Bigmoish

Not sure what bein' on gye has to do with bein' honest to her

I just get the feeling that she resents the fact that I share my feelings with others, but not her.

Bigmoish, you have my sympathy, it is tough being attracted to someone in the close family circle.
I can identify with some of your feelings. back when i started on gye i got heavily involved, posting and chatting and emailing with friends and it took so much of my time and mind that i felt bad hiding it from my wife. (it is ironic and telling that I didnt feel that way about porn...). so i spilled the beans to her one day about gye and my need for it.
one thing i would suggest is that you weigh the decision to stop on gye carefully, if it is your only forum for interaction and sharing about this sensitive topic you might shooting yourself in the foot by doing so. my 2 cents.

I agree with zemiros; this decision has to be guided by a (sorry) therapist or rav.
Whenever you close down one option you need to have another option available. And if your wife nags you about her sister it can very well be that she herself needs to talk to a therapist. I do not think (i am no therapist, just my opinion) that the topic of your sil should be routinely discussed by your wife and you. if there is anything that can be done about this issue let it be done and be in the process of being taken care of.But for it to be a topic for continuous conversation between wife and husband its not good for neither of you.

ZemirosShabbos wrote:


דברי טעם הם

It is nice to see pleasant, thoughtful and insightful responses.

So, I have clearly not quit GYE (or whatsapp, hangouts, chat, conference calls, etc), and at the advice of others, decided instead to be more open with my wife.
She is still getting used to it, but I think she understands that honesty is the path to recovery, and that I can greatly improve my life by committing to a program and not hiding it from her.
Some time yesterday, the image of a certain sexual goddess popped into my head, and I was able to recognize for a short time that she is an actual human being, not a doll.
I have not been able to replicate the results of that success yet (nor have I been trying, as I try to keep my thoughts on real life), but I do feel a glimmer of hope that, with effort, I will eventually be able to recognize that women are people and not toys.

Bigmoish wrote:


Amen!

Bigmoish,
I haven't been following the whole situation, but I saw a post where you said how she asks how you're doing and she only wants to hear good.
I was recently at a therapist with my wife and she said how she feels this pressure to make sure I'm not doing who-knows-what, so she asks me how I'm doing, and she wants me to be honest, but on the other hand, hearing that I'm not OK and slipped etc. makes her mind race to all sorts of worst-case scenarios.
The therapist suggested that we discuss it only once a week/month... and only tell her after I'm back on track. I said, "what if I'm still not doing well?" He suggested that I designate a third party to discuss it with, and when my wife asks me what's doing, if I'm not good she should be able to ask me what I'm doing to fix the situation e.g. talking to the outside party. this way I wont have to actually discuss the details with her, but I'm being honest with her at least after the fact, and she can be comfortable knowing that either I'm back on track or I'm doing something about it.
hope something was helpful.
It seems like your wife minds that you would talk to others and you are dishonest and tell her that you only talk to her... I guess different strokes for different folks, but maybe you could explain to her why it would be better for her if you talk to a third party instead of her.

gut moed, abie
[uhremeh.kinder@gmail.com]

Bigmoish wrote:


Abie Welcome!
You shared some great stuff. how about you take the same suggestion Bigmoish gave me

Welcome Abie,

It sounds like you have lots of good stuff to share. I look forward to hearing more from you.

It would feel very good right now to take a hit of my sweet sweet drug.
Such an easy escape from reality; such a great high.
I'm too lazy to get around all my filtration devices at the moment, but wonderful fantasies can easily be dreamed up in my mind's eye.
So, what will it be? Will I? Or won't I? Do I really have the ability to choose anymore?
Of course I do. But the choice is not yes or no, life or death, sanity or foolishness.
Given those options, I am guaranteed to choose the choice of folly and fleeting pleasure. Eventually. Perhaps not this time (though probably), but my will power is not unlimited. It is, in fact, very weak.
The choice I have right now is the choice between me and God. Nothing more, nothing less. If I choose me, which I well may, I will then be faced with the futile options presented above.
If I choose to accept God, anything is possible.
But will I?

Will you?

There are a lot of people rooting for you.

But only one matters.
אם אין אני לי, מי לי?

Yes, only you can win this, but we can daven for you and cheer you on.