B”H, I’m doing okay — almost 12 full days - but I’m scared I will just have a sudden fall. I’m trying to put in an effort every day but maybe one day I’ll simply be possessed by my Y”H and masturbate, and either not care or just not have the power to stop it in the moment.

Many people tell me that I am not an addict. After all, has my addictive behaviors caused terrible harm and consequences? Have I lost my whole family?  Have I contracted AIDS? Have I given someone else a sexually transmitted disease?

I believe that an addict can heal and become a struggler. I believe that it is easier than it seems. It can’t be done alone, GYE is needed. GYE has all the tools necessary but they need to be modified to be used well.

The following five thoughts helped interrupt my out-of-balance thinking and behavior. Practiced with honesty and integrity, they can allow you to be free of unwanted addictions. 

The problem is that you are fighting. A good driver needs guardrails only in an emergency - to drive constantly bumping against the guardrails is a problem. 

I ask my Higher Power to help me realize what He is trying to teach me through these challenges and what I need to correct in my thoughts or actions as a result

Compulsive sexual behavior disorder is characterized by a persistent pattern of failure to control intense, repetitive sexual impulses or urges resulting in repetitive sexual behavior.

I am not an addict. I am the wife of an addict. I have also lived with other addictions before my marriage. My mind is trained to obsess about the addict and their safety, their whereabouts, how they are, or how they ought to be.

Having SSA is similar to someone who would be attracted ONLY to married women, i.e. single women don't attract him at all (if such a thing was possible).

90 days free of porn watching has arrived. No sense of pride at all, just a deep sense of thanks to GYE for not rejecting me and an infinitely deeper sense of thanks to Ribono shel Olom.