Day 94 
Checking in, doing good.
Good shabbos to all. 

lionking wrote on 16 Jan 2020 05:24:

I want to create a android kernel that has a vpn built into the kernel and is password protected, this wayyou  can allow what apps have internet from the kernel and what apps won't, and also fter or disable the web pages from the source. also I want to have a built in applocker. I know these are on the market already as 3rd party software, but 3rd party software can be bypassed on android very easily. I also want to remove guest mode. I would make this a software for sale that you would ourchase a 1x activation key and be able to install it on a large base of supported devices 

True, im in middle of getting my comptia a+ and then security + and possiy network +.
while your near your rabbeim yiu need to ask them to give over the tools so you can learn to fight in your own. I sat with a rebbi and a friend who has a lot of goof tips for hours just to fortify myself with mussar and tools

One more point. The compatibility of REBT (which is one of the pillars of SMART) and Torah did not go unnoticed. In the book The Judaic Foundations of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Ronald Pies writes:

Question: I'm frum and SMART recovery seems like a program that can work for me. One hesitation I have is that SMART is referred to sometimes as a secular program! Is it compatible with Torah? 

Answer: 

When they use the term secular they mean that unlike some other program it does not have opinion on religion. That means the program is suitable for anybody, regardless of their spiritual beliefs.

In addition, I've studied SMART recovery program in depth and haven't found anything controversial from a Torah standpoint and common sense. 

There is only one concept in the program (The philosophy of unconditional acceptance), which when used by a Yid would be done a little differently than they way they present it. 

For example, when it comes to what they refer to as "Unconditional life-acceptance (ULA)", it described like this:


However, when done by a Yid, we'd remind ourselves that everything in life comes from Hashem.

Similarly, the concept of Unconditional self-acceptance (USA), is described by them as follows:


According to Torah, you can't say "there is no standard or universal measure of your value", and this idea they way the present is based on Albert Ellis's Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) which believes in moral relativism etc. A frum Jew can still accept themselves in a way encouraged by Torah sources - תוכו אכל קליפתו זרק.

Aside from this minor point, which even in SMART is only a small detail of their program, I did not find anything else that is even slightly controversial.

SMART Resources

The SMART handbook can be purchased at https://shop.smartrecovery.org/product/books/smart-recovery-handbook-3rd-edition/ for $12. It's an excellent resource for those interested in trying out SMART, and worth its weight in gold!

Many of the SMART worksheets can be downloaded here: http://smartrecoverybc.com/index.php/resources/tool-chest-and-homework.html

GYE also hosts a closed SMART recovery phone conference for men. Since it's just a pilot there are limited openings. If you really want to join, you can write to me at info@guardyoureyes.org.

Thank you all for the feedback and support! 

Drust, you are doing an amazing thing by coming back to these forums to post your success and challenges. Keep interacting and giving it your best and Hashem will surely help you out! 

Day by day, step by step....

 A lot of people when they have challenges and I tell them the following they do NOT appreciate it. So I apologize if it isn't what you want to hear...

Hashem sometimes gives us very difficult challenges, but only give us challenges we can handle. I find this so helpful. It doesn't make the challenge drastically easier or less painful, but it allows us to accept it and make sure we address it. When things are tough in my life I can accept that it's ''okay'' to have painful or difficult days and that it is what Hashem wants right now. Sometimes I even go so bold and to say that Hashem loves me and gave me a special challenge just for me! With this in mind, I am able to accept that it is hard and I won't go into "disaster mode" - which is just a way to give myself a license to do bad behavior. 

I know you have a very very tough and painful situation, and I can only imagine how painful it is for you. I think about and daven for you! Please just remember that Hashem loves you and that you have the kochos to continue to stay clean - and that itself may be your yeshua. 

Welcome. There are SA meetings in Eretz Yisroel. If you PM me I can try to get you connected with someone over there. In the meantime maybe reach out and get to know some of the chevra here who can b'ezras Hashem assist you. 

Wow! I am day 3 and I was literally feeling like falling and your article caught my eye. Why? I’m a techie too. Learning ethical hacking and programming. You know, I joined SA for some time before moving to Israel, (where I can’t seem to find a meeting) and it was really great to be able to share and be honest about my struggles. Now I sit and learn with my Chavrusa, speak to my wife, talk to my friends, and I feel fake and dirty. Literally dying out here. I feel like the yeshivas for Americans from 1st year - 3rd year do a good job however after that you are on your own, and for most of us that’s way too early. I’m married now and I still need help. It’s not enough to tell a rabbi, what happens when they’re not available, are you going to have the courage to chase them each fall!? Eventually it’s too much. I think awareness is so important. Can’t believe I’m even saying this. It’s already 2020 like wake up!!!!

