I was discussing with Shtarkandemotional, and we came up with the following idea:

Self-talk is an interesting idea. There has been lots of research that it actually works. The only thing is, nowadays not a lot of people are interested or able to sit down and do 30 minutes of self-talk every day.

I once read that you can achieve basically the same effect by recording the self-talk once and then listening to it. I think this is a great idea. We present a list of self-talk statements here, and you find a quiet place for a few minutes and record yourself saying them. It should only take about 5-8 minutes. Then listen to them every day for 90 days. Try for twice a day. And see what happens. This might just be the method you were looking for to help break free in an easy way! We can all try this together.

The next post will contain the self-talk statements, and upcoming posts will contain some commentary and suggestions. If you don't believe in a statement, you can still say it if you are comfortable with doing so, and if not you can learn a little about the topic (we will post notes in a post below) or just adjust the sentence to your liking.

How to Record: Read each sentence ten times, and then move on to the next sentence. Try to say each sentence confidently (you can try it in an emotionally excited tone or a calm tone), and to smile when saying it.

When to listen: You can really listen at any time. You don't even need to focus on it, because it is entering your subconscious mind. You can listen when you're walking, shaving, brushing your teeth, on the train, etc. Try to listen once in the morning and once at night, if possible. And it's best to use earbuds in both ears, though you can use just one ear if needed.

If you have any thoughts or any suggestions for a self-talk statement to add, please respond below. (Please use the quote button.) For now I will be viewing  the comments and adjusting these first posts. So please come back to them and read them again later.

We will be starting the 90 days on Sunday March 13. So please record your list before then. And please let us know if you will be joining, and how this is impacting you.

List of self-talk statements:

1) I am a fighter who works hard to overcome my challenges of desire. Hashem is very proud of me.
2) When my yetzer hara tempts me and tells me that it would be great to give in, I calmly remember that I would much rather choose greatness by saying no.
3) When it's hard and I say no anyway, I accomplish an incredibly great feat. All the angels in shamayim are cheering me on, and Hashem takes great pride in me.
4) My identity is that I am a person who stands strong against the yetzer hara. I don't give in no matter what. And whatever I did in the past is not relevant.
5) I stay calm, even when tempted. I don't lose my equilibrium. I stay in control.
6) There will be times when I am tempted. But I will win them. This is what separates the men and the boys, and I am a man.
7) By winning this battle, I am becoming a great person.
8) My greatest desire is to win battles of temptation and to become a great person.
9) I am committed to keeping anything Hashem said to do. I don't do anything forbidden even if my yetzer hara causes me to feel that I want to.
10) I don't miss out on anything when I say no to temptation.
11) My yetzer hara tells me that this pleasure is the greatest thing in existence. But he oversells things. While it is pleasurable, it is not the highest thing in life. And I am fine without it.
12) I don't involve myself in any fantasizing or gazing for pleasure (if married, add: other than for my wife), even if it is more “minor.”
13) There is no need to release. My body will be fine without it. It will calm down and go back to normal.
14) I calmly avoid triggering situations. I do my best to prevent myself from being tempted. But I don't rely on this. And if Hashem decides to test me, I will stand strong and show my commitment to Him.
15) I am careful not to speak in an improper manner. This causes my desires to get a little weaker every day.
16) If thoughts of temptation enter my head, I don't make a big deal about them. I just ignore them and move on to a different topic.
17) I am so excited about where I am headed. I am so proud of the person I am becoming.
18) Hashem is helping me, and We will win this battle together!

(Feel free to replace any “I don't” with “I no longer” if that is more comfortable for you. As you move along and feel that your mindset has changed, you can record it again with “I don't.”
Also, you can tailor the sentences for your specific struggle. For example, “I don't miss out on anything when I say no to temptation.” could be changed to “I don't miss out on anything when I choose not to masterbate.”)

