Hi all,
I've been lurking for years.
I started m***ing in high school, not knowing it was wrong. However, I did know that looking at magazines at the same time, which I did, was wrong.
After a member of the Hanhala in my school spoke about the topic, and offered to talk to anyone who wanted to come over to him privately, I did.
After that, I stopped for a number of years. That lasted until a few months after I got married. For me, things got harder then, and I started m***ing again, but not with inappropriate pictures again.
Since then, I have been going in cycles of trying to stay clean, fall, try harder, etc. I don't remember having any clean streak longer than about 50 days, except for one streak that was about 165 days.
Each time I fell, my acting out would get worse.
I reached out via email to R' HHM, who was very helpful, and we spoke on the phone a few times.
I had a long clean streak (I reset it incorrectly, so it was really around 230 days), but with Corona things got harder, and I fell again.
I finally reached out to R' HHM again some 56 days ago, and have been in contact with him each day since then, either via texting or calling. His chizuk and advice is sound.
I'd rather read than post myself, especially since I don't feel that I have so much to offer others.
I like reading many of the older threads, which have lots of great material in them. (I actually bumped a couple of excellent old threads recently.) Many of the newer threads also have good material.
Thank you Grant400 for the push to post.
eved41