50 days!!! 
Its going pretty rough. Trying my best to hang on and make it to day 51.

Day 88 posting… day 1 clean 

Against all odds, I had a clean, productive, and fulfilling Shabbos. It was hot, and I was by a Simcha.

I spoke to Hashem before going out and told him how much I just wanna not look, how hard it is for me. I told him how I really need his help to win. Well, Baruch Hashem I had many wins over Shabbos!! 

The pleasure of success is immense.

Gotta keep trucking.

I love your attitude, full of life. Thanks for posting.

I feel that many of us have that issue, we fantasize more about our fellow yidden. Some of us may have a harder time in a frum store, than in walmart. We have to know ourselves and always try to plan before we go anywhere. 

Keep up the fight! Let us know how it goes, we would love to hear.

So the story is like this, my biggest cue is gazing at attractive women in the street.
The fantasizing kills me and lead straight down the slippery slope.

So I would like to try the 1 sec. rule from F2F, NO staring! NO fantasizing!
I've tried it in the past it works like magic! it's hard, sometimes murder, but I think it's worth it especially in light of what they wrote in the GYE newsletter this week, the monster is eating us up LET"S STOP FEEDING IT!!
I am going out now and starting now.

who's with me on it?
would love to hear from you!

P.S. I have found in the past that walking in frum neighborhoods is way harder, because in non frum places you can just train yourself not to look, but in frum areas, your subconscious mind tells you 'there's nothing wrong their dressed ok' and I look, start fantasizing and there goes the slippery slope, what do you all think?
thanks!!

Yes, and we preach elusive concepts like "have a rebbi" and daas Torah so dogmatically that it creates an environment that can terrorize the student from speaking up and allow a rebbi to be apathetic without feeling guilty. I'm honestly not sure what the right balance is. Most rebbeim I know are sincere and well-meaning but I feel terrible about what you experienced

spade wrote on 21 Jun 2025 22:30:

Keep up the great work!
Feel good, and better and better!!
I guess the best way to stay focused is to keep on posting, we're rooting for you!

"Never tell me the odds."
-IYKYK

A personal situation has reenforced for me that the odds do not matter when they are at odds with the Emes.

bright wrote on 22 Jun 2025 05:26:

My experiences tell me that situations and circumstances out of the Rebbis small area of control have greater effects that you recognize. I have also seen the way responsibility is handled and it doesnt encourage me as to talmidim really being seen.This isnt necessarily anyones fault, every system, even the best, has those that fall through the cracks.I suffered terribly through this reality, and I struggle with the effects on me almost every day. I wish it would be better, but to me it seems like the way of the world where "buyer beware", or in this case parent/talmid beware, applies in this are just as much.

Hi everybody! I wanted to give a progress report.

Baruch Hashem I have good news to share. I have been clean from P and M now for a week. Although I will say that I have much more hard work ahead of me, it's still an accomplishment that I am proud of and admittedly its been some time since I've been able to do that.

I will say from past experiences that I know it will get harder soon but that's no reason not to appreciate where I am. Friday afternoon has always been a really bad time for me especially a long Friday afternoon in the summer. It was such a relief to go into Shabbos not feeling horrible about what I just did. 

Anyway, here's hoping that my seven days becomes seven hundred and then many more. Also shout out to all you guys on here and Reb eerie for keeping me going! I really think I've felt my confidence in my abilities go up exponentially from gye; its mentors and very much so from the forum. 

May we all have  a great week of reaching our kedusha goals and making the one above proud!
                                           
yours truly, jwbf  

Thanks, everyone! R SY and R Muttel, I feel terrible about your experience. I want you to know you are not alone. Tens of people reached out, just from minimal exposure. For me, that was the most difficult part: the loneliness, thinking I'm evil, and feeling I had to fight the world to come to terms with a Hashem that I could survive and then, BH, thrive with. 
I have to disagree with Alex. I think any baal middos, who cares, is mature and has grown through life's challenges, will be able to do just that. Imagine if a rebbi knew a talmid's parents were divorcing, one would think he would avoid any talks related to good marriages. With regards to mental health and anxiety, no one explained that these messages are negative, so the rebbi doesn't know how to be careful. Again, it's a huge responsibility, and mistakes happen regardless. But honestly, sefarim constantly say "Im nervous to say this because someone might take an unintended leniency out of it, but tzaddikim yelchu bam reshaim yikashlu bam". That heter is very specific. I can't imagine it would fly if someone said, "He took me too seriously". BH, there has been so much growth since I was in yeshiva. But I have a hunch that some of these stories might speed up the process.
I also wanted to let the oilam know I composed a list of resources that were of help to me. If anyone is interested, please reach out at haragra14@gmail.com.

Day 87 posting… day 0 clean… no p bh

Hey holy brothers!
Just update on my stats hopefully BeH will give me a boost.
BH still going clean! Just about holding by a week.\
Although recently I've been super busy so that helped keep me clean.....
BUT just to quote the mindset Ive been hearing from others.
I WONT fantasize , even though I WANT to but its not me, its not something I do cause its not worth it.
Please daven for me.....
Love,
Wannachange

Oh, yeah. 

Feel free to chime in from your individual soapboxes. 

Also, I hear the idea that a נשמה gets an עליה from קרוב davening for the amud. Maybe. Sometimes. 

BUT. There are times (and/or people) that they could give an even bigger עליה by having somebody else daven- and even have the נשמה in mind! I mean, why should the entire מנין suffer because a guy (he could even be a sweetie, btw) who has no vocal talents, has yahrtzeit???