Thanks for showing interest. not ready just yet. but will do with time Be''H. In the mean time we shall all "grant" you permission to continue enhancing us with your 400 or so posts. soon you will need to change your name to Grant 500! 

Great point. Welcome back! 

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Nov 2020 05:58:

I'm not sure if I should say this, but when you iy"h get married you will be able to enjoy this hanaah in a muter'dige way. It will be 100x more enjoyable! Hang in there !

Here’s a constant discussion I have between Myself and the Yetzer throughout the day Especially when leaving Seder for a moment for the bathroom..

Yetzer: You learn Torah etc, engage in ruchnius all day which is great.
But you are depriving yourself of all Hanaas Olam Hazeh! That stinks! You’re gonna be miserable your whole life.

Me: Listen, That’s not accurate. I like food, that’s hanaa. I like traveling,sightseeing, nature. That’s also hanaas olam hazeh.
Take it easy, I enjoy Olam Hazeh (even though I’m eating healthy these days, but still).
Youre being way overly dramatic.
It’s just this one Taava! This one taava I don’t indulge in.
I’m not Rav Shteinman, I won’t just eat cucumbers, I won’t be such a big porush. But this? I can handle not masterbating and watching bad vids. Cmon!

You can have anything else.
But not this one.

Its lmaaseh scary though.
Masterbating etc was always such a basic hanaa in my life and now it’s, bezras Hashem, gone. Forever.
Its lhavdil like stopping to eat ur favorite food...

Anyway, Gn!

No words. Incomprehensible, the pain you have endured. And yet you still cling to HaShem Yosborach.
I have nothing to say.
Im not zoche to be in your presence.
B’ezras Hashem May it be fulfilled Bekarov:
״והשיב לב אבות על בנים ולב בנים על אבותם״

65! kol hakavod soldier! baruch Hashem you have been strong! keep climbing!

Good evening Chevra,

It’s amazing that there’s always a place to come back when you need it,

I was directed to check out the mehalech of smarts and I’m in middle of going through their handbook,

(If you have stopped working out due to covid (a yunderman at maariv tells me that last he was at the gym (he has been going for years) was pre covid) this can put you to work:))

I would like to share one vort and an exercise:

In the second chapter, under “stages of change” they write, that when a person is prepared to change, he looks to the (his) future and less at the (his) past (this is a shift in mindset). 

In the third chapter there’s a HOV worksheet, they ask you to list your top 5 values in life, here are mine: 1. To build a Jewish home (get married) 2. Grow in yidishkeit 3. Start a business 4. Health 5. Family and friends

surprising enough P. and M. Is no where to be found on the list, on the contrary it has stopped the development of which one of the 5.

Bez”h with effort and work we can do it!

5770 wrote on 25 Nov 2020 01:12:

Well you seem to do that too, why don't you share with us a little about that as well. Everyone has a good side to them what's yours?

P.S. I think this is a better usage of the word "brave"  .

wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no words you are so strong. the gemure says הלל מחייב את העניים רבי מחייב את העשירים

מורי ורבותי REBUILD מחייב ALL THE MEMBERS OF GYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mazel tov! It is a GYE family simcha and don't forgot about us!

We are here if you ever want the chizzuk and keep shteiging! 

Lol, HHM also mentioned the lunar year! The thing is GYE puts me at Level 10 at 365 days so not sure what that is about...

Hi Guys ,
thanks for your encouragement.
I would like to update you on my current situation.
Yesterday, I convinced myself that I must google something. I did and I went to far almost losing zera in the interim. I went on guardyoureyes and I chatted with reallywanttobegood and he asked me if there are holes in my filter. It happens to be that yesterday I found out that there were gaping holes in my filter. I am not sure how and why it happened, but there was so much that was opened. Reallywanttobegood told me to contact my filter company right away and get it fixed. I needed to run out anyway so I waited a few hours. When I came home I got in touch with my filter company. The guy who I spoke to was knowledgeable and amazing. He totally got the situation and he offered me so many ways to to lock and block all different things.
Yesterday after he blocked almost everything, I had to "test" to make sure that it worked properly (dont do that its not smart). 
BH today was my first day clean from googling things. I was in the doctors office and there were some not tznius pictures, and I sometimes overcame the temptation to look and sometimes not.
But Thank Hashem today was much better.

So if you have a filter on your devices 
make sure to call the company and make sure that they block and lock categories.

Guys I need you to pray for me.
As of now I am due to BEZ"H give away a kidney on zos Chanukah Friday 18 of December. I also need tefillos for parnassa.

This is part of the email from the guy who helped me with my filter

I found our conversation really inspiring and I was very encouraged by hearing the filter is being used for its real intended purpose.

With tremendous respect,

All the best,

Guys dont give up. 
I will IYH contimue to post when I get a chance 

I love you all
BeautifulEyes

And inspiring is also when after making mistakes, you dont just give in and give up, but still try your best to be the best version of yourself!

ha! kind of you to say that but i am literally millimeters away from losing my mind here

Inspiring would be the brave husbands who make theiir wives happy, over many years, thick or thin.

@optomisim what's up? Where did you run?