I think I really understand this poll and what he’s trying to point out by connecting childhood neglect etc. it’s a theory: sometimes when people experience emotional neglect they look for a pleasure loving outlet subconsciously… I would say many people experience it that way.. yet many people also just have plain desire and tayvah and got hooked etc… and sometimes, had we had the emotional love and connection then we wouldn’t have fell into the pit. 

I was raised by loving, attentive, healthy parents, though my father was not the assertive, emotionally literate leader that I needed. I always did well in school.

Maybe that's why I never masturbated.

I think I fell into watching porn because I am male and had an iPod Touch.

I have been in therapy and have discovered that there are all sorts of emotional tangles inside my mind, but nothing that would be considered exceptional.

Being male and having internet access is definitely a big factor for me , probably bigger then any other. I struggled with mental health especially from my mid teens till now and used porn and masturbation to soothe myself, but I don’t think that’s why it started…

OivedElokim wrote on 25 Oct 2021 22:56:

A favorite line from my thread way back when I was a bochur was: "I'm a thirsty man in a desert surrounded by waterfalls."

My childhood, teenage hood, school… where all perfectly normal (I think?) and the main thing I have to blame is technology  and the availability of in appropriate content

I used to think that I was basically healthy but I had a little problem. I finally realized that from preschool I was convinced that God was out to control me, and this produced both my excessively good behavior and my bad rebellious behavior.

The lesson for me was that if I want to see who I really am I have to observe my behavior and my feelings when I'm not acting out and I don't have a support group. That's my true self.

why is it that a person can be perfectly happy with his life and still need to use porn to make themselves feel happy....?

obviously they arent happy and have some underlying issue that isnt being addressed.

in my opinion it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that is openly available...? if it has then why are just some people attracted to it.... vdal

Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 05 Nov 2021 06:00:

I think it has to do with why we are good Jews in the first place. It's difficult to honestly face why we do the mitzvos and what we really think about Hashem.

Better not to go there, especially for someone like you on a 800-day streak.

I just realized i hit over 1000 clean days! so honestly since i got married my whole life changed completely and haven't really been lusting/ been around Gye and dont think about this on a daily basis. 

i have recently felt though a slight little lusting coming back but nothing big or substantial. i am lucky to have a kosher outlet though BH, I wish everyone much continued luck. 

Bochurim/singles reading this as i always said, you guys are extra lucky to be here before you had to come here after marriage. Give it all your got!

A little harsh this post but truth is the truth and it has to be said and understood.

There was never, never will be anyone that struggles with porn and mastrubation on a daily basis that is emotionally healthy. There is always an underlying cause to why a person is using porn to feel good or escape. It has nothing to do with sex drive and is never the cause, it has always to do with something deeper. 

The reason why its so important to know this is because if anyone reading this wants to put a complete stop to this, after trying so many other things, the only way they will be successful is by identifying the cause. It isnt what you are doing it is why you are doing it.

we all have denial and it can look like many things, part of it is fooling ourselves by saying "hey nothing is wrong, its just a sex drive" . To be blunt, you cant be successful if you dont take care of the underlying cause.

your journey begins by thinking through your life and realizing what made you have the need to use porn as a coping mechanism in that specific period ? And thinking through your current life to when yo use porn more then other days and what happened those days that made you have to use porn more often?

This is just the truth, think it through before you respond.

Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 21 Aug 2022 23:26:

These absolutes are false. Sorry.

Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 21 Aug 2022 23:26:

Hey brother, it is food for thought, and maybe relevant to many of us, but not all. In the 12 step program which is 100% successful for some of us, is there an extensive focus on “why we escape”?

Another point - you have in your signature that you “Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married”

Does it need revising?

Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 21 Aug 2022 23:26:

Here’s a yes or no question.

A completely emotionally healthy individual (whatever that really means) secluded with unfiltered internet, is it possible for him to fall?

Was Eishes Potiphar only a nisayon for Yosef because he (chalila) wasn’t “emotionally healthy”?

Granted that emotional health plays a role, even a great role when it comes to these things.
But to pretend like “emotionally healthy individuals” are immune to taiva is simply wrong.

Indeed ״אין אפוטרופוס לעריות״ does not differentiate between the “emotionally healthy” and the “emotionally unhealthy.”
Rather it is the reality built into the very fabric of Man.

It is true that those struggling with “emotional health” are perhaps predisposed to using arayos as an escape, coping mechanism.
But to say that taava isn’t built into the very DNA of a person regardless of their “emotional health” is simply false.

Hi 
I would like to add to what YG said

I spoke to a mental health professional today and I told him that I cannot use porn and masterbation as a coping mechanism.
He said for him looking at a naked women in order to calm his stress is okay and masterbating helps him with his stress.
Whether or not with a filtered devise or not, for the "world" out there, people deal with their stress, by doing exactly what we dont.
They are all healthy and lead very healthy lives.
They guy told me that it is not even a drug its normal 

So you could be healthy and still fall some times

Now talking as a married man BH

Even if you are married and in a very healthy relationship, things are still stressful in life. Unless you live on a island with nothing around you and have everything you need and you have no worries and everyone in your family is healthy and the list goes on, then maybe you wont turn to shmutz. But if you live in the world, which most of us do, things get stressful. there are deadlines, disciplines, arguments with your spouse (and for the bochurim out there, disagreements do happen between couples some time, its not bliss your whole life). 

We are human and we need to work on ways to regulate our pain.

EYES

eyes wrote on 22 Aug 2022 09:41:

It seems your agreeing with the original post that the use of porn and masterbation is almost always being used as a coping mechanism and isnt coming out of nowhere...