Q & A

Kayla (pseudonym) was referred to me a number of years ago, by her caring Rebbetzen and mentor, for what she described as a “very sensitive, urgent problem, of a sexual nature.” The following week, the poised, pleasant, 20-year-old young woman showed up for intake and des...

Dear Tzubrochen, When the subconscious mind starts to realize that you have made a decision not to watch pornography anymore, it rebels. It wants the "drug." It wants that rush of adrenaline and raised heartbeat. Therefore, when it is in charge - when you are sleeping, ha...

Dear GYE, There are no words to thank you for the tremendous help and support you provide. I have worked on many of the tools, but I think I need the most help in one area. How to properly deal with "sticky thoughts." Fantasies and triggers will often sneak in. I am comp...

Question: I grew up without anyone teaching me about Kedusha issues, and I always thought that I was alone in my struggles and that I was a major loser. It wasn't until after my marriage that I found GYE and read the handbook (especially the "Attitude Principles") that I ...

"Workingmyprogram" asks: The klippa has us so confused - he makes us think we need to run to churches and goyim for help. We have the power of tefilla which is the strongest eitzah of all! Cry out to Hashem with genuine tears, and you will feel His closeness! Why all the ...

GYE Responds: Excellent question. I am not a posek, but I will try to use common sense based on what I have learned. - If a person's wife is a niddah, then he should not do anything intentionally to arouse his desire for her. - If she is mutar to him, then it depends. If...

GYE Responds: Before the great flood in the days of Noah, it says "And G-d saw that the land was destroyed, for all flesh was destroying their ways on the ground". Our sages explain this to mean that one of their many sins was that they spilled their seed. This seems to i...

GS says: “Not without your sponsor and not before you get to step 9. And - not until you have read everything the Big Book, the '12 and 12', and what the White Book say about disclosures.” Dan says: “I have been in the rooms for about 8 years. I haven't seen anyone wi...

Question: Dear Dov, As someone who is 20+ years clean in SA and (as it seems from your writings) has learned how to surrender lust, I wanted to ask you about shmiras einayim in the street, which is something I struggle with a lot. Are you always successful in guarding you...

Question: Is a man with azoospermia (absence of motile - and hence viable - sperm in the semen) allowed to masturbate? GYE Responds: Interesting question. I will pass it on to a Rav who deals with such questions. Meanwhile though, please see what we answer when a woman ...

Question: I am a frum woman and my situation is as follows. Two and a half years ago I left my sex addict (now ex-) husband. He is a charismatic, fun-loving man, as I like to say, "the nicest man you will ever meet." His interests were porn and voyeurism. He was extreme...

Dear Rabbi Morgenstern, Would the Rav be able to weigh in to this discussion and offer a psak? See the conversation below: Question: Can I use a mixed gym and pool, as I feel It would help me not to fall. I know that these days we are not allowed to even go in to the st...

Question: I am a happily married man. But for a reason I don't know, this past week my mind has been driving me nuts with thoughts of other women, etc. These thoughts are so powerful. Is there a way to stop them? Are there any extra prayers I can be reciting? Is there so ...

Mesilas Yesharim says, "Kol inyanei haolam nisyanos heim l'adam -- All matters in this world, everything, are tests for man." That's a sweeping statement! What does it mean tests? Hashem has to test you to know what you are? He doesn't know beforehand what you're going to...

Question: I'm breaking free from porn, not masturbation. Does the one affect the other in terms of addiction or not? The 90-day chart for me isn't just a game to follow the rules for. I want to achieve my goal with it. Of course, I will do what is necessary in order to br...

Dear Crossroads, Excellent question. It seems that overall you are working on yourself and doing well, but you are still struggling with occasional falls. You should know that there is almost never such a thing as an "overcharged libido" by nature. Rather, our sages tell ...

Porn is addictive for the same reason that many drugs are addictive. Neuroscientist Dr. William Struthers explains how the brain reacts to viewing pornography repeatedly: As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on these images, the exposure to them create...

Testimony from Hearing on Pornography's Impact on Family and Marriage Beginning pornography use associated with increase in probability of divorce