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TOPIC: My Story - Thank Gd 86318 Views

My Story - Thank Gd 17 Sep 2015 00:27 #263954

Markz
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Hi guys!

Im a typical guy with weak communication skills. BH I have a great job, kids...
(Please see my share at end of page 1)
I've been wondering if people with weak communication skills are more vulnerable to the lure of pornography (See this link for example), and if unique non-standard steps would be suggested for us to get out of S* Addicion.

I also have a great therapist, but have been hesitant to ask about this yet.

I'd love to hear feedback from anyone familiar with the topic. ZemirosShabbos? You mentioned it some time back HERE

Thanks
Mark

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Last Edit: 31 Jul 2017 02:07 by Markz.

Re: SA for AS 27 Sep 2015 12:49 #264790

Markz
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Asperger Syndrome and Sexuality: What Parents Need to Know
by Dr. Jaime Fleckner Black

"Adolescents and teens with Asperger Syndrome can be more naive than their peers about sexuality and dating. Aspergers syndrome is associated with a number of social challenges, including difficulty developing peer relationships and a limited ability to understand what others are thinking and feeling. By the time most non-Asperger individuals begin navigating the road to a romantic relationship, they have had many experiences interacting with different people in a variety of ways. Though young adults with Aspergers are often immature, they reach puberty and tend to become interested in sex and dating at the same time as their peers. This immaturity places these particular teens at risk for a variety of dangerous outcomes. Parents need to be aware of these risks to prevent their children from engaging in behaviors that could have unfortunate and occasionally devastating consequences.

Individuals with Asperger Syndrome tend to have special interests that are unusual in intensity or focus. It is not uncommon for a child to know as much as a paleontologist about fossils, for example. For teens, sometimes the special interest is a love interest, and the teen may be accused of stalking or harassing. These teens are left feeling hurt and rejected, and they don’t understand why their desire to know everything about another person is seen as creepy. Often they don’t have close friends with whom they can discuss their confused feelings, so they rely on the media to teach them about relationships. Some males turn to pornography for sex education which poses numerous risks. Teens who watch pornography develop unrealistic expectations about relationship progression. When they are with women, they expect them to behave like the women in films. In addition, due to their emotional immaturity, many males with Asperger Syndrome relate more to a younger age group and therefore can be more likely to view websites featuring underage girls. This is particularly troublesome for older teens because viewing such images constitutes child pornography and is a felony. In the past few years, an increasing number of individuals with autism spectrum disorders have been incarcerated for downloading images of underage girls or for chatting with them online.

Girls with Asperger Syndrome have their own challenges as they enter their teen years. Having received little attention from other girls during childhood, they are often flattered to receive male attention as a teen. They may fail to recognize the sexual nature of a boy’s interest. A common characteristic of Asperger Syndrome is difficulty understanding nonverbal communication. Because flirting is so heavily reliant on body language, it is often not recognized by the teen with Asperger Syndrome. Lacking experience and sex education, these females can be susceptible to sexual abuse.

Parents, teachers, and clinicians have critical roles to play in helping boys and girls with Asperger Syndrome learn appropriate sex and dating behaviors. Effective tactics include communicating the factual benefits of appropriate behaviors along with the risks of inappropriate behaviors, monitoring and giving feedback on computer use, and offering realistic relationship models. It is imperative for the safety of children with Asperger Syndrome that they receive sound instruction and structured support rather than learning informally (and inaccurately) from friends and media"

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Last Edit: 31 Jul 2017 02:04 by Markz.

Re: SA for AS - Aspergers 27 Sep 2015 14:58 #264804

AlexEliezer OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1879 Karma: 54	It would seem to me that The Steps would be especially helpful for someone with AS. I say this because The Steps are there to guide the addict back into healthy relationships with himself, his family and social circle, his Creator, and the real world in general.

Re: SA for AS 01 Oct 2015 23:50 #264999

Markz
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One of the traits of weak communication is bluntness, so please forgive me.

AE, people like myself would often not care about relationships, so that's not an incentive.

Also I need to hear from someone that has experience with AS. Perhaps you have the experience?

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Last Edit: 31 Jul 2017 02:09 by Markz.

Re: SA for AS - Aspergers 02 Oct 2015 03:10 #265015

Gettingcloser
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markz wrote:

AE, Aspergers would often not care about relationships, so that's not an incentive.

)

My friend markz.
Aspergers do care about relationships, they are not aware of their feelings so they might think they are not interested in relationships,

Any desire or lust could drive an aspergers crazy because they are not aware about how they are being turned up or down, & then they just shoot off in despair

They have poor understanding to themselves which makes their challenges a lot more challenging,

My Email address shulemc@gmail.com

Re: SA for AS - Aspergers 02 Oct 2015 03:30 #265019

Gettingcloser
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AlexEliezer wrote:

It would seem to me that The Steps would be especially helpful for someone with AS. I say this because The Steps are there to guide the addict back into healthy relationships with himself, his family and social circle, his Creator, and the real world in general.

In my opinion aspergers should not use the 12 steps program as a tool to be more self understanding & create healthy relationships, it can make them really confused, & cause them to run into their cave,

They need someone who understands the mind & brain of an aspergers,
and someone who understands sensory integration disorders,

Sensory integration problems might be a big trigger for addicted aspie,
their sensory seeking behaviors are so overwhelming for them, because they are almost unable to understand their sensory urges or needs

My Email address shulemc@gmail.com

Re: SA for AS 02 Oct 2015 12:04 #265033

Markz
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Hi GC. I really appreciate your 2 points as they make a lot of sense to someone like me that has researched tons on the topic. I'm still waiting to hear about other solutions to the 12 steps.

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Last Edit: 31 Jul 2017 02:10 by Markz.

Re: SA for AS - Aspergers 02 Oct 2015 13:33 #265037

Gettingcloser
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markz wrote:

Hi GC. I really appreciate your 2 points as they make a lot of sense to someone like me that is both an Aspie and has also researched tons on the topic. I'm still waiting to hear about other solutions to the 12 steps.

I'm not negating them, as I have started them already.

GC forgive me for asking a highly personal question, but it's for the good of both of us to succeed on this forum. Are you aware of yourself having some Asperger traits?

Don't feel sorry to ask personal questions I'm perfectly fine with that,

Anyway I don't think I would be diagnosed as aspergers, but kibalty meraboisey that every person has some aspergers traits,

My Email address shulemc@gmail.com

Re: SA for AS - Aspergers 02 Oct 2015 16:13 #265057

Gettingcloser
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markz wrote:

So if you started the 12 step program how does it work for you?
I would love to hear that my opinion was totally wrong,

My Email address shulemc@gmail.com

Last Edit: 02 Oct 2015 16:47 by Gettingcloser.

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 09 Oct 2015 01:38 #265419

Markz
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Gettin closer I Hope to get back to you about this soon

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Last Edit: 31 Jul 2017 02:18 by Markz.

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 22 Oct 2015 12:52 #266632

Markz
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Being in touch with my feelings is often difficult, and therefore knowing what's the best solution can be impossible some times. Eg SSA I thought was perhaps relevant to me, but it actually may not be, after a great guy 24 on this forum helped me try get in touch with the feelings.

Apparently I'm a non addict. So yes I started reading on the first step, but am currently not continuing, rather taking protective measures eg the 'good night device' calendar, and posting ~~too~~ much on the forum

All the best

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Last Edit: 31 Jul 2017 02:19 by Markz.

Re: SA for AS - Aspergers 22 Oct 2015 22:15 #266679

Gettingcloser Current streak: 28 days OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 63 Karma: 1	Markz can you please explain what do you mean you are not a SA, Why did you think before getting the help from 1 of the members here that you were addicted? מעיקרא מאי קסבר ולבסוף מאי קסבר
	My Email address shulemc@gmail.com

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 23 Oct 2015 02:06 #266689

Markz
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Gettingcloser wrote:

Markz can you please explain what do you mean you are not a SA,
Why did you think before getting the help from 1 of the members here that you were addicted?
מעיקרא מאי קסבר
ולבסוף מאי קסבר

All I can say is המבין יבין.

Listen guys - You know why I chose this blue smiley face truck?

'cos it's a great way to hide my identity.

This looks like an outgoing fellow, and Im not (sorry everyone)

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Last Edit: 31 Jul 2017 02:20 by Markz.

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 11 Nov 2015 06:08 #268383

Markz
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newaction wrote:

markz wrote:

This was coined by "Sci1977" on this page HERE last spotted on the forums on June 2 2011, though he racked up almost 900 post before the smartphone day
If you need more info give him a call

1- As an aspie writing my feelings can be a challenge
2- My signature is not for me, but for the visitor / friend / gabai, to encourage posting as much as possible
3- Perhaps you're the first guy to read my signature? I'm happy someone did

Thanks Markz for your reply i thought you might have been referring to journaling.
Some hold it is a powerful tool to just write down all your feelings.
keep up the good work !
By the way , signatures can tell about the person and his main struggles ; i do read them once in a while.Thanks again.

NA
That was interesting what you wrote - appreciate it

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Last Edit: 31 Jul 2017 02:21 by Markz.

Re: I'm an Aspie (neurotypicals are invited too) 11 Nov 2015 21:29 #268430

Markz
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בס״ד An open letter to all the guys - including you!!
Here's my belated introduction and follow up

BH I have made many many friends on the forum - some via PMs and on occasion even with my real name (I almost forgot it)

Made it to 90 Days!!!

It would be unfair for me single out some names, when my appreciation for SO MANY OF YOU GUYS is just... I don't know how to express it - YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST!!
As an Aspie I'm not the greatest communicator - sometimes too sharp or too vague, and often say the wrong thing on the forum. I want to ask forgiveness to anyone I may have offended (and I know I have).

Once Upon A Time - Lust:
I had been fighting / struggling with Porn and M* from my teen years age 14 or 15. First with magazines, then more recently with web accessible devices. I was never addicted to chase after this, but my struggle was unbearable. I could never defeat the temptation when it arose

Who cares?
After falls I would feel terrible, or something bad would happen to me / my kid... (Like someone else on this forum experiences too). For a struggler like me the best thing is that bad feeling and the fear of repercussion. Its THE only thing that got me onto gye.com, and I read other people's posts that have mentioned the same. It's what pushes us to try the next tool of the many offered (Pls click on my signature)

Prophecy to fools:
14 months ago October 2014 - The end of Aseres Yemei Tshuva 5775, I was walking to shul and passed a snake on the road that had been driven over by a car (no of course a truck!).
What went through my mind? 10 days is possibly a reflection for the coming year, and this dead snake was signifying that the YH is gonna be dead at the end of the year. I had this premonition, but I didn't have a clue what it was about.
Zoom forward to August 2015 - the end of the year 5775, Three months ago - and it happened. Screeeeeeeecccchhhh YH DEAD!!
I found GYE!!!
No, don't worry, I'm not dead, my YH is alive and kicking, but the struggle is totally under control with the following tools.

Gd knows what's truly going on, but these are the tools I noticed on my ride

My Tools

1) The Forum
I put this one first because I feel that has been the greatest game changer for me.
My mindset has totally morphed, to view women as people - it's incredible.
Today I heared a cute girl at work laugh. That would have been a turn on previously. Now I heard someone laugh, and I'm happy for them that they don't need to stress the whole day...

And I believe it's because of
1- Reading and thanking Many Many terrific poster's ramblings
2- My posting too much...
Posting 7 or 8 posts a day
I feel a sense of responsibility to share my advice / experience to other posts, and also to keep the humor section fresh (it really pains me that almost no one regularly posts there besides for myself and the צדיק peloni almoni. Is everyone in the bar-ditch-ev?)

2) Restrictions
a- Time: Good nite device calendar
b- YouTube: Only access for work purposes
c- Devices
PC: Web Monitoring program or whitelist, (filtering is irrelevant, as I have overridden every regular filter and perhaps you too).
Mobile Devices: Mobile phone Locked AppStore, and active legitimate apps only (eg no skype and wattsapp. If you ask me to explain why, you'll be risking having to remove them too)[/spoiler]

3) Get a Life
a- Exercise twice weekly
b- Keep busy. Being productive in my work, learning a few Jewish words when possible. Spend time with the wife. Posting on the forum. Breathe...
My time management sucks - like a regular aspie. I don't learn, daven at all like I should. I always feel pressured to put overtime into my work... Yeah I hope to discuss this with my therapist (A great one - a woman - not Jewish)

4) Aspie Therapy
I have regular sessions with an Asperger therapist, primarily to help me communicate with 'objects' - other people at work in shul... primarily my 'object' from Venus (my great wife).
I think this may have helped me too, to see 'objects' as people = social awareness etiquette and all the silly neurotypical stuff
For those asking what is Aspergers? Go to this link HERE

ברוב שבח והודאה להקב״ה
I want to repeat again to each and every one of you. First the Gevaldigge administrators, the unassuming Moderators, and all the boarders
Thank you for allowing me in, so I can grow, and for giving me the opportunity to also save at least one other Jewish brother once for one minute.

Hatzlacha to you on your journey

Mark

My Story---------Dov Quotes

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Last Edit: 25 Nov 2015 14:14 by Markz.

Re: I'm an Aspie (neurotypicals are invited too) 11 Nov 2015 22:05 #268432

Gevura Shebyesod
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Mazel Tov!!!! Kein Yirbu!!!

You've definitely made your MARK here!

