Day 137: Don't have loads of time as it is Erev Rosh Hashanah, but I wanted to wish everyone a ksiva vcahsima tova and a year of only revealed good! 

BH, things have gotten easier these past few days. It taught me not to give up and mostly not to be afraid. Literally, whoever said that the "main thing" is not fear at all" was onto something Good Yom tov!!!

Thank you all for the most amazing help you have given me. There are hardly words to describe the amazingness of you all, and what you do. May Hashem grant us all a good healthy happy year, clean from our yetzer haras, that we may serve Him the way we deep down truly want to.

Kesiva v'chasima toiva all.

p.s. cheers Meyer!

That was amazing to read. Thank you. Thank you so much. This sort of demonstration of sheer strength is just what I needed to hear. So thank you.

p.s. did I say thank you yet?

Day #9

I found this line in Selichos this morning particularly moving.

​ולא כשב על קאו באחטא ואשיב
לא מצאה ידו די השיב

[We will] not [be] like one who returns to his vomit, saying, 'I will sin and I will repent,
but will not find [the time] to fully repent.
[Translation is from the Complete Artscroll Selichos]

I love the Artscroll translation of לא מצאה ידו, "will not find the time." Teshuva doesn't just happen, it requires time, energy, and--perhaps most importantly--attention.

I wish everyone a כתיבה וחתימה טובה. 

Still been a bit anxious, but been in a bit of a better state of mind. Very thankful to Hashem that I've stayed clean over these last few days, it hasn't been a strong fight, but often being more stressed can overflow into acting out. Also glad that I am coming into rosh hashono with 2 and a half clean weeks, bH.

Hope everyone has a kesiva vechasima tova!

Dear Brothers & Sisters,

May Hashem bless you all with a wonderful upcoming year filled with healing & blessing for each & every one of you.

As I saw this powerful quote (from the book "Towards a Meaningful Life" by Simon Jacobson"

"Birth is God telling you that you matter"

Rosh Hashana-the Day  of Creation of Man affirms this truth to every single person who reads this. That there are no coincidences in life, & there is no coincidences   in each & every one of your personal lives.

Hashem gives each one of you life, with your own God -given gifts so as to use them to bring light to yourself & to the world. Your flaws are not a coincidence either -it is meant to be channeled & transformed into being a great source of light & even comfort over time

It has been a difficult year-both for our people & for the world at large- a certain fear, loss of life & loss of parnassah & overall tension

Yet, we can transcend & thrive & grow-& look to Hashem for a brighter & better year for all of us- Amen!!   

Erev rosh hashana
14 days clean
Baruch hashem

I have no words to thank you all my dear gye brothers
May we all have the strength and perseverance to keep on trucking and achieve lifelong sobriety 
שנה טובה ומתוקה 

Hey guys, I've got good news - I've been clean for 14 days!
Recently I've been very busy in many areas of my life and I guess it helped a lot - again. Come to think of it, my current record (37 days) also happened during that time. I'm confident, that G-d sends me all these challenges to help me grow and achieve greatness.

I was so occupied, that there were days when I totally forgot about the struggle, or was simply too tired to follow the urges. I keep my discipline to switch off the phone in the evening (auto switch-off, great function), so I don't stay online alone, when it's late. Sometimes though, I need to turn it on for some valid reason and that's when I have to be really careful.

Well, yesterday was on of those times and of course I stayed online (easy to lower your guard, when you're tired). Instead of going to bed, I stayed online to read something interesting, but in the back of my head I knew why I was there. Soon I found myself looking at things I shouldn't be looking at. I slipped. Thank G-d, I quickly realized what's going on and abstained. I became triggered though. The real battle began.

I had all the opportunities to fall so it was very difficult to resist before I go to bed (and later in bed too). I recalled all the wise words I've read. It helped for a moment, the urges went away. Then they came back.
I reminded myself why it's not worth it. It helped, then they came back again.
And again...
And again...
It was probably the hardest battle in last two weeks, but I've made it! And it feels great! I feel strong and confident now. I keep my path straight and I know that I do the right thing. Here's a message to you, brothers, and to future me, when the doubts come: Remember! There is a way out of this!

Looking at the forum I also realized something - I've been in the exact same situation not that long ago. Two weeks straight, then sudden urges, followed by hard battle which I eventually won and... I fell soon after. I know the temptations will come. I plan to fill my mind and heart with wisdom this time. I found this excellent series "The Fight" (thank you Captain!) and commit to find time to listen to it, at least for the next few days.

ITK - Congrats on day 26! You're a great warrior. You're my advance guard, I'll be watching your back.

Last two things I found today:
1) This short helpful inspiration, about the attitude to fight it one day at a time.
2) Great post by DavidT. 10 truths about us, the struggle and the loving G-d.

Stay strong brothers, keep up the fight and get up as soon as you fall. I pray for you, please pray for me.

Hi guys,

I would like to be makir tov to GYE and the amazing chevra here, who with Hashem's help guided me along my journey and for the first time in a really long time I will be"h come into Rosh Hashana with some self respect. I am thank G-d 152 days clean, a feat that thought was impossible not so very long ago.

Rosh Hashanah in the past has been high stress (I think many can relate) and I don't see this year being better. That being said, in the past I would struggle immensely and white knuckle this whole tekufa, feeling like a martyr demanding from Hashem "look how I am suffering for you, you better give me something in return". Thank G-d I am in a better place this year. 

With Hashem's help may us all fellow GYEers have a kesiva vechasima tovah and much success on their journeys.

Wilnevergiveup

I have no words of which to express my hakaros hatov to the Boreh Olam and to all of you dear chaveirim...
So I will simply wish you all blev shaleim:
A Kesiva vchasima Tova lALTER Chaim tovim ulishalom!!
May we be zoche to approach the Ribono shel Olam as one unified individual -with our maalos and CHESRONOS
and be Mamlich to Boreh Olam over our lives!

Day 31 Clean,

Thank you GYE and everyone for the help!! 

G’mar Chasima Tova to all! And to continued success!! 

Meyer M. wrote on 17 Sep 2020 03:29:

Mazel tov! Keep it up! Keep inspiring!

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 17 Sep 2020 21:03:

This post is a masterpiece

I haven't commented much, but I've followed your thread throughout. You are trying. After this fall you have 2 options - feel depressed. Sad. Demotivated. Breeze through Rosh Hashona despondent and down. Or you can look up at Hashem and say - I only joined this site recently. And I've fallen only once since then. We both knew it wasn't gonna be easy. There were going to be ups and downs. But I've fixed my filter, done all I can to stop it happening again. So now I'm back on my feet ready to give this new year another crack. I ain't perfect, but I'm trying. That's all I can do. I totally need you.

I'm not preaching, I'm talking to myself. Just letting you join in. Anywaay, don't give up. Crack on. Keep making us all proud.

Kesiva v'chasima tova.

Oh yeh. Go into Rosh Hashona with a month clean under the belt. Stayed strong through all of Elul. A real soldier of Hashem.

Kesiva v'chasima tova. Thank you for all the chizuk you give Meyer.