higher wrote on 20 May 2019 18:58:

two points on this.
1: R Taub says that addicts are just people who need God more! (grateful to be an addict)
2: What does being an addict or not have to do with using tools that work!
If it works for the sickest people out there why would it not work for relatively healthy people who just have a yetser hora... doesn't make sense to me sorry.

Hey Shemira, how’s ‘Life’?

My current feelings are telling me that who says we are ever supposed to win the war we need just to live and not let our gaurd down, and Hashem will do what he fits right to do...

BH I just had a fall

Welcome to GYE

​First, stop fears about the future like "I will eventually fall"
Past has gone, future is a mistery, all that counts is the present. Now.

This is normal that the pictures are now in your head, they will not disappear in one instant like "Poof ! Magic ! It's gone". During a moment they will return again and again. And after, they will begin to fade.

But remember : these are only thoughts produced by your brain because of addiction. Don't focus on them, and don't try to fight them, because it's like trying to punch a ghost. Instead : focus on anything else. Make your life occupied with positive activities that will make your mind busy.

There is is also a technique called "Swish Pattern" for bad thoughts, you can take a look at it.

You made the first and most important step by locking your phone ! Pray also for Hachem help. And only a day, an hour, a minute at a time ! Don't be preoccupied about future, the important is NOW

foundmyself wrote on 20 May 2019 18:25:

They threw it overboard. 
Only a bunch of drunks left on board, including me...

Welcome to GYE.  I think pretty much everyone here can relate to your struggle.  It's very impressive that you worked up the courage to lock the phone.  The images will linger in your head for some time.  However, the longer you resist from viewing inappropriate materials or purposely conjuring up those images, eventually they will start to fade away.  Also, remember that learning and davaning are antidotes to tumah.

OTR wrote on 20 May 2019 18:01:

As a good Daddy I assume you told her she should count 90 days and then you’ll give her a slurpee!

thanks for the feedback, growstrong and hhm.
im not an addict. therefore what is N/A for addicts (a fight) is for me (''normal''? i guess in this regard) very applicable. i think that ''answers the two posts although surrendering would def. help alot of addicts out there (i shouldnt say ''def.'' cause all i know about addicts is from reading the forums. )
i think im holding in the milchemes hayetzer stage.
as an aside, i am touched by the concern.

i grew up in a chasidish house with no access to the internet but all my life i always desired to see inappropriate materiel but never got hold of the real stuff i got married a few months ago i got my self my own phone (flip phone )and i got  on to the internet and started watching p***  i watched for hours on end in the last month of bein hazmanim  i feel like i am living a double life and feel terrible for what i did  this week i finally got the courage to lock my phone in a way that i cant open it but i cant get  the pictures out of my head  and even more i fear that if i ever get hold of the internet again i will not be able to control myself is there any body in the same boat?

rolemodel wrote on 05 Apr 2019 01:44:

Hye Bud keep it up. Sounds like you are doing well and happy. That is the main thing in recovery it seems- to feel happy. I noticed some times when you felt unproductive in your earlier posts. That is par for the course for us around here. And the more you feel good about being sober, the more you'll likely stay sober. 

Keep on Monstuh Smiling!

:grinning:Hey there guys.
I want to publicly thank God for my newfound optimism, energy, productivity, and for 5 days clean.
Thanks to all of those who have supported me many ways.
Gonna keep it short and sweet. For now...
Have a great day

My daughter fell the other day. She cried for a minute kevetched and got back up and continued playing what she was doing before. Today I couldn't tell she fell a day earlier.. plays right along with everyone else.

that relapse was on December 30 2018, the pain was so unbearable, I was just sitting in my car crying I felt that I will never make it and at that moment I felt that I want to take my life, which even in my worst acting out days I didn't have suicide thoughts,  at that pointe god gave in my head the straghngd instead of going on a binge, to walk in to a AA fellowship where they did a new year 24 hour round clock meeting I was sitting there for 12 hours straight, I shared on every meeting that I already have a step one that my life is unmanageable and  if I will act again ill end up death, I already have the step one that if I will take a action of a first look ill get powerless over it and relapse, I already had the step one that I need to accept the disease and that I'm sick, and I just cant stay sober, and god helped me  some old dude took me in the  side and finished my step and told me, indeed you cant stay sober but did god keep you sober for the past 30 days one day at a time? do you believe he can keep you sober tomorrow? and right there I got a new definition of god as you understand him, the got that loves me the god that wants me sober the god that gave me that disease and I cant make him hate me no matter what, I throw the god that hates me and loves to punish me out the window, and ever since god is keeping me sober one day at a time, all he askes from me is stay connected, have a morning routine, pray a lot, do service, and I know if I will remember every minute that the first time I let my fantasy play in my head or take a second look on the street god may not save me and who knows if ill be so lucky to pick myself up, currently I'm working step 4 and I pray and will do anything I can to stay sober for the next 24 hours. 
will post again as I progress 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 20 May 2019 11:04:

not to get into my whole hasgachic discussion and understanding of these things which is very limited, i think theres a very big deep secret here in the word 'surrender' which works for the craziest sex addicts out there on a daily basis to overcome the most powerful yetzer there is that literally overtook their lives and brains.
Can a way to 'beat' the yetzer hora really have come from a bunch of goyishe drunks???
Well i like to compare it to ikvasa d'meshicha and what chazal say about how David Hamelech came into being.
It definitely asks for more iyun, but what do i know im just another sex drunk in recovery and for sure i am not a learned one... just a theory...
and knowledge didnt help me to stop acting out on my lust.
Surrender (quitting to fight) did though :-)