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How was the davening?

Shabbos was great BH.
Davening went very well BH.

Needed internet tonight to research about college, wasn’t careful enough, started slipping, watched holocaust dead bodies to calm down the taiva.
I should’ve used my friends computer to do the research.

Not proud of the slip. 
I saw a little kissing for like 3 sec and left the page. The other time was just a guy and a girl flirting (it was way before anything explicit/kissing would happen. I left bh before that).

I ordered the new sim adapter online and bezras Hashem it’s arriving this Tuesday.

I don’t regard this as a fall since:
1. I Didn’t see explicit material (I left the page before that happened)
- I’m defining explicit as 2 people on each other even with clothes.
2. I didn’t touch my “ever”
3. It was for a very short period of time.

Nonetheless, my Yetzer did get “excited” from it (few secs of kissing and the flirting) and it may therefore be מעכב an agreement I have with a tzadik here where I committed to have no “taiva stimulation” until day 100.

Nonetheless, the count on my profile here represents the amount of days I’ve gone without:
1. Touching my “ever” for hanaa
2. Masterbating
3. Watching explicit material for more than a few seconds

I remain proud of my achievements, and humbly accept and acknowledge my chesronos.
I am aware of the gedarim which must be put in place, and appreciate all of your love and support.

Note: I welcome and appreciate all eitza, particularly if you feel like I’m not being honest with myself and need to better acknowledge my faults/falls.
I ask you though, please do it in a nice/sweet way, I can’t always handle “sarcastic mussar” etc.

Thank You,

YeshivaGuy

I was worried you became a different normal once you HIT 90 days.

Good to see you’re like us - normal, honest, and trying your best.

Keep it up - and for reaching 90 DAYS

Let's celebrate! What's on the menu for the party? Are we all invited? Milchig or fleishig? (It better be fleishig if you want @Grant to show up)

I noticed you are already getting down on yourself for that episode, forget about it, now is the time to party! It's a ploy of the Y"H to get you to beat yourself up when you are supposed to be enjoying the moment.

Keep it up!

wilnevergiveup wrote on 06 Dec 2020 04:33:

Thanks so much
Ya you’re right, about getting down on myself..
I plan b’ezras Hashem to get back to learning מערכת האדם in עלי שור- חלק ב׳, it’s big yesodos on viewing אדם... I would try summarizing, but I can’t, it’s just so important.
It gives perspective on all yeridos, nisyonos etc in all avenues of Avodas HaShem... I have no words.
I highly recommend it to everyone.

Not sure what to do for a party, y’all are invited as long as @Grant does the grilling

YeshivaGuy wrote on 06 Dec 2020 05:09:

I can already picture it, @Grant manning the grill, tall, dark and good looking with an ice cold beer in his left hand, flipping steaks with his right while talking in his deep, know everything "BBQ Dad" voice that no one would risk arguing with...

And for the Eretz Yisrael chevra, I may be there bezras Hashem, this Pesach.
I hope u eat gabroktz!

YeshivaGuy wrote on 06 Dec 2020 05:45:

WHAT?? No zoom?? 

MAZEL TOV!! 
And yeah, stay normal.. And special... 

May I ask what the chevra has been refering when they use the term “normal”?
Thanks

YeshivaGuy wrote on 01 Oct 2020 07:42:

Just one random example of normal. Of being human... And special
Plenty more where that came from... 

YeshivaGuy wrote on 06 Dec 2020 05:57:

Simple, normal people struggle. Anyone who seems to "just succeed" is either only sharing part of a story (more likely) or not normal (less likely, hence we call them not normal).

You are great because you are so honest and share your whole story. You are not the only one going through this but one of the few who share it so beautifully.

There is no magic "after 90" feeling where taivah suddenly fades away so if you still get an urge here and there, take it as a sign that you are just a regular normal guy.

Keep it up!

Wow, I am in my 40's now....and WISH that I had the support and fans that you have - through such struggles! You are a true hero and I am envious that I did not succeed in expressing such a level of ahavas Hashem [through sacrifice and kibush hayetzer] when I was your age.

But don't worry, still plenty of nisyonos and miles to go....

!ה׳ עמך גבור החיל

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Mazal tov!! The (non)magic number!

You deserve 90 steaks! Sounds like I was volunteered for the grilling, so place your order, how do u like it? Probably rare, just like your astounding discipline and self control- rare! Or that would just be catering to the "animal" in you, and we know you squashed that dude...maybe this whole "taivas achila" is not the route to celebrating a win by the spiritual part of us. Maybe we should just have milchigs, or pet food, Blue Buffalo (but it's not approved by Rachel Ray...) unless that's forsure catering the animal in us. So milchigs it is!

Forget it, I literally just puked a little. Skip the milchigs. Es' pased nisht. The beef is on the way! I hope it "meats" your expectations!

The party planners are meeting now. Details TBA in the L'chaim Shteeble.