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: I'm an Aspie (neurotypicals are invited too) 11 Nov 2015 23:07 #268439

serenity
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Congratulations Mark!

Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: I'm an Aspie (neurotypicals are invited too) 12 Nov 2015 03:32 #268458

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	Dear Mark, A huge congratulations on 90, kein yirbeh vchein yosif. You have been a great friend and a great support to me and many others. Thanx again, and KOT! Yesod

Re: I'm an Aspie (neurotypicals are invited too) 12 Nov 2015 03:52 #268462

cordnoy
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Great job!
Continued hatzlachah.
If I would not have been cryin' anyway, I would cry for joy for you.

Keep usin' dem kochos of yours for the sake of your brethren.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."

Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: I'm an Aspie (neurotypicals are invited too) 12 Nov 2015 04:10 #268463

peloni almoni
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עיין שם

Have a corny day ... and if you do have other plans, change 'em!!
peloni_almoni@hotmail.com

None of us has it all together, but together, we have it all.

we always put our sobriety before our ego -
מוטב שאקרא שוטה כל ימי ואל אהיה רשע שעה אחת לפני המקום

לפעולות אדם בדבר שפתיך אני שמרתי אורחות פריץ. תמוך אשורי במעגלותיך בל נמוטו פעמי. תהלים יז
__________________________________________________________
LINKS:
- SOLUTIONS: WHERE DO I FIT IN TO GYE
- DOWNLOAD GYE HANDBOOK & READ AT LEAST TWICE
- OVERDOSE OF DOV: READING MATERIAL TO KEEP ME SANE
- THE BEST THREAD ON THE FORUM; READ, POST, AND HAVE A GREAT TIME

Last Edit: 12 Nov 2015 04:13 by peloni almoni.

Re: Aspie - pls read my Nov 11 share at end of page 1 12 Nov 2015 19:08 #268492

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	Mark have you been karming me? I get these karmas and i have no clue from who and i suspect ive been marked. am i going to be recieving a bill from you?

Re: Aspie - pls read my Nov 11 share at end of page 1 12 Nov 2015 21:48 #268503

eslaasos Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 929 Karma: 79	Mark! I am so happy for you that your life has improved so much. Mazel Tov on hitting 90, and thank you for your entertaining and thought-provoking posts. תלך מחיל אל חיל
	Quotes that speak to me What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy) My Thread My Other Thread

Re: Aspie - pls read my Nov 11 share at end of page 1 15 Nov 2015 20:16 #268658

Markz
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On occasion of my 90th birth DAY mom got me a yummy tzummy - actually was GS's idea last nite. Although I didn't have time to send him a new diaper back.

I just wanted to note - especially as another Aspie asked me to note my journey - one 'tool' I left out

I have regular sessions with an Asperger therapist, primarily to help me communicate with 'objects', primarily 'objects' from Venus (my great wife).
I think this may have helped me too, to see 'objects' as people = social awareness etiquette and all the silly neurotypical stuff

My Story---------Dov Quotes

What works for me:
✓ Forum ✓ Internet Restrictions

FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
• 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

➣ GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk
➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: Aspie - pls read my Nov 11 share at end of page 1 15 Nov 2015 20:24 #268660

peloni almoni
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markz wrote:

seriously? mom got it for you? doesn't seem like something he would do.

I'm an Aspie - Neurotypicals are invited too 25 Nov 2015 11:48 #269618

Markz
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goodchange613 wrote:

day 70!
had a slip the other day but otherwise doin great. really working on my marriage and it's like magic how just changing my attitude and how i just work on my actions and the effect it has had so far, i still have a ways to go but it's been a great start.

Here's are the details of what I've been doing:
1)First I just started with eye contact. Once I focused on it I realized how little eye contact I had been having with her before that. This made me feel a little more connected to her and helped me really focus on what she says.

2)Started sending thank you texts almost every day for something she did the day before.

3)I really worked on using "I Love you" much more often from texts or calls during the day and then progressing to saying it to her every time i leave the house...

I posted this great share of my friend GC613 here, because aspergers may play into this, but it might be relevant to neuro's too.

1) I didn't make much eye contact. This is a very common asperger trait... plays out with my wife...

2) "thank you texts" I need to work on more

3) "I really worked on using "I Love you" much more often from texts or calls during the day".
This is something I did NOT do, primarily during nidda times, excusing it as a religious thing not to be too sexual during that period - how crazy can us lusters get!!

My Story---------Dov Quotes

What works for me:
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Last Edit: 18 Feb 2016 01:45 by Markz.

Re: My Story 25 Nov 2015 20:09 #269659

goodchange613 OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 98 Karma: 9	oh wow, i think this is my first time being quoted!

Re: My Story 25 Nov 2015 20:12 #269661

goodchange613 OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 98 Karma: 9	whats neuro's?

Re: My Story 25 Nov 2015 20:26 #269662

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	goodchange613 wrote: whats neuro's? non aspies What I call socialists (that require all human kind to abide by the rules and regulations of being social acceptable - see the link I put earlier)
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Re: My Story 25 Nov 2015 21:22 #269679

Gevura Shebyesod
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markz wrote:

goodchange613 wrote:

whats neuro's?

non aspies
What I call socialists (that require all human kind to abide by the rules and regulations of being social acceptable - see the link I put earlier)

As opposed to Marxists (that require all human kind to abide by the rules and regulations of Mark)

Re: My Story 25 Nov 2015 21:26 #269680

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Gevura Shebyesod wrote:

markz wrote:

goodchange613 wrote:

whats neuro's?

non aspies
What I call socialists (that require all human kind to abide by the rules and regulations of being social acceptable - see the link I put earlier)

As opposed to Marxists (that require all human kind to abide by the rules and regulations of Mark)

This is not a joke. Aspies are rigid thinkers - very rule and regulation guys - unless lust takes over, but they know better how to think out of the box too, and shoot down communism...

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Re: My Story 29 Nov 2015 19:46 #269875

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The following has to be included in the list of what has worked for me

AlexEliezer wrote:

1) Extreme shmiras eynayim. This is the area over which we have the most control. This is also the area where we take frequent hits of the lust drug. So I don't look at women unless absolutely necessary. That means no movies, no TV, no magazines or newspapers (and of course no surfing news sites, etc). It doesn't make any difference if she's tznius or not. I can't look at her face. Not even ugly ones. I don't even check out my own wife. She's not my personal lust object (although she was). I do look at her face. Sounds extreme? That's the idea! I find that if my shmiras eynayim is good, everything else falls in to place. If I slip a little in this area, the battle is back on. I also didn't let myself be alone with a computer.

2) Shmiras hamachshava (guarding my thoughts). Fantasies and mental images were a major challenge for me (still can be at times). This is actually how I knew there was something wrong with me. I would have the sickest thoughts at the most inappropriate times. What works for me in this area is immediate deflection with tefilla. As soon as I detect a fantasy or image trying to take a seat in my mind, I immediately start davening

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Re: My Story 29 Nov 2015 23:09 #269880

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Why am I so adamant about bumping the "Just having fun" Section?

There's nothing like quoting myself
markz wrote:

I got an email one of the guys was makin a comment about humor. So I want to set it straight.

דברה תורה כנגד יצהר. How do we deal with the YH?
כי בשמחה תצאו!!!

How do we encourage our YH to stick to this great website? By makin it fun

Yeah, go be serious. Tell the YH "oy ye yoy ye yoy du sheigetz baal aveira, baal taiva..."
See where that gets you. Your 18 wheeler might leave fat skid marks somewhere... I don't wanna think what may happen with ye.

Ever since I accidentally joined this astounding website I have not had a depressin' moment - my addiction has been emptied from my tank and the YH hasn't had any opportunity to depress me thru sins, and one of the tools is a spoonful of

.

There was never a moment where we joked about lustin. We were talking to our YH that wants to do those things mentioned above, and it was also meant in all seriousness

Warning: Spoiler!

It gets borin' sometimes truckin' for miles - and this is how we keep ourselves awake when we run out of tea an' cofee.
Any other ideas to stay awake? Keep postin'

And of course my good friend peloni almoni I have to quote

develop-a-sense-of-humor--it-really-helps-in-recovery.jpg

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Last Edit: 29 Nov 2015 23:29 by Markz.

Re: My Story 13 Dec 2015 14:03 #271147

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On my travel through recovery, these are the perceptions I experienced about
a) myself
b) about others

1) WRONG ROAD
I was a Luster
What was going on? My life was out of control. Nothing major - just killing the nights on youtube... P and M through the AM hours
a) I said then to myself "Maybe other guys also do P & M, but no-one like me. I'm the only one that does such crazy things. I don't believe anyone in the world can help me. I'll just have to rot for the rest of my life"
b) I said then about others "Many people that shmooze with girls / women even in business setting etc are possibly lusting after her. I cannot at all understand how it's possible for Men to head or teach girls schools or seminaries and interact with the girls"

2) ABOUT TURN
I discovered gye by the grace of G-D
a) I said then about myself "OMG other guys also do P & M... like me. I'm not the only one that does such crazy things"
b) My view about others wasn't changed, moreover I may have subconciously said "This proves to me - that my view about others when I was on the wrong road was true"

3) THE TRUCKING HIGHWAY - MILE ONE from 1-89 days
a) I said then about myself "OMG other guys also lust. Some exactly like me. But this is interesting - not everyone is like me. Some guys struggle with youtube, some with skype, some with fantasizing, some with alcohol, some with ssa, and many more" (this may expain why some of us try to put each user into a box - this guy is an addict, this guy not... which is not productive)
b) My view about others lusting wasn't changed, yet.

4) THE TRUCKING HIGHWAY - MILE TWO from 90 days till today
a) I say about myself "Other guys have their struggle - mine isn't such a tough one. G-d with his shliach Gye have helped me considerably. My life is looking up!!"
b) My view about others "Most people in the world probably do NOT lust, and I can believe that, because ever since I joined gye, I can often stand in the shoes of the people in the world - talking to a woman without fantasizing. My sobriety proved to me - that my view about others when I was on the wrong road was dead w r o n g"

So KOT

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Last Edit: 06 Jan 2016 02:21 by Markz.

Re: My Story 16 Dec 2015 00:59 #271463

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markz wrote:

[b]

4) THE TRUCKING HIGHWAY - MILE TWO from 90 days till today
a) I say about myself "Other guys have their struggle - mine isn't such a tough one. G-d with his shliach Gye have helped me considerably. My life is looking up!!"
b) My view about others "Most people in the world probably do NOT lust, and I can believe that, because ever since I joined gye, I can often stand in the shoes of the people in the world - talking to a woman without fantasizing. My sobriety proved to me - that my view about others when I was on the wrong road was dead w r o n g"

According to this perspective what is then the source of our addiction? Why are some people addicted and others not? These people, who you assume can talk to a woman without fantasizing, I can't imagine the 12 steps just came naturally to them. So what's their secret?

Unless you know otherwise I would actually disagree with your premise. Chaza"l say that "Gezel v'Arayos nafsho shel odom mechamdton" (translated: lust for money and sex are innate to the human soul). That seems to imply that everyone has a "chimud" for arayos. I think this is called "lust", no?

Feel free to email me at BenTorah.BaalHabayis@gmail.com

1 day may be too long for me, but I take it OWAAT = One wave at a time, cause the lust comes and goes like a wave which rises and crashes.

Re: My Story 16 Dec 2015 01:16 #271467

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	My friend, as an Apie I'm a little rigid, so I'd like move this topic to The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk arena, and I we can discuss this further over there
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Re: My Story / Aspie 20 Dec 2015 18:58 #271877

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markz wrote:

gibbor120 wrote:

Or perhaps, let's make it a bit different. Someone is chronically depressed and eventually takes his own life.

1- I am saddened to hear such a story
2- I can relate to what the guy did
If someone has issue with this - shout at me on my aspie thread

Mark, a number of people on this forum have flirted with the S word (and the D word), but hopefully we recognize at least intellectually why it's an illogical, counter-productive idea. So am I misunderstanding something - to what extent do you relate to this fictitious guy?
Oh, I didn't shout at you yet - WDH are you thinking?

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Re: My Story / Asperger 20 Dec 2015 20:04 #271887

Markz
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Eslaasos, a number of people on this forum have flirted with the P word (and the M word), but hopefully we recognize at least intellectually why it's an illogical, counter-productive idea

In case you didn't notice, that was quite an aspie way of replying - I think

I mentioned to Dov - I think the reason his posts are so long is that he's a very typical neurotypical guy

We need some respect and understanding on the forums
If someone lusts it doesn't help to say. don't!
If we sympathize we can accomplish a lot more. That's what I was doing with our friend
S is damn wrong... but just shouting is not how we change someone from doing it

Also the communication to aspies sometimes needs to be different
Very often, to an aspie, getting emotional or shouting = 0

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Last Edit: 20 Dec 2015 20:20 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 21 Dec 2015 15:57 #271944

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Mark, I just saw your reply because for some reason the notification of your reply went to my spam folder, maybe it was the shouting that did it.

First off, I apologize if my shouting offended, I was only responding to your original request.

Personally, after I was already on the way to recovery my Rav drew a line in the sand for me that some words are not on the table, and maybe that makes me somewhat sensitive.
So I'll try to say it softer, but I still don't understand the need to relate to this fictitious guy.
Nu nu, I don't have to understand everything.

Joking and insulting aside, I have often thought there is a suicidal tendency to the decision making process of habitual lusters (staying away form the A word to avoid the M word machlokes). Maybe that's why we talk about recovery as living real life. I think this is true for me but it hasn't gotten me anywhere beyond making the observation. Any thoughts?

