GYE helps those struggling with inappropriate materials and related behaviors.

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The GuardYourEyes Program in a Nutshell

The GuardYourEyes Program in a Nutshell

Initial Evaluation

GuardYourEyes uses a unique approach to help people, by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for “Shmiras Ainayim” and “Shmiras Habris”. We have summarized, in a nut-shell, the suggestions that we found work best for strugglers at various levels. Use the “Nutshell” to find what level you identify with most, and what recommendations would be most appropriate for your level.

The nutshell is a little ‘technical’ by nature, so if you would prefer to jump straight into the meat of the GYE Program, you may skip it for now and come back to it at a later time. Click here to jump straight to the 20 Tools.

The Eight Levels

level1 “I struggle with shmiras ainayim, desires and fantasies (like most males).”

Suggestions:

Filters: Get a good filter for all your internet enabled devices. We can help you find what’s best for you on our website or on our filter hotline (coming soon). Be in touch with our filter Gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com, or send a request for filter help using our "Help-Desk" system and our team will get back to you. We highly advise having your wife, a friend or the filter Gabai hold the password/s for you.

Daily Chizuk: Sign up to the daily ‘Shmiras Ainayim’ Chizuk e-mails, which offer daily tips and chizuk on dealing with today’s environment, guarding our eyes, dealing with fantasies, struggling with the Yetzer Hara, etc.

Phone Chizuk: Join the daily ‘Shmiras Ainayim’ phone conference shiur for tremendous chizuk and down-to-earth advice on how to learn to guard our eyes in today’s world. You can also download over 100 previously recorded shiurim in MP3 format, to listen to in your spare time, or while commuting.

Read Up: The GYE Prevention website (under the "Guard Your Eyes" tab) has hundreds of inspiring articles which can provide you with tips and chizuk on dealing with the struggle. These articles appear under the "Featured Categories" of Torah, Tips, Q & A and Chizuk.

Be Aware / Get Educated: The GYE Prevention website (under the "Parents & Mechanchim" tab) provides articles, shiurim and video clips (coming soon) from mechanchim, Rabbanim and experts, to help you be informed and up-to-date on the spiritual dangers of today’s technology.

Join the Community: Join our “Prevention” forum (coming soon) to exchange ideas with other balabatim, parents and Mechanchim looking for the best solutions on how to deal with the nisyonos of our generation, both for ourselves and for our children.

level1I have stumbled and ‘acted-out’ on rare occasions, but I believe I can abstain ‘indefinitely’ if I put in some effort and remain determined."

(The term “acting out” means either viewing inappropriate material and/or hotzoas zera livatala. It also includes promiscuous or illicit relations, but in the religious community these behaviors should be generally treated as indicative of a more severe level of addiction.)

Suggestions (previous suggestions and):

Reporting Software: Install Reporting Software on top of your filter, to have lists of all questionable websites sent to a friend or Rav that you respect and would be ashamed to disappoint. We suggest either webchaver.com, eBlaster from Spectorsoft.com, or puresight.com (which combines a filter and reporting software in one). Have the GYE filter team hold your password/s so you won't be tested.

Attitude and Perspective: Read the "Attitude & Perspective" principles of the GYE program to understand the nature of this struggle, and to learn how to use it as a spring-board for personal growth and divine service.

Shmiras Ainayim Fences: Build up stronger fences for your eyes such as: avoiding challenging environments, avoiding websites like Facebook, YouTube, triggering movies, magazines, etc. (Read tool 3 of the GYE program).

level1“I can abstain from ‘acting-out’ for long periods of time (more than 90 days), but somehow I keep falling into it again.”

Suggestions (previous suggestions and):

Acceptance: Addiction means something we want to stop but can’t. Accept that you may have an “Addiction”. Although there are many levels of addiction, the rules of the game change once we recognize this important truth about ourselves. (See here for the 9 Attitude principles for addiction).

Stronger Daily Chizuk: Sign up for the ‘Breaking Free’ daily chizuk E-mails and get tips, advice and personal stories from the GYE community every day, on how to break free of these addictive behaviors.

Reading on our Forum: By reading on our forum through the posts of hundreds of other Yidden who struggle with this, you will internalize that you are not alone, and will get to learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

Strong Fences: Make strong fences for yourself, such as writing a list of things to do before allowing yourself to fall, or making kabalos to do something difficult if you fell. (See tool 7 of the GYE Program).

