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ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY?
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If you've made progress - thank G-d, double your merit by inspiring others as well! Post the tips and advice that worked best for you in your journey to sobriety or tell us about recommendations you heard from others that work.
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TOPIC: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 7385 Views

ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 03 Dec 2017 18:35 #323235

  • Chaim2009
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Today 10 Kislev 5778, is a year form 10 Kislev 5777 that marks today as the special day for me.

In order to comprehend the significance of today, let's roll back the calendar 15 years back.

As a bucher in Yeshiva, I was introduced to masturbation true a friend who was sexually triggered on me.  He pursued me and in the end, I fell.
This turned on my Lust on, and I didn't reject when I was pursued.
I ended up having sexual relationships with several Bucherim in that yeshiva, and that went on when I changed Yeshiva to a Yeshiva in Israel.

At age 18 I got engaged, but that did not change my behaviour of masturbation nor acting out with others.

Mazel Tov I'm now 19 years old and I got married, I was convinced that marriage will solve my sexual issues.

A few months later I was pursued by a guy that I knew from Israel, and that is when I realized that my lust is not over although I was married.

As I got access to the internet porn was part of my routine.

Fast forward few years and I was pursued by someone who saw me in a mikvah, and we had a relationship for years. He told me how much he loves me, and he did everything to satisfy my sexual desires.

Later I went to night spas where I would meet more people in order to satisfy my lust.

A little  about my self,
I come from a worm chasidish home, wonderful family.
I am a smart popular person, I own a small business. and  I am a happy go lucky type.
I am blessed with ADHD, that in a way makes life wonderful but on the other hand, has many side effects, sticking to a schedule, being on time, and doing responsibility are extremely hard. (with that said I still believe that my ADHD is to me much more of a blessing than a course).

My schedule was a mess I came home very late at night 2-3 AM. Financial I was a mess bearly making the minimum.

At home, we lived like dorm roommates me and my wife, 2 ppl together living their own lives. My wife was bothered by this lifestyle, But I was mainly happy, I thought that we have a good relationship where each of us is not stepping on the toes of each other, we had very little arguments, And I was happy go lucky.

In the summer of 2016, I was introduced to the idea of massage therapists, and I started searching and chatted with a massage therapist how it works.

One day I see my wife is very unhappy, as I asked her for the reason, she didn't want to say, after me begging her she told me that last night she checked my phone and she sews the chat I had with the massage therapist.

I promised her that it was just an inquiry and that I never actually went to one of them.I was convinced that the crises are over and I lived my life as nothing happened.

On 10 Kislev 5777, we had a family Simcha out of town, with the kids in the car I drove to the Simcha. On the way, I had to stop by for few minutes by someone, as I came back to my car I see my wife in tears as she holds my phone in her hands.

The world was coming crashing on me, I knew it's all over she now knows everything, My life is over.With fake smiles on our faces, we went to the Simcha and as quick as we could we are on the way home.

In the car, my wife kept crying and asking me questions. I broke down and cried along with her, I have no idea how I managed to keep control of the car.

Hashem gave me the courage and the sense, to admit to all my wrongdoings, I told her everything, and that I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay with her.

I blocked all my unhealthy contacts and stopped going to the mikva where I can get triggered.

She found a therapist who specializes in marriage and sex addictions,  for 6 months once a week we went together to that therapist.

2 months later my wife told me about GYE, where I found my new family, ppl who struggle with me and a place where I can be myself (without a name).

On GYE  I found the 12 step program, that introduced me to the fact that as an addict I am not in power to say no to lust, all I can do is to talk to Hashem in my language (for me Yiddish) that he should be with me and save me. (I don't follow the 12 steps in the order nor do I listen to the teleconferences maybe because my ADHD).

In the past year, I got a wonderful wife (that I didn't realize until then how special she is) we are now partners, best friends, and yes we now have real Shalom Beis.
I have no secrets and I'm not hiding anything from her.
I'm no longer in the relationship with her that she should be the mother of our children, and to accommodate my needs.  I am now in the relationship to give, and my main focus is that she should be happy.(coincidently I receive a lot more than I got before)

And yet another relationship improved the relationship with Hashem.
I am now talking to him daily, and my davaning improved a lot. and I made a new Kivas Item that B"H I haven't miss since Shvuas.

