PART 1

                     

HI MY NAME IS YANKI.

I AM IN THE EIGHT GRADE OF TALMUD TORAH CHUCHMAH-UMUSSAR

I LOVE SCHOOL AND I HAVE A DECENT REBBI

HERE IS THE ISSUE.

MY TATTY IS REALLY INTERSTING

HE IS VERY BUSY WITH HIS NEW BLACKBERRY HE HAS A REAL COOL LAPTOP( I KNOW THE PASSWORD SHHH) HE NEVER LETS ME WATCH ANY VIDEOS BUT.. I THINK HE DOES IN THE SUMMER WHEN IM IN CAMP WHATEVER..

ON SHABBOS, HE DAVENS WITH A BRENN BUT SOMETIMES I AM NOT SURE WHAT HE WANTS FROM ME.

NOW HERE IS THE REAL FUNNY THING MOMMY IS THE BEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD
LOVES ME TO PIECES BUT.. BUT.. SHE AND TATTY ARE MAMESH AH PEERIM SHPEEL


I HAVE TO TELL YOU A SECRET I AM EMBARRASSED TO WALK WITH THEM ON THE STREET

SEE TATTY LOOKS ALL HOLY BIG BEKESHE AND NICE BEARD MOMMY GETS ALL THE STARES OMG!!
SHE DRESSES A LITTLE FUNNY WHATEVER BUT SHE REALLY IS SO FRUM AND EHRLICH SHE REALLY IS

TATTY TELLS ME ALL DAY KEDUSHA SHMEDUSHA KISHKA HEY I TUNE HIM OUT.
HE SCREAMS DON’T TOUCH MY BLACK BERRY !!
MOMMY JUST SHUTS UP AND ROLLS HER EYES

LATER HE LEAVES TO SHUL (SO HE SAYS)
MOMMY SAYS TATTY HAD A HARD DAY

I THINK SHE CRIES A LOT (ITS JUST AN ASSUMPTION)

CAN SOME ONE HELP ME I HAVE SO MANY MIXED MESSAGES

I CAN'T WAIT TO BE BIG AND I WILL DO WHATEVER I WANT

YANKI

(MY TATTY STILL CALLS ME YANKELE,  MOMMY SAYS  HEY YANK SHE IS TOO COOL)

What a Genius of a Post!

it makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

my heart tells me that there are alot of confused Yankys out there

;D

Reb B,
I was hoping for hadracha with kids who are basically in a 'safe' environment, but still of course have exposure to the billboards and buses and Jose + Myra on the corner.
How much to talk to them about, and how to do it.
???

Ok!

Reb B.s post has so many points that need answers.

It was just a way of saying, Let the conversation Begin!

In short we can summarize it all by saying We Have To Lead By Example before we can even explain anything to are kids

Now!

Let the conversation begin!

well,I've been doing this communication indirectly,

I'm walking with my son to shul on Shabbos,

some male+female action taking place across the street.

I know my son senses this or perhaps saw already

I tell him "eyes to the floor,eyes to the floor,look at that interesting cement down there,this is what Hashem wants us to do,pigs oinking across the street and we stare at the cement and our nice Shabbos shoes,step 1-2-3-4,step 1-2-3-4,isn't walking amazing? "

but so far no deep conversations on the matter

but it's coming up soon

I'm afraid

Whenever walking with my kids & anything improper comes up (even some wacko blasting music) I try to make it look cheap & low.

Male+Female Improper public action = What low life Pigs they are, nothing more then animals in the zoo. And Yes! I try as of lately to explain to him that we are Holy Yidden & shouldn't be looking at UnTzenuas thing like that.

But But But we have to in the minimum really believe what we are saying & are kids have to see us practicing what we preach.

Even simple things like a guy on shabbos waxing his car as if it were who knows what, I would say to my kid "Hey! that's all he got!" we have a Shabbos & Torah! what a Nebich that guy is. But Shabbos & Torah have to be thought to them in a way they understand & see Joy in.

Blasting Music = What a Sicko!

I once heard from Another Reb B. on Chinuch, That we have to bring out the beauty of Yiddishkeit instead of focusing on what we Can't do, focus on what we can do, like Dancing on Simchas Beis Hashoeivo, Singing on shabbos, & see there parents Happy to when they do a Mitsvah, study Torah, Buy a Lulov Esrog, Davening with ah Bren, Being Machshive Looking up to anything connected to Hashem & making fun of & looking down at anything bad & they will have an easier time following in our foot steps.

But we can't do it with the American saying "Do As I Say, And Not As I Do!"

Our kids are way smarter then we think. They pick up on Hypocrites very fast. And see, hear & understand more then we Estimate they do.

We have to Mean & Practice what we tell them.

I heard a Great Vort on Next weeks Parshas Noach,

Eile Toldos Noach! Noach!

