Hey guys, on my journey on breaking free from from porn and masturbation.. and working on lust itself.. Hashem has gifted me with a lot of insight on this struggle. I hope to post all type of things over here of insight, and just ideas on this struggle not necessarily what or what hasn't worked for me..rather even plain insight and mindsets to help break free… hatzlacha. 

The more we realize that we’re holding back as a sacrifice! It’s hard! And it’s real work! That realization throughout the battle will help us not feel very tempted! Often we’re tempted because our brains trick us and remind us oh it’ll feel so great so Come let’s do XYZ! That will happen less the more we admit that we’re giving up some pleasure because we know it’ll feel so great we’re just not doing it for specific  reasons! The more we validate to ourselves that it is hard we’re just not doing it for specific reasons that often helps to calm the inner fight cuz we’re agreeing that it would feel good.

Often our brains turn to masturbation (for example) because masturbation was giving us something it can be relaxation. Or relieving sexual tension. Etc. we had a wanting for certain feelings and we connected when we saw masturbation is giving us those feelings.. The minute we realize that we can divide masturbation with what it gives us! Then we’re no longer needing to connect what it gives us with masturbation! We can get what it gives us from other sources! We can get those same exact feeling from running 3 miles… guys, say it again and again I don’t want masturbation! I don’t want it! I want what it gives me! And with just a little work I can get it!

Internalizing why we wanna actually stop! So many people don’t know! They’re just expecting to hold out strong for the rest of they’re lives based on an uncomfortable feeling after falling! Well, that feeling doesn’t stay forever and in just a few days we’ll be back to the place of - that’s awesome stuff. We MUST reach a clarity that’s real and authentic that applies even on day 10,000 before moving forward and trying to break free and only soon failing and draining ourselves out in this lust battle..

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 07 Feb 2022 23:24:

Maybe it is worthwhile to put all your posts in one thread - much easier to follow. just a suggestion.

Once we truly internalize that expecting things from lust will take us on a miserable route in life…we do ourselves a gigantic favor! we end up not going down the entire road and we save ourselves early on in the lust “attack” in our minds. For example,a pretty girl is seen in the street we suddenly start to think about that pretty girl etc.. or we think about how alleviating masturbation will feel and we go into a whole fantasy! when we realize, that that first step is the step to a miserable life! We will learn to not go down that path and we will catch ourselves immediately. It’s a miserable life because - were allowing our brain to code information “ that lustful things satisfy us.. and the more we dwell on lust the happier and more satisfied we get” so you feed into this lie and end up going from masturbation to porn to this to that! lust after lust after lust cuz you’ve been feeding the brain the same message...and end up feeling hopeless and helpless which all started from lustful thoughts. Not realizing lust will never live up to the hype! It’s your imagination! Be smart and catch yourself right away you see the cycle in front of you- let’s avoid it.

Btw would love feedback! I’d love to hear if anyone finds they relate to the insight or if it’s completely out of the ballpark for them.. much hatzlacha to the entire GYE family!

Sometimes we forget and we thinking lusting in porn is the same as lusting in other areas.. so once we fall we might as well “do it right”. Here are some things to remember,

• porn is very erotic which means it makes your brain go the way more intense route which means your brain gets used to a more extreme Version of pleasure. Which means other natural stuff that generally should be satisfying isn’t. intimacy and all that is left behind and not possible to achieve and feel and get lasting pleasure from! Which means flashbacks are more intense. Your journey to break-free is more intense.
• It’s proven on the internet that hardcore porn is so much more addictive then soft core porn. (They give an analogy hardcore- heroin. soft core - cocaine)the addictions are much stronger when it’s more erotic and graphic. The way it tackles the brain is stronger. So it’s obvious the more serious stuff we watch the more it’ll harm us. And the less graphic we watch the easier it is to break free!

When we know something is an option - we’re fighting a much harder battle! It affects our clarity! We’re often like a guy on a fast day smelling delicious food all day! Eventually after a while he’s likely to fall cuz he sees the food in front of him! He’s smelling it! Often we’re “smelling” lustful ideas when we know it’s an option! We’re triggering ourselves just like that guy! We’re smelling the idea of maybe falling! The fight is so much harder! So much more triggering! The idea of falling is now amazing in our minds! However, When we know for example we’re gonna have to rip up 50$ bill for this action suddenly it becomes a much easier battle! It becomes a push! We removed the delicious smell! The smell is gone! This is a real nice idea to making the battle easier however keep in mind this will not fully resolve the fight this is just an idea to make it easier :-)

I see this pattern a lot.. there’s a certain consistency once one breaks free if we’re using the same device ongoing.. there’s less of a trigger of maybe let’s fall because we developed a certain consistency of not falling with my device. etc. however , whenever we get a new device or we use a new device.. our brains right away shift to the idea of falling. Even if our previous device had been unfiltered.. it’s important to look out for this and prepare before buying new devices.

so many people often feel “done” done with caring. They “tried” everything already! And they say they just don’t care anymore! And so, they give in And fall etc. when we realize what this is stemming from we can stay strong even in such situations! It’s stemming from a strong sense of selfishness! Of ME! As long as IM feeling good then I’m gonna keep up the fight! As long as I SEE the gains of fighting and continuing then I’ll try! If not, we give up. How about We stop and think for a second, the ribono shel olam is allowing us to see, to hear, to smell, to blink, to move ,to walk! And for every single person here on GYE Forsure to breathe and to think! Can’t we have some hakaras hatov!? And get rid of the ME involved! And the pleasure I see in front of me! Lets hold ourselves back for the sake of hashems name! The fact that he said this is wrong. Regardless of if the “me” feels like who cares or if it’s worth it. Either way let’s try to push a little bit specifically for the sake of HIS name. And for all that he’s done for us. If that’s not enough, let’s get rid of the ME involved in regards to your family and your future self etc. even if we feel “it’s worth it for us to fall after all we’re in a terrible place anyway” etc. let’s have some rachmanus on your future the poor you that’ll care so much one day! or your wife (if your married) or your future wife! Oh and your poor kids. It’s not all about ME.

