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Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

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  • David26fr
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Sorry for the fall

You can try the book "Living emunah", it helped me a lot.
And a daily work on all the little events of our life, too.

Also, install quickly a stronger filter on your phone, before your phone replace your computer as a new flaw....

Re: I got a virus 18 Nov 2019 08:24 #345202

  • David26fr
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farblunjet wrote on 14 Nov 2019 17:51:


refuah sheleima

Amen. But a refuah sheleima is not naturally possible, as far as I know.

For now, all can I say to you is, first, a Refua Chelema : even if it's technically impossible, Hachem is the Ruler of the world and nothing is impossible for Him...

Just a little story : one day, the Lubavitcher Rebbe said to a chassid who has a broken leg and was in a wheelchair  
- Do you think that Hachem will cure you ?
- Yes
- Liar !!! You don't think it ! Again : do you think that Hachem will cure you ?
- Yes
- Liar !!! One again : do you think that Hachem will cure you ? Really ?!
- (With tears) Yes, absolutly !
- Then, get up and walk !
So the chassid did, and he was cured instantly...

If you really think that Hachem is the real Rofe, nothing is impossible...

Second : I can't even imagine how can we feel when we learn such a thing, but please stay here, and stay connected to Hachem...
Nothing is terminated, and you have for sure many reasons to appreciate life and the future, even with this disease...

Stay strong and high, and may Hachem helps you
  • Doitforhashem
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Today went very well thank god. i had a very busy and productive day and ready for tomorrow.
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  • Doitforhashem
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Yes, thats for sure true. I see that very clearly now
  • easy
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I had a long time in bed today thinking about others
i came on this site to find some options I foun

In addition to this method, if I felt that I couldn't mentally shake myself away from illicit thoughts, I would imagine one of three things: either the illicit image in my mind suddenly became digusting (in my case I chose the mental image of maggots erupting from the body), or I would imagine the same thing done to my own body, or an image of what they would do to me in Gehinnom if I continued to waste seed. If for some reason I couldn't shake the illicit thoughts, then I forced myself to get up from my bed and start to walk around/go to the bathroom/release my pent up energy. I only returned to bed after making sure I was no longer aroused
i hope to try it
still going strong at 6 days
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  • ruv
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to me keeping busy in the house and reading books is very helpful plus doing daily exercise  
  • yechidah
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Here is a great dvar torah from jbuff.com on the power of giving & also on the concept that true love comes after marriage-not before (even if it may “feel” that way)

After the near sacrifice of Yitzchok (Isaac), Avraham realizes it is time for Yitzchok to get married.

From the sequence of events which lead up to the marriage of Yitzchok, we can glean many valuable insights into the ideas of love and marriage.

Avraham instructed his servant, Eliezer, to find a wife for Yitzchok (Eliezer, besides being a trusted aide to Avraham, was also a tremendously pious and perceptive person; finding a spouse in such a fashion is certainly not a recommended procedure for this generation). How would Eliezer know who would be a fitting bride for Yitzchok? Let us look to the narrative of the Torah: “She (Rivka, also known as Rebecca) said, ‘drink my lord’, and quickly she lowered her jug to her hand and gave him a drink. When she had finished giving him drink, she said, ‘I will draw water even for your camels until they have finished drinking.’ Later, Rivka tells Eliezer: “Even straw and feed is plentiful with us as well as a place to lodge” (Gen. Ch. 24). Rivka was a young girl, and as we know, camels are extremely thirsty animals. This, obviously, was very strenuous work, especially for a stranger! Yet Rivka does this work happily. This shows she has a very giving nature.

When Yitzchok is introduced to his future wife, the Torah tells us the sequence of events: “And Yitzchok brought her (Rivka) into the tent of Sarah his mother; he married Rivka, she became his wife, and he loved her” (Gen. Ch. 24 V.67). The sequence of events is seemingly out of order. Shouldn’t Yitzchok have loved Rivka before he married her?

Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler has a classic piece in his seminal work “Strive for Truth”. He explains that “the world is comprised of givers and takers.” It is of utmost importance, and in reality it is the key to our happiness, both with in our relationship with our spouses, family, friends and with G-d, to strive to be givers. Being a giver is the antithesis of being selfish.

Logically it would seem that a person loves someone because of what he could get from him. In reality, the exact opposite is the truth. Think of the relationship between a parent and a child. What does a child, certainly in the first couple of years of life, give a parent? Yet which normal parent does not have boundless love for his child?

