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Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

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Re: Fresh thoughts 05 Jul 2020 19:19 #352241

  • Ihavestrength
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@Captain Thanks for the book clipping. My negative thoughts aren't currently a direct result of this struggle, but more from some difficult things I'm going through in another area of life. However, I enjoyed reading the clipping and it did make me want to read the book! It is on my reading list. I don't really enjoy reading on the computer, so I may need to buy the hardcopy version. I see that you are plugging the book a lot on the forum It's awesome that you are sharing what is working for you. Thanks again for the post and KOT!
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

Re: Fresh thoughts 05 Jul 2020 17:44 #352239

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Hey @ihavestrength,
It sounds like you sometimes experience some negative thoughts, whether about your own performance in this fight or about how Hashem views you. In my experience, overcoming this makes it much easier to have sustained success.

Can you relate to any of the following? (This is a clip of ideas from The Battle of the Generation, a book that deals with this and also has many great strategies and shifts in perspective that help us fight this battle much better and easier. It can be downloaded here: guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.)

    “I am a failure. The sin I just did makes me worthless. I am off the derech, exactly like those who have rejected everything. I am just as bad. I am a sinner.
    “I should have controlled myself. I could have done better. If I had just pushed myself harder, I would have won the battle. It would have been so simple for me to control myself had I tried harder, but I blew it again! I should have much more control over myself.
    “I am so ashamed. I’m embarrassed to even go near anybody. Anyone who would know what I did would look down on me. Nobody would empathize with me about my struggles, not that there is much to empathize with anyway. Everybody does much better than me. I am probably the only person who does these things. No one else sins in this area, and I give in left and right. I am messed up.
    “All the good I ever did is meaningless because I did this huge sin. I am horrible. How hard I fought and my effort to change myself is irrelevant; my sin is all that matters.
“Even though I labored and managed to control myself for the past two days, two weeks, or two months, that is worthless. I am the same out of control person I always was. All my effort was a waste; I’m just as horrible as I was before.
“Besides, any good I did doesn’t count because I was obligated to do it anyway. All that matters is falling short — which I just did when I violated my obligations.
    “I bet Hashem is furious with me. He hates me and has rejected me. It is hopeless! He will always look down on me. Even if I do teshuva, Hashem won’t accept it. It’s impossible to undo something this severe. I did it; how can I get rid of it?
    “Further, what happened is all my fault. I brought everything upon myself when I befriended those people and experimented with these sins. Had I controlled myself then, things would be so easy. If I didn’t watch those movies and hang out with those friends, I would still be pure. I activated my desires. 
    “And now that I have awakened my temptations, it is too late. I can’t stop myself. I am incapable, as I just proved. I do these things. I am an addict and I will never regain control, no matter what I do. I can’t even improve the situation. I’m doomed.”
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Best way to break free: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Try it and see!
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TheSicarioWarrior wrote on 05 Jul 2020 06:37:
I can't tell if you're joking or not. If you are, it's not humorous. If you're not, this is not the place for leftist trash. America is not systematically racist, nor are whites killing blacks on a regular basis (a Washington Post database found that blacks were responsible for over 75% percent of black deaths that resulted from violent crime), nor are the police systematically racist (19 unarmed whites were killed in 2019 compared to 9 unarmed blacks, according to the same database, which is especially noteworthy given the rate of crime amongst blacks). Read Heather MacDonald's "The War on Cops", or her recent op-ed "The Myth of American Systematic Racism" (in the WSJ) where she further debunks the lies and bullying spread by the left. But regardless, GYE is a recovery site for those struggling with pornography. It is not a place to make some leftist speech. If I'm wildly misinterpreting your post (which is entirely possible), then please let me know, and my sincere apologies. But if I'm not, then please realize that people come on to GYE for help with their struggles, not to have leftism and lies (which have no place in Yiddishkeit) thrown in their faces.

Wildly misinterpreting!