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Re: My Story / Asperger 22 Dec 2015 03:37 #272006

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Your observations are always precious

Shouting at Asperger folks isn't offensive, it just often getting emotional goes right over their head

I don't have S tendencies, but depression does hit sometimes. Especially around kabalas shabbos time for 1/2hr.

If I'd speak absolute aspie, I'd say "S"? Are you out of your mind?????

But I try to speak neurotypically, and the first response is to emphasise, even with a guy that is out of his mind לכל הדעות

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Re: My Story / Asperger 22 Dec 2015 03:40 #272008

eslaasos Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 929 Karma: 79	Thank you. Why davka by Kabbolas Shabbos?
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Re: My Story / Asperger 22 Dec 2015 03:51 #272009

Markz
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I wish I knew

What I think is that Asperger folks get overloaded by multitasking and stressors etc...
And erev Shabbos is a very good day to make aspies crazy

I have on rare occasion come to shul 1/2hr before mincha, and it's been a better experience. I'm trying to work on it, but this is one thing aspergers suffer with - time management or rather lack of.
I had some family input to get me to my chupa on time :-), although virtually no one in my family knows the term 'As'

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Re: My Story / Asperger 30 Dec 2015 17:15 #272843

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	cordnoy wrote: This is the bb forum Mark is smarter than me I think it's high time I compiled my resume on gye, it'll do good for my ego even if it's all fictitious
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Re: My Story / Asperger 30 Dec 2015 23:27 #272885

eslaasos Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 929 Karma: 79	And in a week or two you're going to overtake him in number of posts. OK, maybe a month or two.
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Re: My Story / Asperger 30 Dec 2015 23:32 #272886

Markz
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eslaasos wrote:

And in a week or two you're going to overtake him in number of posts. OK, maybe a month or two.

Some guys just don't have a clue what forum they are in

Warning: Spoiler!

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Last Edit: 30 Dec 2015 23:32 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 31 Dec 2015 03:01 #272929

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markz wrote:

eslaasos wrote:

And in a week or two you're going to overtake him in number of posts. OK, maybe a month or two.

Some guys just don't have a clue what forum they are in

Warning: Spoiler!

i hope you aren't joking. the "just having fun" section is dedicated to humor but it doesn't mean that levity isn't allowed everywhere else. but it's your own thread so to each their own i guess. if you weren't serious then i apologize for being choished you.

What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: My Story / Asperger 05 Jan 2016 20:56 #273446

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Sorry Shlomo I wasn't being serious getting married wrote: Markz by the way I like your attitude I hope your are not always in life like this (so strong) Unfortunately I am like this in life, often Too blunt or sharp - however you prefer ;-)
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Re: My Story / Asperger 20 Jan 2016 18:33 #275011

Markz
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doingtshuva wrote:

pischoshelmachat wrote:

Mazel Tov MarkZ on reaching the Wall of Honour

Markz it's time to update your chart?
isn't it red by now?

Thank you guys...
I actually wasn't very interested in the 90 day thing in the first place, at least it wasn't my priority and not a tool

I believe in ODAAT, but if it's a help to anyone that I display some sorta count then I'm honored to do so

Warning: Spoiler!

I've been dealing with lots of stress recently which may be the cause of fleeting split second lustful moments
My trucking tools on page one are BH well in check and recently passed the 150 mile / day "Mark"er

Hatzlacha!!

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Re: My Story / Asperger 24 Jan 2016 20:54 #275347

Markz
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the.guard wrote:

hopeful wrote:

I don't know how much more times I can try to bounce back from a fall

If what we're doing until now isn't working, maybe it's time to try something new.

Have you considered joining our 12-Step phone groups? The TaPHSiC method? Therapy? Live Groups? There's no excuse... there is always more we can try. This is what we came down to the world. There's no giving up in this game!

I think the reason why the.one.and.only.guard says that there is no excuse is because in my extensive reading the forums, there hasn't been one instance of failure for anyone that had a little determination

All the guys that are still acting out, is due to lack of owning their part, and DOING SOMETHING to better their life, if it means posting on the forums, or SA meetings, or a partner, or Therapy, or lots more...
(For some of us, replace "or", with "and")

My personal tools are not the most powerful, and although I'm very shy, nevertheless if what I am doing wasnt helping me and I had to open up to a real person, I'd do it today, rather than living a dishonest religious life

All it takes is 'naaseh' and you'll 'hear' your engines fire away on the Heilige Trucking highway

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Last Edit: 24 Jan 2016 21:03 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 24 Jan 2016 21:20 #275350

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markz wrote:

the.guard wrote:

hopeful wrote:

I don't know how much more times I can try to bounce back from a fall

Markz, if I may embarrass you with a compliment or two, first, I've personally found your tools and your whole approach very helpful.

Second, you say you're shy and not a communicator, but I find that you are one of the most upbeat and helpful people on the forums.

Re: My Story / Asperger 25 Jan 2016 01:15 #275372

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Workingguy wrote:

markz wrote:

the.guard wrote:

hopeful wrote:

I don't know how much more times I can try to bounce back from a fall

You have my vote as well

Im still cracking up on the roach spray post
(What the heck IS in there )

Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Jan 2016 19:23 #275658

Markz
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This week we got a new computer at home

How things have changed!!!

I rely on CovenantEyes reporting system

Previously when I'd get a new device I would first inaugurate it with all filth possible, and then, a day later when I had enough "fun", I'd delete the history, install CE and it was back kosher. And my partner thinks I'm kosher, and so do I! hah!

But on my gye truck I learnt things are different!

I stopped objectifying things (See "The Women Object" in "Free Towing" below)

Today, I see my computer just as a regular human being. It has moods, can get sick, viruses... It can be slow, or crash like we all do... I don't sexualize it anymore ;-)

So right away without much ado I installed CE, although as mentioned previously my other tools are what are keeping me in check, and only have CE as a backup

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Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Jan 2016 20:04 #275662

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markz wrote:

Today, I see my computer just as a regular human being. It has moods, can get sick, viruses... It can be slow, or crash like we all do... I don't sexualize it anymore ;-)

Somehow, it gets "sick" with viruses less often if we don't use it for porn...

FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
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WDHW!!!

Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Jan 2016 20:08 #275663

cordnoy
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markz wrote:

Very nice.

I view humans as computers. I turn them on, they turn me on. I view them through a window. I have favorites. I use tools. When they are tired and slow, I need to refresh them. Sometimes I think an add-on would be beneficial. They may get heated up when used a lot. There is a choice to run, however. But like husband and wife, they cannot function alone.

Re: My Story / Asperger 28 Jan 2016 01:13 #275737

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Yasher Koach on your milestone

Re: My Story / Asperger 28 Jan 2016 01:20 #275741

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	Good stuff, With gs help this new machine should be nichnas bshalom vyotze bshalom, of course only when it is zakein usva yamim. And if it does lo aleinu go early, it should be al kiddush hashem, or at least in service of country.

Re: My Story / Asperger 22 Feb 2016 02:52 #278676

Markz
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With Gd by my side Im still sober, and NOT dry drunk either
Guys - Things haven't changed much since page 1, and nor has your support, which I appreciate to no end!

2000 posts!
Wow!
Maybe it would be advisable to retire now peacefully

Warning: Spoiler!

On this auspicious occassion, I am accepting on myself bln to upgrade my eye 'guard' for the next month - not to google search images, even though I keep the 1 second rule, and even though my good YH says I should continue for the sake of GYE, the wise sage that he is...

We gotta just
Keep On Trucking
TOGETHER

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Re: My Story / Asperger 02 Mar 2016 14:46 #279932

pischoshelmachat OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 492 Karma: 42	Mazel Tov on reaching 90. You are a true inspiration.

Re: My Story / Asperger 09 Mar 2016 16:02 #280825

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Workingguy wrote:

markz wrote:

I take offense that you consider me not a real person, you're seriously compelling me to dispel any notions and come onto your call tomorrow

Warning: Spoiler!

I still need another few days / weeks, and I'm concerned the most that I'm not ready for the group conversation even if I feel like some of you guys are like my brother. I'm almost ready to pickup the phone and call you or Yesod personally...

Hey! Cordnoy is one of the Roshei Yeshiva, but how did Yesod get the zechus for a possible phone call from one of the gedolei haforum? (Yesod, I'm jealous but it's קנאת סופרים)

I am having a very hard time because I am being tempted more and more to pick up the phone and call a couple of you guys but since I'm a ~~mild~~ aspie, and concerned I'll say the wrong thing in a group setting - I have decided not to come onto the group call

Speaking OGAAT?

1guyatatime I'm gonna seriously consider - but someone needs to give me compelling reason to

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Re: My Story / Asperger 09 Mar 2016 21:49 #280871

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	Don't be shy, we all take turns making fools out of ourselves. If you'd like to ring a brother up, msg me. Anytime pal

Re: Aspie - pls read my Nov 11 share at end of page 1 10 Mar 2016 17:25 #280969

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Yesod wrote on 12 Nov 2015 19:08:

Mark have you been karming me?

I get these karmas and i have no clue from who and i suspect ive been marked.

am i going to be recieving a bill from you?

You know, i've actually thought about opening a false account just to up my karma. Pretty pathetic, no?

But i decieded that i did'nt need to add con-artist (which i'm pretty good at - if not for that annoying conscience) to my list of addictions.

BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: My Story / Asperger 10 Mar 2016 17:31 #280971

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	Dont worry SG, You won't be the first or the last fellow to show up here who struggles with relying on others to confirm their self worth, it's one of the very predominant characteristics of a lustaholic. But on another note, ill up your Karma............ for a reasonable price

Re: My Story / Asperger 11 Mar 2016 19:44 #281091

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cordnoy wrote on 11 Mar 2016 11:20:

markz wrote on 11 Mar 2016 03:09:

Shteeble!

I hope you're doing well!!

I get a Mazel Tov - spoke to a great trucker on the forum today - a first for me

Did you recieve the exclusive invitation yet?

That indeed is worthy of a Mazel tov.
How was it?

I hooked up with Yesod. Sounds like a nice guy - more than on in the written word
I think it helped to have a mindset that I'm a normal guy talking another normal guy - which is the reality

Im always hesitant making conversations which isn't my biggest strength. The floor is open if anyone wants to call me I'm happy to say hi, just email me markzgye@gmail.com send me your real first name and guess my real first name and your phone number

Sponsorship? That takes a long term commitment and I don't think it's my calling

A Happy Shabbos and Chodesh to YOU

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Re: My Story / Asperger 13 Mar 2016 04:52 #281145

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	Markz sounds alot stranger on the forum than on the phone. Get over it markz, you're not that special.

Re: My Story / Asperger 13 Mar 2016 05:31 #281148

Workingguy OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1149 Karma: 138	Yesod wrote on 13 Mar 2016 04:52: Markz sounds alot stranger on the forum than on the phone. Get over it markz, you're not that special. He is pretty special, on the forum at least. Very funny, upbeat, encouraging but occasionally sharp, finds amazing images, emojis, gif's and all sorts of other things that really brighten this place up!

Re: My Story / Asperger 13 Mar 2016 05:59 #281149

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	There is only one Markz and he is pretty special, but fairly normal nonetheless

Re: My Story / Asperger 13 Mar 2016 06:17 #281150

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This is all so cute! Now I wanna talk to mark!

Re: My Story / Asperger 25 Mar 2016 20:11 #282521

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Purim Night my mind kept going back to this passuk וּבְכָל־י֣וֹם וָי֔וֹם מָרְדֳּכַי֙ מִתְהַלֵּ֔ךְ לִפְנֵ֖י חֲצַ֣ר בֵּית־הַנָּשִׁ֑ים So I'm not an addict - just plain messed up
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Re: My Story / Asperger 25 Mar 2016 20:14 #282522

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markz wrote on 25 Mar 2016 20:11:

Purim Night my mind kept going back to this passuk

וּבְכָל־י֣וֹם וָי֔וֹם מָרְדֳּכַי֙ מִתְהַלֵּ֔ךְ לִפְנֵ֖י חֲצַ֣ר בֵּית־הַנָּשִׁ֑ים

So I'm not an addict - just plain messed up

Loda'as mah "zeh" v'al mah "zeh."

"Zeh" bigimatria 12.

Re: My Story / Asperger 25 Mar 2016 20:22 #282524

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Cord' - that's one of the deepest mystical posts probably in the entire worldwide web!!! Translated to English What is this 12 thing? And why this 12 thing? If you worked the 12 thing would that clear your mind of thinking about that passuk? I wasn't obsessed about it, just a little thought that popped back a few times, to no consequence
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Re: My Story / Asperger 25 Mar 2016 20:29 #282526

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markz wrote on 25 Mar 2016 20:22:

Cord' - that's one of the deepest mystical posts probably in the entire worldwide web!!!

Translated to English
What is this 12 thing?
And why this 12 thing?

If you worked the 12 thing would that clear your mind of thinking about that passuk?
I wasn't obsessed about it, just a little thought that popped back a few times, to no consequence

I'm not smart enough to know the answer to that question, but perhaps....

