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Keeping Accountability
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Keeping Accountability 2896 Views

Keeping Accountability 19 Feb 2021 14:15 #363768

  • HappyYid
  • Current streak: 132 days
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  • Posts: 267
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Hi guys,
I've been here for a few years, but was part of the thousands that just reads but doesn't  post or click thank you. (If you think about it, there's on average 5-10 people that say thank you on a post but there's thousands on the site and even looking at the post- you could see it says 'views'. Just saying...)
First of all I want to say thank you to GYE for being who they are and to everyone here especially those that post, it gives tons of chizuk even thought many of us don't reply or click thank you, you should know the posts are great and very inspirational. 
Just wanted to start a thread to keep accountability. My main struggle right now is ms, I don't have access to porn bh. I have a very hard time with lusting about my sisters in law; two single ones in shidduchim age. They are both attractive and although my wife is very pretty too the yh makes me think that they are prettier. I really think about them often. And they are each a little clueless in their own way and they do things which dont help the situation, nothing bad just isnt great for me they are very friendly etc. Its especially hard when I go for Shabbos, many times I look forward to going so that I could 'enjoy' them more directly. I'm going for Shabbos this week and I want to come back here and say that I was (at least) 97% clean in terms of lusting them. 
Ill try to post here as much as I could to keep me stable and for accountability.
Thank you everyone for being here for everyone else . I love you guys.

Happy Yid
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 12 Apr 2021 15:43 by HappyYid.

Re: Keeping Accountability 19 Feb 2021 14:40 #363771

  • DavidT
  • OFFLINE
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  • Posts: 865
  • Karma: 60
happyyid wrote on 19 Feb 2021 14:15:
Hi guys,
I've been here for a few years, but was part of the thousands that just reads but doesn't  post or click thank you. (If you think about it, there's on average 10-15 people that say thank you on a post but there's thousands on the site and even looking at the post- you could see it says 'views'. Just saying...)
First of all I want to say thank you to GYE for being who they are and to everyone here especially those that post, it gives tons of chizuk even thought many of us don't reply or click thank you, you should know the posts are great and very inspirational. 
Just wanted to start a thread to keep accountability. My main struggle right now is ms, I don't have access to porn bh. I have a very hard time with lusting about my sisters in law; two single ones in shidduchim age. They are both attractive and although my wife is very pretty too the yh makes me think that they are prettier. I really think about them often. And they are each a little clueless in their own way and they do things which dont help the situation, nothing bad just isnt great for me they are very friendly etc. Its especially hard when I go for Shabbos, many times I look forward to going so that I could 'enjoy' them more directly. I'm going for Shabbos this week and I want to come back here and say that I was (at least) 97% clean in terms of lusting them. 
Ill try to post here as much as I could to keep me stable and for accountability.
Thank you everyone for being here for everyone else . I love you guys.

Happy Yid

It's so exciting to have another member involved on posting and joining the many members that are really accomplishing and growing in avodas Hashem. 

I would like to point out that even if we had everything we could possibly imagine we wanted in our wives, we would still desire other women. As the Pasuk says in Mishlei (9:17): מַיִם גְּנוּבִים יִמְתָּקוּ וְלֶחֶם סְתָרִים יִנְעָם - "Stolen water is sweet and hidden bread is pleasurable". 

Shmiras Aimayim is truly a difficult achievement in today's world. But more than just forcing ourselves "not to look" all the time, we need a change in attitude.

There are many approaches and not one-size-fits-all.. (as you already know from being on GYE for a few years already). Let's daven that each of us finds the tools and perspectives that will help him gain true freedom and happiness. 

