Starting my log a little late, i'm BH holding by today, which is number 53 of all the todays, but Bein Hazmanim is coming and i need to keep in check, and might not have time for all the chatting that ussually helps me clear my mind (thanks guys!!).
i've been using AlexEliezers advice, that he gave me right when i first posted, of bulletproof Shemiras Einayim, or trying at least, and BH got to Today. but it's all changing now, it's not the same streets that i walk down every day, know exactly where to go so not to look, the dangerous places where i have to be careful etc.
now i'm entering the lions den, going to the airport, the airport itself, a few hours on the plane, etc. it's really scaring me!!
anyone have any ideas?
also been struggling with dreams, i know it shouldn't affect me, but it does, because it makes me realize that my mind isn't clean during the day, which leads to the next question how to keep my mind clean?
Wishing all you a Great Shabbos and it's Parshas Hachodesh so may we all be zoche to renew ourselves!!

welcome to your new apartment, er - thread!
my 2 cents: don't worry about the whole bain hazmanim. worry about the next hour or 2 or 15 minutes..
anudder (free) idea: Windows of the Soul, free ebook available on gye or you can splurge and buy one at the store. great book, written well, not too heavy, broken up into small pieces, can serve to keep you on track.
lastly: about dreams, fuggetaboutit. you should not be driving or operating heavy machinery while asleep, reason is because you are not in control then. same thing for this. work on the daytime, where you CAN drive and operate machinery (and drink, but not while driving, unless you drink petel).
have a great shabbos

BTW

I don't know if this is appropriate,

but the Gemara in the Ninth perek of Brachos has a interesting take on different dreams...

Pidaini,

Hatzlacha to you. You have obviously made it pretty far without us and may you continue for many more with our support.

ZemirosShabbos wrote:

It's a nice svara, I'm just not sold. While I don't believe that it is a sebba (cause) of a downward slope, I think (read am afraid) that it is a simman (effect) of a downward slope. But that may just be my post fall (after 76 days) negative self.

Made one trip, i had decided that i would take off my glasses, one of the brachos that Hashem gave us so we can take them off, the entire trip. just i was apprehensive as to what my wife would say since i am not the frumy type of guy and she knows that. so i didn't take them off on the way to the airport, but just as we were walking in to the airport, there she was, the women that i was afraid of! so right then i took them off and when my wife mentioned "it's so not like you" i said i was doing it as a z'chus that everything should go ok, and BH i came to my inlaws Lust Free!!
Had a close call in the middle of the night though, i woke up with a pounding headache, and just wanted to....but remembered the AA saying "there is no situation bad enough that a little alchohol (lust) can't make it worse" and finally got back to sleep.
Hope this good start continues, i have another flight tommorrow, a little harder since i'm leaving my wife and kids behind, wishing myself hatzlacha!!
A Guten Chodesh!!

Three cheers for Glasses!

I have dabbled in GRT (glasses removal therapy) and it has at least 2 positive benefits

1. you can't see much
2. you are making a concious decision to not lust, and you are reinforcing it with an action.

the drawback is; It doesn't work very well when you're driving

ps I thought to myself that if anybody would say to me "Hey Emu, think ya so helig? youze a big fat yoo-hara!"

i would respond

"Dear Sir,

Precisely because I aint no big kadosche vatahore, I duz dis thing, my eyses need more protection than Rabbi _______ Shlita, because Ize gotta Virus in my Processor..."

A Guten Erev Shabbos folks,
it's been a while with Pesach and all. BH i made it through, not without turbulance though. BH the shemiras einayim nisayon wasn't bad at all, but all the time on my hands and being sick in bed the second days took their toll, and let in a lot of memories which almost caused new memories, but BH made it to the next rung on the ladder!
Just a little vort, this weeks parshah ends with the great chizuk "v'hiskadishtem v'heyisem kedoshim" the torah states a fact, "make yourselves holy, and you WILL BE holy" whereas by tumah it only says "v'nitmaisem bam" with out the "you will be" for certain, because if we try being holy Hashem will certainly help, where as even if we try beoming tameih, it may and may not happen!!
A Gut Shabbos

I like the vort!

so it's day 80 something, and had a few slips. and was reading eli's (reaalygettingthere) thread and how he reset his chart, and am having iffy feelings.
first, NO, the chart is not a long time solution, and may not be a solution at all. but it helps. it helps in the way that i kept them slips because how can i fall if i've, BARUCH HASHEM, been clean for 80 days? it helps me for when i think i can't do it, "but you did it for 80 days"!!
and another thing is that i was really putting all my effort until now into not m******** and that hasn't happened, BH. so i am going to keep myself on the chart.
but i am now declaring official war on thoughts, and on fake life!! we are going offensive!! from now on we are going to live real, help others, think about others, and fantasies are also going to be a memory!!
it's time to step up on the ladder, go a little bit higher!!
thanks everyone for all your support!!!!!!!!!
just to end off with a vort, the Pasuk says "ki yeeyeh B'ohr b'saroh" if the negah is on the skin of his flesh. the Ohr Hachaim says, that a yid even if he has a negah, it is never deeper than his skin, his fleah and all the more so his neshama, are pure and clean!!!!
May we all be zocheh to skin ourselves, and let the real pintele yid show through!!
Gut Shabbos!!!

Nice vort. Have a good Shabbos!

It's been an easy climb (or maybe no climb) since last post, until yesterday. Lag B'aomer tired me out, and was in a bad mood, which probably led to my wifes being in a bad mood which then made me even more....
Last night was lying in bed teasing myself just to the point of and then told myself i'd feel better in the morning as i usually do, WRONG!
My daughter woke up at 5 something and kept waking up, ended up teasing again until it actualy hurt!
So i decided to get up and daven early, it was actually quite geshmak, but i know i'm going to be tired the rest of the day, and then i am the most vulnerable, since shemiras einayim is very hard for me when i'm tired. on that note i think i am going to go to beis medrash now, before all the women are on the street.

Taking it one day at at time!
just today, it's the best day!!

keep it up!
NO FEAR BABY!

"NO FAIR."
"BABY"
"KEEP IT."
up! ???

Btw isn't it time for your 90 day party?

It's my ladder, you go up and down, BH i went much much more up than i did down. I fell today, first time since i'm here,

It was a phenomenal 152 days,

It was quite sequence of events, had some visitors in EY, didn't get a lot of sleep, causes lack of shemiras einayim, builds up lust, figured a way around my filter, but didn't fall. Friday was torture day number one, yes, no, yes, no, etc.
I looked at lusty (assur) things but no outright porn. Friday night was another late night, filled with fantasies, Motzai Shabbos came into my apartment at about 1:30 am, and my daughter decided to wake up for two hours, i held myself back by watching superman (which is normally blocked by the filter). I went into bed at around 4:30 but couldn't fall asleep because of fantasies that i didn't have koach to fight, and i was enjoying them.
When I came home from Shacharis, i tried going back to sleep, no luck, I was sick and tired of fighting, and i went to the computer just to stop the nagging!! It wasn't really a lot, since the way around the filter makes the connection very slow, but i acted out.

I am Bh not depressed as i used to be after a fall, I know that the same Koach i was given for 152 days can grow into many more if i want them to. the only problem is, i don't really know what to learn from this fall, i have really tried making sleep my top priority, because that is ussually the underlying factor of building up lustin the first place, but this time it was beyond my control. What's the next step?

152 days! Wow! That's really amazing!
Have you told anyone you trust about your struggle? That's probably the best step to take...