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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Square one 4122 Views

Square one 28 Feb 2021 22:41 #364367

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Thread 3
Day 0
Restarting from square one
Last Edit: 28 Feb 2021 22:49 by Looking_to_improve.

Re: Square one 28 Feb 2021 22:54 #364370

Keep it up! And may this be the last time you'll ever have to restart again

Re: Square one 28 Feb 2021 23:01 #364372

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Hey! Here you are! I got scared when I saw you closed your first thread.

First of all, as a bochur fighting the good 'ol fight like you do, it is nothing short of incredible. There is so much hopelessness sometimes and to still be getting back up is a powerful lesson in true determination.

Now, the other part. You wrote on your last thread that you've witnessed others coming here and succeeding but you feel like you are trying to catch your tail.

Here's the cold truth that you already know. Let's review. It's not GYE or the forum that changes people. Neither is it short lived occasional inspiration. It is only you. You fighting against the oncoming waves. You keeping your head above the water in the face of a deluge. It's you, battle worn, scarred, limping, bleeding - yet not being intimidated in the slightest. Taking those deep breaths and pushing onwards. Determinedly dragging yourself to the light, to your goal, to the place you cherish with a fierce and fiery passion. 

It's only you, fighting for freedom. To tear yourself out of the shackles of lust, and the shadows of lost control. 

People came, they may have gained from GYE how to properly escape, but all the thrust, determination and energy was completely homegrown. No amount of reading or sharing can manufacture a long term change. 

You have it in you my friend, everyone can see that. Dig deep and harness that fight to see the light of truth and happiness. Fight until you reach the goal you know is yours for the taking.

It is you and you only, but we are here to hold your hand all the way through it.

                                     Grant 

Re: Square one 28 Feb 2021 23:32 #364381

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I fell again today also. I know how you feel. I've been having a real hard time getting things together since my last streak...really hard to internalize ODAAT when your counter goes down to single digits.
But we'll get through this. What Grant wrote is really true.
We'll do this together.
We're on the same day.
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Square one 01 Mar 2021 16:21 #364440

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Was about to go act out just now. Finally the issue I had with my filter has been sorted and I didn't act out, it's taken far too long for it to be sorted 

Re: Square one 01 Mar 2021 22:08 #364470

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Day 1
Mostly a good day today bH, except for going to act outBeH I'm gonna have a lot of menuchas hanefesh now that my filter doesn't have any loopholes. I think my main avodah now is to avoid trying to find any more

Re: Square one 01 Mar 2021 22:12 #364473

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Looking_to_improve wrote on 01 Mar 2021 22:08:
Day 1
Mostly a good day today bH, except for going to act outBeH I'm gonna have a lot of menuchas hanefesh now that my filter doesn't have any loopholes. I think my main avodah now is to avoid trying to find any more

What I do when I find myself constantly doing things that can lead to a fall, is to start considering that action a fall. Accept upon yourself that the next time your search for a loophole it is a fall, and you will have to restart your count.

Re: Square one 02 Mar 2021 22:13 #364581

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Day 2

Good day BH

Re: Square one 03 Mar 2021 17:40 #364648

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Feeling a small urge to act out now, but my filters all good now, so don't have anything to look at if I wanted. My ikar avodah now is to keep it that way and not to be curious

Re: Square one 03 Mar 2021 21:21 #364656

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Keep it up.

חזק ואמץ.

Hashem is very proud of you.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: Square one 03 Mar 2021 22:39 #364658

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Day 3

Clean bH

Re: Square one 04 Mar 2021 22:40 #364750

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Day 4

BH clean
Having an effective filter (or being under the impression that it is) works wonders, especially when I'm fussy and only act out 90% of the time when I have something to look at (porn or other stuff)
Last Edit: 04 Mar 2021 22:43 by Looking_to_improve.

Re: Square one 05 Mar 2021 02:40 #364765

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Looking_to_improve wrote on 04 Mar 2021 22:40:
Day 4

BH clean
Having an effective filter (or being under the impression that it is) works wonders, especially when I'm fussy and only act out 90% of the time when I have something to look at (porn or other stuff)

Even though a person knows he can undo the gedarim he has set for himself, 
he should still institute them, as doing so has a powerful effect. When one makes a geder, it’s as if he is saying, “I am committed to breaking this cycle, and my proof is that I’m going to make things difficult for myself.”
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Square one 05 Mar 2021 11:43 #364788

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Been feeling a lot of desire for fantasising when I lie down to sleep. Often I don't know what I want to think about, but my mind is just like "Right, let's start thinking about this now, so now pick what it is that's coming first". I don't know if it makes any difference, but in the past it was more of a desire to think about details already from the beginning. Maybe I'm overthinking this. It's not been bothering me, I think it will pass in a few days

Also was in public today for the first time in a while, my eyes were darting around a bit too much, too many second and third looks, etc.

Re: Square one 06 Mar 2021 17:24 #364826

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Shavua tov

Thoughts have not been great over shabbos, struggling to clear my mind from negative thoughts and fantasies.
Need a reset
Last Edit: 06 Mar 2021 17:24 by Looking_to_improve.
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