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Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

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After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

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Re: Making it happen 17 Jan 2020 21:09 #346788

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Day 94 
Checking in, doing good.
Good shabbos to all. 

Re: Techy 17 Jan 2020 16:05 #346785

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lionking wrote on 16 Jan 2020 05:24:

N8 wrote on 15 Jan 2020 23:09:
They created something similar but its missing a few components and a few features I have in mind.

I'm a little techie and have experience with both Android and iOS, as well as MDM.
Would love to hear what you have in mind.



I want to create a android kernel that has a vpn built into the kernel and is password protected, this wayyou  can allow what apps have internet from the kernel and what apps won't, and also fter or disable the web pages from the source. also I want to have a built in applocker. I know these are on the market already as 3rd party software, but 3rd party software can be bypassed on android very easily. I also want to remove guest mode. I would make this a software for sale that you would ourchase a 1x activation key and be able to install it on a large base of supported devices 
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Re: Techy 17 Jan 2020 16:00 #346784

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True, im in middle of getting my comptia a+ and then security + and possiy network +.
while your near your rabbeim yiu need to ask them to give over the tools so you can learn to fight in your own. I sat with a rebbi and a friend who has a lot of goof tips for hours just to fortify myself with mussar and tools
One more point. The compatibility of REBT (which is one of the pillars of SMART) and Torah did not go unnoticed. In the book The Judaic Foundations of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Ronald Pies writes:

As I delved further into Pirke Avot and other rabbinical commentaries, I discovered that many ideas I had associated with REBT and Albert Ellis were anticipated or mirrored in the rabbinical literature. In particular, I found that Maimonides (Moshe ben Maimon, ca. 1138-1204 CE)—widely regarded as the greatest Jewish philosopher of the medieval period—had espoused a “rationalist” philosophy with extraordinary similarities to the principles of REBT and CBT. Similarly, I found that more “modern” rabbis and sages, such as Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liady (1745-1812) and Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson (1902-94) voiced beliefs with strong affinities to those of Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck MD, and other cognitive-behavioral therapists. Increasingly, I came to believe that rabbinical Judaism and CBT/REBT shared the
fundamental idea that by means of our intellectual faculties, we can understand, modulate, and “tame” our unruly emotions. It is the task and burden of the present work to demonstrate how this idea is worked out in the history of rabbinical thought.

I want to acknowledge the great debt I owe to the late Dr. Albert Ellis, who, toward the end of his life, was kind enough to send me a number of encouraging letters in which he acknowledged the affinities between some rabbinical beliefs and those of REBT -- even though Dr. Ellis could not endorse the theological belief system of the rabbis.

There’s Life Beyond Addiction
Email: info@guardyoureyes.org
Phone, Text or Whatsapp: 646-600-8100
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SMART Recovery and Torah 17 Jan 2020 11:39 #346782

Question: I'm frum and SMART recovery seems like a program that can work for me. One hesitation I have is that SMART is referred to sometimes as a secular program! Is it compatible with Torah? 

Answer: 

When they use the term secular they mean that unlike some other program it does not have opinion on religion. That means the program is suitable for anybody, regardless of their spiritual beliefs.

In addition, I've studied SMART recovery program in depth and haven't found anything controversial from a Torah standpoint and common sense. 

There is only one concept in the program (The philosophy of unconditional acceptance), which when used by a Yid would be done a little differently than they way they present it. 

For example, when it comes to what they refer to as "Unconditional life-acceptance (ULA)", it described like this:

You can judge life in the same way, as being completely unfair or totally terrible. When you find yourself thinking, “Life sucks! It couldn’t be more awful!” Remind yourself of the good things that have happened in your life. If you can accept that there are many things you can’t control, it may help you to better accept what life throws at you, even if you don’t like it.


However, when done by a Yid, we'd remind ourselves that everything in life comes from Hashem.

Similarly, the concept of Unconditional self-acceptance (USA), is described by them as follows:

Unconditional self-acceptance is the idea that you have worth, just as you are. This explains what separates “you”— your character, traits, personality, strengths, and weaknesses — from your behaviors. This is why SMART doesn’t use labels. You may have addictive behaviors, but you are not an addict. While this might seem like a game of words, it’s important to recognize how powerful words and labels are.

The same labels that you may carry internally — “failure”, ”disappointment,” or “loser” — led to your unhealthy behaviors. Attaching new labels won’t help.

If you can’t accept yourself, can you really expect others to? Even if they do, would you believe them?

