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12-Steps Distilled

12-Steps Distilled

 
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The Only Way to Success

The Only Way to Success

Teen: So I was successful for 2 weeks and then I messed up (the school doesn't filter the computers that they give out). Dov: You practiced the right thing for 2 weeks. You got 2 weeks worth of practice living the clean life. Nice! Teen: Yeah def. I guess the only way t...
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There's a G-d and it's Not Me.

There's a G-d and it's Not Me.

When I start to fantasise or have euphoric recall, I have to accept I cannot use lust successfully. Can you share how you diffuse the situation? Specifically, people have been saying "get on your knees and ask for G-d". Where does G-d come into those moments? Dov Responds...
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Am I an Addict?

Am I an Addict?

Dov, who is clean in SA for 25 years, quoted Rabbi Twerski z"l who once said that if a person is not truly an addict, it is highly unlikely they will ever work the 12 Step program honestly. So someone asked Dov: "How does one know if one is truly an addict?" Dov Responds:...
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Problem of Attraction

Problem of Attraction

I haven't acted out for a few weeks, but I don't find my wife attractive. She's pregnant and doesn't wear makeup at home. What can I do? Yaakov Responds: First of all, who decreed that a man must be always attracted to his wife? Hashem gives each person what they need...
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Lowering Our Expectations

Lowering Our Expectations

We recently got a question from a popular Rav who deals with many young men. He wrote as follows: “A few people asked me lately; if someone watched porn in the past and now is getting married and they want to lower their expectations, can you give me advice or suggestions...
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Girlfriends

Girlfriends

"Shtarkandemotional" writes on the GYE forum (click here for the full thread): I’m a very frum Jew in yeshiva and in a very meaningful and emotional relationship with a very frum girl... We’re both yeshivish background and it’s a secret! I never thought I would be posting...
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The False Allure of Infidelity

The False Allure of Infidelity

A GYE User wrote: I feel that I’ve been numbed by watching so much garbage to the concept of infidelity, which seems so thrilling etc. I'm very disturbed by this, because even if I can stop watching vids, the allure remains. I’m not dating yet, but I really want to try ch...
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It's Just Not Fair!

It's Just Not Fair!

Question: I’m 18 and according to Chazal I should get married. It is just not fair! My desires and urges are so great but I have at least 3 years to go until I get married! Sometimes I just feel like giving up. What is the proper outlook? Answer: First of all, Hashem sen...
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Tips for Controlling Ejaculation

As explained at length in the kuntress for men, female orgasm generally works very differently than male orgasm. Whereas men, generally speaking, can reach full arousal very quickly and experience orgasm and ejaculation very quickly; for women, generally speaking, it can ...
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How to View Women

How to View Women

In response to the article called "Sister-In-Laws", a member sent in the following: Thank you for a wonderful publication that is a lifeline for so many. I wanted to comment on the issue of how best to deal with an attractive sister-in-law, and in particular to the P.S....
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What's Permitted

Guardyoureyes often receives questions regarding the limits of what's permitted in the bedroom. Although there are many levels of holiness that a person should strive for, we live today in a very open world full of big nisyonos. Most Chosson and Kalla teachers do not leav...
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Sisters in Law

Sisters in Law

Question: "Hi, I find myself lusting over my sister-in-law (wife’s younger sister). B”h this is not my main struggle, however it does come and go occasionally. I think it’s because she looks more feminine than my wife. She got married recently and she is very attractive a...
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Rabbi Avigdor Miller on Abstinence

Rabbi Avigdor Miller on Abstinence

Q: How should a person know when to enjoy this world and on the other hand when to be a porush, an abstainer, from this world? A: And the answer is, whatever is good for your health you should use and enjoy in this world. If you like to eat bread and butter and it’s also ...
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The GPS of Life

The GPS of Life

Question from a GYE member: I have a philosophical question. I've been struggling with shmiras ainayim and shmiras habris for many years now, and I have so many different struggles in my life. I don't really complain though, because I believe that a lot of it is because o...
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Struggling Avreich

Struggling Avreich

Question from member "wilnevergiveup": I am a serious avreich learning full time, I learn mussar regularly and constantly strengthen myself with various incentives. I can then usually keep myself clean for 2-3 weeks, then this or that and I am back to square one. I will t...
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How can I get rid of my scarred past??

How can I get rid of my scarred past??

I'm reaching out because I'm stuck. Because of so many years of acting out, every woman I now see is an object. For the past 4 yrs, I've been living in hell. Granted I didn't work on shmiras einayim till recently and i've finally made a kabala not to watch porn a few mont...
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Disclosure While Dating

Disclosure While Dating

                         
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