36 Days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

I have to give credit where credit is due. (At least some of the credit.)

Somewhere in the dusty libraries of GYE, I came across a thread discussing the effectiveness of the Easy Peasy method. There were staunch members on both sides of the conversation going back and forth.

I decided to give it a shot and started reading it. I report that - poor writing notwithstanding - it has helped me immensely.

At the same time, I do see why it wouldn't work for everyone. (In fact, I highly doubt that any method would work for everyone.)

So I'm putting this out here for whoever might stumble upon this thread; I think it's at least worth a shot.

B'Hatzlacha.

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connected wrote on 02 Jun 2022 20:21:

How are you defining "helped me immensely"?

Shmuel wrote on 02 Jun 2022 22:29:

To sum it up in one line "I understand and truly feel that I'm not making a sacrifice".

In the past, this was the hardest part in trying to quit. I'd constantly feel like I'm depriving myself and like I need to be brutally fighting with myself. Like I'm stuck in the center of a tug of war. At some point, the perceived benefits of P&M would outweigh the benefits of quiting and I'd go back.

Reading this has removed the illusion of any benefits.

This is in a very condensed nutshell. (The size of a pistachio nut.)

I say again, I'm not preaching for everyone to use this method. I'm just saying that it worked for me (my longest stretch up until I read it was 14 days and it was pure hell).

connected wrote on 02 Jun 2022 23:46:

Amazing!

Thanks for sharing!

41 Days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

Yom Tov was what it was.

The nice parts were lovely, and the not-needing-to-get-out-of-bed-immediately-upon-waking-up was extremely tough.
In the past, this would result in me turning to my wife to satisfy my urge or acting out on my own (if my wife rejected my attempt or if I didn't have the courage to try her - probably due to previous rejections).

But these are two (of the many) things I'm trying to change.
So there I was, lying in bed, the urge burning in me, trying to figure out what course of action to take.
"Don't go to her; she's not your s*x object."
"But she's my wife. Isn't this part of the deal?"
"Nope. The deal is to give, this is purely selfish."
"OK, fine... So I'll just go to the bathroom..."
"C'mon, it's day 40 (the furthest you've ever made it). You know that acting out, while momentarily relieving the urge, will ultimately leave you feeling like crap. It's not a fair tradeoff. It doesn't make sense."
"So what should I do?!"
"You know exactly what you should do! Stop lying around and get busy! Get out of bed, get dressed, and go take care of your rascals of kids, who are in the meantime turning over the house..."
"But I don't want to!"
"Well, that's the only option. Do you want to help yourself? Do it. Do you want to be miserable? Stay here, and fantasize."
(The voice of reason is still external...)

Fifteen minutes and sixty push-ups later, I was reading Baila Butterfly to my innocent angles over a fine spread of sickly-sweet-smelling fruit loops and other nutritious ways to start your Yom Tov day.

Bottom line, I guess what this three-day Yom Tov taught me is that I need a  full schedule on Shabbos and Yom Tov mornings, lest I have time to ferment in bed.

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connected wrote on 07 Jun 2022 17:13:

Gotta say, I love this. Reads like poetry.
You get the best reward of spending time with your kids.

(Side-side-note: Is it all only selfish? Or is part of it the natural desire that Hashem planted in men to be giving of ourselves to our wives? What happens if you let your wife know at some point that you desire her?)

yechielmichel wrote on 07 Jun 2022 17:35:

Why thank you!

I'll bring your side-side-note to the center; of course, there's plenty of grey area.
I think a simple way to gauge my selfishness is to consider what preceded my initiation. (Her initiation is a concept I need to get out of my vocabulary.)

I tell my wife that I need her, and if we spend time together schmoozing, etc., and then I initiate, there are good chances that I want to give.

However, if it's 7:30 am, and she's sleeping, and I (very gently, right...) wake her up because I woke up in the mood, then no doubt, I'm there to take.
In hindsight, in my close to ten years of marriage, I'm embarrassed by the number of times that this was the case.

I hope it's not too late to fix it.

44 Days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

Not much has happened since my last 90-days update.
Oh, yes, I downloaded a cacophony of emotions and thoughts in the form of a long "letter" and watched as a few worlds detonated; nothing major. 'twas interesting to observe different Deios colliding.

I'm looking forward to a new, exciting medallion. The monochromatic 30-days one (also 14) is kinda boring and blah. Even the medals of the first few levels have more personality. Maybe it follows the pattern of breaking free. In the beginning, there's a certain freshness, etc. (even though it can be grueling), then the mundane, daily grind sets in, threatening to drag you down, and then at some point, it starts getting more manageable (I hope). Hmm...

Enough time and thought wasted on this.

Anyhow, I don't want to push time any faster than it's already going.
I gotta enjoy every moment I'm alive.

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46 days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

Happy brutal sunday.

He was everywhere.
Crossing the street.
In the freezer aisle in the supermarket (also the other aisles).
In the car beside mine in traffic.
At the other pump in the gas station.

Always there. Always peddling his sweet wares.
"Just one look. I promise you'll enjoy it."
"No thanks. I know that I'll gain nothing from looking"
"But listen, I'm offering you something you haven't seen in a while. This one is unique!"
"No means no. I just can't afford it."

My wife gives me a quizzical look, "what are you mumbling about?", I just smile sheepishly... I wish I could explain it to my life partner. I just don't trust that she'll get it. It's on my road map. One day I hope to be strong enough to let her in to my dungeon-turned-to-palace. But for now I need to continue by myself. 

And continue I do.
Moments turn into minutes.
Minutes into hours.
Hours into days.
You all know how it continues. 
But it starts with one moment. Which moment? The current one. 

Stay connected

connected wrote on 12 Jun 2022 22:58:


BEAUTIFUL !!!

connected wrote on 12 Jun 2022 22:58:

...and I just realized that the "voice of reason" spoke in the first person...!

Progress.

(Yes, I'm patting myself on my back)

Hey, I don't usually comment, but I just wanted to say I'm really enjoying following your thread, keep it up.

Looking_to_improve wrote on 13 Jun 2022 22:22:

As a professional lurker myself, I can say that I truly appreciate that you came out of that snug corner to give me Chizuk.

Thank you!

49 days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

Yawn...

(Probably one of the more profound and relatable posts I've produced.)

connected wrote on 15 Jun 2022 00:44:

CONGRATS - you did the 49 days of sefira and made it to the finish line!!!!!!!!!