Stronger Shmiras Ainayim fences: Get serious about this. Recognize how easily triggered we are. We need to start avoiding mixed areas when possible, all non-religious movies, newspapers, magazines, and even non-frum news websites, entertainment, etc.

Read up: Read through the hundreds of articles on our website, such as the Tips section, Q&A and Stories to learn more about beating these addictive behaviors (see the many categories under "Articles" on the menu-bar above). Go to the 12-Step section of our website and learn the principles behind this world-renowned program for recovering from all types of addictive behaviors. (See tool 15 of the GYE Program).

Find daily activities to fill your time in positive ways: Begin to incorporate planned substitutes for boredom, procrastination and inactivity into you daily life. Create for yourself a more structured daily schedule which incorporates these new activities. Increase exercising on a regular basis (see tool 5-6 of the GYE Program) and see the “Kosher Isle” section on our website for suggestions of Kosher activities, Kosher websites, entertainment, shiurim and more.

level1“I’ve tried many times, but I can’t generally abstain from ‘acting-out’ for significant periods of time (90 days or more).”

Suggestions (previous suggestions and):

Add Meaning To Your Life: At this level it is important to focus on finding practical ways to add more fulfillment and meaning to your life. Find something new that will not only occupy you, but will also inspire you and get you out of yourself and into helping others. Some ideas could include chesed projects, involvement in the community, jobs and other activities that will give you inner satisfaction, keep you connected to the real world and out of isolation. (See Tool 5 of the GYE Program).

Cutting Down: “The more you feed it the more you need it”. Start cutting down over time and make red lines for yourself. Wean yourself of these behaviors by progressively reducing the frequency and gravity of the stimulation and behaviors, thus pushing the battle lines further and further back. (See Tool 8 of the GYE Program and read these inspiring excerpts from the book "The First Day of the Rest of My Life").

The 90-Day Journey: Take the “90 Day” leap of faith and stay clean for a full 90 days to break the addictive pattern in the mind (based on a recent scientific study). Use our 90-Day system to chart your progress and get encouragement as you advance to new levels. (See Tool 9 of the GYE Program).

The TaPHSiC Method: Study and apply the TaPHSiC Method (see Tool 10 of the GYE Program). This is one of the most powerful methods for frum people suffering from low-level addictions. It teaches us how to balance our Yiras Shamayim - which doesn’t generally work very well in addictions, with tangible self imposed penalties. By wisely combining the two, as described in the TaPHSiC method, we can produce a strong fence to protect ourselves from the addictive behaviors. It also teaches us how to avoid acting compulsively on our obsession. (See also The TaPHSiC Method Made Simple).

Listen in to GYE’s Phone Conferences: GYE has over 30 phone conferences throughout the week, almost every day of the week - morning, noon and night! By listening in to a group of other Yidden who struggle with this and are working through a program of recovery, you will be reinvigorated with hope and no longer feel alone. You will also learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

level1I’ve tried everything in levels 1-4 and still can’t stay stopped.

Suggestions (previous suggestions and):

Anonymous ‘Virtual’ Support:

Forums: Post on the forum to get support from the rest of the GYE community. Tell your story, post a log of your journey, reach out for help when feeling weak, and strengthen each other. The forum is a life-line of chizuk and support for hundreds of people in exactly your situation.

Chat-Rooms: Chat with others in the GYE chat-rooms (you must be a member, sign up here).

A Partner: Get a partner through GYE’s partner/sponsor system. Be in touch by e-mail/chat daily. Learn honesty, integrity and get accountability. Strengthen each other. (You must be a member, sign up here).

level1I’ve tried everything in levels 1-5 and still can’t stay stopped.

Suggestions (previous suggestions and):

Anonymous ‘Phone’ Support:

The GYE Hotline: Call our hotlines / experts for advice. (646-600-8100)

12-Step Phone Conferences: Get the power of group support. Join GYE’s 12-Step phone conferences anonymously, and work this powerful program along with people in your situation, with guidance from an experienced moderator. This world-renowned program has helped millions of people around the world to break free of all types of addictive behaviors. GYE has phone conferences almost every day of the week - morning, noon and night!

A Sponsor: Get a sponsor through GYE’s partner/sponsor system. A sponsor is someone clean for over 90 days, who can guide you and share what works for him.

Phone Partner: Get a partner to be in touch with by phone as often as necessary (through GYE’s partner/sponsor system).