Are you referring to my post?
Please use quote button on that post. 
There are 3 words there. Which one is offensive?
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I can't tell if you're joking or not. If you are, it's not humorous. If you're not, this is not the place for leftist trash. America is not systematically racist, nor are whites killing blacks on a regular basis (a Washington Post database found that blacks were responsible for over 75% percent of black deaths that resulted from violent crime), nor are the police systematically racist (19 unarmed whites were killed in 2019 compared to 9 unarmed blacks, according to the same database, which is especially noteworthy given the rate of crime amongst blacks). Read Heather MacDonald's "The War on Cops", or her recent op-ed "The Myth of American Systematic Racism" (in the WSJ) where she further debunks the lies and bullying spread by the left. But regardless, GYE is a recovery site for those struggling with pornography. It is not a place to make some leftist speech. If I'm wildly misinterpreting your post (which is entirely possible), then please let me know, and my sincere apologies. But if I'm not, then please realize that people come on to GYE for help with their struggles, not to have leftism and lies (which have no place in Yiddishkeit) thrown in their faces.
Last Edit: 05 Jul 2020 06:40 by TheSicarioWarrior. Reason: Typo

Re: Fresh thoughts 05 Jul 2020 06:36 #352212

  • Ihavestrength
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Day 62: I'm not feeling too confident ATM. I sometimes get into this mode where I just don't feel lovable unfortunately. 

Listening to a book rn. It's proving to be insightful, but I just wish I had listened to it before because I could have used it's lessons perhaps. I guess this goes back to the bitachon thing. Do my best today and leave the results to Hashem who apparently loves us alot and isn't try to screw us generally. Ok, falling asleep here, so going to wish y'all a good night!
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 
Last Edit: 05 Jul 2020 06:37 by Ihavestrength.

Re: Diary and thoughts 05 Jul 2020 06:20 #352211

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45 days! Halfway point! BH going good so far. Days are a great chizuk and a great siman of where Im holding at but even without the days, I really feel good about myself rn. I feel like Ive gotten a solid plan worked out, have great people I can reach out to and a solid chance at staying clean. Obviously the yetzer has countless amount of tricks up his sleeve and hes always gonna look for a way in, but BH now anytime I do have an urge to watch porn or masturbate its substantially less fierce and with my mindset and gedarim in place, easy to overcome. Hopefully Hashem will continue to grant me strength and the ability to continue fighting and overcoming the yetzer in this struggle. BZH we should all be matzliach and remember its a battle worth fighting. Its such an amazing feeling being in control and clean.
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.
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WHITE LIES MATTER
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  • trying613
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Hey I read your post. Can totally relate to you. I’ve had to constantly restart my 90 day count to. I hit 90 two weeks ago, and this past week had two bad falls. So totally know how it feels ... maybe a suggestion that will help for the future, when you feel an urge to view porn , why don’t you try replacing that desire with something meaningful? Like saying tehillim, an inspirational video ...

Re: Fresh thoughts 03 Jul 2020 23:00 #352189

  • Ihavestrength
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Day 61: Dealing with some tough emotions nowadays. Life is quite good at dealing out disappointment. I'm not bitter about it, but it does seem to be a truth. What is also clear is that these tough moments seem to be necessary in order for me to grow. 

I guess bitachon in Hashem means living each day and doing my best. Leave the outcomes and results to him. Ain't my department. 

Ok, probably rambling at this point. Wishing everyone a good and peaceful shabbos! 
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 
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Wow that's incredible! I hope you realize it
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Best way to break free: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Try it and see!
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trying to break free 03 Jul 2020 14:43 #352180

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Trying to not get caught up in streak.
By Monday I plan on building motivation through a new cost benefit chart, and blocking a specific loophole.
Will post when complete.
Mainly doing this for accountability.
Thanks yall
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Mazal Tov REM!! Please keep inspiring us!!
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
We're looking to start a small support group or partner program for those struggling with ABDL. If you're interested or want to discuss (or if you know of any existing options - even non Jewish), please email help@guardyoureyes.org.
There’s Life Beyond Addiction
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Re: Diary 03 Jul 2020 11:13 #352168

  • wilnevergiveup
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Good luck!

let us know how it goes.

Re: Diary 03 Jul 2020 06:40 #352165

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Fell again. Starting again. 

Changed the filter on my phone to an apps only with no browser or play store (just what I put on earlier) yesterday and as logged on now I realised how grateful I am for the new app
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!
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