More about the self-talk lines above:

The comments coming up are geared for people who 1) believe in Hashem, 2) believe in the Torah being true and given from Hashem, and 3) believe in the Torah Shebaal Peh. For those who don't, much of my list will not have much value, and you will have to mostly create lines that work for you based on what motivates you (ie. the reasons you came to GYE in the first place).


Four different types of self-talk lines are used here:

1)Some of the lines here are “matter-of-fact” statements, meaning that they are stating facts that we know intuitively to be true or that are stated openly in the Torah or Torah Shebaal Peh. Such statements are true, whether we have an easy or difficult time feeling their truth at the moment. I don't think there should be any issue with saying these statements and making it more real in my life.
So any matter-of-fact statements that are supported by Chazal are fine with me. I am comfortable enough to say them until I “feel” them emotionally, because I believe them already logically just from the fact that they are written in the Torah or Torah Shebaal Peh.

2)On the other hand, statements about me or my feelings or how I will experience things require that I actually feel this way at least at some times. I need to deep down believe that they are true. “Deep down” means when I have clarity. Emotions bounce around, and surely when temptation hits we feel very differently. But when we are “calm” from desire, we feel differently. Or if we are usually somewhat affected by our years of giving in or by the years of brainwashing (Yes, the years of tv and social media and society, that even started when we were too young to have an opinion, is a much more extreme form of brainwashing and a much more sick form of brainwashing than self-talk), then it would have to follow when we have a clear moment, like maybe after a fall. That's the time to think about these “I feel” statements and see whether we agree or not. If we don't agree even then, that means those statements don't speak to us, and we should skip those lines.

3)The third group of statements are statements of “the way I act.” These statements are training ourselves how to react to temptation. These are similar to the previous category. If when I am clear I realize that this is the way I want to act, there's no reason not to train myself to think that I act this way, which then makes me more likely to actually act that way. (For example, professional basketball players use self-talk to say things like “I use the right form on my shot even if I am rushed or have an intimidating defender on me” to train themselves to do this in a game, even if their track record has not yet matched this.)

4)The fourth group of statements are identity statements, statements that describe how I identify myself. You decide the way you wish you would identify yourself, and you “give yourself a head start” on that identity from now. This is effective because identifying yourself that way causes you to act that way. People tend to act consistent to how they view themselves. This is supported by many different branches of psychology. (I'm glad they agree on something..)
This one could be difficult for some people, especially if their identity as the opposite is strong. If this makes you very uncomfortable, you should skip this for now (and it could possibly be a sign that you need to work with a therapist on your self-image and on breaking free). If you're only a little uncomfortable, try it anyway and see what happens.


Later in this thread (on page 3), I did a more detailed version of this post where I go through each line and discuss it. My sense is that lines 9-11 are not for everyone, but could work for many people. See the discussion later.

Also, the word "anything" in line 10, that I don't miss out on "anything" when I don't give in, does not mean that there's no pleasure that was missed out on. It means overall you don't feel you miss out, when factoring for pain and regret and the loss of becoming a person you actually think highly about.

Important clarifications about this thread:

Who is the target audience of this thread?
The self-talk strategy mentioned in this thread is targeted at people not doing anything other than “the filter shuffle” (making their filter better and better with the hope that it will be impossible to surpass). It is not intended as a substitute for hard work or for anything the person might already be doing. It is targeted at people who are anyway not doing hard work and are not interested in doing hard work.
I thought hard to try to figure out something that there was a chance such a person would try. It had to be extra easy without requiring much effort. This is the method I came up with. (I feel that doing something that might help is much better than doing nothing. Surely some will argue that it's better to leave such people until they finally wake up and put in hard work. I can understand their position. But I think that overall there is bigger odds of people being helped this way.)
Everyone else is welcome to try this method out in addition to whatever else they are doing. It actually goes well with some other methods and helps strengthen the benefits from those methods.

