i Understand my core problems, self confidence,my insecurities and looking to fill that void is the reason i chase this lust. but why i have soo much going for me in my life. i have turned around my life soo much from not being frum for a few years doing drugs and girls. and i have devoted my life to avodas hashem in the past few years. alot of learning, davening, 1 on 1 conversations with my higher power who i choose to call hashem..(i got that from 3 great years in AA) SAVED my life otherwise i would've have been dead. why do i feine to look at shmutz online. i have devoted myself to hashem fully but in this area i struggle immensely. i cry to hashem in my shemonei esrie when i really want to change.than i have a bad day or 2 and i say i dont every want to change. but now that i am married a few months it doesnt really matter what my mind wants. i need to do whats right. i am not totally ready to go to sa meetings cuz my wife is not in the know about my porn issue. this writing is already bring relief. to all my holy brothers out there we need each other.. now i need you guys (GYE) please help i will put more effort than ever before in this area and fight and amertza hashem live in peace and tranquility as the promises say. it fells weird when i shtag in yeshiva 2 sedarim a day and than late at night when my wife is sleeping i look at inappropriate images/videos.
I know this will be a hard habit to break it has been since i am 12-13 years old. and i only strung more than 2 weeks together 5-6 times. and the longest 30 days.

thank you in advance GYE members.

welcome. this is a great first step. we are all in this together.
what about putting a filter on? that might be a good step. what causes you to fall? are you going specifically to look for porn or do you get distracted and triggered back into the porn sites?
If you are specifically looking you probably won't be ready to put on a filter, but if you get triggered from other things you are browsing it would be a big help.
Hatzlocho our good friend

First of all welcome!!

We're all in this together, Keep on posting!

It sounds like you have done some amazing things for your life and you should be congratulated.

Make sure to see the 12 suggestions on the First Time Here page.

Also, check out your Personal Home-page. It will guide you through each tool/task that we suggest, one by one, and help you track your progress in recovery.

What you're relating is not unusual at all. I used to learn all day in yeshiva except a short break in the middle to masturbate.

A couple of observations. Firstly you say you understand the core problems, but can you be sure that you do? There may be other things you are unaware of.

Also, as Dov says understanding the problem doesn't solve it.

Wanting to change just to 'do what's right doesn't seem to work all that often. Is there more to it?

Do you have a filter?

Crying to Hashem is not in itself recovery. Sometimes people cry to Hashem to take away the problem so that they won't have to do anything about it themselves. But He's not going to take it away from you, who do you think gave it to you?

Sometimes people cry to Hashem after a fall as a way to make themselves feel better. Yes, I did a big aveiroh, but now I did a big mitzvah so it's all square. That just prolongs the real problem.

Stick around, keep reading, keep posting. You'll find your way.

Welcome formyself!!!

you took a step in the right direction by posting here and being ready to start taking control,

this site has tons to offer and the guys are great and really caring so make yourself at home,

and keep on posting (KOP),

a gut voch!!! looking forward to seeing you around!!!

welcome aboard formyself.
you have come to the right place.
we are all in the same boat and some of us have more experience than others.
if i may humbly advise something.
tell yourself that from to day you are taking the fight to a new level.
and you will win.
it may take a little time. but you will bezras Hashem, WIN.

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It seems like you're well on your way!

Check out: Skep's tips

formyself#1 wrote:


Please See my thread HERE:

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/233593-Double-life-of-SA-meetings#233593

Welcome again formyself#1!!!

It's really great that you came here!!

The white book is an awesome read, and it makes note of the extra struggle that members of other programs have when trying to work the steps for their sexual addiction, a few times in the book. It says that the steps have to be reworked from the beginning even for those who are successful in other programs!!

I understand your dilemma about joining SA and going to meetings, there are also phone conferences, both SA and from GYE, that you may be able to call into to get started in working the steps.

We'd love to hear about your progress and your experience here as well!!

KOP!!! KOMT!!!

So im back. i decided is time i try GYE again. now i started to want help again. i have been alot better in the last few months as far as how often i do look at porn, but its still a big problem. so i am turning to GYE. its about 17 years that i am hooked on porn.. i realize i never surf and then pop ups or stuff get me to watch shmutz.. its always that i decide i want or more like i need to watch now. i work with my therapist and i stay off the computer in the morning so that i dont get stuck watching inappropriate stuff and then miss sachris and come to yeshiva late. my wife knows. she caught me about 18 months ago after only being married a few month. a few days after my post on this site. she found out from seeing some history. and confirmed everything when she went to my guard your eyes and read all my posts .. i just cant stay logged in now. she also told me a few months ago if i went back to GYE. she wouldn't try and see my posts. i want to log off GYE and watch some shmutz now. i really need this, but sometimes i wonder if i wanted it more than why do i give so easy whenever the desire comes?

please help me on my road to 90 days!!!

Welcome back!!

1- Now that your wife knows about your struggle and seems to be able to support you in recovery, is the what you wrote previously still relevant?
formyself#1 wrote:


2- As you drive along your 90 days, it may help you to see the Solutions link of your GPS in my signature

3- If you want to be fully open anonymously on this website you can start a new thread in Balei Batim forum

All the best!!!

formyself#1 wrote:


Welcome back,

Ditto from mark.

What's your plan?

B'hatzlachah

plan for now. is to go to this site and post and read at least once a day. be more involved in my recovery then just trying to get a little better. i can do meeting...

WELCOME BACK! Don't be a stranger.

i am trying to go on GYE more. i just setup a 90 day chart today,,, today is day 1!!! i have beaten a few addiction in my life till now. but this was seems by far the hardest... i have a filter .. but i had my wife allow youtube.. and i find myself getting stuck at videos of girls dancing if you know what i mean, and i get stuck in the morning and miss sachris and have to Daven in 10 minutes and come let to morning seder... i really want it.. but forever i really dont want it.. i always leave a backdoor out in case i really need to watch something. and that in case time never takes more than a couple days to need.