Realestatemogul wrote on 16 Jan 2020 05:38:

Amazing post! Thank you!

i appreciate what you wrote and thank you for writing this

10 points that helped me in life - I hope it will help you too 
1- Focus on the fact that what we lack is nothing in comparison to what we already have. Consider your eyes, for example. You couldn't buy an eye for a million dollars. Yet God gave you a pair of eyes that work more accurately and efficiently than the most sophisticated computerized digital vision devices. And they're free!

2- Happiness occurs when we make the decision to focus on the blessings in our lives, no matter how challenging or formidable the struggles we face simultaneously. If our happiness results from the blessings we already have, we can always find happiness because we always have at least something. But if our happiness is determined by what we don’t have we will never be happy because we can always have more. By definition, there will always be something we don’t have.Happiness is also an obligation. Western society thinks that happiness is optional. ("If I want to be depressed, that's my prerogative.") But really, being happy is part of being considerate to those around us. When a person lives optimistically and joyfully, his energy spreads. A miserable person, likewise, spreads misery.

3-  We must learn the proper perspective in life by answering the question: Why did Hashem create us? He is infinite and does not need us, so why did He create us? We must answer this question if we want to get anywhere in our relationship with Hashem. In Chapter 1 of Mesillas Yesharim, Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato (the Ramchal) explains that the only reason Hashem created us was to grant us kindness. Hashem put us in this world and gave us the Torah and mitzvos so we could earn the ultimate happiness — drawing pleasure through a direct connection to Him — which we receive in the Next World. This experience is by far the most enjoyable feeling we can experience; nothing in this world comes close. Our mitzvos are opportunities to earn that experience, and that is why Hashem put us in this world.

4- It is vital that you have a relationship with Hashem. Call out to Him whenever you are in trouble, and thank Him whenever things go right. Always view Hashem as your loving Father Who is reaching out to you — especially when you sin.Although our actions have consequences, Hashem never rejects us. He is not a sadistic dictator looking to zap people, and we must not view Him that way. Always remember that Hashem loves you and believes in you, no matter what you have done.

5- We must realize that although we are accountable for our actions, if we have committed one or even many sins in this area, that does not make us bad. Many good people and even some great tzaddikim struggled with their desires, because it is so hard to have complete control. We must remember that we are good and that deep down, we want to do what’s right. Though we might not always feel it beneath our desires, that is the truth. We must also remember that even one victory is a tremendous accomplishment. It is worth coming to this world for even one second of self-control! To go against our nature and succeed in this area is a legendary achievement because it is so challenging. It really does matter that we succeed

6- physical pleasures can’t make us happy is that they only last for a short time and then are gone, leaving us with nothing. To make matters worse, realizing this limits our enjoyment during the short time we experience it. Deep down, we know that something that lasts so short can’t be what we really seek. If the pleasure is forbidden, there is the added problem of guilt. The uneasy feeling we experience when we know what we are doing is wrong is already in full swing by the time we give in. This limits our ability to enjoy the pleasure. Clearly, despite all the false advertising, pleasure does not make us happy, even during the short time we experience it.

7- Each human being possesses a unique combination of personality, talents, timing and circumstances – a specific role to play in this world. Our role is dependent on many factors – not only our innate talents, but also on the needs of the times.The important thing is to discover your unique contribution – and fulfill it.

8- Why do we have such a strong drive to be "good?" Because the perception of self as "good " is a fundamental need of every human. It is this self-respect and self esteem that energizes us for living. If a person doesn't think he's good, he loses much of the will to live.

9- We each have the potential to make a significant contribution to society. The Sages teach that everyone is supposed to say, "The whole world was made for me!" This does not mean that you can plunder the property of others. Rather, every individual is responsible for the world. Act ac­cordingly – you're here to straighten it out.

10 - If we ever slip up badly, we can use that to spring us forward to reach heights far beyond where we would have reached had we not fallen. We can turn our mistakes into the most productive events in our lives!• We must decide to take control of our lives, no matter whose fault it is and how many excuses we have. The determination to stand up and fight will give us the strength to defeat the yetzer hara.
• As long as Hashem keeps us alive, that means He is helping us fight our yetzer hara and He knows for a fact that we can defeat him! This is encouraging news for us because it means that we can reach greatness!

i can give put you in touch with the guy in charge if you would like to discuss with him