Re: My Story / Asperger 25 Mar 2016 21:31 #282533

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cordnoy wrote on 25 Mar 2016 20:29:

markz wrote on 25 Mar 2016 20:22:

I'm not smart enough to know the answer to that question, but perhaps....

this is the actual pasuk -
ובכל יום ויום מרדכי מתהלך לפני חצר בית הנשים לדעת את שלום אסתר ומה יעשה בה

now it is true that the last 3 letters in the pasuk still add up to 12. and the rashei teivos of the last two words in the pasuk also add up to 12, and if want to don our streimels and darshan, there is a lot more purim torah to say.
however, allow me, לכבוד reb mark to share a thought on this pasuk.
the malbim and others point out that mordechai's going לפני חצר בית הנשים was because he feared for esther's life, that she would either be killed as a מורד for not divulging her nationality, or something similar, but the targum adds an eye-opening nuance:
ובכל יומא ויומא מרדכי הוה מצלי, ואזל קדם דרתא די בבית נשיא למידע ית שלמא דאסתר
everyday mordechai "would daven", and he would walk "in front of the gate which was at the harem"
so 2 things:
1. life threatening though it was, mordechai only went in front of the outer gate to try to glean information about esther
2. he davened first.

we can ask, however, that how does the targum know that mordechai davened before going - it does not say so in the pasuk - all it says is that everyday mordechai went. perhaps a peirush can be that it is pashut that before going anywhere where there is a chance for the yeitzer to strike, even if you are mordechai, and even if you are going for pikuach nefesh of klal yisrael, and even just to the outer gate, you need to daven for siyata dishmaya to be saved.
so the next time this pasuk comes up, one can remind himself that the targum says mordechai davened before going, and perhaps a quick tefilla for recovery and help would do all of us some good.

Re: My Story / Asperger 25 Mar 2016 21:54 #282536

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Yikes!
I had the לדעת right, but I screwed up the next. I was off by two פרקים.
Thanks for takin' it easy on me.

Re: My Story / Asperger 25 Mar 2016 22:05 #282537

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cordnoy wrote on 25 Mar 2016 21:54:

Yikes!
I had the לדעת right, but I screwed up the next. I was off by two פרקים.

i was דן לכף זכות that you wrote it while drunk. (all that talk about 12 steps)
על זה נאמר: עד דלא ידע

Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Mar 2016 01:08 #282557

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peloni almoni wrote on 25 Mar 2016 21:31:

cordnoy wrote on 25 Mar 2016 20:29:

markz wrote on 25 Mar 2016 20:22:

I'm not smart enough to know the answer to that question, but perhaps....

I am not sure that מצלי in that context means to daven.....does someone say that?

Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Mar 2016 01:31 #282562

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?? that is what it always means

Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Mar 2016 01:59 #282565

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=48327&st=&pgnum=34 See the last line
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Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Mar 2016 02:32 #282579

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markz wrote on 27 Mar 2016 01:59:

www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=48327&st=&pgnum=34

See the last line

unnecessary. but thanks all the same.

i would show my hakaras hatov to mark by wearing this:

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Mar 2016 03:38 #282595

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I thought it might have a different meanin', but the only place in Shas (I think, but then again, i haven't been battin' too good lately, and especially on this thread) is Brachos 26, where there it clearly means to daven, and with Mark's mareh makom as well, I will put this baby to rest. I always liked the vort. Thank you

Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Mar 2016 04:00 #282602

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cordnoy wrote on 27 Mar 2016 03:38:

brachos 13, 17, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30 ....
bava basra 10b
yoma 53b
nidda 14a
eruvin 65a
rosh hashana 35a
sota 33a
chagiga 11b
suka 41b
shabbos 30b
moed katan 28a
taanis 13b
kesuvos 67b

... i am sure there are others.
cords!!!! i missed you soooo much. it's good to be back.

Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Mar 2016 04:05 #282604

peloni almoni
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oh i forgot brachos 6b and 7a.

Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Mar 2016 04:11 #282605

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I was referrin' to מצלי ואזיל.
Perhaps some of your places say that as well, but not in the four that i checked.

sounds like you're excited though; that's good.
We're glad to have you back.

Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Mar 2016 04:13 #282607

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	I don't know if you want to stay too long on this thread, my amiretus עמ׳רצות may rub off on you
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Re: My Story / Asperger 27 Mar 2016 04:20 #282611

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cordnoy wrote on 27 Mar 2016 04:11:

I was referrin' to מצלי ואזיל.

thank god. you had me scared.

Last Edit: 27 Mar 2016 04:21 by peloni almoni.

Re: My Story / Asperger 30 Mar 2016 16:47 #282968

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Guys - here's why I appreciate the.guard's forum and YOU!

When I started gye הטהור more than half a year ago I asked the following question "I've been wondering if people with mild aspergers are more vulnerable to the lure of pornography"

I quoted from "Asperger Syndrome and Sexuality".
The gist of that article was that lust can be caused from the aspect of relationship, where aspie young adults are often immature (although they may be interested in sex and dating at the same time as their peers).

The.guard sent me a great parenting handbook. Yesterday I found something interesting there (pg 20)

"Researchers describe four pre- existing conditions that put an individual at high risk for getting into trouble on the Internet.
1- They are lack of family bonds;
2- low self-esteem;
3- inability to express opinions and questions;
4- inability to socialize"

If this is true, it puts all Aspergers that often have all 4 conditions, in a very tough predicament - high risk for getting into trouble on the Internet

I want to focus on the last point and quote rabbi keleman from further in that Handbook

4. Inability to Socialize:
Data indicate that many who turn to the internet for pornography or social contact do so because they consistently fail to succeed socially in their own world.First, there are the socially inept. These are individuals who never mastered how to get along with others. When they were young, they often studied straight through recess or preferred playing computer games or doing other solitary activities. In some cases, they wanted to play with everyone else but were excluded. In their pre-teens or even earlier, these children were joining the ranks of the “at-risk” for later internet involvement."

OTR quoted yesterday the following that
"The opposite of addiction is not sobriety.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
And our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things not people"

'gettingcloser' said correctly on page 1 that "Aspergers do care about relationships". But they lack social skills and therefore are often without close friends, as I experienced. I have many relatives, but none close.

Today I feel a close friendship with many guys on guardyoureyes without mentioning all the countless חברים!
Even with you Dov, who can't believe that an anonymous relationship for someone on gye is considered a real relationship (as it is for me)

I feel that this could be a Major part of my sobriety - the.guard took my "inability to socialize" and created a socializing forum, which it alone could be why my lust overdrive has crashed.

It's still spluttering - relax, ok?

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Last Edit: 21 Apr 2016 12:59 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 30 Mar 2016 20:02 #282985

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Wow, that is a really good point. I never thought of that. Are you this social "in the real world", because you do seem to have the skills...

Re: My Story / Asperger 30 Mar 2016 20:06 #282987

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Mark, great point. Maybe this new skill can be transferred to face-to-face relationships as well? I know nothing about Asperger's so I may be off-base, but just speaking from my experience, I have found that I learnt new skills in the safe anonymity of the forum which I have then been able to apply in real life as well.

Think how life would be if you weren't addicted to GYE...less fun for everyone else, of course.

Quotes that speak to me
What do we replace it with....Life (Cordnoy)
My Thread My Other Thread

Last Edit: 30 Mar 2016 20:26 by eslaasos.

Re: My Story / NON Asperger 03 Apr 2016 23:17 #283409

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I have formerly handed in my resignation from the league of Aspies
I HAVE GRADUATED

I have morphed into a regular Neurotypical guy on the street

See ye all later

Warning: Spoiler!

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Last Edit: 03 Apr 2016 23:48 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 03 Apr 2016 23:30 #283412

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	Prove it

Re: My Story / NON Asperger 04 Apr 2016 00:33 #283413

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markz wrote on 03 Apr 2016 23:17:

I have formerly handed in my resignation from the league of Aspies
I HAVE GRADUATED

I have morphed into a regular Neurotypical guy on the street

See ye all later

Warning: Spoiler!

i saw this coming a mile away
you know, mark, remind me never to become enemies with you. because you do not forgive and forget easy.

Last Edit: 04 Apr 2016 00:35 by peloni almoni.

Re: My Story / Asperger 04 Apr 2016 00:41 #283414

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Yesod wrote on 03 Apr 2016 23:30:

Prove it

Re: My Story / NON Asperger 04 Apr 2016 00:42 #283415

Markz
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peloni almoni wrote:

markz wrote:

I have formerly handed in my resignation from the league of Aspies
I HAVE GRADUATED

I have morphed into a regular Neurotypical guy on the street

See ye all later

Warning: Spoiler!

i saw this coming a mile away
you know, mark, remind me never to become enemies with you. because you do not forgive and forget easy.

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Re: My Story / Asperger 04 Apr 2016 07:13 #283449

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What actually happened mark?

Re: My Story / Asperger 08 Apr 2016 13:57 #284013

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Slow down!!!!!!!! That Bar is for sharing among ALL my friends here OBAAT!
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Re: My Story / Asperger 08 Apr 2016 14:04 #284015

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Why is my day count on 90?
I wanted to share what I dscs'd this morning on the chat with Guideme, which verified my thought process, and feel free to respond to this post if you like

______________
GuideMe:  BTW, why is alwais says your'e on 90 days?
Me:  I didn't update it 150 days ago, cos i like constantly gettin Mazel tovs
GuideMe:  Mazel tov mark!!!
Me:  Real reason?
Me:  I have a feeling when newcomers see someone is on 2500 days (as there are some great guys like that here), they think - oh cool, he doesn't struggle, I'll talk to someone else, and I want them to be comfortable talking to me [ed. stupid idea]
GuideMe:  It's an interesting thought
Me:  Debatable...
GuideMe:  i think it's also sacry. talk to a guy with billion days
Me:  Why
GuideMe:  cuz it's like: oh, he dosen't care about me - he is so importent.
Me:  You're not explaining it right. What bothers you?
GuideMe:  i guess it's hard for me to fully express myself in English
Me:  Write it in Spanish או בעברית - אני מעוניין לדעת
GuideMe:  גם בעברית קשה להסביר

שאדם ותיק, הוא כאילו חשוב. אי אפשר "סתם" להטריד אותוi can't just call him and say "Hi! my mom pissed me off so i need to talk to someone"
Me: אבל הוא ממציא עצמו לך
GuideMe: but Dov is super nice guy

. sure, but still. it's Probably lack of self confidence or something
Me: I hear you a little...

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Last Edit: 08 Apr 2016 14:06 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 08 Apr 2016 14:05 #284016

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Mazel Tov!!!!

Re: My Story / NON Asperger 10 Apr 2016 22:58 #284225

peloni almoni
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markz wrote on 03 Apr 2016 23:17:

I have formerly handed in my resignation from the league of Aspies
I HAVE GRADUATED

I have morphed into a regular Neurotypical guy on the street

See ye all later

Warning: Spoiler!

you monster!!! you broke this poor girl's heart!

Re: My Story / NON Asperger 10 Apr 2016 23:01 #284226

Markz
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That was my therapist last week

Stupid woman - didn't wanna give me a release letter

im being serious - I showed her that post and she laughed it off, so you almost got it right

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Last Edit: 10 Apr 2016 23:08 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 11 Apr 2016 14:18 #284292

stillgoing
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markz wrote on 08 Apr 2016 14:04:

. sure, but still. it's Probably lack of self confidence or something
Me: I hear you a little...

Mazel tov!!!

I actually think that GM makes a lot of sense. It Can be intimidating. Sure people are nice, but many of us feel so stupid and ashamed at ourselves after a fall, we don't know how we gave in Again, and we imagine that everyone else will judge us for it. Only someone else suffering from the same insane cravings can really understand. Now, it's true that many people with high clean counts still understand or feel those struggles, but when those high numbers are staring you in the face, you kindof feel that they are beyond all that garbage and are on to bigger and better things.

Re: My Story / Asperger 11 Apr 2016 14:42 #284294

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	And I think you may not fully appreciate "One day at a time", because that's all the big truckers have NOTHING MORE THAN ONE DAY Theres a famous AA saying ""The man I once was drank, The man I once was will drink again." Therefore I ask please - the man amongst us that has been reborn entirely after 90 with no lust "attacks", would he kindly step forward please...
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Re: My Story / Asperger 11 Apr 2016 15:30 #284298

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markz wrote on 11 Apr 2016 14:42:

And I think you may not fully appreciate "One day at a time", because that's all the big truckers have

NOTHING MORE THAN ONE DAY

Theres a famous AA saying
""The man I once was drank, The man I once was will drink again."

Therefore I ask please - the man amongst us that has been reborn entirely after 90 with no lust "attacks", would he kindly step forward please...

True, however you're jumping to tbe extreme. "...the man amongst us that has been reborn entirely after 90 with no lust "attacks",..." no one is reborn again, but i think most will say that things do get easier with time. Not sayn that the cravings are weaker, but we get more used to controling our day to remain clean. When you're not always slipping to the edge, the falls with all of the struggles move further back in the mind.
Odaat is great for planning ahead, but i don't see how it's helpful lookin back.

Re: My Story / Asperger 18 Apr 2016 07:14 #284966

Abie OFFLINE Expert Boarder למען שמו באהבה Posts: 124 Karma: 6	Bigmoish wrote on 27 Jan 2016 20:04: Somehow, it gets "sick" with viruses less often if we don't use it for porn... כמאמר החכם ah virus kimt fin avayress..א וויירעס קימט פין עבירות
	davuk.bashem@gmail.com Last Edit: 18 Apr 2016 07:17 by Abie.

Re: My Story / Asperger 28 Apr 2016 03:48 #286044

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Why don't you just read 'em first, and then decide how and if you're gonna blog about the 'dumb' parts?

Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 28 Apr 2016 12:05 #286072

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cordnoy wrote on 28 Apr 2016 03:48:

Why don't you just read 'em first, and then decide how and if you're gonna blog about the 'dumb' parts?

As PA said

I don't understand either, but that's the way I am...

The 'dumb' parts was primarily re; the handbook, but if there's any in the whitebook, I'd note them too

Take for example the current dropdown that predominantly features "Taphsic"
I guess the dropdown order was based on the level of the sexaholic struggle (as per the Initial Evaluation page), but I have yet to hear of substantial long-term success with it
1 or 2 users is great, but not reason to give it much weight

IMHO, the impression that some member get from GYE regarding Taphsic, is misleading
Gye 'policy' is 'live and let live', i.e. Put tools out there, and let people try them, and if they don't work move to the next.
BUT they think the following "If gye recommended it, it must be a viable tool, so i'll try it, and try it, and try it again"
Little do they know that it's only recommended to a very very very small segment of the population
Therefore I believe it can be offered as an option, but without all the great pomp and fanfare, and should be moved off the dropdown

If there's a mark-able long-term taphsic success rate (5%+), Ill be the first happy member to hear

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Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 28 Apr 2016 12:43 #286073

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Hear ye, hear ye!
Wdf does yaakov know?
Gye has over 10,000 members (so they say) and I know of at least 7 of them that tried the taphsic method, and it didn't work!
So, as soon as I find the time to read the book, I will blog about the silliness of that recovery tool.
And just wait till I get started with that colorful book and all that church meeting surrender gibberish....who the Hell are they kidding? My posts are written already; I just need to read a page or two before it goes to print.

Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 28 Apr 2016 12:53 #286074

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I agree with Cord, although I wouldn't have said it that strong. GYE has been around for much longer than you have been sober and also there are many guys, (and girls), who are trying the GYE program and aren't on the forums. If I look at the 90 day wall I barely recognize any of the names.

Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 28 Apr 2016 15:44 #286091

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I don't really follow the last 2 posts if they were being sarcastic

What do you guys want

Im planning to read and comment on the Handbook and White book for myself and anyone that wants to follow

Someone else has a Mesilas Yesharim thead... Each to his own

******************
My comment regarding Taphsic has nothing to do with reading the handbook

I know where you both stand regarding recommending it for other members, it's never encouraged

Theorising where the other 9,500 other users is cool
They probably all use the "good night calendar" ROTFL

I made a fair comment, which has not sensibly been answered.

"Why is Taphsic featured in the dropdown"
What about "Exercise"

If there are other broadly practiced proven tools that can show there?

Simple question
Admin for sure knows more than I do

Does anyone have what to comment on what I wrote? Is it a fabrication that there are those who think the following "If gye recommended it, it must be a viable tool, so i'll try it, and try it, and try it again"

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Last Edit: 28 Apr 2016 16:01 by Markz.

Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 28 Apr 2016 16:33 #286098

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Here is what you wrote:

The new thread will have critical notes of the 2 books. Primarily listing what pages we feel are beneficial, and critiquing ones that we feel are, how shall we say nicely - 'dumb'

It'll be open to the public, but you get a personal invite. Your posts today have given me a greater drive to get on with this, and I have a hunch may be beneficial to you

Let me know if youre interested joining me in this venture.

I am sorry, but a song by Elle comes to mind.

"Critical notes"!? And as an intro, you unequivocally state that you'll critique those pages that you feel are dumb. That is mighty haughty of you. And I apologize again, and this is being written here out of respect and because you invest so much time into your recovery and helping others and you are a great resource for those who are attempting to recover. It's like the 12th grader heading into the rosh yeshiva's shiur, posting a sign on the luach that he will be giving a nightly chaburah pointing out all the flaws in the rosh yeshiva's logic and mehalech in the sugya.

I only went thru the white book 8, 9 or 10 times, so I am no expert. Some things I don't like and I am not shy about it, but I don't give an intro to the call that I will be critiquing the book and demonstrating where their vision or direction is stupid and dumb.

My apologies again. Please write what you feel. That is what a forum is about. We all have our recovery and sobriety in mind, and of course the recovery and sobriety of all of klal yisroel.

Yasherkoach for all that you do.
You help many, and may that be a zechus for you and your family.

א גוטן יום טוב

Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 28 Apr 2016 16:59 #286101

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Thanks Gut YT to you too Warning: Spoiler! And I thought I was in gye 6th grade What do I owe you for the free promotion
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Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 28 Apr 2016 17:04 #286104

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I'll promote you anytime!

Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Apr 2016 17:13 #286105

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I'm going to keep my little head out from between the mountains here, but I just wanted to point out that in the context in which it was used, "critical" and "criticizing" do not mean the same thing.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 30 Apr 2016 20:49 #286145

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My personal feelings about the books are that the white book is a peirush from a controversial acharon and the big book is (I DO NOT MEAN THIS LITERALLY) torah min hashamayim. I do not relate to a significant portion of the white book, as do many others. Hence SAA which has their own literature. My sponsor runs a big book program anyways, which I feel very much connected to.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 02 May 2016 21:54 #286368

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Regarding the White book, I don't remember any details from the book, but it was an eye-opener and very helpful for me vis-a-vis lusting for my wife.

Regarding the Taphsic, I believe is a גאון'ישע כאפ

You wrote במקו"א:

This is a stress free knas based prevention idea (unlike Taphsic which only serves for emergency lust attacks)

A Taphsic by any other name seems to be a Taphsic,
and I don't know why you say it's for emergencies.
לא ירדתי לסוף דעתך

What's there not to work about a Taphsic? (Of course, without an attitude change and other tools you may go crazy, just like white knuckling.., but if i may add כמו שכתבתי במקו"א that after I made a taphsic, psychologically, for many months, those behaviors were totally off limits for me.)

davuk.bashem@gmail.com

Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 03 May 2016 15:34 #286482

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cordnoy wrote on 28 Apr 2016 16:33:

wrong singer.

Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 09 May 2016 18:12 #287288

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Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 09 May 2016 18:31 #287291

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	I'm missing something Warning: Spoiler! What's people??
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Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 10 May 2016 20:04 #287399

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Thank Gd the forums are quiet today We are all working on recovery in groups / emails / etc.. Keep on Trucking
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Re: My Story (Mild Asperger) 10 May 2016 22:54 #287403

stillgoing Current streak: 30 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!" Posts: 1599 Karma: 128	markz wrote on 10 May 2016 20:04: Thank Gd the forums are quiet today We are all working on recovery in groups / emails / etc.. Keep on Trucking Really? How come i didn't see anything! Btw, that clip is awesome. Who ever said that trucking was easy. Warning: Spoiler! now sailin on the other hand...... Warning: Spoiler! is like sailin in the breeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz........
	BIG SHOT! Free Choice?! Yirai's Memories STORY TIME :) Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go. FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards) Last Edit: 10 May 2016 22:56 by stillgoing.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 13 May 2016 03:38 #287691

Markz
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abie wrote on 02 May 2016 21:54:

Regarding the Taphsic, I believe is a גאון'ישע כאפ

You wrote במקו"א:

This is a stress free knas based prevention idea (unlike Taphsic which only serves for emergency lust attacks)

I'm surprised other's didn't see the difference
The "Good night device" calendar is for me a "Heker" as the handbook calls a filter
I wasnt lusting / fantasizing when I shut my computer 30 min ago. It's a simple fence that keeps me far far away from illicit situations

Whereas Taphsic is designed for lust attacks. It is a g'oinishe chap for such a situation, but I don't believe it's a viable long term "single standing solution" for someone with a low level addiction like myself, or a stronger addiction

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 13 May 2016 04:24 #287698

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	I have not done taphsic, and i don't wanna (Maybe when i get rich)

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 02:42 #289093

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	So... I slipped but didn't fall according to the 90 day rules I personally would restart my count, but since counting isn't a big tool for me I'm not gonna hit restart if it's not a fall This happened last Tuesday in the middle of the night when my mind wasn't fully at its prime. I believe a Taphsic may help me for such a infrequent situation, but I'm afraid of Taphsic's...
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 03:23 #289096

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	Move on markz (M.o.m) Just curious, why did you wait until now to mention the slip Konseiywtsykwimp

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 03:57 #289109

inastruggle Current streak: 25 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder the picture is shimshon hagibor. not st. mary.... Posts: 1263 Karma: 34	I know how hard it is to talk about slipping and falling when you're such an active poster. It's great that you were able to say it. Don't let it get to you and of course... KOT!

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 03:58 #289110

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I'll answer your question if you can explain that synonym

i didn't know if it was a fall or a Mast* slip. To me it was closer to a fall than a slip

came Shabbos I had a clearer mind I decided "tonight I'll check the rules and see what it says"

Im still unsure if I should restart...
The main thing is - I restarted my engine right away

but I'm still suffering from the outfall - I see repercussions when I slip...

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 04:07 #289114

inastruggle Current streak: 25 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder the picture is shimshon hagibor. not st. mary.... Posts: 1263 Karma: 34	Imho you shouldn't decide whether to consider it a fall or slip until said reprecussions fade away. Falls goreres falls and being clean goreres being clean. So even if L'mafreya it's a fall, you were already clean for a week or two and in the being clean goreres being clean cycle. Pardon my french.
	Last Edit: 29 May 2016 04:08 by inastruggle. Reason: GRAMMAR POLICE

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 04:25 #289118

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	I forget what that scrubbing acronym stood for ill try to remember I think it was Keep on not slipping even if you want to slip you know what i mean pal Anyways lemaase, go vaiter, every road has bumps, vus vilstu shoin

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 04:36 #289119

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Thanks guys Ina - Repercussions i meant as retributions I see instant 'hand of Satan' when I slip like that. My 2 kids got hurt the next day but I didn't feel repercussion of my 'acting out' as in spiraling outa control. No. I was back on track right away...
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 04:37 #289120

shmirashachaim OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 436 Karma: 19	Not exactly sure what happened, and as I am qualified to suggest anything on this particular thread, I'll let you guys talk it out. Jut one thing would like to say that I appreciate everything you do on this forum Markz and have been taking advantage of the free lust towing for the last few days. Thanks for being there for me and everyone else here for seems like a very very long time. hatzlacha.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 04:39 #289121

shmirashachaim OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 436 Karma: 19	Sorry... Meant to say not qualified

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 04:40 #289122

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	shmirashachaim wrote: Sorry... Meant to say not qualified Me too
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 04:47 #289123

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Fell Shmell Slip Shmip... KOTTTT!!!

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 05:16 #289130

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inastruggle wrote on 15 Apr 2016 17:48:

A long time ago I was in a similar situation. I asked some people what to do. The advice I took was from Skeptical. He told me that the count is only a tool. If I think that it'll hurt me to start over then I should not count it as a fall. Maybe as a big slip.

After that I was clean for close to a year. I think if I would've counted it as a fall I would've fell again.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 14:17 #289165

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markz wrote on 29 May 2016 04:36:

Thanks guys

Ina - Repercussions i meant as retributions

I see instant 'hand of Satan' when I slip like that. My 2 kids got hurt the next day

but I didn't feel repercussion of my 'acting out' as in spiraling outa control. No. I was back on track right away...

Markz,
Move on. Don't get caught up in the- my kids got hurt, I need a taphsic- just continue doing what you were doing unless you see it's not working.

I'll tell you something crazy- I had some frustration and struggle last week and almost had a slip and I was thinking to myself- you know, Cordnoy slipped a few times before he got his current long term sobriety and he always kept on going, so maybe I can too. And then I thought- but I don't remember seeing Markz have any issues since he's on this streak.

How crazy that I'm pretty sure I was thinking this all this past Wednesday night..... It's he GYE wireless connection.

Hope that doesn't make too much pressure to see how much I and others are looking up to you...but regardless, we are!

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 14:30 #289170

Markz
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Thanks guys for all your input

Posts should not contain details that others may find triggering, which is why I can't really explain this Masturbation slip

I hold myself to high standards, and therefore commit bln if I have another rare similar occurrence, that I will restart my count

Ina you raised a valid point. However since my wall of honor count isn't what keeps my eyes / mind off the street / internet / myself, I'm not afraid to use it as a deterrent for this infrequent struggle that in my books can be called a fall

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 16:00 #289176

inastruggle Current streak: 25 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder the picture is shimshon hagibor. not st. mary.... Posts: 1263 Karma: 34	Now that that's settled, back to business. The just having fun section has been waiting paitently the whole time....

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 18:42 #289192

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Workingguy wrote on 29 May 2016 14:17:

markz wrote on 29 May 2016 04:36:

Cordnoy fell several times as well.
He slips way too often.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 19:15 #289194

peloni almoni
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cordnoy wrote on 29 May 2016 18:42:

Workingguy wrote on 29 May 2016 14:17:

markz wrote on 29 May 2016 04:36:

Cordnoy fell several times as well.
He slips way too often.

he also refers to himself in the third person.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 19:44 #289195

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Mark also does
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 19:46 #289196

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cordnoy wrote on 29 May 2016 18:42:

Workingguy wrote on 29 May 2016 14:17:

markz wrote on 29 May 2016 04:36:

Cordnoy fell several times as well.
He slips way too often.

