shalom1530 wrote on 23 Mar 2025 14:38:

You’re 100% right if it’s about scoring Mitzvas. 

But if we’re trying to change our lives to the better - either with minor changes to get us at least 45 days clean at a time, or bigger minor changes such as dealing with our emotional (stress…) stuff, then winning a day and losing a day means something isn’t working right…

A truly wonderful week to you!

This is a hijacking of CO's thread

eerie wrote on 23 Mar 2025 17:39:

Ditto to you 

I was referencing mitzvahs but same goes even your not here to score mitzvahs
because keeping strong for one day is a very hard thing to accomplish and that accomplishment can't go away even if you fall through afterwards
obviously the fight is never done as long as you live even if you stopped for 40 days or even for a year the fight never stops
But what I was trying to say is that, if you fight one day at a time and you celebrate your wins it makes it a lot easier to keep up in battle because even if you fail afterwards it's a lot easier to start again if you remember the few days you did keep strong and that will give you the strength to keep on fighting but if you look at the previous 10 days as one big battle that you lost that takes away a lot of the motivation to start fighting again
and that is a big problem that a lot of people have which makes  them to give up if they fall through once or twice but if you fight one day a time and you look at every day as a win that will give you the strength to keep on fighting and eventually to get clean forever
Have a wonderful week !!

Almost 700 days of Tahara. ברוך ה'

Reflecting about the search for Chometz.
And what it means that we are charged to be a בא לטהר
I don't have the headspace for a proper post, haven't been here nearly as much as I want to lately, been mostly out of touch, too. 
But I feel now is as good of a time as any to stop in and say thank you.
Thank you, friends. 
Thank you, Hashem. 

i am, 
chaimoigen
מאן דבעי חיים

Erev Shviyi Shel Pesach 5785

I’ve had a bit of rough Yom Tov, a Zman Cheiruseinu with plenty of Matza and Maror, all mixed together. Inspiration, a lot of wonderful Brachos and Simcha, and also significant events and challenges that cause me anguish, worry, and hurt. Sometimes all of this is happening at the same time. It’s hard and also confusing. 

I also found myself feeling urges, too, over Chol Hamoed. All related of course. But I’ve BH managed to strengthen myself (and my Gedarim), and with Hashem’s kindness I’m good, BH. I want to say thank you to the friends who were there, and even the ones who couldn’t pick up when I called, and all of you out there. It’s good to have you and it makes all the difference! Ki Tov. 

Some guys were asking on another thread about why Hashem has created a life in which bad and painful things happen to good people. 

At the risk of opening up my most personal thoughts, I’ll share here some of how I approach Nisyonos. If these feelings and approach don’t resonate with you, then please just ignore them, I’m just sharing what has been working for me in case anyone can get a toeles. (But please don’t bash , I’m a little raw now) 

I believe in Hashem, and His goodness, (otherwise life wouldn’t be worth living).

Why He runs the world the way he does isn’t something I bother to try to understand. I know that I don’t have the Keilim to know the unknowable. That doesn’t mean I don’t have to deal with the emotions and the pain of what hurts so much, and even sometimes feels terribly unfair- of course I do. But I remind myself that those are my feelings. I try to approach what He sends me, in my life, in the following ways:

I try not to ask what are His reasons for doing these things to me. Because I can’t know that (though I can be ממשמש במעשי).

I try to look for Hashgacha and for Chassadim to bolster my Emuna and Bitachon. That always helps. And when I see Chessed, and feel His presence and involvement in my life it helps me feel that everything has purpose and goodness. 

And I do try to ask the following: ​
What is it that He is asking of me? What am I being called to do in this situation; and how I am being called upon to respond and to grow. There’s usually a change that I’m being required to make, when faced with something difficult. Perhaps I have to learn how to let go of an expectation, or a resentment. That involves working on myself. Or perhaps I have to learn how to find serenity and to cope in ways I haven’t learned before. To learn how to find ways to be who I want to be, even in face of trying circumstances. To act instead of react.
These kind of changes that I have to learn to make force and call me to focus on various areas of Avoda and life in ways that will take strengths I never used or had before.
I fail plenty, but I try to pick myself up. I try to figure out ways in which the hard and painful things Hashem is sending my way are His way of calling me to grow and change. That infuses my daily difficulties with meaning.