It is giving that develops and increases love.  In modern society, pop culture and movies often portray people as “falling in love” within the first few times they meet. This is obviously false and should more appropriately be proclaimed as “falling in lust”.  One of the main reasons for the tragically high divorce rate is that people don’t understand that relationships take work, and above all giving leads to love, not vice versa.

This is how Yitzchok was able to marry Rivka, because he knew she was a giver. And through understanding the principle of giving, we see why only after he married her, and would have the opportunity to give to her, would he love her. Let us all undertake to work on being givers and to improve our relationships with our loved ones and with God

  • Markz
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Welcome 2!

I share many things you mentioned in your 3 posts.
And yes it’s possible here on GYE to get a Sobriety Date and be totally clean thereafter with zero falls for many months / years, and lots of fulfilled days and still be happy :-)
My Story---------Dov Quotes


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  • ColinColin
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Take things day by day.

Just because you might have ben clean for a long while, it does not mean that you can be complacent.
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  • ColinColin
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Very helpful, I agree.

Keeping busy so important.
Also reads to me a if you get highs and lows, so your personality may be mildly manic depressive?

In which case, routine helps to focus you.
And not being tired helps also, getting proper exercise and sleep.
But not obsessing over either...life is life..and there are days where we d not get to do much exercise (might fit in a few push ups?) or get less sleep than we want.

Also, if alone, then daven personal prayer...and have a lost of books to read.
Perhaps even write notes abut the books, so that it becomes a focus activity rather than something you can drift from and go on the computer and then aimlessly wander.

The advice for being clean long term is the same as being clean for one day....take things day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute if need be.
Focus on that moment.  
Last Edit: 17 Nov 2019 14:06 by ColinColin.

Re: A struggling bochur 17 Nov 2019 11:08 #345179

  • mikestrucking
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Shteigen613 wrote on 28 Oct 2019 22:19:
Thanks.
Excellent insight.
where is bb?

I hope not in jail
but I don't have any opinions on outside issues
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
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  • 2restart
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Hi,
I'm not speaking from a place of "being clean" for a significant amount of time or so, just want to share what I noticed does help, and what, in my own experience tends to bring me down...

1. what helps is being out there, in real life, talking to people, and in general being active, doing things.
2. very important to go to shul every day, even, and especially, after a yeridah.
3. make sure to learn torah, and especially chassidus every day.

what generally brings me down is,
1. Loneliness at home, when wife and family are sleeping and Im not tired...
go on computer, and after a while... you know..
for me, it's sometimes better to be in shul late then come home and potentially waste my time and get to these things chas vshalom

2. when I'm really excited, and on a high, for good reasons, but don't know how or where to channel that energy... unfortunately it many times brings to this.... oh well.
3. emptyness. if I haven't studied Torah that day at all, or not davened maariv yet....

also helps to have an active day by day and in general to be productive and "giving", i.e. not just reading or keeping to yourself but talking with people, and accomplishing things.

and ALWAYS ALWAYS get right back on track, keep davening, learning, aderabe, that is what helps you get back on track.

i wish I had advice on how to stay clean long term, but sadly can't say that yet...

but there is always hope, and as hard as it is, the fact that were still alive means H' is giving us another chance, and is waiting for us.
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  • Doitforhashem
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hey so it clearly been about two weeks since i last wrote. basically i caught up in work and just being busy and missed a few days of writing on the forum. I made a large mistake by stopping because i thought that i had a lot of chizuk and i was set. unfortunately i had a fall, but i didn't let that stop me and i got right back. In a way, I'm okay with falling, along as i don't fall the same way twice in a row.(this time i believed the reason is because i stopped posting). The time though, with the true help of god, i will try my best to not miss a day of writing. This is a battle that requires the strongest of our generation(the times of moshiach) to stand up and fight...... WE ALL KNOW WHAT WE WANT, SO LETS GO GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
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Re: Making it happen 17 Nov 2019 06:25 #345173

  • iwillnevergiveup
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Day 33 A new week just started. Who knows what will happen.  But I know what will Not happen. I will fight (harder than last week), and make it awesome. 
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Re: Elul-new start 17 Nov 2019 02:29 #345171

  • Eish Emes
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79 days! This was a very difficult week.  I had a few nights of insomnia because I was anxious about something. B”H I made it through clean. I realize this battle is fought one day at a time. At the same time I need to remind myself in the future no matter how bad things are I have  gone through something very difficult stuff without acting out, there’s  no reason to act out now.
Last Edit: 17 Nov 2019 02:30 by Eish Emes. Reason: Typo
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