Cordnoy,

Hope you understood that I was using you as an example with the utmost respect of someone who's a role model even though he fell on the way to where he is- no disrespect.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 19:55 #289197

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	I assure you Cordnoy wasn't offended. He didn't hear disrespect. He was sharing his situation that he has a very slippery deck on board His confirmation to this may be short as his style eg he may just click thank you, so workingguy Keep On Impressive Trucking!!
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 21:28 #289200

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The slippery deck last night was due to a sudden storm that appeared over the weekend.

Last Edit: 29 May 2016 21:33 by cordnoy.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 22:35 #289206

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Did you not see it coming? Or as you'd say in your old avatar message Did you not see the storm brewing?
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 22:46 #289208

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Nope.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 29 May 2016 23:57 #289213

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inastruggle wrote on 29 May 2016 16:00:

Now that that's settled, back to business. The just having fun section has been waiting paitently the whole time....

I've been having my doubts about promoting the JHF section
I think its productive, but how many people gain real sobriety with it as a crutch? I believe a negligible percent

What would be if I quit posting on JHF theads, if I feel (think / imagine) that I provide enough humor in the 'non depressed people's' threads, when I don't know that I have ample time for JHF nowadays.

Im thinking aloud, but I'm serious too

I thought the JHF section can be a magnet to assist sobriety. Can someone seriously prove that to me?

I imagined people were easier to truck on gye with us if they see (smell) some humor on entry.
I am reconsidering

I'd like to hear your thoughts

Feel free to reply with humor, but that won't convince me...

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 30 May 2016 15:01 #289252

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markz wrote on 29 May 2016 23:57:

inastruggle wrote on 29 May 2016 16:00:

Now that that's settled, back to business. The just having fun section has been waiting paitently the whole time....

A few months ago the JHF had more posts than anything else on the forum and I started feeling like the point of GYE was being missed. At that point I would have answered that it definitely was a problem and was taking away from people posting for real on the forum.

I don't see it as that much of a problem now, but I definitely hear the question.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 30 May 2016 17:57 #289261

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	Never stopped me from getting serous, missing the fun

Re: My Story - Aspergers 30 May 2016 19:14 #289263

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IMHO Humor is a good thing!!

Communication is crucial as mentioned previously, and this is one of the vehicles, as has been for me for sure!!

But when there's an overload, the humor vehicle can be a detriment to Trucking for the typical member (although there can be exceptions)

Obsessive humor inhibits personal growth for most, and it could be that this is what is meant by
שחוק וקלות ראש מרגילין לערוה
It's not that humor necessarily leads one to lust, rather it blocks positive Trucking and thereby automatically allows lust to simmer and effect us

Those were my serious words for today!

Now back to hilarious trucking!!

Or

for Dov; keep on Biking!!

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 31 May 2016 03:14 #289291

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I agree with workingguy, if the fun parts of gye are the main thing then yatzah secharo b'hefsaido. There were times when I felt that was the case. Recently it hasn't been that way though imho.

I don't think it's fair to call the jhf section a crutch, it's a tool. At least as useful as some of the other ones promoted here.

Part of the reason I left a while ago was because gye had become really boring and monotonous. It was all seriousness and no humor. It's a hard struggle (or surrender) and humor sweetens it.

If you don't have time then don't do it. Adrabbah, I think that at a certain point in recovery you start living life and stop having time to be here. It isn't supposed to be a big focus. Most of the guys with really long streaks aren't here anymore and that's a good thing. It would be terrible if in order to stay clean someone had to spend the rest of his life constantly posting on gye instead of spending time with his family.

In conclusion, I don't think you should boycott the jhf section, but spending less time here, and online in general is always a good thing.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 31 May 2016 03:36 #289300

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Me no boycotting nothing, and not telling anyone else what to do I personally had a tradition of posting JHF daily which I don't regret at all but I may cut down on that as I have done recently Warning: Spoiler! AND PUMP HUMOR INTO THE SERIOUS THREADS Warning: Spoiler! Anyone know how to hide that spoiler from our beloved moderators???????????????
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 14 Jun 2016 13:06 #290046

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yiraishamaim wrote on 10 Jun 2016 03:56:

The proof of the pudding is in its taste

How are your actions?
so many days of sobriety is very telling don't you think?
If you are not acting out and intimacy is fine so what's the problem? perhaps she feels you are choosing GYE over attention for her? (just trying to think like a female)

On the point that you are on the forum so many hours - what would happen if you begin to cut down a bit?

Yes she feels I'm choosing GYE over attention for her, but also feels it's an escape to be on it for so many hours / week, as though its a replacement for other outlets

What would happen if I begin to cut down a bit?
Probably nothing much, and I may do that for the next 2 weeks, to see how I fare

KOT

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 14 Jun 2016 16:11 #290049

inastruggle Current streak: 25 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder the picture is shimshon hagibor. not st. mary.... Posts: 1263 Karma: 34	We'll miss you but maybe it is indeed time for you to start graduating. Most successful gyes start cutting down on gye time at a certain point.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 14 Jun 2016 19:07 #290062

yiraishamaim OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1016 Karma: 100	So how about some real quality time together. Go out with her and be a great listener. With regard to GYE -Perhaps she is right, you could cut down a shtickel from posting on the forum and replace it with other meaningful activities. Hey -What do you know? You may actually get a life after all? and a quality one at that!

Re: My Story - Aspergers 06 Jul 2016 22:26 #291477

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Why the "device calendar" helps me

I feel that my P&M problem in the past 10+ years was primarily one of "internet addiction" and every once in a while after caught in the 'web', I'd slip down the youtube
I can't say I have a strong sex addiction, but some level of lust yes

Time awareness apparently is an issue for me, although if you'd ask me I wouldn't have been aware of it ;-)

I found the following enlightening quotes

www.aspergermanagement.com/

"Not everyone with AS has a poor concept of time. Some of my clients are very organized, and have no trouble meeting deadlines. The individuals who do have difficulty often do not have a sense of what time means. So, for example, if a manager asks them to do something in a half hour, they do not have an intuitive awareness of how quickly they need to work, or whether that time frame is realistic or not. Another problem is becoming so absorbed in a project that a person loses track of time altogether.

www.healthguideinfo.com/

Most people have experienced periods of time just slipping away. With Asperger's sufferers this can be an ongoing problem that interferes with school, work, and daily life. For parents, caregivers, friends, and employers of Aspies, dealing with someone who constantly loses track of time or ignores it altogether can be both frustrating and downright annoying. However, those who spend time around Asperger's individuals should try to remember that poor time management is a trait associated with the disability.

Always Have a Plan or Objective

Spontaneity just doesn't work well for most people with Asperger's. Surprises or unexpected occurrences can be very jarring for them. Many Aspies crave and enjoy routine and sameness.

For Aspies and their family members, creating lists of tasks that needed to be completed each day can be a great way to keep them organized. The list should be very specific and include a timeframe in which tasks must be completed. Also, allow the person the list is being created for to have some input into what it includes. Make sure the list is not too overwhelming for the Aspie. He or she needs to be successful. But hold them accountable for making sure tasks are prioritized and completed on time.

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 08 Jul 2016 20:01 #291631

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Perhaps for many, but for people that relate easier to their computer than to other people, like myself, gye is life, not an escape from life

My therapist said something like this recently, and was gonna write it in an email. If she has more enlightening info I'll try share it

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 08 Jul 2016 22:58 #291642

inastruggle Current streak: 25 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder the picture is shimshon hagibor. not st. mary.... Posts: 1263 Karma: 34	Can you explain that better? From the way it was written it sounded like it's ok for gye to be life.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 12 Jul 2016 16:46 #291804

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My wife asked "If being on the computer/Internet is a soothing activity for you, how can you figure out what is the void in you that is needing soothing when you do that?"

Therapist replied "Mark will have to answer this but as we discussed the obsession with the internet might not be a replacement for a “void” in his life rather it is something that he feels comfortable with."

In other words most gyes are social beings and Internet is an escape from their reality. Aspies are different. So Ina, chatting with my friends on gye for me is ok to be life

My wife asked me "why don't you find a different website" I said to her go ahead find me a different forum like this. I don't believe it exists

Moreover the honesty and sharing (which our past sins bring out), can't be gained elsewhere.

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 13 Jul 2016 11:25 #291853

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Markz wrote on 12 Jul 2016 16:46:

Just curious- why would a different website be better? Is her issue that you're spending too much time on the computer or that there's something specific about GYE?

Re: My Story - Aspergers 13 Jul 2016 12:52 #291855

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Gye because of the lust topic... And we can discuss more on my Karl thread, but this week I'm overly busy. WG Is lust more difficult for you this week that the wife is away?
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 17 Jul 2016 09:25 #292093

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Markz wrote on 13 Jul 2016 12:52:

Gye because of the lust topic... And we can discuss more on my Karl thread, but this week I'm overly busy.

WG Is lust more difficult for you this week that the wife is away?

Mark,
it definitely is and I'm going to post on my thread but mostly because 1) I have too much alone time on my hands and 2) I have forgotten all my commitments originally that helped me stay sober which you were my Rebbi for. I had a fall while she was a way- not because of the too much time but because of a huge stressor but it doesn't matter- so on your thread I recommit to this- I am going back off any you tube or entertainment type media like movie clips and going back to keeping my eyes to
myself. I let those slip and now I've been worrying about the underlying reasons why I slip but I have to also do what got me sober- no looking.

I'll post more on my thread. Thanks for asking

Re: My Story - Aspergers 22 Jul 2016 04:00 #292461

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So I'll reply to your question on my thread

Workingguy wrote on 21 Jul 2016 23:01:

Markz wrote on 01 Jul 2016 21:59:

Um... been there... done that... I have covenant eyes... I know all the loopholes... I used to take advantage of them...

Markz,
My problem is that when life gets too difficult I slowly start to slide and eventually will take some advantage of them. You Tube and some images, not going to be specific in why it doesn't trigger Webchaver bc sometimes it does.

Why doesn't that happen to you? Is it that this was never a coping tool but just a struggle because of the bad opportunity of open internet?

Look I'm gonna be honest
I'm not my therapist (Maybe you should give me your therapists phone number cos you said he knows how to give a kick in the pants)

But this is honestly what I think

As an aspie

1) I have weak communication skills (I didn't give you my number - I'm not the type to shmooze, although I'd love to say hi), and I shy away from people, even from my wife. Usually when we take a walk Im almost never the one to open a discussion / topic... I'll try join her convo, but not always successfully

2) I always keep myself busy. Is it an escape outlet from society? Possibly. I was bullied as a kid (nothing serious) likely because aspergers are high targets, and that possibly built in me a greater resistance to real people [Porn isn't real life so I was comfortable there :-( ]

3) I never stop to rest. I wouldn't plan to do something to chill ever (If not for my wife needing a vacation I wouldn't ever go)
Whether it's too busy at work, learning a bit, posting on gye, exercise.... I block out the world. When out and about I always put on my headphones and plug into a shiur (There's too many good ones, enough to get past 120 years...) and block out the world

So I don't allow myself opportunity to think if life is too difficult or not. Yes sure sometimes life is tough (I have something I'm going thru now, can't elaborate)

Not that aspies don't have feelings. They do and they can be deep, but Aspergers prefer to think and change the world, and will put thought before emotion

And aspies like consistent schedules. I find for me, when my schedule is out of whack eg on Sunday's when I'm off work, so I have time on my hands and usually that is one of my challenging lust situations

Recently on Sunday's I've been checking 'kosher' you tube vids, it's not an escape rather something I like to do

So for me it's not about 12 stepping, rather making a firm Sunday schedule (and sticking to it - I wish. This is a topic I hope to get help from my therapist)

Sorry if my words aren't coherent

Keep on Trucking!!

Mark

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 22 Jul 2016 04:05 #292463

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You're an inspiration, Mark.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 03:46 #292837

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This post I wrote recently is related to my situation and I'll likely want to repeat it to other friends (very infrequently), so I want it to park here for now

Markz wrote on 15 Jul 2016 19:02:

...you must start already driving on a real recovery road and not rely entirely on this forum which seems to me an off road dirt track which only helps a select few. How many guys are like me that are clean long term with daily forum posting? Almost no one

Thats the reality

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 06:15 #292840

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Just curious.....Who says the two are related?

Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 09:42 #292842

doingtshuva Current streak: 4 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Being curious made me lust !!! Posts: 736 Karma: 30	Cordony are you also curious?
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 12:02 #292849

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cordnoy wrote:

Just curious.....Who says the two are related?

I stated a fact which seemingly can be corroborated

Id say to consider sobriety with the forum alone - posting once a week is a minimum, perhaps it should actually be once daily

Now, out of the almost 6000 members, how many do that?

To your question.
I can't totally explain why they're related, but seemingly what I said is true. Understood?

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 12:17 #292850

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Not

NotNot at all.

How do you know that you need to do that?

And I'm sick of deleting the first few duplicate words every time I post.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 12:36 #292851

Markz
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cordnoy wrote:

Not

NotNot at all.

How do you know that you need to do that?

And I'm sick of deleting the first few duplicate words every time I post.

What is "that"?

"sobriety"?
"forum"?
something else?

Do I absolutely need the forum and can't use other tools? That wasn't my point at all
I was pointing out that for most members - and Cordnoy you have seen this often - the forum alone hasn't been the key, and has actually been a hinderance for some in my unprofessional opinion

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 10 Aug 2016 11:52 #293620

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Happy Anniversary!!!!!!

Last Edit: 10 Aug 2016 11:53 by Gevura Shebyesod.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 10 Aug 2016 15:07 #293635

Markz
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H'hey thanks Gevura!

A ray of hope in the darkness of the 9 days!

