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  • GrowStrong
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higher wrote on 20 May 2019 18:58:
thanks for the feedback, growstrong and hhm.
im not an addict. therefore what is N/A for addicts (a fight) is for me (''normal''? i guess in this regard) very applicable. i think that ''answers the two posts although surrendering would def. help alot of addicts out there (i shouldnt say ''def.'' cause all i know about addicts is from reading the forums. )
i think im holding in the milchemes hayetzer stage.
as an aside, i am touched by the concern.

two points on this.
1: R Taub says that addicts are just people who need God more! (grateful to be an addict)
2: What does being an addict or not have to do with using tools that work!
If it works for the sickest people out there why would it not work for relatively healthy people who just have a yetser hora... doesn't make sense to me sorry.

Re: Life 21 May 2019 01:32 #341328

  • Markz
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Hey Shemira, how’s ‘Life’?
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  • Michael94
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My current feelings are telling me that who says we are ever supposed to win the war we need just to live and not let our gaurd down, and Hashem will do what he fits right to do...
Last Edit: 20 May 2019 22:38 by Michael94.
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BH I just had a fall

Re: help me 20 May 2019 22:03 #341323

  • David26fr
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Welcome to GYE

​First, stop fears about the future like "I will eventually fall"
Past has gone, future is a mistery, all that counts is the present. Now.

This is normal that the pictures are now in your head, they will not disappear in one instant like "Poof ! Magic ! It's gone". During a moment they will return again and again. And after, they will begin to fade.

But remember : these are only thoughts produced by your brain because of addiction. Don't focus on them, and don't try to fight them, because it's like trying to punch a ghost. Instead : focus on anything else. Make your life occupied with positive activities that will make your mind busy.

There is is also a technique called "Swish Pattern" for bad thoughts, you can take a look at it.

You made the first and most important step by locking your phone ! Pray also for Hachem help. And only a day, an hour, a minute at a time ! Don't be preoccupied about future, the important is NOW
Last Edit: 20 May 2019 22:13 by David26fr.

Re: help me 20 May 2019 20:25 #341321

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foundmyself wrote on 20 May 2019 18:25:
i grew up in a chasidish house with no access to the internet but all my life i always desired to see inappropriate materiel but never got hold of the real stuff i got married a few months ago i got my self my own phone (flip phone )and i got  on to the internet and started watching p***  i watched for hours on end in the last month of bein hazmanim  i feel like i am living a double life and feel terrible for what i did  this week i finally got the courage to lock my phone in a way that i cant open it but i cant get  the pictures out of my head  and even more i fear that if i ever get hold of the internet again i will not be able to control myself is there any body in the same boat?

They threw it overboard. 
Only a bunch of drunks left on board, including me...
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Re: help me 20 May 2019 19:05 #341320

  • Dave M
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Welcome to GYE.  I think pretty much everyone here can relate to your struggle.  It's very impressive that you worked up the courage to lock the phone.  The images will linger in your head for some time.  However, the longer you resist from viewing inappropriate materials or purposely conjuring up those images, eventually they will start to fade away.  Also, remember that learning and davaning are antidotes to tumah.

Re: My sad story 20 May 2019 19:05 #341319

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OTR wrote on 20 May 2019 18:01:
My daughter fell the other day. She cried for a minute kevetched and got back up and continued playing what she was doing before. Today I couldn't tell she fell a day earlier.. plays right along with everyone else.

As a good Daddy I assume you told her she should count 90 days and then you’ll give her a slurpee!
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  • higher
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thanks for the feedback, growstrong and hhm.
im not an addict. therefore what is N/A for addicts (a fight) is for me (''normal''? i guess in this regard) very applicable. i think that ''answers the two posts although surrendering would def. help alot of addicts out there (i shouldnt say ''def.'' cause all i know about addicts is from reading the forums. )
i think im holding in the milchemes hayetzer stage.
as an aside, i am touched by the concern.
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817

help me 20 May 2019 18:25 #341317

i grew up in a chasidish house with no access to the internet but all my life i always desired to see inappropriate materiel but never got hold of the real stuff i got married a few months ago i got my self my own phone (flip phone )and i got  on to the internet and started watching p***  i watched for hours on end in the last month of bein hazmanim  i feel like i am living a double life and feel terrible for what i did  this week i finally got the courage to lock my phone in a way that i cant open it but i cant get  the pictures out of my head  and even more i fear that if i ever get hold of the internet again i will not be able to control myself is there any body in the same boat?