Accepting yourself may be difficult. You may have caused others and yourself extreme harm and pain. You may have ruined the lives of others, plunged your family into debt, brought diseases into trusting relationships, or squandered your life savings. Who can forgive that? Not everyone can, but you can forgive yourself and accept that you are a worthwhile person despite your past behaviors. Be patient with and kind to yourself. Be honest about what you’ve done. Accept that you can’t change the past, but you can create your future.

You may be tempted to compare yourself to others or hold yourself up to some arbitrary standard. There is no standard or universal measure of your value. You stand alone in your self-worth. Comparing yourself to others is as meaningless as judging one color against another: Is red good or bad? Is blue more valuable than green?


According to Torah, you can't say "there is no standard or universal measure of your value", and this idea they way the present is based on Albert Ellis's Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) which believes in moral relativism etc. A frum Jew can still accept themselves in a way encouraged by Torah sources - תוכו אכל קליפתו זרק.

Aside from this minor point, which even in SMART is only a small detail of their program, I did not find anything else that is even slightly controversial.
There’s Life Beyond Addiction
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Intro to SMART Recovery 17 Jan 2020 10:52 #346781

SMART Recovery (SMART) is a science-based program to help people manage their recovery from any type of addictive behavior. This includes addictive behavior with substances such as alcohol, nicotine or drugs, or compulsive behaviors such as gambling, sex, eating, shopping, self-harming and so on. SMART stands for ‘Self Management And Recovery Training’.

SMART began in 1994 in the United States. It has grown into a worldwide network of self-help meetings, both face-to-face and online, where participants can get help from others in recovery. SMART operates as a non-profit organization in many countries including the United States, the UK, Canada and Australia.

There is no single approach to recovery that is right for everyone. Research into various recovery methods and therapies suggests that mutual aid can help recovery and so can treatment – a combination of the two is probably even better for many people.

SMART Recovery helps participants decide whether they have a problem, builds up their motivation to change and offers a set of proven tools and techniques to support recovery. This is the SMART Recovery 4-point program:


  • Building and maintaining motivation
  • Coping with urges
  • Managing thoughts, feelings and behaviors
  • Living a balanced life

People can stay with SMART as long as they wish. There is no requirement to make a lifetime commitment to the program, just to their recovery and leading a healthier life.

Many people find that continuing to participate in SMART after they have recovered helps them avoid lapses or relapses. Some will volunteer to train as facilitators and set up further meetings. Others simply continue to attend meetings and share their experiences with others.

Within SMART, labels are not thought to help with recovery and are avoided. People are not called ‘addicts’, ‘alcoholics’, ’druggies’, ’overeaters’, ’sex addicts’ or other disparaging label within meetings.

SMART Recovery will not be able to help with every kind of problem and participants are encouraged to seek professional help when needed.


SMART Resources

The SMART handbook can be purchased at https://shop.smartrecovery.org/product/books/smart-recovery-handbook-3rd-edition/ for $12. It's an excellent resource for those interested in trying out SMART, and worth its weight in gold!

Many of the SMART worksheets can be downloaded here: http://smartrecoverybc.com/index.php/resources/tool-chest-and-homework.html

GYE also hosts a closed SMART recovery phone conference for men. Since it's just a pilot there are limited openings. If you really want to join, you can write to me at info@guardyoureyes.org.
There’s Life Beyond Addiction
Email: info@guardyoureyes.org
Phone, Text or Whatsapp: 646-600-8100
Last Edit: 17 Jan 2020 10:56 by MenachemGYE.
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Thank you all for the feedback and support! 
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Re: from zero to 90 17 Jan 2020 05:52 #346779

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Drust, you are doing an amazing thing by coming back to these forums to post your success and challenges. Keep interacting and giving it your best and Hashem will surely help you out! 

Day by day, step by step....
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 A lot of people when they have challenges and I tell them the following they do NOT appreciate it. So I apologize if it isn't what you want to hear...

Hashem sometimes gives us very difficult challenges, but only give us challenges we can handle. I find this so helpful. It doesn't make the challenge drastically easier or less painful, but it allows us to accept it and make sure we address it. When things are tough in my life I can accept that it's ''okay'' to have painful or difficult days and that it is what Hashem wants right now. Sometimes I even go so bold and to say that Hashem loves me and gave me a special challenge just for me! With this in mind, I am able to accept that it is hard and I won't go into "disaster mode" - which is just a way to give myself a license to do bad behavior. 