The darkness ;-(
1) I still own a cap I used to wear to 'hide' when I on 2-3 rare occasions I went to purchase a porn magazine (when internet access was limited)
2) Just before I joined gye last year I accessed porn on a system standard app on my wife's phone that cannot be removed at all (I didn't get to TAG yet to ask if they know of a miracle...). Without revealing the app so I don't cause more darkness, that app so to speak keeps a history of last sites visited. It does not have a regular history page where the history can be deleted. If I ever open that app and scroll down, my history is there to haunt me forever

I joined gye 25 Av 5775, but I prefer to celebrate today (as I joined gye Aug 10 2015) so we can arrange a GYE BBQ party with music, real meat, and real wine (not that ladies stuff that you can drink and drive with)

I can say thanks to GYE I had a highly productive year, since I put Porn and Mast* out of my weekly schedule

For me it wasn't an out of control struggle, rather a filthy habit to fill my empty time with.Most of what has worked for me I mentioned at end of page 1 of this thread. Also a little on page 3, and on pg 6 - "it's all about connection"

Personal mention must be made to higher ranking guys that have helped and continuously assist me virtually in my long haul
Cordnoy (hit 1500 profile views today -congrats!!), Dov, Gev, Watson...

I have learnt a lot from too many of you to mention...

Much appreciation to the.guard for hosting each of us! For example the "filtered device calendar" was a crazy but helpful idea for me, and thanks to the.guard I was given a place to implement it

To celebrate, I'm planning to pick up the phone and call Dov (for the first time!)

I think the forum should have the following message:
Posting regularly on the forum has proven to drive many people out of anonymity. Proceed with caution

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Last Edit: 11 Aug 2016 00:40 by Markz.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 00:41 #293658

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Time to retire?
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 00:51 #293659

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	Markz, a huge mazal tov on your 1 year. May gd ( with your help) grant you only continued sobriety and joy. It's been s pleasure interacting with you. Your reaching out to others has really been a tremendous thing for all of us. Keep it up and kot. (Call sometime) Sholom

Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 03:23 #293663

cordnoy
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And you have and continue to help many.

Continued hatzlachah

Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 03:25 #293665

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You can CHECK out any time you want,
But you can never leave...

Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 03:35 #293669

Birshusi Current streak: 359 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 170 Karma: 6	Mazel tov! I like the new truck. Did it come with a big red bow on it?

Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 11:19 #293672

Yyy Current streak: 56 days OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 33 Karma: 1	Wow! Mazel Tov. keep up the good work.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 17:55 #293693

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Mazel Tov!!! You are an integral part of GYE and recovery for many. You definitely have grown a lot since you first came to the forums. You are also a living example of leading a happy life in recovery. You have a great sense of spirit and a jovial attitude to go along with it. I also have seen how your intensity has decreased and sensitivity has increased, two things that are very hard for "aspies."

Hatzlacha Rabah.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 18:51 #293701

doingtshuva Current streak: 4 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Being curious made me lust !!! Posts: 736 Karma: 30	Mazel Tov!!!! Markz, you were the guy of the year. 4000 posts in one year is a record. keep it up, we all wish you to be matzliach in all areas of life.
	NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts! I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try. Gye program + Handbook - Phone conferences - Taphsik method - 90 day chart - Ebooks - Shiurim - Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski - Recent topics on the Forum

Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 18:59 #293702

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Hey Mark, you're looking a bit pale. Is everything OK?

Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 20:08 #293710

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Thanks guys Gevura I'm going out of my mind without music this week (Sefira music was designed to make one feel depressed...) Pale? The bbq didn't happen and Im missing my streak
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 11 Aug 2016 21:05 #293713

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Mazel tov Marl! KOT

Re: My Story - Aspergers 14 Aug 2016 23:21 #293793

inastruggle Current streak: 25 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder the picture is shimshon hagibor. not st. mary.... Posts: 1263 Karma: 34	I'm a little late to the party but I want to congratulate you too. In your honor I'm going to post my first gif

Re: My Story - Aspergers 16 Aug 2016 00:10 #293865

fresh start Current streak: 777 days OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 125 Karma: 17	Well done Markz, well done!!!! Twin, let's do another year of this!!

Re: My Story - Aspergers 16 Aug 2016 01:03 #293869

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Yeah - "let's" is the important word
There's no way I'd be here today without all youguys

But I was triggered today at work dealing with a female co-worker, so ill decline your Guardyouryears offer and stick to ODAAT

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Last Edit: 16 Aug 2016 01:36 by Markz.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 16 Aug 2016 01:56 #293878

Yesod Current streak: 33 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 827 Karma: 76	That's like the 2nd time in the last year i recall Markz mentioning he was triggered

Re: My Story - Aspergers 16 Aug 2016 11:43 #293899

Workingguy OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1149 Karma: 138	Yesod wrote on 16 Aug 2016 01:56: That's like the 2nd time in the last year i recall Markz mentioning he was triggered Yeah, he is somewhat normal also

Re: My Story - Aspergers 16 Aug 2016 18:42 #293944

fresh start Current streak: 777 days OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 125 Karma: 17	Point taken. It's one day at a time process... Well then let's do it today Hatzlacha rabba

Re: My Story - Aspergers 16 Aug 2016 19:46 #293947

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5250 Karma: 158	A very late Mazal Tov!
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 16 Aug 2016 19:48 #293948

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	The latecomers are very busy living life, I have whom to learn from!!!
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 17 Aug 2016 12:40 #293984

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I find this message important for me. If helps someone else that's ok. The intent is definitely not to absolve a non addict from doing the right thing today, rather to choose which steps we need for recovery

Dov wrote on 27 Jul 2016 23:24:

All sinners are addicts??
Surely not. The majority of Americans watch soft-core porn in R Rated movies frequently. Does that mean the majority of Americans are sex addicts? Nutty. Are most Americans alcoholics and need AA because they get drunk every few Superbowls? Surely not. And how then about most Lubavitchers who get drunk at Fahrbrengens a few times a year and at Simchas Torah, etc...and they are all alcoholics who need to go to AA to save their lives? Doubtful. Actually, silly

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Re: My Story - Aspergers 18 Aug 2016 03:20 #294047

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I see you got your color back

Re: My Story / Asperger 21 Aug 2016 03:23 #294176

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stillgoing wrote on 17 Oct 2432 05:25:

markz wrote on 08 Apr 2016 14:04:

Fridays email was very compelling and makes me rethink whether I should show my count

"Rabbi Dr Abraham Twersky"

ou tell an alcoholic that he can never drink again, that is too formidable a challenge. Taking it one day at time is doable.

A friend who was sober 43 years recorded every day of his sobriety. The day before he died he entered 16,472 days in his diary.

Also I've received many congrats recently on my 90 day although I passed that a long time ago and this may be misleading

Shlomo24's Day 1 count also makes sense, so, many options are on the cards...

Thoughts?

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Re: My Story / Asperger 21 Aug 2016 22:10 #294189

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Markz anything posted on this site must have in mind the best for the individual and the best for the the group at large. Since you brought it up, I for one never liked the idea of leaving the number of days clean, set to a particular number or milestone and never changed thereafter. To me it is either confusing or misleading.
I believe it should be at the true number or left empty. Of course, one can expect that a person not necessarily update daily but it should generally reflect a true number.

Just my two cents

Re: My Story - Aspergers 21 Aug 2016 22:39 #294190

Watson OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1280 Karma: 85	Personally I don't like the way it's put. To me 'current streak' implies that it's expected to be temporary. I prefer having a sobriety date rather than count days at all. Don't count your days, make your days count.
	0 1 2 3 4

Re: My Story - Aspergers 22 Aug 2016 03:07 #294201

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Yirai and Watson both of you are right down my street Kedusha has 2500+ days If I was a new user I wouldn't take his advice as seriously as someone with a low 100-200 day count I wouldn't either take as seriously someone with no count displayed I have a solution, and I think it needs a new group discussion, I hope to post it soon iyH gnite guys - love you all -
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 22 Aug 2016 03:08 #294202

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"current Streak" - I hear what you mean. To me I always read it an expression of a change from the past. Meaning: Before I have fallen multiple times but now this is my current streak with the hope it will be permanent.
As for "make your days count" I understand that is most important. As we always say one day at a time. Focus on this very day and even this very moment.
Yet, once in a while I like to take a peek and see and contemplate my count. As it grows it is a motivation for me. I am sure there are all types of preferences. This seems to work for me.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 22 Aug 2016 03:36 #294203

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I have my day set permanently at 1 day because my program is a ODAAT program. If I post a streak it becomes about my ego. I don't even know how many days I am sober right now, but I know that I'm in a good place in life. It's up to others to take it or leave it.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 22 Aug 2016 18:49 #294229

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Markz wrote on 22 Aug 2016 03:07:

Yirai and Watson both of you are right down my street

Kedusha has 2500+ days
If I was a new user I wouldn't take his advice as seriously as someone with a low 100-200 day count

I wouldn't either take as seriously someone with no count displayed

I have a solution, and I think it needs a new group discussion, I hope to post it soon iyH

gnite guys - love you all -

I seem to be the odd man out, but for me, the more days someone is clean, the more qualified he is to dispense advice.

Also, we know that these guys are only clean because they decided to change their lives after hitting some sort of rock bottom, so I have to assume that they know good and well what it means to be struggling to keep your head above water, and to fall hard.

I wish more of those guys were active on the forums.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 22 Aug 2016 19:07 #294232

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Hey burshusi and all others, the topic has been moved Check it out here Warning: Spoiler! and don't forget to get in the truck and start covering milestones
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 24 Aug 2016 12:19 #294308

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Congratulations on 4 Kiloposts!

Re: My Story 02 Oct 2016 20:51 #295834

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Dear brothers

I would like to share with you a very inspirational prayer which I have all of you in mind for, often - it goes like this

אָנָּא בְּכֹחַ, גְּדוּלַת יְמִינְךָ, תַּתִּיר צְרוּרָה

Please with the strength of your right hand, release the bondage of our prayer

קֳבֵּל רִנַּת, עַמְּךָ. שַׂגְּבֵנוּ, טַהֲרֵנוּ נוֹרָא

Hear the cry of your nation,
Raise and purify us in an awesome way / O Awesome Gd

נָא גִּבּוֹר, דּוֹרְשֵׁי יִחוּדֶךָ, כְּבָבַת שָׁמְרֵם

Please Almighty, for those who seek your one-ness, Guard them like the pupil of the Eye [Alternatively; Guard them in proportion to the measure that they Guard their eyes]

בָּרְכֵם, טַהֲרֵם, רַחֲמֵי צִדְקָתְךָ, תָּמִיד גָּמְלֵם

Give them blessing, Purify them,
Your merciful benevolence should constantly provide for them

חָסִין קָדוֹשׁ, בְּרֹב טוּבְךָ, נַהֵל עֲדָתֶךָ
יָחִיד גֵּאֶה, לְעַמְּךָ פְנֵה, זוֹכְרֵי קְדֻשָּׁתֶךָ
שַׁוְעָתֵנוּ קַבֵּל, וּשְׁמַע צַעֲקָתֵנוּ,
יוֹדֵעַ תַּעֲלוּמוֹת בשכמל״ו

May you all have a serene year 5777 with only positive performance (no blowouts, or glitches on the way), and happiness and honey too!!

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Re: My Story / Asperger 16 Nov 2016 05:10 #297929

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markz wrote on 30 Mar 2016 16:47:

When I wrote this post 6 months ago, I was searching in futility for the "Rat Park" video, which nicely depicts what I was trying to convey

I found it today, and because I'm so relieved to have found it, and also I feel it's so profound, it's gonna be in my signature for the next short while, so please enjoy it while it's there!

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Last Edit: 16 Nov 2016 05:19 by Markz.

Re: My Story / Asperger 16 Nov 2016 13:36 #297951

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I watched the video. Very interesting. The kicker for me was the last line, which I've heard many times in the rooms: "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's connection."

Re: My Story 01 Dec 2016 13:54 #298924

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Yesod wrote on 01 Dec 2016 04:41:

Man, how do you pull up these old posts.
do you chazer or what?!

I don't chazer

Often I used to go onto Utube in the late evenings for Parev entertainment and would result with some Treife results. Do I need to kasher my computers???
Is it enough if I immerse the mouse in boiling water for a few seconds?

But that stopped since joining guardyourtubes and I restrained from regular websites with the 'good night device calendar' (click on the word 'restrictions' below)

So I need alternative entertainment and Guardyourguys forum is what keeps me busy. I don't chazer but there's SO much good stuff here to read...

Yeah I know - I need to get a life

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Last Edit: 01 Dec 2016 13:56 by Markz.

Re: My Story 01 Dec 2016 14:02 #298927

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Markz wrote on 01 Dec 2016 13:54:

Yesod wrote on 01 Dec 2016 04:41:

Man, how do you pull up these old posts.
do you chazer or what?!

Related to tieyourtubes.com?

Re: My Story 01 Dec 2016 14:54 #298935

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Mice are treif.

It might need Libun, or even Libu Chamur. It depends how hot...

Re: My Story 01 Dec 2016 18:17 #298940

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 01 Dec 2016 14:54: Mice are treif. It might need Libun, or even Libu Chamur. It depends how hot... This you guys all saw the "Rat park" video (hidden in the spoiler below) What about my mouse? The opposite of addiction is not sobriety The opposite of addiction is dis-connection
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Re: My Story 01 Dec 2016 23:33 #298969

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Markz wrote on 01 Dec 2016 13:54:

Yesod wrote on 01 Dec 2016 04:41:

Man, how do you pull up these old posts.
do you chazer or what?!

