Hi everyone,

I have met a bunch of you already (Cordnoy, YBS, Chaim2009, Schnitzel and Kugel, etc.) 

This past week has been the first time I really engaged on GYE.

I have seen how others have benefited from GYE and how it helped them FINALLY break free.

I am posting this thread of my 90 day journey because I don't want to leave this up to  just my own abilities. My own abilities have always failed me and put me back into the never ending cycle.

My past history is full of sexual challenges that make acting out natural. I won't go into details but getting a laptop with unrestricted internet for my bar-mitzvah wasn't exactly the most beneficial present. I understand that on my own I will never be able to conquer this challenge. I may be able to go a week, a month, or even a few months without acting out or watching inappropriate things. But ultimately I haven't been able to stay clean.

I want to take this post to say that I will try to from now on surrender my challenges and realize that only Hashem can let me overcome these ever hard feelings. I can not and will not try to beat this on my own. The talmud talks about the yetzer hara showing even the greatest Tzadikim that they are no match for him. I certainly am no better. However, I do have Hashem. I truly believe any test Hashem gives us we can pass and that means he will let us pass. It may just be that he wants me to use the tool of GYE that he gave me.

I am now on my 9th day clean. I have been here before many times. This time WILL be different. This time I WILL make it to 90 days. This time I WILL stay strong. This time I WILL surrender to Hashem. This time I WILL break free! 

BUT, I can only do it with all of you AMAZING poeple's help!
Please cheer me on, console me, and encourage me on my journey.

Looking forward to celebrating 90 soon!
Thank you!

Realestatemogul wrote on 22 Aug 2018 21:39:

Welcome brother - you seem to be a sweet guy!
Do you meet those guys weekly?

Thanks for the compliment!
No I meant just chatting through GYE. Your name has also been floated around plenty - its a pleasure to meet!

Welcome,

Writing and sharing is a good key to open yourself up to sobriety.
Keep it up, keep yourself and keep us updated with whats going on, and what your feeling and struggles are.

And what worked for me is inspiring and giving chizuk to others, made me stay in the loop.

Hatzlucha

Awesome Realestatemogul! 

How to become a Real Estate Mogul:

guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/334532-Harness-your-s%2Ax-drive#334532

Thanks I found that really interesting and helpful!
I actually find very often that I am most challenged in these areas when I have nothing I need or want to do and porn or masterbation is my way of procrastinating those things. So if I had a drive for something then these "highs" would slip away. But that is not the healthy balance. If i wasn't as religious and I could chase unimportant things I may have much less struggles, but that is not the case, BH! So now I get to live a more balanced, wholesome, and fulfilling life. AND these challenges will help me get there!

Welcome REM 

I was able to escape the horrible cycles of acting out with gye 
I have picked tons of amazing advice and guidance how tos and tips'on how to be a better person ,husband,father,jew ,etc. on the site -still am...
being on the forums and connecting to people is a good move it can act as both a strong deterrent and reenforcement at the same time.

Hatzlacha ! you absolutely CAN do it !

Welcome  To GYE

You seem to be doing pretty good, keep it up. Keep on Inspiring us!


 Love Yankel!

#Day11!

Thanks everyone for the encouragement! Its special finally having the encouragement and knowing it wont go away. 
Im gonna start this post off with a video I came across today:

www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=66171

I always wondered, why me? I got these nisyonos before I was even Bar Mitzvah! Was it my own fault? But how could I be faulted for something before 13? What did I do for Hashem to give me these challanges? So, I found this video really interesting. R' Wallerstein brings from R' Chaim Vital a reason for EXCACTLY that! I in THIS lifetime did NOTHING wrong to deserve having EXTRA strong lust and challenges in these areas. BUT, my previous self CHOSE these things on  his own. B"H I GET the OPPORTUNITY to fix these because Hashem gave me these tendancies and gave me the opportunity to fight it. Who knows if that is really the case but I found it to be a powerful idea, and give me new perspective on how my challenge is an oppurtunity and in no way my fault!

#Day11 (part 2)
(I just wanted to break it up cuz long posts are sometimes hard to read)

BH I am well into week two of my 90 day journey, the 90 day journey that I actually make it to the finish line! 

Today  was a really hard day (regarding these things - besides it was actually a reall great day BH) . Week 2 comes along with being VERY sensitive to things, that coupled with the fact that I hadnt been to the office since Monday - meaning I had to walk through thousands of people dresses for the beach (I mean work...). I kept trying to remind myself that Hashem is in charge and if I surrender these thoughts to him he could take care of it for me. It still aint easy! Lol, but BH I made it through another day. Actually, this is kinda excitting that I am posting about my tough day. The ability to do that and the feeling that accompanies it gives me hope and strength that I will get to #90 and beyond.

In case I wasn't clear, week 2 is really hard because I still recently saw things and acted out so after 11 days of not, I am very sensitive to even the slightest thoughts or to things I see. I can already tell tommorow will also be hard. But I have to remember what I told someone else on the forums (see it helps to help!) that it isnt any harder for Hashem in week 2 (or any other time)! I would love to hear other suggestions as well! Hashem Help Me told me exercise til you sweat helps release the same things masterbating does. Im gonna make sure to do that!

Thanks again for all your support!

#Day12 here we come....

#Day13
B"h I am still going strong. It is definitely challenging. I want to just be lazy and fall and take the easy route in life to quick-fix pleasure. But I know that never really leaves me being happy, quite the contrary that normally leaves me depressed. So here we go almost gonna be starting week 3 and I will keep trying to surrender my urges to Hashem and staying connected.

#Day15
BH still clean.
​Definitely not as strong in terms of general shmiras einayim in the street. But that is a lifelong work I guess.
Any tips on that? 

If you wear glasses and are courageous enough to remove them, do so. Before you go outside, daven to Hashem that He protect you. If you do see something triggering, remind yourself that you did not see a toy, but rather a real live person who has bills to pay, may not feel well, and no one has any right to "use" her for their fantasies. 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 28 Aug 2018 03:30:

Well said.

I understand three out of the last for. She is real, in debt and sick. But what does the last one mean (and you are not the only one who says this, so you are probably right)? How are you "using" her by fantasizing about her? She's in your dreams. You never laid a finger on her. Have I actually used her?