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TOPIC: SO MUCH PAIN 12363 Views

Re: SO MUCH PAIN 12 Aug 2015 23:31 #261644

cordnoy
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yiraishamaim wrote:

IWH2015 Your frustration is coming through. After all you are an intelligent person who gets caught up in shmutz(be it one way or another) and then you have sober moments especially right after a fall, and the insanity of it all hits you like a mack truck.

We all have experienced this multiple times. I remember talking to a marginally religious woman who was selling me a new cell phone. I told her my concerns about the internet. She looked at me with surprise and annoyance and said: "But we are adults right?"
meaning what's the big deal you don't want to go certain places JUST DON"T GO. Well that can work for others and for us sometimes. However ... need I say more?
You know all too well the nature of our compulsion.
Just understand that we all share a certain nature. We can discuss from here till tomorrow how much of this was totally a nature from birth and how much was nurtured by our own failings-

However my good man we got it.

That's our challenge/nisayon

Guilt, feelings of inadequacy, frustration -take them all, put them in a box and use it as a steps stool to stand tall and follow a productive program toward Sobriety.

What she actually meant is we are adults and we can do what we want and please.

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Re: SO MUCH PAIN 12 Aug 2015 23:47 #261647

gevura shebyesod
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Heard from Rav Matisyahu Solomon (he should have a Refua Sheleima):
"Bechira doesn't mean being able to do what you want, it means being able to NOT do what you want."

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: SO MUCH PAIN 13 Aug 2015 09:32 #261673

iwannabeholy2015 Current streak: 968 days OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 36 Karma: 2	Hi Big Moish. You are a hundred percent right and I know. I just cant give it up news sport ect is part of my life, I try to be careful what i look at and read but to give it up completely I just cant.

Re: SO MUCH PAIN 13 Aug 2015 09:35 #261674

iwannabeholy2015 Current streak: 968 days OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 36 Karma: 2	Thank you everyone for your tough true words. I have stated the 90 days again. This seems to be the cycle of my life at the moment I can stay clean for 3 months than I fall just now bh the fall is shorter and less serious, but still a fall!

Re: SO MUCH PAIN 13 Aug 2015 09:40 #261675

iwannabeholy2015 Current streak: 968 days OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 36 Karma: 2	Thank you Gevura. Thats a deep line from Rav Solomon I will keep it.

Re: SO MUCH PAIN 13 Aug 2015 12:33 #261683

bigmoish
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iwannabeholy2015 wrote:

Hi Big Moish.

You are a hundred percent right and I know.

I just cant give it up news sport ect is part of my life, I try to be careful what i look at and read but to give it up completely I just cant.

I wasn't saying that you specifically should give up anything in particular. My point was that if you're serious about recovery, you should be honest with yourself and try to identify websites or situations that cause you to end up chatting with strangers, and avoid them like the plague. Not just the chat sites, but the sites where they have links to them as well.
Hatzlocha

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www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"We have met the enemy and he is us" - Pogo
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Re: SO MUCH PAIN 08 Oct 2015 09:39 #265293

iwannabeholy2015
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Dear all at Gye.

I have not been on here for sometime, thats one of my problems!

Rosh Hashana and yom kippur and I was full of hope for a clean year.

I have been up the entire night on schmutz and I cant understand what keeps happening literally every 3 months I find a way to fall. The only positives are they are maybe becoming less intense and I have not been moitze zera levatola since peasach(if anyone remebers from my thread that i will not do under any circumstances for 1 year.

I dunno I feel so weak right now I feel my entire life will be like this!

I have tried everything im just not strong enough to keep it up i get complacent!

Re: SO MUCH PAIN 08 Oct 2015 13:00 #265298

Markz
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Bigmoish wrote:

iwannabeholy2015 wrote:

Websites that would crash my shiny 18 wheel truck include sports and news websites, I could never get sobriety by stick in' on those. Can anyone? Am I wrong? Please correct me

Boy I love followin' the news and enjoy sports even more, but I've been gone from those for many years, and I ain't turnin' back

My dear friend, p'haps think about makin some changes when you change your name to
iwannabeholy2016

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Last Edit: 08 Oct 2015 16:03 by Markz.

Re: SO MUCH PAIN 09 Oct 2015 02:12 #265426

serenity
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I think I understand where you are coming from and can relate on certain levels. You set a bottom line for yourself and you're keeping it. The one year no matter what. However porn is not in your bottom line. I'm not saying that it should be or not, but I think you deserve credit for sticking to the bottom line that you have been. The fact that your causing yourself unnecessary turmoil and making your struggle harder is another issue that you may want to think about. The other thought that comes to mind is take it one day at a time. At least as to the porn watching. Know what I'm saying?

a question: How many times have you been full of hope only to fail? If that has happened often, maybe being full of hope isn't all it's cracked up to be?

Much Hatzlacha!

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Re: SO MUCH PAIN 16 Aug 2016 14:27 #293913

iwannabeholy2015 Current streak: 968 days OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 36 Karma: 2	I am collapsing I have reached new lows , what the hell is wrong with me I just dont know what to do anymore is it possible to get clean seriously I CANT ANYMORE

Re: SO MUCH PAIN 16 Aug 2016 14:43 #293915

Markz
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markz wrote on 08 Oct 2015 13:00:

Bigmoish wrote:

iwannabeholy2015 wrote:

It is 2016... Perhaps reach out to cordnoy, bigmoish or others

Sobriety is absolutely within reach

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Re: SO MUCH PAIN 16 Aug 2016 16:07 #293927

cordnoy
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We are here.

B'hatzlachah

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin

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Re: SO MUCH PAIN 05 Apr 2018 14:21 #329278

iwannabeholy2015
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Hi Guys,

This is my first time coming back to the site in like one and a half years, I had to attend live meetings and with hashems help ive been sober day by day since than! I am so greatful to GYE as it has given me a fresh start in life.
reading my thread it makes laugh and cry at the same time iwannabeholy 2015 this is not a holy or unholy thing its a sickness a disease I am not bad getting good I am sick getting well.
I wish everyone on here all the very best but encourage you to work till you find a souloution that works for you do not give up ! its hard work but its so worth it
dailyreprive2018

Re: SO MUCH PAIN 05 Apr 2018 16:04 #329281

ieeyc
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welcome back! im happy to hear things are working out for you!
what you wrote:
" this is not a holy or unholy thing its a sickness a disease I am not bad getting good I am sick getting well."
is really true, but not for everyone,there are those who ARE bad,cho`tim,sinners ,who are getting good,ba`alei teshuva, (which i think is my case

) ,AND those who are sick getting well.everyone has to know where they are standing,it could get a little tricky sometimes. i havent had a chance to read all your posts yet, hope to,im sure that you know in which group you are standing. hatzlacha and a gut moed!

לב טהור ברא לי אלקים , ורוח נכון חדש בקרבי

to all my friends who heeded my request to be so generous and give me a negative karma for the sake of me acquiring
. humility ,i humbly thank you

Last Edit: 05 Apr 2018 16:09 by ieeyc.

Re: SO MUCH PAIN 18 Jun 2018 14:39 #332365

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	Welcome back!
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