Keep strong and we're looking forward to hear from you after shabbos!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Keeping Accountability 19 Feb 2021 16:51 #363779

  • YeshivaGuy
  • Current streak: 13 days
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happyyid wrote on 19 Feb 2021 14:15:
Hi guys,
I've been here for a few years, but was part of the thousands that just reads but doesn't  post or click thank you. (If you think about it, there's on average 10-15 people that say thank you on a post but there's thousands on the site and even looking at the post- you could see it says 'views'. Just saying...)
First of all I want to say thank you to GYE for being who they are and to everyone here especially those that post, it gives tons of chizuk even thought many of us don't reply or click thank you, you should know the posts are great and very inspirational. 
Just wanted to start a thread to keep accountability. My main struggle right now is ms, I don't have access to porn bh. I have a very hard time with lusting about my sisters in law; two single ones in shidduchim age. They are both attractive and although my wife is very pretty too the yh makes me think that they are prettier. I really think about them often. And they are each a little clueless in their own way and they do things which dont help the situation, nothing bad just isnt great for me they are very friendly etc. Its especially hard when I go for Shabbos, many times I look forward to going so that I could 'enjoy' them more directly. I'm going for Shabbos this week and I want to come back here and say that I was (at least) 97% clean in terms of lusting them. 
Ill try to post here as much as I could to keep me stable and for accountability.
Thank you everyone for being here for everyone else . I love you guys.

Happy Yid

Welcome to the family
Keep us posted
Wishing u much Hatzlocha!
And stay in touch!

Re: Keeping Accountability 19 Feb 2021 19:12 #363785

Welcome! I actually just recently started posting again  too. It can make a huge difference to both the person typing it and the person reading it, so please post as often as you can!
Last Edit: 19 Feb 2021 19:14 by #makelifegreatagain.

Re: Keeping Accountability 19 Feb 2021 19:36 #363790

  • HappyYid
  • Current streak: 132 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 267
  • Karma: 12
happyyid wrote on 19 Feb 2021 14:15:
Hi guys,
I've been here for a few years, but was part of the thousands that just reads but doesn't  post or click thank you. (If you think about it, there's on average 10-15 people that say thank you on a post but there's thousands on the site and even looking at the post- you could see it says 'views'. Just saying...)
First of all I want to say thank you to GYE for being who they are and to everyone here especially those that post, it gives tons of chizuk even thought many of us don't reply or click thank you, you should know the posts are great and very inspirational. 
Just wanted to start a thread to keep accountability. My main struggle right now is ms, I don't have access to porn bh. I have a very hard time with lusting about my sisters in law; two single ones in shidduchim age. They are both attractive and although my wife is very pretty too the yh makes me think that they are prettier. I really think about them often. And they are each a little clueless in their own way and they do things which dont help the situation, nothing bad just isnt great for me they are very friendly etc. Its especially hard when I go for Shabbos, many times I look forward to going so that I could 'enjoy' them more directly. I'm going for Shabbos this week and I want to come back here and say that I was (at least) 97% clean in terms of lusting them. 
Ill try to post here as much as I could to keep me stable and for accountability.
Thank you everyone for being here for everyone else . I love you guys.

Happy Yid

Thank you all for your responses!
I was in a hurry earlier...just to add more details.
I'm a more or less yeshivisha guy and my wifes family is also, I'm married a few years and close in age to my sisters in law so in some way we are all 'friendly' with each other. They like me as a person and feel very comfortable schmoozing with me, in a good way- nothing wrong with that, (usually), but for me with my desires it makes it harder to make sure everything is 100% kosher while I'm talking to them (without staring at whatever), so I'm going to try hard this shabbos and Beezras Hashem I'll be clean!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 10 May 2021 11:53 by HappyYid.

Re: Keeping Accountability 21 Feb 2021 01:52 #363812

  • HappyYid
  • Current streak: 132 days
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  • Posts: 267
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So...
Yes I did it! I think I was 99.7% clean. I took one 'second look' at something I shouldn't have, but I didn't even lust it- just looked... I schmoozed with everyone regular without staring.
I laid down Friday night and thought how its not so hard after all to just have a peaceful Shabbos without looking around every spare moment at stuff I shouldn't be looking at.
​If not for this forum I definitely would've acted out like I have done in the past so many times.
Thank you Hashem for sending us GYE to help us out!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 21 Feb 2021 03:10 #363818

