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A Journey Without a Name
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TOPIC: A Journey Without a Name 41935 Views

A Journey Without a Name 01 Apr 2014 07:34 #229599

  • unanumun
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here goes. after spending all day on the site, i downloaded k9 filter for my laptop. (my office has a filter and my phone has the browser blocked and my wife has the code)
i now signed up for the 90 days. I hope it is not to soon, but I think i can do it. i think that all the support everyone gets and gives around here might be enough.
i have nothing to lose i guess (I really want this to work) and I am feeling very optimistic. and having all my new friends know what is going on with me will probably be great for me.
Does anybody think I am making a mistake and going to fast?
Can there be a downside?
Last Edit: 06 Nov 2014 16:55 by unanumun.

Re: first try 01 Apr 2014 08:58 #229600

  • Pidaini
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First of all, an official Welcome unanumun!!! (is that your real name )

Great job installing a filter, first step is to stop, and to put things in place so that we can't use our drug.

Secondly, about the 90 days, it's a great thing, but it's not a goal, just a little stop.

If I am looking at the 90 days as a goal, then what is going to stop me going after 90 days? The real trick is to stop for now, one day at a time, just to take it one foot in front of the other, focusing on each step as it comes. It's great to keep track of progress, but to make the 90 goal the objective hasn't worked for a lot of people.

Another point intertwined with the above is that there are two ways to be clean, one is to not be lusting, the second is holding my breath or dry drunk. When I am lusting yet I have no way to really act out, then it's usually only a matter of time until the balloon busts and an opportunity comes up.....done. Also, it's very painful and depressing te whole time of the fight.

But if I am living differently, and I can live life in a way that I don't feel the need to lust anymore, that is tachlis!!

So to pinpoint triggers (meaning situations where the desire to lust appears), and see what we can do about them, how we can live through them differently, is very important.

So take it one day at a time, slowly. Start being clean today, deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

KOMT!!! KOP (posting)!!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: first try 01 Apr 2014 12:36 #229601

  • dd
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welcome unanumen!!!!!!!!!!

the first big step is that you joined this amazing site its a great place with great friends who are ready to help you get through this battle.

all the tools you mentioned are very good and helpfull to start dealing with the issues but as pidaini said they are not the tachlis they are the way we need to start getting clean like that we can really start getting a grip of ourselves.

opening up is the best thing alot of members here have found to be the number one tool, so make yourself comfortable here and share whats going on.

looking forward to hearing from you.

kol tuv!
keep up the good work!!!!

Re: first try 01 Apr 2014 20:06 #229626

  • gibbor120
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WELCOME unanumun! Read the handbook (i have a link in my signature to it). See what works and what doesn't. Share your story and what you struggle with and get chizzuk from the chevra. They can help you, by letting you know what did and did not work for them.

Keep posting, keep reading. There's lots to learn here, and we have some good fun too!

Re: first try 01 Apr 2014 20:18 #229634

gibbor120 wrote:
WELCOME unanumun! ... and we have some good fun too!


Yeah, welcome! And speaking of fun, I like you're funny name. I suggest you get yourself a yarmulka that says: "U-UNA-UNANU-UNANUMUN".

Anyhow, jokes aside, I wish you much hatzlacha in your journey.

MT

Re: first try 01 Apr 2014 22:29 #229644

  • unanumun
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thanks for all the welcomes.
MT, i jsut ordered that kippah but once you came up with the idea it might give away my identity.

so now that i am in this thing, let me share what has being going through my mind.
i realized for the first time in years how much my sensitivities to shmiras eynayim that i has worked on so well as a bachur, were basically gone. i started being aware of it today just walking in the street and realized that i ame completely hefker with it. although in my warped mind there is a strange twist. when i look i find that i am looking out of curiosity to see waht all the women look like not so much for tayva but that might just be a good trick for the yetzer harah,
like i am curious to see how short this girls' skirt is or whether that girl has a pretty face, or if i can see some non tznius areas on that one, and that's all. i don't desire or lust for the girls that i see in the street, but it deffinately is a trigger in general and gets me into trouble in my mind eventually.
actually my trip into porn came through curiosity also. (it's interesting how much i am revisiting my history the more i write)
it started out with curiosity about whether those magazines i remembered from my youth have web sites nowadays, and then curiosity about what the different categories of porn were and even when i have my filters my falls often start out of curiosity if the filters block these words or those words or if this or that can beet the filter and then i get sucked in when i am successful.
even when i think about porn it is not usually in a fantasizing way (although sometimes it is - i am still a man) it is more in a curious way. like gee i wonder what that is like for them or how they film that stuff. but that is really the yetzer hara's way of getting me.
intereting to express these thoughts. it really helps clarify what goes on in my head.

Re: first try 01 Apr 2014 22:42 #229645

  • TehillimZugger
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You're doing GREAT!

