Q&A

By obormottel

Dear Yid, You have a disease called addiction, which means that your brain has become hyper-sexual by the pathways carved by the chemicals released over years when doing these behaviors. You see, the brain needs to find balance. So when a person begins engaging in these ...

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What about Disclosure during Shidduchim?

By obormottel

Someone wrote to GYE: I have been sober for almost ten months, Baruch Hashem, and I have been attending SA meetings for almost a year. I got permission from my addiction therapist to begin dating at six months of sobriety, and I began a few months ago, right after Succos...

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SA versus SAA

By the.guard

GYE asked an old-time SA member and this was his response: Yeah, some people like it while some don't; in some countries and cities it's attendance and sobriety presence is pathetic while in others SA's is; etc, etc. I don't know if it's more robust, but they have a secti...

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Can the 12-Step program help someone deal with SSA (same-sex attraction)?

By obormottel

Dov writes: Sometimes guys write to me about SSA. I responded to a couple of them with this (below) as a start to the right conversation: As far as myself, I do not see any similarity that homosexuality bears to addiction. Do you? It seems like a separate issue and ther...

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Public Transportation

By the.guard

Thank you for your mail. It helps me to find the strength to face this situation, without being overwhelmed. I knew that being mad and so upset was neither appropriate nor helpful reaction to his fall, but I could not find my way out of my painful feelings. When I read yo...

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Niddah Time

By the.guard

CLICK HERE to download a booklet called “Niddah - A Practical Psychological Guide for Couples” by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, which contains a discussion of the problems and challenges faced by couples, specific tips and tools for men and women, and special considera...

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What's wrong with Porn?

By obormottel

According to the non-profit Fight The New Drug (FTND), which relies on dozens of studies for its pornography data, "men who go to prostitutes are twice as likely to have watched a porn film in the last year compared to the general population." So is porn a statistically-p...

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For or Against 12-Step Groups?

By the.guard

The GYE forums are often breeding grounds for heated discussions / arguments for and against 12-Step groups, whether or not they are in accordance with the Torah, and why or why not the Torah hasn’t been enough to stop the struggling Yid from his behaviors. Dov, who is cl...

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What should I tell someone who is triggered?

By the.guard

I was on the GYE website when some chatted with me and said that he is triggered. This was the first time someone else complained to me about their situation, since usually I am the complainer. However, I am still new to this, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do and w...

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What's worse?

By the.guard

Someone wrote: I act out with masturbation more often and more rarely do I spend some time browsing dirty sites (like once a month or once in 2 months). Is there a point to make a TaPHSiC shvuah for the shmutz if I anyway can't stop the masturbation? GYE Responds: Fr...

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Don't "Just" Say No! Mean It.

By obormottel

A: What do you mean "you just can't say no"? If your mother walked into the room just before you acted out, or if someone put a gun to your head and threatened to kill you if you acted out, would you still not be able to say no? This proves that you can say no, you jus...

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Hashem doesn't like me

By the.guard

A teen member who is clean for over a year wrote: Hashem doesn't like me. Look how hard I've worked to be the best person I can be and now I am finding it so hard to find a yeshiva. All my friends and normal people and I'm just a loser. GYE Responds: My dear frie...

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How do I stay humble?

By the.guard

Tomorrow I will iyH complete my first (hopefully of many) 90 days clean bH. My problem is that every time I start having accomplishments in these areas I start to feel like I overcame the problem and start slacking off and before long end up back @ square 1. My first ques...

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When Is Sex An Addiction?

By obormottel

From a therapist’s point of view, sex addiction is a dysfunctional preoccupation with sex that continues for a period of at least six months despite negative consequences and attempts to either quit or curtail the problem-causing behaviors. In other words, sex addicti...

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Top 4 Porn Addiction Myths: Q&A

By obormottel

Q: Do only people with “Addictive Personalities” have a problem with porn? A: So there is still a lot of debate on this one. A recent study by Simone Kühn, and Jürgen Gallinat, found that frequent porn users had a significant reduction in grey matter in areas of the bra...

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Why did Hashem give this to me in the first place?

By obormottel

A: To answer your question, let me start with this introduction: Powerless doesn't mean you are not responsible for your recovery. The 12-Steps is actually all about taking responsibility! All that powerless means is that you can't do anything about the addiction itself, ...

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From constraints to new heights.

By obormottel

Member: “You say that when you fall, you fall to go higher, but why does it have to be that way? I'm recognizing a lot that I didn't see before. Yes, I'm in a better place in a way. But why can't it be different? And I don't think it's worth breaking Shabbos and knowing I...

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How can I know if I am an addict or not?

By obormottel

This is a common question, but the answer is simple. Whether you are an addict or not is really not relevant, it's just semantics. Let me ask you this, if you aren't addicted, why don't you just STOP? If you feel OUT OF CONTROL (even sometimes). If you set BOUNDARIES...

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