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TOPIC: Intro 395 Views

Intro 14 Oct 2020 06:22 #356161

  • 90dys
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October 14 2020

Been struggling since age 13, now in my 40's and never told a soul until tonight - when I talked to a GYI partner...

Thank you for caring, I will keep you posted.

Re: Intro 14 Oct 2020 09:39 #356166

  • Rebuild613
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Welcome to the GYE family, 
Very inspiring you had the courage despite so many years, 
stick around and you will be amazed.
keep us posted we are brothers sharing the same struggle and WE CARE 

Re: Intro 14 Oct 2020 13:38 #356175

  • Captain
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Definitely keep us posted, and tell us a little more about your battles.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: Intro 14 Oct 2020 13:45 #356177

  • Grant400
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Welcome home! Kick off your shoes and get comfy brother, because we are in this together for the long haul! Hatzlacha 

Re: Intro 14 Oct 2020 18:40 #356199

  • OivedElokim
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Welcome brother!
Very inspired by the fact that your still fighting. You can teach us a lot about perseverance...
Hatzlacha!
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.

“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My thread

Re: Intro 14 Oct 2020 23:13 #356206

  • Hashem Help Me
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Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Intro 15 Oct 2020 04:34 #356224

  • 90dys
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October 15, 2015

OK, just thinking out loud here (It's getting late so excuse my incoherence...)

2 monster goals which I think about constantly:

1) to be FULLY clean
2) to MASTER Shas Bavli shakla v'tarya (I have finished, but knowing cold is a whole different story)

​Which is a more reasonable goal?

The former requires enormous self control, the latter unparalleled self discipline (yet both require both...and we know what R' Y. Salanter said about breaking a midah)

Truth be told this is a silly and useless question. Purely academic. Is it more difficult to fast for 2 days or to consume 20 hotdogs at one shot? Mount Everest or English Channel? Completely different feats and they undoubtedly reflect that person's unique makeup.

Whatever the case may be, I Daven for this "utopian" world - where both become a reality, and they reflect the unique siyata dishmaya that sincere baalei teshuva receive.

And I will keep you guys posted as they do  Thank you for being so patient with me!

Re: Intro 15 Oct 2020 04:41 #356225

  • OivedElokim
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Amazed at how ambitious and driven you are. I am probably about half your age, and it seems I have much to learn from you in ambition in drive-which supposedly is in the domain of us younger folks...

Wishing you much Hatzlacha in meeting both of your goals, and in inspiring the rest of us to follow suit.

OivedElokim
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.

“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My thread

Re: Intro 15 Oct 2020 08:12 #356249

  • wilnevergiveup
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90dys wrote on 15 Oct 2020 04:34:
October 15, 2015

OK, just thinking out loud here (It's getting late so excuse my incoherence...)

2 monster goals which I think about constantly:

1) to be FULLY clean
2) to MASTER Shas Bavli shakla v'tarya (I have finished, but knowing cold is a whole different story)

​Which is a more reasonable goal?

The former requires enormous self control, the latter unparalleled self discipline (yet both require both...and we know what R' Y. Salanter said about breaking a midah)

Truth be told this is a silly and useless question. Purely academic. Is it more difficult to fast for 2 days or to consume 20 hotdogs at one shot? Mount Everest or English Channel? Completely different feats and they undoubtedly reflect that person's unique makeup.

Whatever the case may be, I Daven for this "utopian" world - where both become a reality, and they reflect the unique siyata dishmaya that sincere baalei teshuva receive.

And I will keep you guys posted as they do  Thank you for being so patient with me!

First of all, welcome! May you see much success in your journey.

You bring up an interesting question and I agree that it's mostly academic.

They say over in the name of the Brisker Rav, that everyone's natural drive is to do. When we want to feel accomplished we have a drive to do something, when we feel guilt, we want to do something, etc. we don't need to train ourselves to do, rather it's the refraining that is our greatest challenge. (I can't remember the whole vort but it is said over by the parshah of shemittah if I remember correctly) 

I just came to a new understanding of this recently, when I realized, I can't do anything to be clean for 90 days, besides to refrain for 90 days. There is nothing I can do to be more clean or make the goal come faster.

