Workingguy wrote on 09 Feb 2017 13:52:

Thanks Workingguy ! that was an amazing post, clear, sharp to the point!!!! 

What about making a Seifer "Pirush HaCordnoy" 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 09 Feb 2017 14:33:

Thank you.

II like that....axiomatic guidin' light.

I agree with everythin' you wrote, except one word.

will Succeed Beh wrote on 09 Feb 2017 14:40:

It would be worthy of hangin' up in the back room of every strip club along route 1 & 9.

I think this was a good discussion. I believe that this will help in my marriage, whenever and if that ever happens. 

If you noticed, I "Thank you'd" every one of Cordnoy's posts. I think there's a lot of wisdom in that. I'm not here to tell anyone what to do in their bedroom. But if someone is having sex with their wife because they "need to" or because the desire is overwhelming, that sounds like they are using their wife. There are many people in my fellowship who are abstinate with their wives because they internalized that sex is optional and it's up to their wives to decide. I hear them sharing, and many times there's pain in their shares. But at least they're sober. And they know that if their wife decides to be intimate, then it will be from a much healthier place. But that is not the end goal, as Cordnoy was saying.

My sponsor told me that he and his wife were abstinate at a time. His wife was disgusted with him and she couldn't have sex. But one night they were sharing very vulnerable things with each other, and they were connecting a lot. He told me that they "found themselves having sex." There was no decision made to have sex, but it was just a result of the connection that they had. Their abstinence was broken in a beautiful way, not with any of them trying to. 

My therapist in Israel also told me that sex is not about the physical pleasure, he said sex is about connection. He remarked "If sex was about the pleasure, then it would be quite boring with the same woman for 20 years." But he said it's about connection, not physical pleasure. The white book has a similar explanation. Just some food for thought.

Before anyone jumps on me for being single and commenting on this thread, everything here is just what I have heard from other people. And if it upsets you, do a 4th step. None of my damn business. (Joke!)

Mornin fellas 
SNOW DAY YEAH!!!
when we can get a "no not now" from the wife.and walk away without going crazy. than it's healthy.

Shlomo24 wrote on 09 Feb 2017 15:28:

Very impressive words from such a young guy.

Sounds like you've been married a few decades already

[spoiler?]Although there are guys that passed their 60th anniversary, and they still don't know this... [dash the spoiler]

cordnoy wrote on 09 Feb 2017 13:21:


agreed she is not a toy BUT A PERSON WITH REAL FEELINGS
help does not always mean sex but sometimes it does just gotta know you still might not get it
also this was said to singularity specifically in relation to what he has posted but still I should have been clearer with what was intended thank you for making sure things remain clear

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 09 Feb 2017 20:04:

Firstly, I was told it should be sperm dumpster.

Secondly, my apologies, but I really don't understand what you're sayin'.

I am sorry, but sentences, punctuation marks and capital letters would be a start.

Agreed she is not a toy/collector/dumpster or whatever but a person with real feelings.

Help does not always mean sex but sometimes it does, just gotta know you still might not get it.

Also this was said to singularity specifically in relation to what he has posted but still I should have been clearer with what was intended

Thank you for making sure things remain clear

Thank you Mr MH,

ItI is appreciated.

I went back again several pages to thoseI quotes. Mr singularity was specifically referrin' to sex with his wife. He was aroused and needed an outlet. Your response to him several times was that he should ask his wife for help. You even mentioned that this will prevent him from sinnin'. 

This is the point I am disagreein' with strongly, and especially for us fellows. We will probably never have enough sex. We will always want more. Asking her for help with our arousal status is from the worst things we could do, that is, if we are interested in change.

Is there a time for the wife to help evenI us guys? Perhaps yes, but it is onI her terms, her time, her schedule, etc., and only when we are doin' aI damn good job of changin'.

There is someone on this site who advocates rape for the purpose of not wastin' seed, and that it is the man's right, and that's it's written in the kesuvah, and we are normal, and we took out the garbage and washed theBAD WORD REMOVEDin' dishes. I do not subscribe to that theory.

B'hatzlachah

Point taken and accepted

​As I am not an addict it is still hard for me to accept that it is never "mutter" to ask if needed but that is my problem and shall try to remember this in the future.

I have read that other thread and have not commented on purpose let's leave it at that

KOMT

Thank you for editing the typo

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 09 Feb 2017 21:12:

T'was a one time special.

can I have another one as I was editing it when it changed in between when I clicked edit and it loaded for editing?  

cordnoy wrote on 09 Feb 2017 14:56:

Which word?