The Library

Yesterday, while I was on Youtube, I noticed a feature that hadn't struck me before. Every video that you've ever viewed is underlined in red. I was so completely shocked to see how much time I had wasted. I felt like I was wasting my life away and the darkness started ...

I came to this site by accident, of sorts. Yes, there were several decades of filth and smut in my days, but I always stopped, at least for a week or two, or more. Recovery and lack thereof did not consume my life. I was fine with the pattern. Of course, yamim noraim (m...

I’ve been clean from shmutz and self-pleasuring for close to 10 years now, but shmiras einayim is something I still struggle with, with ups and downs every few weeks, months, etc. Lately, I’ve been in a bit of a down. Not that the behaviors became worse, but I recently re...

One of my favorite sayings is, "We have to realize and appreciate the s'char for being moser nefesh for the Ribono Shel Olam when dealing with this struggle: that Shomayim will, in turn, be moser nefesh for us." Recently, I had three days in a row where the going was rou...

One of my issues is being quite unable to process highly emotional events. It triggers my anxiety in an exaggerated fashion. I am, BH, being slowly weaned off my medications and am, bli ayin hora, doing very well. This emotional challenge is a residual issue which will ho...

I am 50 years old, married, and in recovery for four years. I had been addicted to porn since my early teens, but didn't realize that I had a problem with it until my late 20's. By my late 30's I realized that I had a serious problem, but it wasn't until my mid 40's tha...

I am a 30 year-old Chassidic man who learns in kollel. Ever since I can remember, I have always been obsessed with desire for women of every type, denomination and variation. Over the years, I would masturbate in hiding. Gradually, it got worse and I started getting invol...

Hello, GYE! I'm so excited for having reached this point and experiencing the cleanest, most honest and most growing 3 months in my entire life, or whatever I called "life" before now. Death, perhaps. What helped me? The forum. The dedicated, constant posters, moderator...

An email we received from a wife, Jan 1, 2016: My husband is in a leadership position in our community. We are currently married 20+ years. The "perfect" couple, totally "in love." In year 16, i caught him with porn. He confessed, wanted to get out, but didn’t know how...

So last night had me congested and tossing and turning because of it. Keeping my mouth open wasn't helping, nor the nervous mind-mantra "fall asleep fall asleep fall asleep it's getting late." At that point, I was sure that only masturbating would help me fall asleep and ...

I’m starting school again tomorrow - very nervous, anxious and afraid despite the fact that I left on a really good note. I decided to take some time out and reaffirm to myself who I am and what I’m doing here. I also have a colleague who I have to work closely with but...

I've been on Guard Your Eyes for some time now, working on myself and my shmirat Einayim. Over the past 5 years, I have had over 3 years clean. However, that mean I have been falling for at least 2 years. But I never give up. After every fall and relapse, no matter how ma...

Dear GYE, Thank you for your congratulations on my reaching 1 year clean, it touched my heart deeply. Thank you, GYE, it definitely would not have been possible without you. Lately, I have been meditating, a practice that I have learnt recently. If I can work at its root,...

It's been hard recently. My wife and I have been "off" for about six weeks due to a change in medication, and it's been hard. I stumbled with computer stuff once or twice but I picked myself up and started again. I find it's about keeping to my own rules. If I am meikel,...

I have close to 9 months sobriety, and I want to share this true story with you. I had a job interview today, and, at the end of the interview, the CEO of the company gave me the job. The job is due to start next week. I was really up for taking him up on the offer, u...

A woman wrote to us, asking for chizuk in face of a challenge she was facing. She wrote: A family friend from overseas called me and asked if we can meet up. I don't know if I ever told you about this family "friend" but that's basically how every SA issue that I have ...

E.F. writes: You need to add much more info on your website for women who abuse themselves on the Internet. I am recently divorced, and my son is now without his mother because she became addicted to the Internet and degraded herself daily by talking to men online all ...

One Motzai Shabbos I was lusting pretty hard and I felt needed to watch some Shmutz, but I didn't have a smartphone. So I went to a store near me (the only one that was opened that late) and picked a smartphone that I wanted to buy, but it was out of stock. I tried the ne...