Do the authors of this thread guarantee results? Are they presenting this as the wonder cure that will solve all my problems?
No.
Self-talk is a technique used in the world of psychology that is somewhat effective. It is far from 100% effective. It might work for you but it might not.
Also, the method of self-talk being used here is a watered-down version of full self-talk (when the person says his sentences every day himself). But in limited experimentation (by Shad Helmstetter, PhD), it has been shown to have similar effectiveness as actual self-talk.
I am not aware of self-talk being tried for pornography addiction. It does make sense that if it was somewhat helpful for smoking and depression and low self-esteem, it might be helpful for this as well. I launched this thread to try that out. This is an experiment to see if it can be helpful.
I do not expect that it will cure everyone. I'm imagining that it will help some people a little, some people a lot, and some people not at all. And like any other method, it is much more likely to work the shorter someone has been struggling.


If there are any lines in this thread that seem to imply otherwise, perhaps they are just some excitement that went out of control. Please PM me and I will change them. Thank you.

Intentionally left blank for now 2

Introducing The Idea Of Self-Talk 

Captain and I have been discussing this method a lot and we decided to gather up GYE to join us as we’ve seen major changes in our own lives with this method. We figured, Why keep the secret just for us 2?

We hope many members will join us in this new program. It is life-changing and super simple.

Many of us at times have setbacks. We can often get confused about our goals. Our clarity often can disappear, and our willpower starts to dissipate.

This tool we are implementing will strengthen us fully. It’ll talk to our subconscious mind. We will no longer be that person who goes from “oh yum this stuff feels so good” to “oh my gosh I feel so disgusting after this fall” we will have one inner core. Our spiritual minds will finally feel complete! Our emotions will feel strong. This method will help calm down the lust in us. We will feel like we’re on one track. We will finally get clear with ourselves.

In my personal life, I was someone who went from filter to filter and from loophole to loophole. I went from feeling so disgusting after falling, hopeless, helpless, and feeling like I’m living so many lives. I felt I never want to fall again. However, five days in I was fantasizing and wishing to fall. This went on for years. Until one day I bumped into this idea and ever since then things have improved dramatically. The clarity remained. We need to become one with ourselves. We need to be clear. We need to feel that we don’t want to lust anymore. And with this new idea with Hashem’s help, we will feel that!

Below there is a self-talk one can try. As captain said above, the consistency of listening to our recording each day will ingrain it in us. There are so many benefits of doing self-talk. I hope YOU can join us in this new program starting Sunday, March 13.

List Of The Self-Talk 

1.     I understand that Hashem is the ultimate One in control, and He’s the one that will make me successful.

2.    I’m not a masturbator/ porn watcher.

3.    I know that acting out is not an option for me anymore.

4.    I know that at times I won’t feel up for the battle, and I will feel drained. But I’m willing to fight despite that.

5.    I am not a person who thinks bad thoughts. They may occasionally stop by, but I will just think about something else.

6.    At times I may feel heated but I’m going to allow it to pass. Nothing will happen. It always passes.

7.    I may feel heated at times and I may want to use my pacifier (masturbation/porn). But I will focus on other things instead that give me enjoyment.

8.    Every time I stay strong and hold out, I am training my mind that I can make it through.

9.    I know it may feel really good to masturbate, but I am doing this as a sacrifice for Hashem.

10.    The more I stay strong, the easier it’ll get.

11.    When the challenge is rough, I am building my “fighting muscles.”

12.    Fantasizing is dangerous. It is the start of all slips. I do not fantasize. When it comes to mind, I think about something else instead.

13.    I do not give in to curiosity, and I don't take “second looks” just to see again. I know that’s the start of the slippery slope downhill.

14.    I’m so excited to end my jail sentence and reach such greatness. I know I can do it!

15.    I know with certainty that this struggle is all about actions and effort.

16.    Even if I slip at times, I just remember that I am human and it's normal and that I didn’t lose my reward. And then I pick myself right back up.

17.    I know with certainty that Hashem sees my effort and loves me because I worked so hard for Him.

18.    Slipping doesn’t impact much on my consistency if I get back up quickly.

19.    I know with certainty that by feeding into temptation I’m training my brain to lose the taste for what is normal, and I’m hurting my future very badly.