Build a Personal Phone Roster: Have a group of friends to call when feeling weak. PM friends on the forum and ask them for their telephone numbers, or join Duvid Chaim’s phone group to get access to his phone-roster (currently with over 100 people).

The GYE Phone community: Join the ‘GYE Phone community’ and get access to hundreds of numbers of people like you, who want a community to reach out to.

level1I’ve tried everything in levels 1-6 and still can’t stay stopped.

Suggestions (previous suggestions and):

‘Live’ Support:

Live 12-Step Groups / GYE Groups: Get the power of live-group support and open up to others face-to-face. Find a 12-Step group in your area, or register to join a live GYE group in your community (coming soon). Let go of the shame and open up to others. Find that you’re not alone, at all. Use the power of the group to help you fight this disease, which is often much stronger than we are. Work the 12 step program with the group.

A Sponsor: Work the 12-Steps with an experienced sponsor. Let go of the need to be “in charge” and learn to listen to another human being. Let your sponsor guide you, and be ready to do whatever he tells you. Change from being a 'self-centered’ person to a ‘G-d centered’ person.

Therapy: See GYE’s therapist referral pages to find a therapist / psychologist who is trained in addictions. Discover the root causes. Learn methods to beat addictive thinking and behaviors.

level1I’ve tried everything in levels 1-7 and still can’t stay stopped. It seems that inner change is not possible with me!

Suggestions (previous suggestions and):

Psychiatrist/Medication: A psychiatrist may be able to prescribe medications to help take the “edge” off the underlying mental conditions (such as OCD or depression) that may be exacerbating the addictive behaviors. (See tool 18).

Rehab: GYE has a list of rehab options with both inpatient and outpatient care for addictive behaviors. A complete change of environment, professional help and a regimen of intense workshops and therapy may be what it takes to finally break free (See tool 19).

Last Resort: For those who are in danger of harming others, there are chemical castration methods that are safe, have few side-effects and are not permanent. (See tool 20).

A Few Important Notes about the GYE Program in a Nutshell:

1) “Optional” vs. “Essential”: Most of the tools that we suggest as “essential” for higher levels, will also help those on lower levels in letting go of lust. Generally speaking, lower level strugglers are invited to try higher level tools if they feel it would help them, or if it was recommended by someone with experience. Examples of such tools are: calling the GYE Hotline, joining the GYE forums and chat-rooms, joining the 12-Step phone-conference-group (all mentioned in Levels 5-6 above). Going to live 12-Step groups is not recommended for low level addicts and may prove harmful.

2) General suggestions that are helpful at all levels: (1) Attempting to achieve progressive success in guarding our eyes, (2) developing the proper perspective and attitude on the struggle (by reading GYE materials and applying what we learn), (3) adding more meaning and fulfillment to our lives from alternative activities and pursuits, (4) increasing physical activity and exercise (5) staying out of isolation in everyday life, and (6) connecting (even anonymously) with others who have the same struggle through the GYE network.

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Comments (4)

  • munchkin613
    munchkin613 says:
    02 April 2014 at 12:01 |

    I am a frum man struggling but I think that for some the language being used needs to be more clear. Not all people who need this help have a yeshiva backround. While learning and mikva are a help you should make it simple for the less yeshivish man. It is a great mitzvah being done and you should reach as many as possible. Thanks for being here.

    • GYE Admin
      GYE Admin says:
      15 September 2016 at 07:05 |

      While our site caters primarily to Orthodox Jews, you are certainly most welcome to participate and use any and all of our resources to get help from this affliction. However, you will find that a lot of our publications refer to Jewish Orthodox literature and use specific language, mixed with Hebrew and Yiddish. That's just our demographic.

  • trying2gme
    trying2gme says:
    15 July 2015 at 02:01 |

    אין מילים!! נפשי נפש עייפה, מוצאה מנוחה .ממש השגחה האיך פתאום אני נתקל בתןך הוועד סייט שלכם. ואחר האיטראדאקשען, ממש נשתנה חיי!! תודה ה' יעזור שנזכה שכל הנדחים יבואו לישיבת "שמור עיניך" ויעבור רוח טומאה מן הארץ אמן

  • gilit
    gilit says:
    02 December 2016 at 12:24 |

    ive just been intoduced to this website. wow wow why didint i know about you guys years ago. thanks so much for being here for me

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