Hey all! Today was day #1 wooh! I would call it a confusing adjustment! And a wild roller coaster haha! Going from such a close relationship to absolutely 0 contact with each other! Wow such an adjustment... feeling a lil pain on and off... but try to keep myself really distracted... it hits me here and there but overall doing great!!! Went for a bike ride, bought a gift for my sister, went to yeshiva, did computer work, etc etc... tried keeping very busy... I just found out that I have strep... so it makes sense why I wasn’t feeling well past few days haha!(sorry I’m going on like this lol trying to distract myself) this is the first day and I’m wowed! Compared to last time the way the break was done-this is so easy and smooth!!! Gonna try to get busy again now!!! Just the problem is I’m not feeling well so it’s hard to move but staying lonely really makes me sad!!! It’s so hard I miss my love so much!! I miss those good conversations!!! But she’s right here! And the same how we decided to take this break.... we can always resume I find those thoughts help me a lot!! Like to know it’s not forever... I need to constantly talk to myself about it!!! Anyway Bh was a good day but a lil confusing a little lonely and a lil painful but was so smooth Bh!!!! And I will get through thisssssss!!!!!!!!!!

I’m telling myself in her voice what she told me!! “Honey, we’re taking it slow... you’ll get there... for now our goal is 40 days let’s aim for that... and remember I’m always here for you love” when I think about that comment more and more it makes me feel like take it day by day let’s make today a possibility each day we don’t talk is an achievement !! SPIRITUALLY ... and I’m sure there’s a lot of gain for example self control ... and making hashem proud and having more productive DAYS!!!! Feeling good about myself!!! Learning a million times better... etc etc!!! My goal isn’t to heal from this relationship during this break... my goal is 2 grow from this break and to maximize the time wisely... and use it well!! It’s precious... I’m 99% sure with HASHEMS HELP!!! That this will be a real future for both of us as a shidduch;) yes I know people change etc.. but if people saw and experienced the same feelings that I felt they would realize it’s not something that will just fade away... YES- overtime we may feel more distanced but that doesn’t take away anything... after not being in touch 6 months we can sit and shmooz for 10 min and all will come flying back! The love is there the strong bond between us is there but it will be a little distanced the more we move into this break!! It will feel like it’s lost like maybe our entire connection is forgotten and lost but it’s there and it’s 10 minute conversation away in person from being so tightly against your heart! 10 minutes away from knowing that clarity for a shidduch potential! I wish I can share something we her now but I’ll vent my feelings here and maybe one day I’ll tell it to her There’s someone on this forum that had been amazing to me and just gave me his number to vent to him and he’s being such a great help and he just sent me this! I think it’s the ultimate truth “I was thinking more about your situation and the following idea came to me: The famous midrash comes to mind that Hashem tests people before He elevates them to greatness. You have an incredibly difficult situation and nisayon now, but if you overcome it who knows what incredible things Hashem has in mind for you“ this was so helpful it’s a reminder we’re doing this to grow to become better to make hashem proud to Become more productive to have more focus and time and energy for the holy Torah!!!! This is all what I would tell her! AND I hope she realizes that “honey I love you and I’m really with you... I care about you tons and hope your ok and we WILL GET THROUGH THIS we didn’t touch right;)? Yesterday?!? Crazy intense and we made it right?!?!? We didn’t hug goodbye right?! Then we can definitely get through the next minute/hour/day from refraining to break this goal!! Honey ur so special and I love you from the hug and small everything will always be remembered” lol sorry going on like this AGAIN HAHA!!!! I’m just really wanting to text her this!! So I decided I’m gonna post here and everyone can here my thoughts thanks all so much!!! Feeling so much better cuz I feel like venting and imagining she reading it helps so much!!!! I’ll pretend she’s reading it haha lol!! It’s so cool how this really helps... like to vent... anyway hatzlacha all!!! We will do this!!!

Taking to myself and telling myself... think about this as tiny small breaks to gain productivity!!! No one is going ANYWHERE!!!! Who am I fooling she lives nearby my house!! This won’t last straight 2 years!!! We’re just doing as much as we could slowly to gain Torah to gain spiritually! To gain time and productivity!!! We’re still both very connected at heart!!!

Nice thought- like to compare ppl that had girlfriends and relationships they think it’s all the same like I went through it too and whatever I consider it like this 20 people went to a restaurant ordered all the same food was prepared all the same time and it was all the same fresh!!! 10 of them loved it... 5 we’re ok with it... 2 had allergic reactions.. and 3 threw up after... ahhh what happened it’s all the same food?!?!?! Answer is everyone has different reactions different taste buds etc etc... so... so to with relationships people went through something but each relationship is different in its own way.. YES- others went through the “same” -friend with the opposite gender or whatever... but just like it’s the same meal for everyone... it’s not the same relationship for everyone...some might throw up and some might love it insanely!!! Some might have really close unusual relationships while other are eh! Not so good but they think it’s good and then they later on realize how bad it was and then they think everyone’s situation is like that and at one point everyone realizes... whatever I know how this goes Lolol!!!! So everyone is different REMEMBER some throw up and some love it!!! Some relationships are REAL some aren’t so real even tho they may think it is!! 

Thanku GYEEEE Thanku HASHEMMMMMM posting here literally relieved me like it does when my love validates and listens like a pro! Thank YOU HASHEM!!! For GYE!!!

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 22 Dec 2020 02:37:

Feeling like I CAN do this especially letting it all out here helps so tremendously!!!!! Wowwwwwww feeling in heaven bhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Read something she gave me last night and made me feel so much better..Bh!!!!! Such a magic wand!!

Looking for some chizuk at my accomplishments helps so much!!!! Looking at my Seder nashim mishnayos that I know almost Baal peh with tremendous iyun;)!

Tomorrow!!!! I don’t care strep or not!!!! I’m starting my “new self” maybe the next future rav Chaim Kanievsky who knows lol!!! Everyone has it in them we just need to ignite it!!! It’s not about the surface or the amount what’s covered it’s about the effort!!! Starting to SHTEIG like NEVER B4!!!! No mercy just pounding Torah!!!! I miss it so much!!! These are the prime precious days!!! I got lost a lil past few months now I’m changing to a new me!!! And guess what my girlfriend will appreciate me even more!!! 1,2,3 let’s GO!!!! 

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 22 Dec 2020 03:53:

She’s not called girlfriend. 

She’s 

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 22 Dec 2020 03:46:

That’s no kuntz. 
Everyone here knows the entire seder Nashim baal peh - some with more Iyun than you. 

Haha lol!!!! That’s exactly why I joined the chèvra here it wasn’t meant to be a kuntz it’s to fit right in

Markz wrote on 22 Dec 2020 03:57:

Haha !!!! I love that line!!! It’s not me it’s very one everyone has that power in them to become someone great someone special!!! Let’s do this together ביחד!!! 

MarkZ, that is a seriously funny line.

I once asked a Rabbi how he teaches certain sugyos in Kesubos to 9th graders. He looked at me incredulously....His answer? "The kids teach me, not the opposite!"

Good to laugh every once in a while...

SAM! You are truly incredible! Please continue inspiring us!!!