Hello everyone!
I'm a yeshiva bochur in Israel and I've been struggling with masturbation and porn since I was a teenager. I come from a regular American religious background and I came to Israel and simple fell in love with Torah and Judaism. As a teenager I would engage in risky behavior with girls but I never sacrificed my virginity. The summer of last year found me in a deep hole. I had an iPhone and I had the temptations of a raging teenager with a ton of desires to fulfill. I was a casual porn watcher as a teenager and I wanted to take it to the next level again because I guess I missed my high school years with girls. I downloaded a few dating apps and I started to get involved with girls weekly and having sexual contact. I still maintained my virginity although risking it on countless occasions. Came Elul and I wanted to change again so I got an old iPhone with limited access to these apps. I was clean until Pesach. When I came back to Israel, I was raging again with temptation. I had a new iPhone and got involved in the apps again. I started seeing women and last week I got an apartment and I invited a girl over. That night I lost my virginity to much regret. The next morning the girl left and I invited another girl because I seemingly felt I already did the worst so I might as well just go all the way now. We slept together all morning and parted ways. On the way back to yeshiva I felt that my life is just hopeless, there's nothing to be done anymore about it. I just will simply give into this temptation and let it be because I tried before and it failed numerious times. I met the girl again a few days later and we did it in a bathroom. I just felt deeply engrossed in my desires to even put a second thought as to what I'm doing right now. Above that, I got back into porn to fulfill my desires when I'm not sleeping with women. At this point, as I'm still engrossed in my desires, I just feel there's no hope and I'll just continue this destructive behavior. I simply don't know who to turn to because it's obviously shameful to approach a rebbe or friend about it. 

Welcome!  You are certainly in a tough situation.  There is no such thing as hopeless.  This website is a testament to that.  I know you don't want to speak to a rebbi or friend, but that is probably the single most powerful thing you can do right now.  Do it before this drags on for years getting worse and worse.  It will not get better unless you do something about it.  Get help!  Please get help!  It will not get better by itself, and you cannot "beat" this by yourself.

Keep posting.  We are here for you.  Many people have been in your situation and recovered.  The earlier you get help, the better.

As Gibbor120 said, get help ASAP, the long you will drag, to harder it will be, just ask around here, there is toons of help, just ask the right people, and remember, you are still a child of hashem, dont give up..... hashem loves you.

Welcome! A rebbe is a great idea. Last year i was learning in Israel and decided that i had enough. I told my self that i needed to be really honest as I was overcome with a lot of shame. I tried to stop but i couldnt so i decided that I would tell my rebbe. And he was warm, caring and he gave me good advice and Thank God, life has changed. He told me to go to SA. I never really thought it was for me but it turns out to be a very warm place. I was part of the SA fellowship in Israel last year and since moving from Israel, i really miss everyone there. They helped me a lot. If you really want to stop but could not, then SA may be the place for you. 

Welcome,
I'm sorry to hear about your story and wish you the best of luck. It is very commendable of you to come here and write your story. I agree with Gibbor that you should speak to a Rebbe you trust and are close with as he may be able to help you out, maybe more than we can. With that being said, i speak for myself, and i think everyone here, when i say we are to support you 100%. Please continue posting and don't be shy to ask anything
Much Hatzlacha,
360gye

What can I say I cried when I read your share

I too agree to the suggestion to speak to a Rebbe that you are close with you may be surprised with the outcome but whatever the case please keep us posted and ask anything you like

Recovery should be with much Hatzlacha

Welcome ATC

Do you have a drivers license?

Please read the amazing story hidden in the spoiler in my sig below ;-)

Welcome home!!!
First of all there is a wonderful SA fellowship here in Israel i go
one of our members has a very similar story to yours and he just celebrated his "birthday" one year clean 
so there is definitely hope
you'll learn this line
Keep On Truckin' (that's why markz asked if you have a license but you only need a gye truckers license)
Good Luck!!

My advice to you is get married.
Maybe your bride can fulfill your desires to such an extent that you will no longer seek what is forbidden.
Other then that  you need to move to an area that doesn't have many secular Jewish girls around.
i doubt a gentile girl will mess with a boy wearing a yarmulke .
So your safer being around them.

Mr. Snowman maybe YOU should get married....
sheleg wrote on 26 Jun 2017 06:32:

Ain ucir mater es atzmoe.
I can give good advice to others but to apply it to myself is not so simple.
 The likelihood for older singles to find their zivug is slim to none.
on the other hand this young bochir 
can find a bride quicker and faster then I can.
So for him this advice is more realistic.

So you'll have to find some other recovery tools. Maybe try some of the ones others on this site have been successful with. And maybe our young Bochur friend can too.

sheleg wrote on 27 Jun 2017 20:26:

Sorry for busting your bubble!, as you see here YOU are the only person with such advice, there are many older members with many years of sobriety, none of them have found what you are saying should be helpful, you are entitled to your opinion, however before giving advice to others PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH.

More and better sex has never proven to help stop lusting, the opposite (for a while) "might" help.

Belmont4175,,,, what are you saying ?
This bochur shouldn't get married 
and have sex until he cures his lust ?

Mr. Sheleg,

Do you have a rabbi/mentor/teacher/sponsor?