So, in my quest to help markz, I did a g)!#&$@ search for "alternative entertainment," and .... Ummm.... It wasn't pretty. So, in conclusion Mark, just stay put....you're safer and we're safer.

Re: My Story 14 Dec 2016 05:12 #299870

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	I went to my local Tag office to get iTunes restricted So a sweet guy there tries to install a program for me on his computer but gets stuck because his program is locked with parental controls and he didn't know the password (until he reached a supervisor) At least I know I came to the right place
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Re: My Story 14 Dec 2016 08:35 #299887

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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 28 Dec 2016 03:54 #301349

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Balabos, I hope you see this thread too (I know you're a partner with me on the Filtered Device Calendar)

I was supposed to do some online work, but something urgent came up, and needed to get seen to first - updating my signature
Maybe signatures are dissapearing too? So Guard isn't kidding... - The website is going underwater cos no-one called Dov??

So i'm going online now to do my work after the device hours - wish me the best, and I wish you all too!!!

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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 28 Dec 2016 21:07 #301448

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Next thing you know, they'll get rid of the "let's get meshuga in here" sextion.

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 29 Dec 2016 00:51 #301467

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	cordnoy wrote: Next thing you know, they'll get rid of the "let's get meshuga in here" sextion. You should use spell check brother
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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 29 Dec 2016 01:47 #301469

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Markz wrote on 29 Dec 2016 00:51:

cordnoy wrote:

Next thing you know, they'll get rid of the "let's get meshuga in here" sextion.

You should use spell check brother

II did and I changed it to my spellin'.

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 29 Dec 2016 01:59 #301471

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	cordnoy wrote: Markz wrote: cordnoy wrote: Next thing you know, they'll get rid of the "let's get meshuga in here" sextion. You should use spell check brother II did and I changed it to my spellin'. I thought you had the Amnon and Tamar checker?
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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 30 Dec 2016 17:56 #301652

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Guess I'm normal - what's that?

I awoke in middle of night and tried to sleep. In half sleep / daze I had silly fantasy dream and fell

I heard myself saying "stop" and I did, but a little too late... ;-(

If not for gye I would have gone to some silly porn sites this morning, because naturally after a fall the fence comes crashing down too

For that alone GYE is worth more than gold thanks to the.guard!!!!!!

Should I consider it a fall and restart my date?

I don't care to, however I define a fall as a fully conscious act which imho this wasn't...

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Re: My Story - Thank Gd 30 Dec 2016 19:09 #301654

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Markz wrote on 30 Dec 2016 17:56:

Warning: Spoiler!

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 30 Dec 2016 19:43 #301655

stillgoing
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cordnoy wrote on 30 Dec 2016 19:09:

Markz wrote on 30 Dec 2016 17:56:

Warning: Spoiler!

Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
(Ok,, Maybe not to the first spoiler :-))

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 30 Dec 2016 20:06 #301656

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Megadittos to all the above.

Around here it's normal to be not normal

Keep On Monstuh Truckma-ing!

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 01 Jan 2017 02:31 #301675

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Markz wrote on 30 Dec 2016 17:56:

Like everyone else said, you're definitely not normal- you're way better than normal and that's why we love you!

As for your fall, pardon my density, but is this a keri that happened when you were half asleep or you actually masturbated, just half asleep? First is definitely not a fall, the second sounds like it is.

But do whatever will help you keep on going!

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 01 Jan 2017 04:52 #301679

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Firstly, thanks for sharing. It can be hard to do in these situations. I remember when I relapsed after 9 months. Secondly, I don't buy into this whole wet dream/half asleep masturbating business. If I'm not conscious then it's not a fall. I can do that every night of the week and it's still not a fall. Maybe I need to think about why it's happening, but nevertheless I'm still sober. It could be that GYE would say it's a fall. I don't know.

Love you, man. Keep up the great work.

Re: My Story 08 Jan 2017 04:14 #302481

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Markz wrote on 08 Apr 2017 22:59:

I went to my local Tag office to get iTunes restricted

So a sweet guy there tries to install a program for me on his computer but gets stuck because his program is locked with parental controls and he didn't know the password (until he reached a supervisor)

At least I know I came to the right place

Oh no... here it goes again...

Why did I go to tag?
Because iTunes Radio cannot be locked by my own brute force

TAG to the rescue!!

Im very appreciative for TAG rep helping me - and they don't charge for that service

Fellow told me they couldn't do anything with my old version, and needed to update the IOS

I updated it and Tag setup everything perfectly

Tonight I found a totally different program which due to the apple update now allows inappropriate stuff

Its like never ending...

I don't want to cause any of you to put on slippers but this 'program' is system standard in all iPhones so I can't tell you today what it is...

If tag helps me fix that I'll let you guys know ;-)

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Re: My Story 08 Jan 2017 14:55 #302503

Workingguy OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1149 Karma: 138	Markz, I had that issue just recently with a bunch of new apple updates and tag was able to do it for me, and one I was able to do myself. I'll PM you with which ones and if that's it, you can let me know, and if not, don't tell me.

Re: My Story 08 Jan 2017 15:53 #302509

jewishfiltergeek
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Markz wrote on 08 Jan 2017 04:14:

Markz wrote on 08 Apr 2017 22:59:

Markz,
I'm not a apple fan so don't know the latest about iOS, however just my 2 cents based on my experience in the past.
What were you using to try to restrict xyz..., was it the built in restrictions?
Apple makes a tool called apple configurator which really allows full granular control over every aspect of the device. Perhaps try that.
p.s. Only the Mac version gives you full controls. The Windows version is watered down.

Re: My Story 08 Jan 2017 17:02 #302519

Markz Current streak: 87 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 7119 Karma: 372	Thanks guys WG was spot on. Thanks to ~~Nobody~~ FGG too, but I don't have mac...
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Re: My Story 09 Jan 2017 07:32 #302582

Singularity OFFLINE Platinum Boarder To write, or not to write? Posts: 1298 Karma: 66	Keep going, Markz! We're all here for you! Well, never possibly as much as you are for us, but we're trying I'm sure the GYE definition of a fall is fully conscious?
	"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?" "... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" One day... At A Time :-D Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley! My Thread

Re: My Story Thank Gd 16 Jan 2017 05:10 #303202

Markz
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Last Edit: 16 Jan 2017 05:12 by Markz.

Re: My Story Thank Gd 17 Jan 2017 16:57 #303395

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This is exactly why I'm in AA. I may not be an actual alcoholic, but I'd rather not take my chances.

Re: My Story Thank Gd 23 Feb 2017 22:01 #306662

Markz
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I saw this recently and definitely relate to parts of this, i think.

The psychotherapy and scientific world is now using a popular theory called “Attachment Theory” that was actually developed over 60 years ago by John Bowlby.

The basic idea is that if we feel safe and securely attached to things or people that will help/comfort/protect us when things are difficult or scary for us, THAT is what helps us to become independent later on and take risks in life.
We know we can take risks and do scary things BECAUSE we feel that we have an emotional safety-net ingrained in our subconscious mind.

According to this we can understand why some people use drugs, lust, have poor interpersonal interactions, etc.-we can say that SINCE they don’t feel safe when confronted with scary or risky situations, they go into a fight-flight mode and cope with their fear by fighting back with their wife, numbing out the pain with lust, taking a drink when see sees a high electric bill, etc

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Last Edit: 23 Feb 2017 22:43 by Markz.

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 24 Feb 2017 04:45 #306695

silentbattle Current streak: 266 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3726 Karma: 10	I can definitely relate to that, and I think there's a lot of truth there. We're not people who respond in a healthy way to stress and difficult situations. What does Dov say? "when the going gets tough, the addict gets...acting out?"

Re: My Story Thank Gd 24 Feb 2017 08:25 #306704

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Markz wrote on 23 Feb 2017 22:01:

I totally agree. The whole theory of sleep training for kids I think is so cruel. The child will be much better off knowing it can rely on its mother whenever. And that self esteem will grow and be ingrained.

Now my question is: I didn't get much growing up. Divorce, fighting parents, bad father. So how do I give over that security to my kids? If I myself am not secure?

"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
One day... At A Time :-D

Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley!
My Thread

Re: My Story Thank Gd 24 Feb 2017 08:26 #306706

Singularity OFFLINE Platinum Boarder To write, or not to write? Posts: 1298 Karma: 66	Sorry for the potential hijack. I am South African, after all
	"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?" "... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" One day... At A Time :-D Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley! My Thread Last Edit: 24 Feb 2017 08:26 by Singularity.

Re: My Story Thank Gd 24 Feb 2017 09:03 #306713

MayanHamisgaber OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1172 Karma: 68	I cannot answer for the security thing but My personal feelings on sleep training is that while now it may seem cruel the child learns things from these type of things for example is it cruel to not let a child have to many sweets , nope..... And from a selfish perspective I want to sleep too (and maybe then be able to have enough patience to be a good father) ;-)
	my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 24 Feb 2017 10:29 #306720

GrowStrong
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If the baby is getting a healthy dose of life then they should be getting more than enough hugs and nurturing during feeds and awake time.
Some babies have a hard time relaxing just like us adults.. and there is no harm in training them how to fall asleep by themselves even if it means they cry a bit beforehand.
There is a time for sleep and a time for hugs.
This is not to be confused with adults who lacked nurturing in their youth to the point that they had to self-medicate as they grew older.
Sleep training is a very good example of learning how to deal with life.
A similar example would be the parents who take turns rocking and shaking the baby because that's the only way they will calm down.
If they wouldn't have started to rock them every time then they wouldn't have conditioned the baby to needing it.
Babies are not like us old people...

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 24 Feb 2017 14:48 #306736

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I find it funny how we can get so far off topic sometimes,..
I used to agree with the one who said that 'rocking parents' caused their children to need it, then I had another child and saw that what worked for one does not work for the next, so I then agreed that it was curl to let them cry, then I had another child and saw that what worked for the next didn't work for another, so I had to change again.... melatonin, bottles, no bottles, only water, no water, night light, no light, stay in room, stay out of sight..... My current opinion is that anyone who has a strong opinion on what will or will not work has not personally tried it on multiple children. But, that's that's not a strong opinion of mine either...

Last Edit: 24 Feb 2017 14:50 by stillgoing.

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 24 Feb 2017 14:57 #306737

mirror OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 84 Karma: 1	To bring the topic back to addiction, the same theory that Still Going presented applies here too. It seemed from the many people on Guard Your Eyes, that there is no one method that will work for everyone. Just like children, we too need to try the different ways until we find the one that will let us sleep through the night without masturbating.

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 24 Feb 2017 15:31 #306739

GrowStrong Current streak: 900 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder OMAAT Posts: 881 Karma: 85	We tried it on multiple babies and we were successful. Where it got tricky was when they stopped being babies.

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 26 Feb 2017 18:47 #306850

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I recently bought a book on cd about attachment theory. Great stuff, very helpful regarding my insecurities and doing a proper 4th step.

But nothing to do with sobriety, to me. Explaining why I am motivated to do things means little, until I am freed from them. This is what i keep discovering. Once I am free, then logic can start to seep in and help me grow even further and and become a healthier person through my step work and other work, be"H.

Until I am sober and free of it, I cannot grow.

I am not referring to you, but the topic reminds me again of what i used to see on GYE years ago and keep seeing every now and then: People want to figure it out in order to let it go and get clean. But as the AA's taught me, "I can't think myself into right living. I can only live myself into right thinking." And right thinking is what recovery is all about.

Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: My Story - Thank Gd 26 Feb 2017 19:54 #306854

Markz
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Dov wrote on 26 Feb 2017 18:47:

My point was that communication / attachment and lust are sometimes intertwined. Therefore if we would try instead to fix the attachment issues, the lust could mimela be resolved somewhat.

Im taking about real action and new living on a plane of healthy attachments, thanks to my crazy shrink. Which I have a hunch has helped me reduce lusting. Farshtei?

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Re: I'm an Aspie (neurotypicals are invited too) 08 Mar 2017 14:43 #307784

Markz
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Teshuva?

Ever since my "sobriety date" Aug 2015, thank GD for The.Guard, I don't feel I have done genuine charata (remorse).
I'm missing that "feeling"

I have definitely not done Teshuva like I used to after Masturbating and then with tears crying out to Gd with a real broken heart and sincere repentance (and then falling again a month later and the Teshuva cycle repeated)

When I was lusting, I was able to do real Teshuva

I remember clearly one of my most heart wrenching Teshuva prayers was at a Internet awareness gathering in my town (and then probably fell again a week later)

But since recovery started, I just mouth the words "chatati". Believe me I am sincere, but my heart isn't there with the same anguish

Why is that?
Here's my unprofessional rationale

Lusting mode, is caused by emotions that are out of control.

So we go with our emotions downhill to porn, and rise up with our emotions to Teshuva. And the see-saw dance is forever

In recovery we get in control of our emotions to a certain extent. And therefore when it comes to "Teshuva", we can repent while keeping our emotions in check and not getting all sad / excited about it.

If doing Teshuva requires us to invest emotion, that can put us straight back in the mess we were in

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Last Edit: 08 Mar 2017 14:45 by Markz.

Re: I'm an Aspie (neurotypicals are invited too) 08 Mar 2017 16:10 #307794

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