I know you have a very very tough and painful situation, and I can only imagine how painful it is for you. I think about and daven for you! Please just remember that Hashem loves you and that you have the kochos to continue to stay clean - and that itself may be your yeshua. 
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Re: Techy 17 Jan 2020 03:32 #346773

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Welcome. There are SA meetings in Eretz Yisroel. If you PM me I can try to get you connected with someone over there. In the meantime maybe reach out and get to know some of the chevra here who can b'ezras Hashem assist you. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Techy 16 Jan 2020 23:22 #346767

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Wow! I am day 3 and I was literally feeling like falling and your article caught my eye. Why? I’m a techie too. Learning ethical hacking and programming. You know, I joined SA for some time before moving to Israel, (where I can’t seem to find a meeting) and it was really great to be able to share and be honest about my struggles. Now I sit and learn with my Chavrusa, speak to my wife, talk to my friends, and I feel fake and dirty. Literally dying out here. I feel like the yeshivas for Americans from 1st year - 3rd year do a good job however after that you are on your own, and for most of us that’s way too early. I’m married now and I still need help. It’s not enough to tell a rabbi, what happens when they’re not available, are you going to have the courage to chase them each fall!? Eventually it’s too much. I think awareness is so important. Can’t believe I’m even saying this. It’s already 2020 like wake up!!!!
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Realestatemogul wrote on 16 Jan 2020 05:38:

pickamoniker wrote on 15 Jan 2020 09:41:
Wow REM

Sounds amazing. Are you doing anything in particular / different to help you along the way. I'm finding things a real drag right now and would love to hear anything you can share.

Hey Pickamoniker! Good to hear from you. 

Lol, I'm not sure why you think things aren't a drag for me right now also. This past week or two I have been tempted several times to just give in. I just spent a day or two in places that I am more vulnerable to seeing people dressed less appropriately. I have been tired, lazy, and bored which are terrible states to be in with this challenge. They have an acronym - HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired) for things that we need to be mindful of that may be moods we are easily triggered in. 

But that's is what life is really about.

My success is two fold.

One - After many many many conversation with Hashem Help ME, I finally understood what he kept telling me about giving up P#@n irrespective of my mzl streak. So I did that and spent a few weeks recovering. When I say recovering, I mean that my commitment to giving up P@#n made it overbearing for me not to be mzl and I kind of told myself it was okay. Obviously, that isn't the right thing to do but I had listened to my y''h WAY too long about being all or nothing. B''h after a few weeks I finally came around to myself and decided I needed a strong commitment to stay clean from mzl. You can look back at my forum thread and you will see this struggle with me barely getting a week streak at points...sometimes I couldn't even hold a day. This streak I am on is from that decision to commit to getting back on a serious streak.

Two- After many years of being depressed from acting out, I finally appreciated and realized that depressed feelings from doing something bad is one of the yetzer hara's biggest tricks. Anything that is an emotional downer and ONLY relates to the past is NOT PRODUCTIVE. Now, if you ask me about Teshuva and Charata that is different. Tshuva is about doing something going forward not being depressed about what you did. Charata also is only regretting that you did something hurtful to your relationship with Hashem. If you wrong a friend, you aren't depressed about it, you just feel saddened or pained that you did something to someone you care about and you want to make it up to them. I guess this is kinda of also a certain acceptance on my part. "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." -Carl Rogers. In the past two years or so I have come to recognize that Hashem made us all different, but he didn't make ANY of us perfect. If we didn't have challenges we wouldn't need to be here and we could be malachim who served Hashem without difficulty, but also not getting the reward we get. Once I had accepted that Hashem gave me this struggle to work on and stopped getting as depressed when I failed, I have now been able to just work on doing my best at this challenge - because that is all Hashem wants from us - to give it our best! If I fail and I gave it my best, than I am totally okay with that. I know that If I continue working on it eventually Hashem will let me succeed. "Sheva yipol tzadik v'kam" B''h I have fallen several times and got up and that is the secret to success. 

So in short, I am saying that it is tough, but that's okay. It is hard and we just need to accept that we need to do our best and keep going. Pickamoniker you have done absolutely incredible stuff and have been inspiration to everyone on GYE. All you gotta do is decide that this is something you really want, accept that it may be tough sometimes, realize that it is only tough in the moment not after it passes, and keep on giving it your best!

To answer David T, I actually find it discouraging sometimes seeing how many people are successful on GYE. It isn't as exciting to post about failing every day. What I want people to take away from my forum thread is that if they are giving it their best, even if their count is low, then they are succeeding in incredible ways! Every time GYE members get back up they are that much closer to getting Siyata Dishmaya to finally break free. 

