter. 

I finally came up with a pretty good plan: I deleted the internet app from my phone and just left my email app, WhatsApp, and any other apps that I felt I would need for work. This was perfect - I still technically had internet connection on my phone so I could stay up to date on my emails etc, but in practice I had no way to search for anything that I shouldn't be searching for. 
​I also had to do 1 more thing --- I went into the settings on my phone and removed the App Store (locked it up with a password that I dont know) so that I could not download an internet browser app (Firefox, safari etc) onto my phone. 
This was a good plan - and it worked for a while. 
​However recently, my work required me download a messaging app that all the employees use (similar to WhatsApp, but different app). I have discovered that this app has a "built-in" internet browser. In other words - even without safari, chrome, Firefox etc, I have been able to access internet straight through this messaging app. Needless to say, it has not been good for me. Im in a really bad place and need some help.

It is 2019 and Im beginning to worry that simply removing all access to the internet (the method that has been helpful for me over the past year) may simply not be feasible?
I am scared...I honestly dont think I can overcome this struggle as long as I have on the device in my pocket...

One final thought: my understanding is that people who do 12 step programs learn to control their addiction even when the material may be avaialble (as opposed to my recent method of trying to remove all access). Is that a true statement? 
Could it be time for me to join 12 step meetings and learn how to control myself...even with access sitting there in my pocket?

If you are still reading this...thanks...
any help is greatly appreciated.

Yid

It's definitely possible to stay clean even with open access, a pretty woman isn't lust, I'm just using her to feed my lust, if I've taken care of the lust inside me, then open internet won't make me start lusting.
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: Once and for all 17 Jul 2019 03:22 #342338

Not trying to put down anyone but staying clean because one's  busy or because one made a shvauh is nice but very short term, but that's not dealing with the issue of lusting and as long as one hasn't done so, those temporary tools won't last too long...

For me it didn't help.... 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
The following user(s) said Thank You: Singularity
Powered by Kunena
Time to create page: 1.07 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes