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What got me to day 92
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If you've made progress - thank G-d, double your merit by inspiring others as well! Post the tips and advice that worked best for you in your journey to sobriety or tell us about recommendations you heard from others that work.
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TOPIC: What got me to day 92 3560 Views

What got me to day 92 17 Dec 2017 18:43 #323855

  • tzaddik212
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Hi Guys.
I am today on day 92.
What got me to reach day 90?
I am around the S 12 step fellowships for over 5 years. and the 12 steps fellowships for over 8 years. But i wasnt able to become sober. Why?
Because i remained Anonymous. i hid myself behind the phone, behind the computer, and i basically continued the double life, the hidden life, the secretive life, 
in order for me to be able to break through the 90 days clean, after decades of living a double life, secretive life, was by exposing and disclosing my issues with other fellows that suffer as well.
exposing means by meeting them in person, and then keep up on a daily basis. 
Let me share with you my perspective of my addiction. my addiction needs oxygen to live on. the oxygen of my addiction is comprised of 2 elements. 1. secret.   2. deception.
1. Secret. I tend to keep it a secret, and that is when i start the cruising and the thrill starts to build up. once i expose it to my trusted friend, then it is not anymore a secret, and loses momentum, and t loses its intensity.
2. Deception. My addiction always deceives me, and it tells me how urgent it is for me to act out. and it is a lie. It is always lying to me. by me making this phone call and to talk to my trusted friend, i realize that it is not so important for me to act out.
Well i felt Horrible to share my story and my struggles with someone here on GYE too. I felt shamed and a real fool. after all for the last few decades i am living a double life. on one side, i am that respected guy, which so many people have respect for, but on the other hand i felt horrible by my deep dirty secret within my soul that i was carrying around for decades. I had to make a choice, do i want to live an honest productive authentic life, or do i want to continue my dark life. and i paid  the price of uncomfortability for the sake of the decision that i want and need recovery more, so i did it. I couldnt keep it to myself anymore, i had to humble myself, and i am so grateful i did it. I am at day 92 today. if you send me a private message with your email, i can share with you more, so we might keep up.
Check out my recovery story at: guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/323855-Re-What-got-me-to-day-92#323859
Feel free to send me an Email at: zestful718@hotmail.com

Re: What got me to day 92 17 Dec 2017 20:29 #323859

  • serenity
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I can relate. Welcome to the light.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.
Last Edit: 17 Dec 2017 20:34 by serenity.

Re: What got me to day 92 19 Dec 2017 18:52 #323946

  • snbbsd
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am interested in hearing more my email is snbbsd1@gmail.com

Re: What got me to day 92 19 Dec 2017 19:00 #323948

  • tzaddik212
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sure, i sent you an email
Check out my recovery story at: guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/323855-Re-What-got-me-to-day-92#323859
Feel free to send me an Email at: zestful718@hotmail.com

Re: What got me to day 92 21 Dec 2017 09:03 #324065

  • Josephsbrother
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I hope to see more comments on the Wall of honor, I would like to see more inspiration here, I know that in HaShem victory is possible, I know my Maker has helped me, I keep posting there, knowing others want to see beyond the 90 days challenge. I don't see many commenting beyond the 90 day experience, and the journey is more that a 90 day test.  Since I am not a Jew, your people need Jewish champions comment on the wall of honor, It should be an honor to declare the victories of our journey.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: What got me to day 92 27 Dec 2017 06:13 #324247

  • mikestrucking
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I am responding to this thread so that I get notifications of posts that was very very inspiring I need to take down my hiding further and not hold back anything i seem to believe that i can have a little bit of lust which has proven itself false countless times and i need to share my slips with live people if i want to live
so thanks and keep it up
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: What got me to day 92 29 Dec 2017 09:16 #324413

  • Josephsbrother
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Yesterday I was removing 100's of vines from some flower bushes, it took hours to pull longs vines rooted several times every inch of ground, and the vine went every direction in the bushes too. Each vine reminded me of the vast system of roots and vines in the battle with lust, and I was glad for the personal instruction lesson give to me by HaShem, bless be He. These vines they rest on the bushes, drew strength from the bushes, and prevented the bush from flowering. I was able to pray directly to our One for help to pull them all out, to remove the cause of the battle against lust, I knew I had allowed the vines of lust distract my purposes, and now I had the challenge of removing the many testing points. I often have this task of removing vines again and again, so with the last battle I could understand I do not have to think the battle is only once, if in nature weed vines return again and again. The beauty of the clear bushes that immediately responded with some fresh bloom, show me that if I take the preventive task of clearing the vines of lust, soon my life planted in One's image will bloom the flowers of purity again, and my wife will have those flower only for her.
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Re: What got me to day 92 29 Dec 2017 15:24 #324431

  • tzaddik212
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Hi Joseph
WOW, what a beautiful metaphor. 
Check out my recovery story at: guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/323855-Re-What-got-me-to-day-92#323859
Feel free to send me an Email at: zestful718@hotmail.com

Re: What got me to day 92 11 May 2018 04:01 #330948

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i see such nice things but it is so hard to be strong

Re: What got me to day 92 14 May 2018 04:24 #331033

  • Josephsbrother
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chazak! wrote on 11 May 2018 04:01:
i see such nice things but it is so hard to be strong

I use to notice how strong my grasp on Hashem was, then I felt so helpless, then I decided to notice how strong the hand of the Almighty was with me, that it was One hold on me that made the difference, it is never the strength we have alone, it is the strength of the Almighty with us, that is for me the main difference, I remember and I will not let go, until as Jacob I am bless with victory, charged in today battle, resting in the Almighty. Even when it appears all else is against you. Who has your hand, and are you willing to depend on the strength and faithfulness of the One who said, there is none else., no One else. It good to have human friends, but only One is intimately with you, in you, your very breath, your spiritual self is of your One, let One reach you where you are, and finally have a God able to meet with you daily on your road. LIve in the victory of the Almighty holding your hand of Dna, and the end will always be the best new beginning.
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