Re: 90 Day Challenge 20 May 2019 18:12 #341316

  • OTR
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rolemodel wrote on 05 Apr 2019 01:44:
The previous post was reply to @doingtsuva

@OTR
Sorry to hear that. And to answer your question, I do enjoy being clean because I have been able to do some things each day that I never had time for before but that I really wanted to do and I have G-d on my side. And ideally I do want to stay clean like this forever and lead an addiction-free life. But the truth is that I don't think it's possible. You know, I didnt think it was even possible to go more than a week maximum, but 8 days ago I had a sudden feeling of empowerment after being on r/nofap and reading all the science about this stuff so I just went cold turkey and committed to being clean for 90 days! But the key is that in the moment I felt that I could achieve 90 days so I committed to it. And since I believed in myself then, I know that I can complete my challenge. But I never believed in myself for more than 90 days, and until I feel that empowerment, it is not something I can achieve. And I'm not sure if I ever will feel this empowerment but if I do, then I may commit to longer than 90 days.

Hye Bud keep it up. Sounds like you are doing well and happy. That is the main thing in recovery it seems- to feel happy. I noticed some times when you felt unproductive in your earlier posts. That is par for the course for us around here. And the more you feel good about being sober, the more you'll likely stay sober. 

Keep on Monstuh Smiling!
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  • OivedElokim
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:grinning:Hey there guys.
I want to publicly thank God for my newfound optimism, energy, productivity, and for 5 days clean.
Thanks to all of those who have supported me many ways.
Gonna keep it short and sweet. For now...
Have a great day
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: My sad story 20 May 2019 18:01 #341314

  • OTR
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My daughter fell the other day. She cried for a minute kevetched and got back up and continued playing what she was doing before. Today I couldn't tell she fell a day earlier.. plays right along with everyone else.
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: New to recovery 20 May 2019 17:06 #341313

  • Cryingforrecovery
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that relapse was on December 30 2018, the pain was so unbearable, I was just sitting in my car crying I felt that I will never make it and at that moment I felt that I want to take my life, which even in my worst acting out days I didn't have suicide thoughts,  at that pointe god gave in my head the straghngd instead of going on a binge, to walk in to a AA fellowship where they did a new year 24 hour round clock meeting I was sitting there for 12 hours straight, I shared on every meeting that I already have a step one that my life is unmanageable and  if I will act again ill end up death, I already have the step one that if I will take a action of a first look ill get powerless over it and relapse, I already had the step one that I need to accept the disease and that I'm sick, and I just cant stay sober, and god helped me  some old dude took me in the  side and finished my step and told me, indeed you cant stay sober but did god keep you sober for the past 30 days one day at a time? do you believe he can keep you sober tomorrow? and right there I got a new definition of god as you understand him, the got that loves me the god that wants me sober the god that gave me that disease and I cant make him hate me no matter what, I throw the god that hates me and loves to punish me out the window, and ever since god is keeping me sober one day at a time, all he askes from me is stay connected, have a morning routine, pray a lot, do service, and I know if I will remember every minute that the first time I let my fantasy play in my head or take a second look on the street god may not save me and who knows if ill be so lucky to pick myself up, currently I'm working step 4 and I pray and will do anything I can to stay sober for the next 24 hours. 
will post again as I progress 
  • GrowStrong
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 20 May 2019 11:04:
Happy to hear you feel more confident, and sorry to hear about the fall. Yes, the guys here care about you and are following your journey... Just to reword or refocus a bit, maybe consider not viewing this as a "fight" (despite the fact that Chazal do term this as milchemes ha'yetzer). At least for most of us it is more of an issue of education, understanding, and healing (rewiring the brain). Once we are "normal" (if we iyh get there), then the term "fight" might be appropriate; that's probably what Chazal were referring to. Just saying...  

not to get into my whole hasgachic discussion and understanding of these things which is very limited, i think theres a very big deep secret here in the word 'surrender' which works for the craziest sex addicts out there on a daily basis to overcome the most powerful yetzer there is that literally overtook their lives and brains.
Can a way to 'beat' the yetzer hora really have come from a bunch of goyishe drunks???
Well i like to compare it to ikvasa d'meshicha and what chazal say about how David Hamelech came into being.
It definitely asks for more iyun, but what do i know im just another sex drunk in recovery and for sure i am not a learned one... just a theory...
and knowledge didnt help me to stop acting out on my lust.
Surrender (quitting to fight) did though :-)
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