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Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

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Recent Posts

Re: My journey 04 Aug 2021 16:53 #371425

First of all, congrats on posting. It's a huge step, and welcome to GYE.

Secondly, the fact that you have held off on having a physical relationship for 15 years is truly inspirational, and your attitude of "I've done it this long, I can do it longer" is amazing. (BTW, Jordan Peterson is absolutely terrific.)

I cannot tell you how much I relate to your post. I'm a 20 year old bochur in the States, and have been struggling with porn for 3 years. My story is here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/366231-I-want-a-girl-so-badly />

Again, welcome to GYE, Hatzlacha with the fight, and may Hashem bentch you with finding your bashert soon!
"A Yid never breaks
and a Yid never bends
and a Yid never gives up in the night
A Yid perseveres
through the deepest despairs
his Emunah strengthens him for the fight"
Last Edit: 04 Aug 2021 16:53 by FighterWithFire.

Re: My journey 04 Aug 2021 16:42 #371424

  • HappyYid
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Hi! Welcome

I don't have much to say at the moment, I just wanted to welcome you here. 
It's a great place to hang around. Please stick around and keep us updated. 

Look around at other threads and see what might work for you. There is a lot here. 

I wish you lots of luck!
HappyYid
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

My journey 04 Aug 2021 15:35 #371423

  • supremeone
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Hi,

I joined several years ago but I never got to this point. 

I am 26 years old and I have struggled with shmiras einayim since I was a boy of 11. But only recently have I gotten to a point where I do believe I understand myself. 

I used to think the yetzer harah was a living thing, something separate from myself which inhabited me and made me watch what I did. To be fair this is how they teach you at a young age. I always thought there was something twisted and wrong with me. 

I then went to yeshiva in israel and I thought this time I would beat it. But I didn't, and the guilt consumed me. Eventually I spoke with a rebbe who gave me some clarity and changed my perspective a little. He gave me enough tools to start really thinking about. Once I left yeshiva I had a moment of clarity, the yetzer harah is not a thing, it is me. It is my physical essence, it does not have conscious thought, it has only physical need.

But despite thus clarity I began to hate that physical part of myself. I thought it evil and disgusting. I had moments of success and then moments of failures but the deep misery was mostly abated.

Fast forward to 2020 a beautiful woman joined my work place, not religious but Jewish. She had some struggles and I helped her, I knew she wasn't for me but I still wanted to help her. Maybe for some selfish reason, maybe I was genuine. The result was I helped her and she has had some successes. We became friends. 

We had a lot of conversations, she hated religion for various personal reasons which after hearing I couldn't really blame her. Our conversations were enjoyable and actually changed my perspective a little. But as time wore on I began to develop deep feelings for her, sexual and emotional. In a way she had the same for me. But all I could think was I loved Judaism, God and my mother. The disrespect i would show all three by having a relationship with this woman would be tragic. So I kept my distance but we had a conversation about my feelings and hers. We both knew it shouldn't happen. Thankfully I have strong feelings against hook up culture which means I didn't ever want to just hook up. I wanted a relationship. I have a reason for mentioning this but I will digress first.

I began to watch a lot of lectures from someone I believe to be a righteous non Jew called Jordan Peterson. He spoke about Carl Jung and his theories of the shadow self, the self we repress. In 2021 I had a massive break through, I let my thoughts wonder and wrote out my feelings of guilt, anger and disgust (my shadow self) and found under all of it there was a simple need which I was repressing. I wanted a physical relationship. And there is nothing wrong with that. But I also want an intimate emotional relationship and above all I want a spiritual relationship. All of which are not just permitted in halacha, but emphasised as important.

So what keeps me from engaging in a hook up? The fact that for 15 years I have waited for all those physical firsts is amazing, and I can wait longer. I no longer feel shame or angry about that, it is one piece of a relationship to look forward to. Along with the challenges and conversations and all the other great things a marriage can bring.

Unfortunately I still have issues with pornography and shmiras habris. And I need some advice. The problem is more than being single, the problem is when I feel trapped or anxious these two things act as a comfort. Also when I see this woman I mention I feel tension and some resentment that I can never be with her. I do really like her as well as have some lust towards her. I refuse to feel guilty for being human as I do not think it helps, my sins will be atoned for in the right time. But how does one gain control over his physical desire with repressing it?
The following user(s) said Thank You: FighterWithFire
Fear. I was afraid to start the book at first, for the same reason that I always found it hard to quit. I was afraid that I was giving something up. Porn was "my friend and my crutch", and I was afraid of living without it. Afraid like someone's going to kill me? Don't be ridiculous, you know what I mean. I felt like I was giving something up and making a sacrifice. As a result I initially was afraid to get started, it was hard to face the prospect of a life without porn, a life without my "friend" (what a great friend, it ruins your life, and damages your brain and body).

You don't have to quit before starting the book. In the original book on quitting smoking, readers are instructed to smoke while reading the book. Sounds counter-intuitive, but remember that you have nothing to lose by reading the book. The worst thing that could happen is you end up right back where you are now – addicted. There's no downside, only upside.
Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method

Or just read the book.

Be free with no willpower required. Be a happy non-user of p*rn. "All p*rn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely."