Gevaldigggggggggg

Ein chassidus k'chassidus b'tchiloosoi, im tooiri im teoiriri es hooahavoo ad shetechpatz, shetaase chefetz lehahisorerus! Not going too fast at all, it's just right...



[Btw, if some murderer is running after you with an axe dripping blood would you turn around and ask if you're running away too fast?]
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: first try 01 Apr 2014 23:01 #229654

  • unanumun
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TehillimZugger wrote:
You're doing GREAT!

Gevaldigggggggggg
[Btw, if some murderer is running after you with an axe dripping blood would you turn around and ask if you're running away too fast?]

perhaps - if i knew that the guy with the axe was slower than me but had more stamina.
un dos ken zayn takeh der matzev

Re: first try 02 Apr 2014 01:42 #229670

  • kilochalu
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welcome!
you are in the right place, much to learn here and great advice, but after listening and learning you have to figure out what works for you.
not all of the advice is exactly right for everyone and (kol shekain)that goes for what my two cents.
if I understood your shayla correctly it wasn't only if the actions you are taking are too much too fast (about which i would be noteh to agree with TZ) but also about the optimism and deciding this is it.
This is for sure a great start and it could work if you work it correctly, however many have not succeeded right away and being too optimistic may be a recipe for having a harder time recovering if their are any slips or falls, so it is kdaiy to know that this is a great place for that too, to learn how to keep on trucking, and also to realize that the main thing is to focus on what we are doing now and not on the number of days as mentioned previously.
Anyway, Hashem should help you succeed and to shteig on the way also.

Re: first try 02 Apr 2014 09:39 #229699

  • unanumun
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wow finishing up day two.
getting back into this shmiras eiynayim is weird. didn't realize how bad i really was. i used to be so good when i was a bachur. in fact just remembered funny story. when i was going out with my wife, on one date we were in the zoo in yerushalayim and afterwards my wife (date at the time) suggested we go out to eat in the malcha mall which is right nearby. i hadn't been to the mall since i became a ben torah for obvious reasons. well we walk into the mall and i have my head down staring at the floor as i follow her to the restaurant. she comes from a more balabatishe mishpacha and never had a musag of shmiras einayim. when she chapped what was going on she felt so bad to bring be to such a place. found out about that after we got married. well that's where i was once holding, and you know what? we're gonna get back ther if it takes me the next 50 years. (don't want to even imagine what the nisyonos are going to be like then)
either way, i feel great. there were several times today and yesterday that i came across triggers but this website and the forums and the guys were on my mind and i caught myself before anything started. today probably would have been like last week if not for you guys.
so i guess today was the first day of the rest of my life and i hope tomorrow will be as well.

Re: first try 02 Apr 2014 21:48 #229720

  • dms1234
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WELCOME!!!!

Its great to have you!!! I also get curious. "Lets just take a look at what this girl is looking. I am not looking at her, just her dress." Thats really code for: "GIRL GIRL GIRL!!!! YUM YUM YUM" I just look to fill my desire because of course thats what there here for right? For me? Wrong!

Its seems like you are well on your way! Good job and keep it up!!
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: first try 02 Apr 2014 22:29 #229725

  • unanumun
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dms thanks.
nice to be here,
"sometimes you want to go where nobody knows your name and they"re always glad you came"
if anybody here gets the referance.

Re: first try 02 Apr 2014 22:43 #229727

  • gibbor120
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Curiosity killed the cat y'know

Cheers!

Re: first try 03 Apr 2014 05:20 #229761

  • unanumun
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Today is the heilige day three, but it ain't over till it's over.
I have really been down in the dumps the last few days - nothing to do with P&M but down nonetheless. if not for you guys i don't want to even imagine what these days would've been like.
I feel like I have a whole new group of friends (with funny names) and gee in just a few days i feel such a connection. it can be because it is not a real world but i don't think that is the reason. i think that it is because a spirtual connection goes beyond the physical boundaries. Working on such a chashuve zach with all you guys is really something special.
So thanks to all of you whoever you are and wherever you are.
I finally understand what Reb Yisroel Salanter said about the importance of working on mussar (i guess any aspect of avodas hashem would be the same) with a chabura.
i feel this website is the biggest revenge on the yetzer hara for all the shmutz he makes so available and all the problems he causes klal yisrael through the internet.

Re: first try 03 Apr 2014 06:58 #229769

  • dms1234
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unanumun
I have really been down in the dumps the last few days


I feel like this is normal. For so many years we have been using our "drug" to get our fix and to try to make us feel happy and now, suddenly we don't use it anymore. Just keep on going and life will appear a little lighter soon.

Check out Skep's tips. #3 especially which speaks about how we can change our emotions. You have the power to make yourself feel not down!

KOT!!!! And remember try to worry more on making the days count, not on counting the days!
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 
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