There is still room for improvement and with Hashem's help, we will get there.

I don't feel secured yet and I know I'll never be this will be a lifetime struggle, I have to stay focused and watch from triggers, along with a lot of asking and praying to Hashem.

At this time I want to take a moment to thank,


  • My therapist who helped us so much a guided us in the right direction, she cared so much about us beyond what we could ever expect.
  • GYE both the people behind GYE that gave us all the tools and such an amazing platform. and to all members, I had the honour of meeting and the chizuk I got from you along with the opportunity to be mchazek others.
  • Last but not least my dear wife, who not only didn't reject me, but she understood and accepted me and is my backbone along this journey. I am beyond words to thank her, without her I would be in the dumps now.

And my graduate to Hashem is above all.
You, Hashem, showed me your love even tho I don't deserve it.


  • Thank you for the beautiful and supportive wife you gave me.
  • Thank you for the great kids you gave me.
  • Thank you for the financial stability you gave me.
  • Thank you for GYE.
  • Thank you for the therapist.
  • The list goes on and on......


Now I ask you do I celebrate an anniversary, a year of sobriety, or a birthday a year of my new life?????

Chaim

Last Edit: 20 Aug 2018 16:40 by Chaim2009.

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 03 Dec 2017 18:48 #323236

  • Markz
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Celebrate the fact that this is your only question and concern :-)
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Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 03 Dec 2017 20:29 #323239

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Mazel Tov!! 

I would say it’s both of those. And also a Yohrtzeit. One year since your old crazy selfish self died, and you were reborn as a person with a new attitude and mission in life. May your Neshama continue having an Aliyah!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
Last Edit: 04 Dec 2017 23:57 by Gevura Shebyesod.

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 03 Dec 2017 22:03 #323243

  • serenity
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Thank you for sharing that amazing story with us. Happy 1st birthday!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 04 Dec 2017 21:35 #323295

  • one_day_at_a_time
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i am in tears reading this post keep up the gr8 work :blush:people like u is what makes gye so special !!!!!!!

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 05 Dec 2017 23:19 #323372

  • Chaim2009
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Thank you all for your chizuk 

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 06 Dec 2017 04:36 #323380

  • Hashem Help Me
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Wow. Such a post renders us speechless. You are one amazing person. Happy anniversary/birthday and many more iyh!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 14 Dec 2017 05:43 #323747

  • mikestrucking
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That's amazing! thank you for sharing that!
Also Mazel Tov on your birthday lemispoorum!
Hatzlocho
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 31 Dec 2017 19:23 #324490

  • tzaddik212
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Chaim Mazel Tov. 

I am speechless, the hear you story, how it progressed and how a year later of hitting bottom you are clean over 1 year. It is a real "Neis"
may you share many "Nissim" in the future.
Check out my recovery story at: guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/323855-Re-What-got-me-to-day-92#323859
Feel free to send me an Email at: zestful718@hotmail.com

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 07 Jan 2018 23:28 #324927

  • grateful4life
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Incredible!! What an inspiring story!! May Hashem bentch you with continued success, nachas and bracha in all areas!!
#trueinspiration

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 12 Apr 2018 21:59 #329647

Dear Chaim,
What you describe as your "life" before sobriety sound more like "death".
We share a lot of struggles in common including ADHD and SSA.
So Happy Birthday!!! one day at a time. Bracho v'Hatzlocho brother 

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 07 May 2018 09:32 #330742

  • Al Tisyaesh
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Kol hakavod,
Mazal tov on your milestone and may these kind of questions be the extent of your future issues.
Don't ever give up on yourself,,, You can do it,

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 20 Aug 2018 04:18 #334828

  • Realestatemogul
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wow!!! Your an inspiration to anyone who reads this! 

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 06 Nov 2018 02:09 #337031

  • holykosher
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Chaim i just read this this is amazing u could of had all answers other boucherim dragged me in and so on but u just did the right thing and at the end u just gained

Re: ANNIVERSARY OR BIRTHDAY? 06 Nov 2018 02:45 #337033

  • renovation7528
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It's my second time reading your story!!
I have no words but tears, it gives me so much hope that ill be free from these thoughts etc. 
I really give a lot of credit that your wife didn't reject you its very special from her  
should she be a role model for our wifes 

you could almost celebrate your second anniversary/ birthday
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