And at the times that I’m zocheh to find these strengths, I experience Cheirus in ways that I have never done before. 

הבוחר בחיים 
ומצפה לחיים טובים ולשום
לי ולנו ולכל בית ישראל 

נזכה לעבור את הים בעזה״י

Every line is a masterpiece.

I haven't (yet) read the threads that discuss the age-old (seeming) irony of צדיק ורע לו, and grapple with understanding דרכי ה'. 

The message here is loud and clear, may we be Zoche to open our eyes at all times and see the יד השם in our lives.

Sounds like a beautiful way of life. Rav Simcha Wasserman would say, "In every situation ask yourself if there is anything you can do. If there is, do it. If there is not, don't worry about it."

Easier said than done of course. And unfortunately I personally find myself applying this idea by building up a wall around painful things instead of using them as a springboard for growth or rising over them through emunah. But a beautiful idea idea nonetheless. And someone who truly lives it will rise unstoppably.

Beautiful post Harav R' Chaim Oigen true words of wisdom and lots for me to learn and work on.

As for R' Chosemyshem I love the way you posed your question simple and honest and it's a question that bothered me a lot, until recently I heard from someone Be'Sheim one of the gedolim from the last generation {don't remember who}, that Moishe Rabeinu was referring to children when he asked the question, "I understand that what seems to be bad really is good just in Hester, but why is it that the tzadikim who were real role models for their children they gave the best chinuch possible, and yet v'ra lo - they can still be struggling with their children, and you can't even blame it on anything".

IMHO this pshat rings so true and it's a source of profound chizuk to the tzadik father, to know that Moishe Rabeinu saw all the upcoming generations and our pain, and already asked Hashem about it for our sake, I've personally been involved with people in such situations and when I told the parents this pshat it enlightened them to know that none other than Moishe Rabeinu was and still is there for them currently asking this question from the kisei hakuvod and begging Hashem to bring their children back and make it tzadik v'tov lo!!!

chaimoigen wrote on 18 Apr 2025 17:58:

Fire. I should read this daily.

Thank you R' CO.

Haven't been here as much as I want, nor been in touch with my friends as much as I want and need. But I'm thinking about and Davening for all of us, all the time. 

For about 2 years I have been trying to fully understand the power of these relationships we form here. I have many thoughts and experiences and ways to explain why they are life-changing, but I know that there are aspects that I haven't yet grasped (or perhaps even utilized properly). 
I just found this piece in The Rebbe Rav Elimech of Lizhensk's Tzetel Koton. Bears reading carefully a few times and think about deeply:

chaimoigen wrote on 09 May 2025 16:13:

לכאו' הענין שבמקום "הגוף עושה את המעשה" מוציאים את הבכח אל פועל אחר

I just realized that 730 days is 365x2. That’s two years clean, a very big milestone, BH. 
BH. 

Life isn’t a bed of roses. In fact I have been dealing with a number of major Nisyonos that have taken place and continue to take place, and I struggle with them internally as well as outwardly. 

However, the internal joy that I have inside from the sense of Tahara that I’ve developed from being clean has changed my life, and given me strength and clarity and a wellspring of Koach that I would not otherwise have.

Because being clean is not just about stopping to feel sick about what was wrong. It’s about how so, so, much in my internal spiritual and emotional life is better from this place that I’m now in, BH. Everything looks different from here.
I’ve written about it in a lot of different ways in this thread and others. 

I don’t think life ever stops being filled with challenges. That’s why we are here. But the rewards of being clean - long term - are abundant. 

Im thankful to be here, thankful for this special gift, and thankful to all of you.

If you’re hanging on at the beginning of your journey and wondering if the long-term gain is worth it. If you’re not feeling how 30,40, or even 90 days makes a difference in the ongoing battlefield of life, I take this moment to tell you, friend, that from this man’s perspective it’s worth hanging on. You owe it to yourself to see what you can be. The difference comes with time, and it’s worth it. 

ברגשי הודאה על העבר ובקשה על העתיד 

מאן דבעי חיים 

Life's all about rollin' and rockin', ain't it?
R CO thanks for being such an inspiration.