did you arrive in Eretz Hakodesh?

8!

34!!!!!! Keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the welcome and all the replays and messages!

perfect story for R"C Elul... keep going strong!!

Good!
The point of porn preventing us from from the proper way to run our life. is so very well expressed. Keep it up!
We all have needs, but when we cut out the numbing they can come out in a healthy way.

I would like to report a win i had yesterday 

I was in middle of doing something i got an urge to masterbate on that place (nothing special triggered me)
I was alone then, I started.. but I stopped before its too late... and the rest is history 

Thank you Hashem for giving me the strength to hold back.

Not so much to add to the very excellent points above.

Just want to say Welcome!!

You are in exactly the right place. Start putting in the work and you'll see progress. Thinking you need to fix your life before you can work on this is classic YH tricks. That just means you'll never work on this.

What's the chicken and what's the egg is a good-but-irrelevant shaila. The main thing is to start working. Along the way you'll see that tuning in to your life is important. You'll also see that tuning out of lust is important for tuning in to life. It can be become a positive upwards spiral, instead of the negative spiral you're stuck in now.

As you put in the work it's possible you'll see you are struggling with something that needs specific tools: something like therapy, 12 steps, shalom bayis coaching, whatever. But the point is that it starts with putting in the work, not waiting for someone to point you to the perfect solution.

There's no magic bullet. There's just a bit of hard work and some seichel. This is good news - it means all the tools you need are right in front of you. (Credit to @Heilegeyes on the monday night vaad for this fresh insight. Oh hey, maybe joining a vaad would help. . . .)

Hatzlacha and KOT!!

Edit: I'll throw in my answers to the specific questions:
A. Yes. Yes. Meh.
B. Yes. Not that your thoughts are off target. But think them while working.
C. Both and neither.

chosemyshem wrote on 25 Aug 2025 17:42:

Your win was a win. You wanting to do better at subsequent challenges can't take that away.

אי"ה ביי מיר also

Hay hollyari

It's incredible to see how you go day after day clean!

Keep up going, buddy!

If you are referring to depression, anxiety or boredom you can see what I posted here:

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/399000-My-long-journey?limit=15&start=45#422020

If you are referring to general Shalom Bayis problems or other underlying issues aside for moods that need to be resolved and they are interfering with your life you may want to go for therapy. If your moods are getting worse and nothing seems to be working you may also want to go for therapy.

You are right that there are two different types of urges; those coming from general desires and those coming from negative moods. This is discussed in the mini-course Dealing with Urges, lesson 5.

A lot to unpack there but I think try to be mechazeik in Emuna and Bitachon. I can't say it will make things easier but can help form a baseline.

If you can wake up in the morning and say Modeh Ani and recognize the gift life is. That's huge even if the rest of the day is down the tubes.

Shalom Brother Pomegranate,

You might need to accept some hard restirctions, that at least right now, the news is not something that you should check. If you have checked out the 3 Circles article from GYE, this would be a yellow circle for you if it has potential and history of leading to red circle behaviors (the ones you absolutely do not want to do). Mapping out the cause and effect might help it connect mentally that the yellow circles require caution and avoidance whenever possible. Basically, not checking the news if there are pictures or topics that trigger urges, or at least create a scenario for checking the news where the pictures are blocked and maybe only during the day, in public space / with another person so you don't have the ability to immediately segway into worse things. 

The more you contemplate and internalize what is clear to you outside the makom nisayon, the easier it will be to summon those defenses if you need them. Associating a positive image with your positive thinking can help to more easily clear your mind (a Rabbi or religious item of significance perhaps).

An exit strategy might be a good thing to rehearse as well. If I am taking precautions and still I start to feel like it's going south, what will I do? Stab the power button while saying "nope, that's not what I want". Separate from the device, leave the room and maybe walk outside for 5 minutes, or get a drink of water and start a different activity. Practice this mentally and physically. These kinds of choices can have a major impact on how we feel about our control and ability to choose what we really want, even when we have conflicting desires. Recognize the rationalizations and pull the curtains wide open. 

Hatzlacha!

Shalom Brother IWantToChange, and welcome!

Here are some posts on unwanted thoughts that you can read and I'd love to continue the conversation with you from there on what you think.

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/411978-Navigating-the-ocean-of-my-life?limit=15&start=75#416861

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/413043-My-ENTIRE-story?limit=15&start=195#420631

Hatzlacha and Kol Tov!

What you are describing in three steps is the Hesech Hadaas tool. It is the preferred tool for thoughts that aren't coming from negative moods according to the mini-course How to Deal with Urges / Lesson 5.