  • HappyYid
  • Current streak: 132 days
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  • Posts: 267
  • Karma: 12
And now the yh is telling me ok you did what you wanted- to stay clean over Shabbos, so now fantasize about them its just thoughts not so bad... but I'm holding back ill learn some of the Daf which i have to finish.
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 22 Feb 2021 00:56 #363913

  • HappyYid
  • Current streak: 132 days
  • OFFLINE
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  • Posts: 267
  • Karma: 12
Today was a great clean day!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 22 Feb 2021 06:09 #363932

  • Lou
  • OFFLINE
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  • Posts: 375
  • Karma: 27
Welcome aboard Happyyid!
I love that name. It is amazing how although we are all united in the fact that we struggle with Kedusha issues,our struggles can vary greatly. My struggle has usually been more with people I was unfamiliar with from "real" life. Somehow people in my life such as sisters in law etc are just off limits in my brain.I am BH a healthy male so anything provocative even from a relative  can cause a want for a second glance or a fantasy etc.but on a regular basis it is not my main issue.
I do believe there is an article somewhere in GYE discussing this exact topic of sisters in law. I don't know how to find it or post a link but if anyone does it would probably be beneficial.
Hatzlocha and please keep posting!

Re: Keeping Accountability 22 Feb 2021 06:28 #363935

  • Bigmoish
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happyyid wrote on 19 Feb 2021 19:36:

happyyid wrote on 19 Feb 2021 14:15:
Hi guys,
I've been here for a few years, but was part of the thousands that just reads but doesn't  post or click thank you. (If you think about it, there's on average 10-15 people that say thank you on a post but there's thousands on the site and even looking at the post- you could see it says 'views'. Just saying...)
First of all I want to say thank you to GYE for being who they are and to everyone here especially those that post, it gives tons of chizuk even thought many of us don't reply or click thank you, you should know the posts are great and very inspirational. 
Just wanted to start a thread to keep accountability. My main struggle right now is ms, I don't have access to porn bh. I have a very hard time with lusting about my sisters in law; two single ones in shidduchim age. They are both attractive and although my wife is very pretty too the yh makes me think that they are prettier. I really think about them often. And they are each a little clueless in their own way and they do things which dont help the situation, nothing bad just isnt great for me they are very friendly etc. Its especially hard when I go for Shabbos, many times I look forward to going so that I could 'enjoy' them more directly. I'm going for Shabbos this week and I want to come back here and say that I was (at least) 97% clean in terms of lusting them. 
Ill try to post here as much as I could to keep me stable and for accountability.
Thank you everyone for being here for everyone else . I love you guys.

Happy Yid

Thank you all for your responses!
I was in a hurry earlier...just to add more details.
I'm a more or less yeshivisha guy and my wifes family is also, I'm married a few years and close in age to my sisters in law so in some way we are all 'friendly' with each other. They like me as a person and feel very comfortable schmoozing with me, in a good way- nothing wrong with that, (usually), but for me with my desires it makes it harder to make sure everything is 100% kosher while I'm talking to them (without staring at whatever), so I'm going to try hard this shabbos because I literally have a crush on them  and Beezras Hashem I'll be clean! 

Hi happyyid.
I struggle with the same issues. Many others do as well.
12 years in, with both of them married and families of their own by now, and I don't see them as often, it has gotten much easier, but vigilance is still necessary.
I usually try to only share my experience and refrain from giving advice, but this matters touches a raw nerve for me.
Please! Do whatever you can to just stay the hell away from them!
If you are eating with them and they address you, keep your answers short and to the point. Don't stare at them and only look at them when absolutely necessary. If your wife notices this and has a problem, you should have no problem telling her that she and she alone is your spouse, and it's not appropriate to have casual conversations with any other women, even her sisters. I am begging you, please take care of this before it snowballs into a much bigger problem.
You can read more in my threads (link in my signature), or PM me if you're interested in hearing more.