Anyone who created an account and is on GYE has already succeeded tremendously and I wish everyone continued V'kam, V'kam, V'kam. 

Amazing post! Thank you!
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i appreciate what you wrote and thank you for writing this
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10 points that helped me in life - I hope it will help you too 
1- Focus on the fact that what we lack is nothing in comparison to what we already have. Consider your eyes, for example. You couldn't buy an eye for a million dollars. Yet God gave you a pair of eyes that work more accurately and efficiently than the most sophisticated computerized digital vision devices. And they're free!

2- Happiness occurs when we make the decision to focus on the blessings in our lives, no matter how challenging or formidable the struggles we face simultaneously. If our happiness results from the blessings we already have, we can always find happiness because we always have at least something. But if our happiness is determined by what we don’t have we will never be happy because we can always have more. By definition, there will always be something we don’t have.Happiness is also an obligation. Western society thinks that happiness is optional. ("If I want to be depressed, that's my prerogative.") But really, being happy is part of being considerate to those around us. When a person lives optimistically and joyfully, his energy spreads. A miserable person, likewise, spreads misery.

3-  We must learn the proper perspective in life by answering the question: Why did Hashem create us? He is infinite and does not need us, so why did He create us? We must answer this question if we want to get anywhere in our relationship with Hashem. In Chapter 1 of Mesillas Yesharim, Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato (the Ramchal) explains that the only reason Hashem created us was to grant us kindness. Hashem put us in this world and gave us the Torah and mitzvos so we could earn the ultimate happiness — drawing pleasure through a direct connection to Him — which we receive in the Next World. This experience is by far the most enjoyable feeling we can experience; nothing in this world comes close. Our mitzvos are opportunities to earn that experience, and that is why Hashem put us in this world.

4- It is vital that you have a relationship with Hashem. Call out to Him whenever you are in trouble, and thank Him whenever things go right. Always view Hashem as your loving Father Who is reaching out to you — especially when you sin.Although our actions have consequences, Hashem never rejects us. He is not a sadistic dictator looking to zap people, and we must not view Him that way. Always remember that Hashem loves you and believes in you, no matter what you have done.

5- We must realize that although we are accountable for our actions, if we have committed one or even many sins in this area, that does not make us bad. Many good people and even some great tzaddikim struggled with their desires, because it is so hard to have complete control. We must remember that we are good and that deep down, we want to do what’s right. Though we might not always feel it beneath our desires, that is the truth. We must also remember that even one victory is a tremendous accomplishment. It is worth coming to this world for even one second of self-control! To go against our nature and succeed in this area is a legendary achievement because it is so challenging. It really does matter that we succeed

6- physical pleasures can’t make us happy is that they only last for a short time and then are gone, leaving us with nothing. To make matters worse, realizing this limits our enjoyment during the short time we experience it. Deep down, we know that something that lasts so short can’t be what we really seek. If the pleasure is forbidden, there is the added problem of guilt. The uneasy feeling we experience when we know what we are doing is wrong is already in full swing by the time we give in. This limits our ability to enjoy the pleasure. Clearly, despite all the false advertising, pleasure does not make us happy, even during the short time we experience it.

7- Each human being possesses a unique combination of personality, talents, timing and circumstances – a specific role to play in this world. Our role is dependent on many factors – not only our innate talents, but also on the needs of the times.The important thing is to discover your unique contribution – and fulfill it.

8- Why do we have such a strong drive to be "good?" Because the perception of self as "good " is a fundamental need of every human. It is this self-respect and self esteem that energizes us for living. If a person doesn't think he's good, he loses much of the will to live.

9- We each have the potential to make a significant contribution to society. The Sages teach that everyone is supposed to say, "The whole world was made for me!" This does not mean that you can plunder the property of others. Rather, every individual is responsible for the world. Act ac­cordingly – you're here to straighten it out.

10 - If we ever slip up badly, we can use that to spring us forward to reach heights far beyond where we would have reached had we not fallen. We can turn our mistakes into the most productive events in our lives!• We must decide to take control of our lives, no matter whose fault it is and how many excuses we have. The determination to stand up and fight will give us the strength to defeat the yetzer hara.
• As long as Hashem keeps us alive, that means He is helping us fight our yetzer hara and He knows for a fact that we can defeat him! This is encouraging news for us because it means that we can reach greatness!
I am here to be helped by helping others
ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 16 Jan 2020 21:56 by DavidT.

Re: Techy 16 Jan 2020 18:49 #346758

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i can give put you in touch with the guy in charge if you would like to discuss with him
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