20.    I know with certainty that what I want is something that lasts- real intimacy, not giving in to lustful desires.

21.    A good life starts after my temptations are under control, before that I’m living in misery.

22.    I know that each time I fall I make the battle harder to overcome, because of the flashbacks and bad habits that I’m training my brain into.

23.    Lust won’t solve any problems. It will make them worse.

24.    I will be more content in the long run if I don't give in.

25.    I’ll definitely be proud of myself if I stay strong through difficult times.

26.     I’m very excited to reach greatness through staying strong in the battle.

27.    Masturbation is only a temporary pleasure, and if I give in and trick myself I’ll truly regret it.

28.    I will not lust and fool myself thinking something is beneficial in the moment and sadly end up feeling gross and horrible.

29.    I will not lust because I am in control over myself.

30.    I will not lust so that I don’t feel depressed and helpless with a droopy face and a crushed soul. I will not lust so that my wife (if not married, replace with: future wife) will have a much better life.

31.    I will not lust so I can feel truthful with my children

32.     I will not lust so that I don’t feel like a liar, and like someone who’s living many different lives.

33.    I will not lust because I don’t want to be chained by lust all my life. I want to be a free man.

34.    I will not lust because I want to feel better about myself.

35.    I will not lust because I know the time in this world is short and giving in would stop me from who I want to become.

36.    I will not lust because I have a tachlis in this world. And I know by overcoming this challenge I’ll reach unfathomable success.

37.    I will not lust because I want to feel the feeling of success in this area. I deserve to feel it too!

38.    I’m going to give this struggle all I got because I want to finally smile for real!

Understanding Self-Talk And Why It works 

The self-talk is about ingraining the proper mindset in the struggle, avoiding common cognitive distortions people make, and ingraining tools into our minds to make the battle a breeze when we’re faced with temptation. Lastly it’s about reminding ourselves why we’re stopping the struggle, reminding ourselves what it feels like to fall, and reminding ourselves of where we’re headed.

It’s important to understand why this method is helpful. Self-talk can impact us tremendously, and the key is to do it consistently. Self-talk talks to our subconscious so even if you don’t feel a difference in the beginning, it's normal. After a week of self-talk that's done consistently, you’ll feel a tremendous difference. It has been tested and proven itself over and over again.

Self-talk will help you become super clear. So many of us at times lose our clarity and suddenly lust seems delicious when days prior it was disgusting in our mind. Additionally, So many of us have small thoughts that impact us the wrong way. We all have so many ups and downs with temptation. Self-talk will help us become consistent and make this battle more smooth!

Self-talk can also help one stay prevent lustful times and secondly, stay strong and clear even during unexpected hard times. Just like one has flashbacks of a sin he committed one will have flashbacks of his self-talk and it’ll ingrain in his mind power, determination, and clarity.

I would highly suggest making it enjoyable. Make it passionate, real, and exciting. Secondly, when recording focus on what you're saying. Think about how true all these statements are and how they apply in your life. Lastly, one can use his own term with his specific struggle. (For example, One can swap “porn” with “masturbation” etc)

Looking forward to all of us growing together!

Intentionally left blank for now. 

Intentionally left blank for now 2

Hi guys. 

Can I jump in here now? Or is this a private eye blog. 

Part of our problem we struggle with is dealing with our internal shame. Step one on gye to try fix this, is not to be embarrassed and show the count on the forum, same as I did even though I fell a week ago after 450 days clean. 

What do you guys think about that?

Don’t be afraid - Click the count view ‘on’ button and KEEP ON HONKING!!

Captain wrote on 04 Mar 2022 15:58:

deleted

Trouble wrote on 04 Mar 2022 17:57:

Lol, Trouble thanks for always being here to make us laugh. And thanks for being the best moderator on this site

Markz wrote on 04 Mar 2022 17:14:

Thanks for the suggestion. I have updated my count and display settings. Same day as you.

Hey guys, 

The 90 day challenge information is finally completed and up. Please check the beginning of this thread again.