“You are what you think” so many people Fall throughout they’re re journey and left off feeling helpless! Hopeless! And so on! the list of how terrible they feel can go on and on… if only they’d realize one simple process they’re lives would become so much simpler! “Our thoughts effect our choices”. Prior to Each time we fall.. we originally had different thoughts that weakened us tremendously for the fight! every person has to realize in his own personal journey what are the powerful contributing thoughts that make him weaker and more prone to falling. For some a partial contributing factor is the idea that knowing lusting is an option! For others it’s thinking they haven’t lusted in such a long time and makes them feel desperate.. and sets them on For others it’s thinking about how terrible they’re life is overall.. and for 99% of people some of the combining factors are thinking simple pritzus and immodest things that sets us in a mood. we can’t overthink and figure out each one of our thoughts.. we’re full of thoughts and it would be impossible to identify all of them! But it would do us tremendous good if we stop and take a look in our journey and notice the thoughts that make us weak! Once you have that, you’ve already have finished 1/2 the battle! The biggest issue we face is we fight a battle on so many fronts.. cuz we don’t understand that we’re thinking stuff that makes it harder for us! So we feel so tired from fighting! All we had to do was stop thinking! This might be a good idea to try,
Write a paper of all the possible main combining thoughts that makes you weak. Then take another paper and write down all the possible actions we do that causes these thoughts. By then you’ll have solved 75% of your battle. Cuz you’ll have a clear plan of what needs to be added and reduced! And what it is that sets you off… It just takes WORK to come up with such awareness. And we hate that word.

It’s a great awareness and very eye opening when we realize what causes us to fall… it’s usually a combination of plain thoughts that trigger us.. and behaviors that set us in the mood.. noticing them can help tremendously.. how about taking a paper and throughout the week whenever you feel it’s building up write down any possible thoughts you feel might have led up to this point? Perhaps it can be the idea that masturbation is available? Or perhaps that masturbating will relieve my stress? Etc. as you go on with your journey you’ll have a lot more insight to work with.. you can also write down behaviors or places or things that you do that sets you in the mood etc. perhaps going on YouTube and watching talk shows? Perhaps looking at woman in the street? Perhaps listening to the wrong things? etc.
once we have a lot of insight then working through the battle and the next steps will be a breeze… the journey and goal of what needs to change and end will be clear.

There’s often a big struggle that guys fall into after falling.. when they lose they’re streak. Wether they were on day 10,100, or, 1000 if they fall suddenly often they’re hit with a strong blow afterwords of feeling like they’re back to square one. I think this is because in our minds our goal is to reach perfection in this area and the day we’re on would represent how perfect we are in this struggle.. so once we fall and we realize DAY 1 that’s a stab in the chest! I think it’s important to modify and understand our goal! Even if we were on day 10,000 we were never perfect! We might be just like the guy who’s on day 1 who has a tremendous amount of yiras shamayim! Days represents how well our plan is working that’s about it! NOT where we’re holding spiritually! And not how well we’re keeping the Torah in totality! We need to remember not to confuse the two! And therefore if you slipped up and your back to day 1 then you gotta tweak your plan a bit but your not on day 1 spiritually. Your still on the same exact day. And it’s important to remember if your plan worked for many days then perhaps continue the same plan we have to realize we’re never perfect to begin with and if it worked for a long time that’s whats important! Keep that up! we can’t obsess to stop every tiny future thing. Do we do that with other mitzvos?! Take Lashon hara, if your aiming for a plan that’s gonna hold out for the next 100 years then you’ll never be happy with yourself. And you’ll probably shoot yourself after 2 years if you consider yourself on day 1 after slipping once. Unfortunately we do the same in this area cuz we confuse the spirituality goal with the “how long did I not do xyz” goal! Our goal is to keep the Torah to the fullest and this is part of the Torah! And if we fall after 100 days or after 1000 days it makes no difference in regards to that real goal!

Furthermore, we have to be careful not to confuse with day 1 and back to square 1! It’s the farthest thing from the truth! look at the guys that are on day 3,000.. they all had a day 1 on the exact streak that reached to where they’ll holding today! Now take a guy that falls every other day he also is on day 1.. yet his streak cant last to day 3.. how can we say they’re both back to square one once they’re on day 1? They’re totally in different stages! The guy who reached 3,000 days now obviously on day 1 had a whole lot of experience! Of skills that he developed through years of fighting. Lots of insight etc. we’re never back to square one regardless of our day number.

In fact I would suggest to say after a fall if you learn from it and reflect on it, we should add 10 days to our original number because we’re so ahead- we have a whole fall we learnt from.

Let’s get rid of the fake goal! And realize our real goal.

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 01 Mar 2022 17:03:

basically after this long megillah, counting days is pretty darn silly; why does it take 1,233 words to say that? and speaking of fake goals, 90 days might be on top of that list! if you're a hero when you fall on day 43, what level is there higher than that? [oh, because after 90, your mindset will change - bullsh*t! take a survey from this site. even those many who have succeeded in changing mindsets, when did it happen?]