I figured I'd start a new thread under this category to help me keep track of my progress.

I had a tough day with my wife yesterday. (Actually, if I'm being honest, she had a tough day, and her mood spilled over, dragging me down.) Finally, after putting the kids to bed and having something to eat, I needed to go to the grocery. I got into the car, still upset, and as I was waiting at a red light, this attractive woman walked by right in front of me, and my eyes helpfully escorted her across the street.
Suddenly, the following hit me. And I said it out loud (all windows were closed...).

"What are you doing? You're upset at your wife, so you're ogling other women? Do you think you're somehow getting even with her? All you're doing is destroying yourself."

This helped me snap away my destructive gaze.

This is not the first time I behaved this way while being upset with my wife. But it's the first time I had this thought that helped me out of it. I didn't put that thought there.

Thank You, Hashem, for that thought.

connected wrote on 05 May 2022 17:34:

Hey, sorry if this comes across harsh.
from the story you tell it seems that things start going downhill when you allow your wife’s mood to drag you down. You, as the man, can be the anchor here and not be dragged down by her moods. You use the word upset, but do you mean anger? Anger is a dangerous emotion. I don’t think you need me to tell you that.
so the place to start might be taking control of your emotions.

yechielmichel wrote on 06 May 2022 14:48:

No harshness detected.
You are 100% right about that. It's BH, a work in progress.

As of now, this is the pattern:
1) Wife has a tough time
2) I get dragged along
3) I get upset at her
4) I turn to my "other wife"

I BH started seeing someone to help me change how I respond (step 2) from getting dragged to, as you put it, being the anchor and lifting her back up.

Connected,

I can relate so much with this situation. I'm an environment soaker if ppl around me are in a bad mood i can sometimes take that to another level. (I'm currently working on my emotions to understand them and feel them)
I do have an issue looking at other woman when i go around shopping ect. but when such a mood happens it makes me depressed and believing that the couple in the grocery looking at each other to decide which meat they will buy for Shabbos are so in love and better off then me. What you have done to get back your conscious is a great tool in the box. 

Another one i heard from Rabbi Shefer is to kinda like engrave an image of your wife (in any form) from good times and when anything like that happens and you find yourself looking at another woman bring up that image to your forefront and tell yourself that this woman you are looking at is not available for you.  

mypersonallife wrote on 06 May 2022 16:54:

Hi,
Working on understanding our emotions and, subsequently, how to deal with them can be one of the most powerful tools we can have to change patterns that lead to unwanted and/or harmful behaviors (i.e., P&M).

Lots of luck on that endeavor!

Day 14.

"Only 16 days left to reach Level 5!" Says the GYE 90-days counter.
"Only 16?!" I think, "Why, that's more than what I currently have in my bag!"

I hereby create my own next goal: 15 Days.

"Only one day left to reach the next level!" Says my 90-days counter.
"Only one?!" I think, "Why, that's 1/14th of what I currently have in my bag! This is manageable!"

Brutal honesty time.
(Hopefully, more honest than brutal.)

I made some unhealthy conversation in the private chats with some fellow addicts here, so I was blocked from GYE.

My initial, instinctive response was, "Fine. They don't want me? I'm going right back to P&M. I can finally do this guilt-free; I have the perfect justification."

The rationalization brought me this close to falling Friday. (Bring your index finger close to your thumb to visualize just how close.)

The voice of reason caught me in the act, "Are you serious?! You know what you did wrong. You know you want to get better. You know you can't get better on your own. Put aside your pride, ask the Mod to disable the chat for your account and to be allowed back on."

(it's odd how the first voice still speaks in the first person while the voice of reason is external. Work in progress, work in progress... One day!)

I crawled back and emailed the Mod.
BH, I now have filtered access to GYE.

P.S. To anyone trying to message me privately: I can see the messages but can't reply. And that's a good thing. Keeps me (and you) away from danger.

sleepy wrote on 11 May 2022 18:30:

Yeah, a person who cuts off his nose to spite his face remains disfigured and unsightly.
It's unfortunate where an unchecked ego can lead us.

connected wrote on 11 May 2022 17:57:

Impressive. Honesty, humility, focus - the stuff of heroes.

15 days.

"I slipped in the shower" takes on a new meaning here.

B"H, still standing.

i used to 'slip in the shower'
and i did that for a few times
try putting your phone on the vanity or sink with an alarm for 3 minutes (or more only how much you need for your actual shower) set on the highest volume which will make you want to run out of your shower without your family come running to the door to see whats happenning
#TriedAndTested

Ybird wrote on 12 May 2022 16:21:

Thanks for the advice!
Although, in order to stay further away from slipping or worse, my phone doesn't come with me into the room when I shower...

But I get what you're saying. Gotta find a way to implement it.

Thanks again!

Maybe - If you have an accountability partner, text him when you go to take a shower, and then text when you are done and clean. Accountability is powerful.

putting it outside the bathroom on the heighest volume would work better, try timing your avg quick shower with all other stuff like getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc and then set a timer for that time
youll have a side benefit that you'll be out quicker and have more time during the day, 
(you can impliment this idea at other tasks during the day like eating, naping, walking, youll find that you have much more time during your day than before)

Hashem Help Me wrote on 13 May 2022 11:02:

That's so true.
An accountability partner would likely help me with more than just shower time...