Hatzlocha,

Moish
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Keeping Accountability 22 Feb 2021 14:07 #363949

  • HappyYid
  • Current streak: 132 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 267
  • Karma: 12
Lou wrote on 22 Feb 2021 06:09:
Welcome aboard Happyyid!
I love that name. It is amazing how although we are all united in the fact that we struggle with Kedusha issues,our struggles can vary greatly. My struggle has usually been more with people I was unfamiliar with from "real" life. Somehow people in my life such as sisters in law etc are just off limits in my brain.I am BH a healthy male so anything provocative even from a relative  can cause a want for a second glance or a fantasy etc.but on a regular basis it is not my main issue.
I do believe there is an article somewhere in GYE discussing this exact topic of sisters in law. I don't know how to find it or post a link but if anyone does it would probably be beneficial.
Hatzlocha and please keep posting!

Thanks Lou for your kind words.
I have seen that article sometime before...I think someone recently posted it somewhere else.
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 22 Feb 2021 18:28 by HappyYid.

Re: Keeping Accountability 22 Feb 2021 14:09 #363950

  • HappyYid
  • Current streak: 132 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 267
  • Karma: 12
Bigmoish wrote on 22 Feb 2021 06:28:
Hi happyyid.
I struggle with the same issues. Many others do as well.
12 years in, with both of them married and families of their own by now, and I don't see them as often, it has gotten much easier, but vigilance is still necessary.
I usually try to only share my experience and refrain from giving advice, but this matters touches a raw nerve for me.
Please! Do whatever you can to just stay the hell away from them!
If you are eating with them and they address you, keep your answers short and to the point. Don't stare at them and only look at them when absolutely necessary. If your wife notices this and has a problem, you should have no problem telling her that she and she alone is your spouse, and it's not appropriate to have casual conversations with any other women, even her sisters. I am begging you, please take care of this before it snowballs into a much bigger problem.
You can read more in my threads (link in my signature), or PM me if you're interested in hearing more.

Hatzlocha,

Moish

Thanks Moish for your advice, always appreciated!
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 10 May 2021 11:54 by HappyYid.

Re: Keeping Accountability 23 Feb 2021 03:45 #364012

  • HappyYid
  • Current streak: 132 days
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  • Posts: 267
  • Karma: 12
Great day today!
I was in a local grocery store tonight and had to keep my eyes to myself. BH I was able to!

Happy Yid
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Keeping Accountability 23 Feb 2021 06:25 #364020

  • YeshivaGuy
  • Current streak: 13 days
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  • Posts: 1010
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happyyid wrote on 19 Feb 2021 14:15:
Hi guys,
I've been here for a few years, but was part of the thousands that just reads but doesn't  post or click thank you. (If you think about it, there's on average 10-15 people that say thank you on a post but there's thousands on the site and even looking at the post- you could see it says 'views'. Just saying...)




Interesting point. I’ve actually never seen the “views,” for some reason I just don’t see it. Maybe u can tell me where to find it?

Re: Keeping Accountability 23 Feb 2021 14:13 #364040

  • HappyYid
  • Current streak: 132 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 267
  • Karma: 12
YeshivaGuy wrote on 23 Feb 2021 06:25:

happyyid wrote on 19 Feb 2021 14:15:
Hi guys,
I've been here for a few years, but was part of the thousands that just reads but doesn't  post or click thank you. (If you think about it, there's on average 10-15 people that say thank you on a post but there's thousands on the site and even looking at the post- you could see it says 'views'. Just saying...)







Interesting point. I’ve actually never seen the “views,” for some reason I just don’t see it. Maybe u can tell me where to find it?

It says it next to the topic, like there's a column its hard to explain. It also says it on top of the thread you are looking at, for example mine, it says 'keeping accountability130 views'.
im on a laptop seems like you are using a phone...maybe it doesnt show there. In either case its not thousands that are viewing every thread but some, and definetly more than the 5 thank yous people get...
I attached a screenshot of my screen
Attachments:
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread
Last Edit: 23 Feb 2021 14:19 by HappyYid.
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