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TOPIC: Make it to Yeshiva 108705 Views

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Mar 2021 06:18 #365935

wilnevergiveup
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 22 Mar 2021 23:45:

mggsbms wrote on 22 Mar 2021 23:36:

You articulated so well many of the feelings I have, even as someone married for many years, happily b"h, with the very blessings you describe, but still have that deep longing. I would not project that onto you, as you are single, however there is something to think about there if these longings are a product of something else going on in our psyche, and not necessarily the dearth of these actual relationships. Food for thought.

It’s hard to know, especially since I’m single, and then everyone explains these emotions as the natural desire for marrige.
And I do beleive that, very much.
But you raise an important point.
Some pshatim could be: The unsatiable desire of the neshama for kirvas HaShem. In which case, lechora, better learning/davening would help.
And יש לדון if we’re such baalei madreiga that we’re in touch with the תשוקה of the neshama. Or if we’re depriving our Nefesh of Ruchnius so it’s starving...
It could also come from a lack of appreciating what one has and always feels lacking. Rav Dessler discusses a similar concept in kuntres hachesed, about the ״כח המשיחה״.

Perhaps plain old loneliness?

Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Mar 2021 06:33 #365936

starting
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 23 Mar 2021 04:48:

Why? I pass unfiltered computers everyday here. It’s so hard. I know it’s possible but gosh, this just ain’t fun.
Why? Why am I being moser nefesh? Why am I depriving myself of such joy, the blood running through my veins, heart pumping. It’s invigorating.
Im resuming working out in the morning, but idk, it’s so so hard, and I’m thinking like wats the point, I don’t know if I have the strength...
It feels, l’havdil, like eishes potiphar is seeking to seduce me everyday, and I don’t know what to tell u guys but, I’m just not Yosef HaTzadik...

It’s not fair. Ok? It’s not fair.
Does it need to be?
Not sure.

Gn

Oy, what you are going through, the pain, the constant nisayon, the yetzer hora not letting you think straight, possibly even Him making you have resentment because it could be so much easier with filters, my heart is breaking for and for the many others in that kind of situation.

I would like to point out that now, with you being about 200 days removed from the last time you masturbated/watched porn you don't actually remember what is really like.
You don't remember the pleasure, the freedom of sinning.
You also don't remember the pain, the disgust, the unhappiness, disappointment, the self-loathing, the loss of freedom, of serenity, of self control, of self esteem, of self confidence and that horrible feeling that comes as just when you are finishing to masturbate, when the semen is still rushing out when you lose your entire sexual desire in one second but you're still doing it....

Read through your thread, see if you've described your feelings at different stages and use that to help you grow and grow more than anyone can possibly fathom this bein hazmanim

The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Mar 2021 12:57 #365941

Ripelsa
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Hi,
YG you have one thing that you are more special then all of us.
In pesachim (don't remember which daf ) it says that there are three people that hakudosh baruch hu calls on them every day. one of them are a single who lives in the city and doesn't sin and rashi says that a single with so many nisyonos surrounding him and he doesn't sin is such a big thing that he himself calls on them so there it is fair!!!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Mar 2021 19:31 #365975

yeshivaguy Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1493 Karma: 148	No ones home. I wanna masterbate. Wanna watch on computer/tv. Wanna. wanna. wanna. REALLY WANNA!!!! Wont.
	Last Edit: 23 Mar 2021 19:31 by yeshivaguy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Mar 2021 20:04 #365976

happyyid OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 330 Karma: 18	I don't know how you do it!!! My only protection now is my filters. You are so strong! Chazak V'emutz HappyYid
	Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com My thread

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Mar 2021 20:06 #365977

Ish MiGrodno Current streak: 1444 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 515 Karma: 34	This calls for a new super-thread alongside "L'Chaim Let's Celebrate" - in honor of YG hitting day 200 in three days BEZ"H.... We'll need to arrange for a complete virtual affair; prime rib, orchestra, speakers. etc. That'll get him through the next few days (but YG, you'll need to stay busy cleaning cars as well..!) Looking for excuses to party in Grodno ~ IMG
	ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳] Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro Feel free to reach out to me at jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Mar 2021 21:16 #365982

Markz NOW ONLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8259 Karma: 428	Today is Voting Day In Israel YeshivaGuy wrote on 23 Mar 2021 19:31: No ones home. I wanna masterbate. Wanna watch on computer/tv. Wanna. wanna. wanna. REALLY WANNA!!!! Wont. And we all want YOU
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Mar 2021 21:27 #365983

grant400 Current streak: 47 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1490 Karma: 173	I'm beginning to suspect @YG is an angel. I'm not joking. How a person can exercise such discipline especially at such a young age is beyond me. It's mindboggling and flabbergasting. The mark of a real איש. The mark of real אמת. The mark of a real 'עבד ה. !כל הכבוד
	"Just Regular Movies" Grant's Rants The Story Teller & Related Threads The Five Languages of Love Embarrassing Things We All Do and Think

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Mar 2021 21:39 #365984

yeshivaguy
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Thank you all for the kind words and chizzuk.
I was able to force myself to chazer an amud with Rashi twice.
And then I played with my younger brother who was downstairs.
I will say that I went to my fathers computer in the attic to be nichshal but bh wasn’t...

My parents are back home now.
Its hard cuz my dad won’t put filters on his computers and they are always unlocked in the attic. And my brother has a computer in the bedroom next to mine.
And we have a lot of TVs which have YouTube access and it’s impossible to block (after speaking to the company), so it’s hard.

The only way I can get through this is with all you guys and the support on and off the site.

Thank you all and tizku l’mitzvos!

Last Edit: 23 Mar 2021 21:40 by yeshivaguy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Mar 2021 22:29 #365988

Rebuild613 OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 160 Karma: 60	.
	Demolished is my real name Fool is my middle name Last Edit: 31 Mar 2021 08:37 by Rebuild613. Reason: .

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Mar 2021 04:55 #366007

yeshivaguy Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1493 Karma: 148	I’m struggling a lot right now. That’s all I’ll say, and it’s my fault. Ill try to hold on. Gn

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Mar 2021 08:15 #366013

Striving Avreich Current streak: 2 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 216 Karma: 13	I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. What's also your fault is 198 days

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Mar 2021 11:23 #366016

Hashem Help Me Current streak: 2888 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 4042	I can't imagine the schar of a fellow that is surrounded by unsafe devices and is staying pure. You are an incredible hero and deserve tremendous credit. May Hashem protect you. Iyh after the successful bain hazmanim, you will have been mekadesh shem shomayim an a way that big tzaddikim would be jealous of.
	Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Mar 2021 11:31 #366017

grant400 Current streak: 47 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1490 Karma: 173	My dear ROSH YeshivaGuy, Hang in there. You are one of the greatest role models here. When I am faced with temptation, I've thought to myself that if YG (who is a bochur and lives in an environment not conducive to "streaks") is clean then I can't just give in. Please continue to be there for us.
	"Just Regular Movies" Grant's Rants The Story Teller & Related Threads The Five Languages of Love Embarrassing Things We All Do and Think

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Mar 2021 11:56 #366018

yeshivaguy Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1493 Karma: 148	I held on chevra, bh. Was standing in front of a laptop... And walked away. I did touch myself a shtikl last night though didn’t masterbate. Its important in these situations to not give an inch to the yetzer cuz then it’s much harder, but I won’t dwell on it and will move on. Have a great day!