A handful tool 04 Aug 2021 15:24 #371421

  • et
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I discovered a new tool that kept me ongoing for a few month now. It's a powerful tool, but it should be used with the due respect. 
I saw a video that REALLY disgusted me. Once I saw that, it impact me so much that I stopped watching porn. 
I know that disgust may not be the nicest choice, but it surely works for me. I remember reading that that's how Rabi Najman of Breslev overcome his yetzer hara. 
Hope this helps you!
The following user(s) said Thank You: ihadstringsbutnowimfree
  • Dave M
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Hi Chevra,
I had a slip yesterday.  Looks at somethings I should not have.  Posting here to help create some additional accountability.
The following user(s) said Thank You: neshamaincharge, Captain, Sapy
  • Rt234
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IN regards to an unfiltered device... I have the same issue as you (FWF). I have a kosher phone but at home there are unfiltered devices.
a big thing that I do is taphsik shvua/neder it Helpss alot!!
you can Read how it works on this site (under tools I think)
feel free  To pm me if you'd like.
All the best keep it up!!!!!!!!!! 
The following user(s) said Thank You: FighterWithFire

Re: My summer forum 04 Aug 2021 01:55 #371412

  • eyes
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Thanks brother.

BH every day I am slowly getting over it.

In any case, 
Today I was not as careful when I went to drop and pick up my daughter. It wasnt to see the people there but I could have been more careful. Tomorrow I will IYH try to be more careful.

I hope everyone is doing well

Happy summer 
The following user(s) said Thank You: Markz, Captain

Re: Time to get serious 04 Aug 2021 01:10 #371411

  • HappyYid
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soaring high wrote on 03 Aug 2021 16:00:
Hi guys, yesterday I fell, I had a 51 day streak, 51 days of growth, and iyh i'm gonna continue, I did sign a shtar a few weeks ago about not doing certain activities, and that if I will I would (in addition to some other stuff) have to tell my wife, and bh that held me back from going down that road, but still I fell I fell I fell.



I like to think (thanx to hhm) that I am in middle of climbing a mountain, and I injured myself on the way up, I have 2 choices either to give up and go back down, or to enjoy the sight from 51 days up and then continue the climb, I wanna choose option 2!



A big thing for me was actually being honest and reach out to someone and tell him that I fell, because in the past I would of just looked over it, and made believe that nothing happened, but if I wanna grow and really work on this than I have to be honest with where I am holding



My whole life I was living just for lust, that was what I woke up and went to sleep thinking about, it wasn't just a drug, it was my whole purpose of living, so it's gonna be a process to start living life for real, it's hard because it's just sooo hard, but man it's worth it, I don't wanna be busy with sex all day I wanna be clean, I wanna I wanna I wanna.



So what are my plans for the future? there's no major future here, i'm taking it slowly very slowly, but I do have to try to make sure this doesn't happen again. so I will iyh do the taphsic shvuah till the end of bein hazmanim, and I will please god really try to make sure to actually make a phone call to one of my good friends over here if I am feeling in a tight spot, while in the past I have made phone calls, I only did it in the beginning stages, but there would come a point that my mind would tell me that I reached a decision that I am going to act out and there is no return, but I have to try to make a phone call even if I am holding there and hopefully that can help.



Signing off from the soaror who's still soaring (hough I hit some turbulence, I will iyh not make a landing!), hatzlacha to all, day # 1

Great attitude!

Hatzlacha
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
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  • doingtshuva
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vhaereiny wrote on 01 Aug 2021 16:34:
Hi, does anyone have a suggestion for a book or Sefer that I can read every day as Chizuk for Shmiras Einayim?

Just click guardyoureyes.com/ebooks
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


Gye program + Handbook  -  Phone conferences  -  Taphsik method  -  90 day chart  -  Ebooks  -  Shiurim  -  Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski  -  Recent topics on the Forum

Re: finally posting! 03 Aug 2021 23:29 #371407

  • Smokey
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hey guys! feel like I need to share this, you see my last post was how how to take down the tough situations and push through but i must say right now I'm feeling pretty depressed, had a really rough day (losing color war was from the easy stuff that happened:) ) a bunch of stuff went wrong and put me in a bad mood, also all the guys I'm with have smartphones and i don't have one since since i got rid of mine and i feel kind of like left out or restricted, I'm in camp so its not like im doing nothing and just with these guys, but at the end of the day i just want to lay down in bed and watch youtube or movies for the next 6 hours, hopefully everything will be alright, but i just wanted to share my feelings and also tell you guys that I'm not Mr always positive and always happy and can pull through tough situations and right now even after my whole post on Acceptance and commitment therapy i cannot unhook myself and accept the situation its just really depressing, but at least i have you guys to share this, because i couldn't get through to anyone else and honestly i feel like you guys are much more in the same boat as me, so again hopefully this all goes well and we'll all keep on hustling and pushing through because were freaking warriors of the 21st century!!!!!!! may hashem bless us!!


all the best,

smokey
follow my journey here

feel free to reach out to me!
The following user(s) said Thank You: YeshivaGuy, Sapy
Oh I just realized your message was in regards to this. My response remains what I replied to you.
Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method

Or just read the book.

Be free with no willpower required. Be a happy non-user of p*rn. "All p*rn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely."
Easy Peasy Method

You read the book, and then you don't want to watch porn anymore. It's pretty great.

Oh, and then you move on with your life and don't have to worry about this stuff anymore.
Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method

Or just read the book.

Be free with no willpower required. Be a happy non-user of p*rn. "All p*rn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely."
Last Edit: 03 Aug 2021 23:10 by ihadstringsbutnowimfree. Reason: typo
  • OivedElokim
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So I have come to realize that I need to stop
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Last Edit: 03 Aug 2021 22:05 by OivedElokim.
The following user(s) said Thank You: YeshivaGuy

Re: I'm Finally Here 03 Aug 2021 21:31 #371401

  • Birshusi
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Reviving my old thread because, well, yeah, I'm back. Pretty ironic if you look at my last post from a few years ago...
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