cordnoy wrote:


i'm sure a helluva lot of ppl on this forum would also. lol

Shlomo24 wrote:


Dear God if you're listening now

I need you do a thing for me......

Pray 4 me

cordnoy wrote:


I'm lost

Mazel tov, I'm engaged! Thanks everybody for your help. Helped me get clarity.

Mazel Tov!!

Wow.
Great news!
Bh

Only simchos.

גם אני מצטרף להנ"ל

MAZEL TOV!!!



Wishing you a wonderful life together Ad Meah V'Esrim!!

How exciting!

WOAH! OMG! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should build a bayis ne'eman b'yisrael and have only simchos.

MAZAL TOV!

NOYA wrote:
Hey where's the vort taking place??
That was a cool way of hiding your GREAT accomplishment of 90 days WooHoo
You'll בע"ה have a MUCH more successful marriages with this in your back pocket

It been a few weeks since you posted. I wonder which direction you have gone.

I will speak from experience, being a 67 year old BT, a teenager in the wild '60s, and with too much worldly experience which is only balanced with a few recent years of serious Torah study.

First thought is from Ashes Chayil, "Beauty is vain....but a woman who fears HaShem, that's the girl for you." Don't ever, ever even desire to marry a woman who is movie-star gorgeous. It is so likely she has been spoiled by people's attention to her superficial looks that she will never get over it.

Second is a great line from a Rhythm and Blues song of the 60's.
"If you want to be happy for the rest of your life,
Just make an ugly woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you."
Not really ugly is the message, but a plain looking girl you are drawn to is worth millions more than
a seemingly gorgeous one who will drive you crazy for the rest of your life.

Third, you don't really know if a woman is beautiful physically until you are in the marriage bed.
Much about a woman is hidden by clothes, and many man have had their socks knocked off
when they realized the beautiful woman HaShem had given them.

Fourth, every woman is beautiful beyond measure, you just have to fix your eyes on that aspect of her which is particularly beautiful and remain focused on it. The corallary is that every woman, even a movie star is ugly in some aspect of her physical appearance. It is important to do tikkun ainayim so you always focus your sight on that which is most beautiful about your finance or wife.

Fifth, I heard from a very wise man who knew woman on a deep level that it is the woman who appears at first glance to not be so beautiful that ends up the most attractive woman in your life.

Sixth. Attraction means everything, and if you let physical beauty take precedence over attraction, you will end up with a 'trophy' wife with no joy in the best parts of marriage. Attraction mixed with love and respect can lead to lifelong chemistry that helps a marriage go through rough times.

Seventh. Every man is terrified of making the marriage comittment. Soldiers in the USA who had to parachute out of a plane in the middle of the night with no ground in site would yell "Geronimo" and leap. Geronimo was a fearless Apache Indian chief. Perhaps we Jewish men should yell "Macabbi" and then propose. Woman want to marry a hero. Make yourself one. It takes courage to listen to your highest inclination and trust that the future will be blessed.

Eighth. To go beyond nature, I quote a great Rav I recently heard on Hannukah. He said the problem with the Greek culture versus the Jewish culture is that the Greeks saw Holiness in Beauty. They worshiped it and modern society still does. The White House is lined with Greek columns. Get it?
The Jews saw and still see Beauty in Holiness. If you meet a woman with HaShem in her heart, with holiness in her midot, run, don't walk to the Chuppah. Marriage won't always be smooth, but it will always help you grow closer to HaShem with that kind of wife.

NOYA

MAZEL TOV! May you be zocha to build a bayis n'emen b'yisroel.

If I may point out two quick points. (quick because I usually don't have the patience to read long posts here, so I assume neither do most people).

#1, As important as It may be, Marriage is really really really, not about the looks. Of course you already knew that (Like you wrote), but my point is that although it may be on the list of things to look for (for some/many people) but there are many other so much more important attributes that are necessary. Emotional health, middos, physical health, [desire to grow], If these things are lacking, then although the looks may be the best around, the husband will likely not get to enjoy them. And if these things are present, then the marriage can be so super (with work -!!!! like ALL marriages) that the looks issue will take a seat so far back that you need to look in the rear view mirror to remember the problems.

and
#2 "emotional attraction" as you wrote is indeed a big part of marriage, but In my experience, it often (usually? always?) does not come right away. At first, the shidduch has to make sense intellectually, and there needs to be a firm commitment from both sides. Then as the years go by, living together and sharing a life commented to one another forms this strong emotional bond between the husband and wife.

May you be zocha to form this bond and have many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many, (there are 120 "many's if you count them ) happy and healthy years together.

MAZEL TOV!!!!
i want you to know that i also dont think that my wife is the best looking in town and i was a little unsure what to do about it during shidduchim but the shiduch went ahead anyway somehow. And now.... she makes me the happiest ever! since no one here knows me i feel safe saying that we really love each other and we have a really deep relationship
i cant thank Hashem enough for sending her my way!
Hashem should bless you with a really happy marriage