In the beginning we try to do everything in order to stop, we smash our phones, get filters, put restrictions, often we do these things just for us to feel like we are doing something when in reality what we need to do is work on self control.
Now don't get me wrong, those things are important, but essentially they are the easy part.

There came a point that there was just nothing left for me to do and reality hit me that it wasn't about what I had to do but what I had to stop doing.

I once had a friend who was nice and overweight. every few weeks or so he would proclaim "that's it! I had enough! I am going on a diet!". He would then storm out and return a half hour later with bags and bags of food. He would go out and buy tons of "healthy food" bags of fruit and veggies, salmon, whole wheat bread and crackers etc. He would then spend most of the next two days preparing all his food, that was healthy of course.

It never occurred to him that you don't lose weight by eating more food just because it's healthy. It was too difficult for him to actually refrain from eating, all he was able to do was do and when he felt that his lack of control was too much for himself to bear he was compelled to do something about it, when in reality what he needed was to learn how to refrain.                                                         
Check out My thread

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 15 Oct 2020 12:58 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Intro 16 Oct 2020 15:34 #356322

  • 90dys
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October 16, 2020

Thought of the day:

​OK, so yetzer yara nails me by telling me that today was easy...so doesn't really count as "clean day." Answer: I guess my avoda for today is different - not to conquer urges but simply to thank Hashem for giving me a break. And such a thought is truly a clean one.

Good Shabbos brothers, I thank Hashem for providing me with such a support system...Rak B'Simcha!

Re: Intro 16 Oct 2020 16:32 #356327

  • Grant400
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90dys wrote on 16 Oct 2020 15:34:
October 16, 2020

Thought of the day:

​OK, so yetzer yara nails me by telling me that today was easy...so doesn't really count as "clean day." Answer: I guess my avoda for today is different - not to conquer urges but simply to thank Hashem for giving me a break. And such a thought is truly a clean one.

Good Shabbos brothers, I thank Hashem for providing me with such a support system...Rak B'Simcha!

Food for thought: Even though it was an easy day without any heavy urges or extreme desire, if you were a classic goy, would you have acted out anyway? Probably. Dessert is delicious even if it isn't a necessity.

So there you have it, CLEAN DAY!

Re: Intro 16 Oct 2020 16:59 #356331

  • 90dys
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Excellent point. Such a thought can potentially provide chizuk for anyone at any place, during any matzav...."I am a yid, and so I certainly don't seek to excessively provoke my yetzer..."

Thank you, my friend!

Re: Intro 25 Oct 2020 04:59 #356648

  • 90dys
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October 25, 2020

BH 12 days so far. Tempted now but telling the yetzer to go to ____. Not sure where this journey is taking me, but that's part of the fun...and the reward. After all, in today's aliyah (Rishon of Lech Lecha), Rashi writes that Hashem did not reveal to Avraham where he was going in order to increase his schar. So if you feel helpless and weak, at least it is reassuring to know that this vulnerability is in the Hands of the One who knows us best. Let's conquer one temptation at a time and then rely on Hashem to take us where we need to go.
Thank you brothers for reading my thoughts - and may we all have a clean and emunah-filled day!

Re: Intro 26 Oct 2020 06:43 #356702

  • 90dys
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October 26, 2020

​Tough night. Didn't fall, but "wondering" whether I will make it to 90. And then I realize that it is MY decision...so why wonder when I can MAKE IT happen?!? Sounds obvious, but when my brain is flooded with residue of old habits, my thought process is anything but coherent.

Thank you for cheering me on. Keep the chizuk coming - I cannot do it without you tzadikim. I will BEZH celebrate with you in 77 days at the 90 day seudah!

Re: Intro 26 Oct 2020 12:11 #356704

  • Grant400
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90dys wrote on 26 Oct 2020 06:43:
October 26, 2020

​Tough night. Didn't fall, but "wondering" whether I will make it to 90. And then I realize that it is MY decision...so why wonder when I can MAKE IT happen?!?

Spot on my brother! This mindset is probably what gets a navy seal through hell week. At the end of the day it's all in our hands. Thanks for sharing! 
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