Who are the chilren of Noach? The Answer is, Noach! Noachs Children are what he is!

does it really help to call other ppl pigs?
here in EY, they're most likely yidden too,
even in chu"l, where they might not be yidden,
is it proper chinuch to educate our children (i know, i dont have any yet)
that other ppl, Hashem's creations, b'tzelem Elokim, are pigs?!
and isn't male-female interaction normal and healthy?
what about, son, you might have noticed something there,
we believe that is inappropriate behavior,
there are better ways and places of expressing similar things...
we raise this to a level of kedusha and we believe this is a central part of our lives,
if and when you want to talk about it I'm here for you buddy/son/Yanky/Yank/Yankele/man/boy
sounds like you guys are writing off your sons as addicts like us...
we can't handle this at all, yes, they can be careful too, but i think it's best to open a door for conversation

ok, bring on the disagreements...

                                PART 2

HI IT'S YANKY AGAIN

I CAME HOME EARLY FROM ENGLISH MOMMY SAID IF I WATCH OUR BABY

SHE WILL LET ME USE HER COMPUTER (PINK VIAO TATTY GOT IT FROM POINTS WHATEVER THAT MEANS)

I REALLY THINK ALL YOU BIG GUYS SOUND A SHTIKKLE LIKE MY TATTY

ITS MORE OF THE DO LIKE I SAY NOT LIKE I DO

YOU SEE MOMMY SHE IS SUPER DUPER EVERYTHING "SHTIMMS"

SHE DOESENT "FUDDER" TOO MUCH AND JUST WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY

TATTY IS ALWAYS EXPLAINING DIFFICULT EXPLANATIONS OF THINGS I KNOW INSIDE OUT

OK I GOT MAKE THIS QUICK

I FEEL THAT THE THINGS TATTY TELLS ME HE DOESN'T REALLY BELEIVE

AND THAT MOMMY LOOKS MUCH DIFFERRENT THAN SHE REALLY REALLY IS

THE WORLD SEES THE WRONG PICTURE

NOW IF I EVER TOLD THIS TO TATTY HE WOULD GET

MAD MAD MAD

IF I WOULD TELL IT TO MOMMY SHE WOULD LAUGH BUT I KNOW IT THE KIND OF LAUGH YOU LAUGH WHEN YOU REALLY WANT TO CRY

Im with sturggle on this one...efshar, you are teaching your kids intolerance...dont you people get it?!...uri is right, we are NOT the taliban...id rather my kid be tolerant towards everyone and listen to loud music rather than the other way around...intolerance is something that we in the frum community need to be even more aware of than everyone else because by our nature we are a secluded community...my next door neighbors are an old gay couple and they are our best friends in the building and i buy them wines from israel and they buy my kids gift for the holidays and i do this because i want my kids to learn tolerance...my other neighbors are black...they are also our good friends...efshar, intolerance is not the answer....kedusha may disagree with me...

Yes! male-female interaction is normal and healthy when done within the boundaries of Tsenius & I try to make that clear Direct or indirectly.

You might be right that calling humans "Pigs" might be a bit over the top, but the point is that they are acting very Animalisticly, not that they are pigs.

On the other side, I think its healthy for kids to see there parents love each other to a certain point within the boundaries of tsenius like a good bye Hug or Kiss in the morning before going to work.

I think that it takes away some of that, OMG I saw this couple kissing on the street I'm loosing it! like I had growing up because I thought its Forbidden in every way shape or manor.

I didn't say that if we do grow up seeing it at home we don't have a YH anymore. all I'm saying is that the more forbidden something is the bigger the blood rush is.

I personally couldn't kiss my wife in the Yichud room as the minhag is, because of how strictly I was brought up.

I had a problem in doing business with woman Specially if they were good looking because I couldn't look at them (not stare just the normal way people have a conversation) I would turn all colors because of how I was brought up.

BTW, I have made very good progress since.

In the Chasidish world many of us normal standard men (not low life's) I have been talking to admit when they first started out in business every time a women said Good Morning to them with a smile they got all excited as if she's in love with him. Because we were brought up that Men & Woman don't communicate period! No Balance!

What I'm trying to say that, it's not Either Or! Good or Bad!

We can't raise are kids that woman are a sexual objects.

Balance Balance Balance within the guidelines of Halocho.

i can agree with you, efshar, that with public display of things that are non-tzanu'a i also tell my kids that the behavior is disgusting...i think you need to be careful with shabbat, loud music and the such....

Efshar Letaken wrote on 15 Oct 2009 20:42:


I think it's very important how things are said,
so what if what comes out of my mouth
is a little different than what I mean,
there might be undesirable results.

and...
Amen! Amen! Amen!

what have I started.
R' B., your job to monitor this post. (I don't have a Blackberry :D)

all, please consider the question of not what to say, but when to say it.

We don't want to bring things up before the time is ripe, but if we miss the time, the kid may fall into bad patterns.

such a thing actually happens, I've heard. Somewhere. forgot where.

Since I don't know how to read minds, and teenagers tend to be private, it seems like a lost cause.

maybe it is. Maybe its meant to be this way.


But if anyone has good ideas, I'd appreciate them.

k

EL,
my take is that the chasidim have it right and the world is crazy.
It is true though that there needs to be training for them if they are going to go out into the work.

Toras shem v'aver is VERY different than Toras Yitzchok.


Another thing that needs to be discussed is how to help kids deal with the new feelings that they have.

They think they are the only ones in the world that this is happening too.

but again, when to do it? too early is no good, and too late is... too late.

and anyway, how to know when too late is?

k