Im really confused where I’m at
I’ve been looking at porn off and on for the last 10 years. I’ve gone months without it and then had falls a couple times a week. I’ve never done anything serius although this stuff is not good for me, so I do want to stop. Problam is I don’t know if I’m addicted or not. It’s just something that I enjoy, and unfortunty just like if I’m to lazy to daven with a minyan, I skip it or other halachos, I keep in general, but fall if I’m lazy... so i don’t know if this is the same type of thing or not. I definitely want to stop, I’ve just never done anything so serious about it bec after I fall, I can go another couple weeks without even thinking about this issue. But then if i have access to a unfiltered computer, I will get an urge and fall. I’ve never got caught before, so I’ve never had a real reason to stop. obviously for religius reasons it’s bad, it’s just those things haven’t stopped me yet. I’m really confused where I’m at to be honest and don’t know where to turn. I do want to stop, i just feel like it’s a bad habit and haven’t felt a serious push to get me to stop. Anyone have advice???

Hi brother. Welcome to the club!
On the point of addiction or lack thereof:
I don't know how much weight my word's will carry in contrast to the veterans, but my gut feeling is that you got to stop in order to find out. And you got to stop.
Ask around. Spend some time here. To me it sounds like a mild or quasi addiction at most.
Full disclosure: I have no idea if I'm an addict or not...
Keep trucking!

Climbingup2019 wrote on 22 May 2019 17:24:

What is your question please? (Sorry, I'm slow.)

so if your question is how to reach a bottom to get motivation to stop, the answer is you are doing good just keep it up and I promise you that on one point you will either get caught or hit a bottom 

Cryingforrecovery wrote on 22 May 2019 19:32:

Speak to the Taphsic crew please, as unfortunately not all promises play out like you think, and sometimes not at all...

Climbingup2019 wrote on 22 May 2019 17:24:

Hi Climbing,
    Can I ask you a question? It's not clear to me if you actually care or not that you watch porn.  You wrote above "....I’ve never got caught before, so I’ve never had a real reason to stop...." I had never gotten caught either, but I had a huge reason to stop. The reason was that I was watching pornography and to me, that was a bad thing. Turned out, that a reason alone didn't help me stop, but that was because I was addicted.

If I can quote OivedElokim above, don't worry too much right now if you're an addict or not. First you need to decide if you want to stop or not. If you do, then try to stop. If you find that you've made real attempts to stop or limit yourself, but each time that you are faced with the opportunity you go for it - then you are probably an addict.
But for now, who cares. Just try to stop. If you're not an addict it may not be that hard...

good luck
sg

Is the urge in proximity if an unfiltered computer is so hard that you will fall, even if there a risk to be caught ? Even at work ? 

If the answer is yes, I think it can be an indicator of addiction.
And also a good reason to work to avoid these urges, before you are catched...

Another question : did you see if an urge can occur even if you are a good mood ?
Often, the urge is only a symptom, and there is a deeper reason behind the urge. And then, it will be very interesting for you to find it...

Hey guys I’ve never spoke to anyone about this before and I kind of just feel good being able to talk to people about this. 
So I definitly do care that these are aveiros and obviously after each time I do these things I feel really bad, but how long does that feeling last already...by the next few days I forget about it and then I can go a couple weeks until it all happens again.
tonanswer the how desperate am I-would I do it at work-no I would never do it at work or on my wife’s computer. I’ve never even had the urge to do it on a device that’s somewhat public because of my fear of getting caught. 
interesting question about the mood, I’ve definitely done it when I’ve been stresed out, but I know for sure equally have done it just for no reason other than I had easy access and I just went for it. It sucks bec it just feels like candy, makes me feel good but the same way if I want to lose weight it’s so hard bec I want that danish/can’t ever control myself at a kiddush, I just feel like it’s the same way. I know it’s stupid, but I just enjoy the temporary thrill.
and I definitely do not want to hit rock bottom or get caught-maybe that’s why I’m here??
im really just a mess, I do want to stop, but -besides for religious reasons-I haven’t felt the downside-at leqst consciously never felt it
thansk again for answerjng ke, i really appreciate it!

Climbingup2019 wrote on 23 May 2019 12:42:


Hi Climbing, welcome!

I'm not on here often, but I just logged on and your post strongly resonated with me. I have a huge fear of getting caught, and that has kept me from doing things like watching porn at work, while driving, in public places, etc. I never really understood how someone could do things like that (Although now I see how this is a progressive struggle - just because I don't see myself doing those things now, doesn't mean I won't be doing them in 1 or 10 or 20 years. For example, in my early days of dorming in yeshiva, I would never watch porn or masturbate. Before long I was doing it while my roommate was in the room.)

Here are some of the things that made me realize I had to stop. Maybe you will relate to something.

- The feeling of living a double life was tearing me apart. The stuff I was doing in private was so at odds with the show I was putting on for the outside world. I felt like a faker and hated myself, and just wanted to die. Many were the nights that I would ask Hashem to not wake me up the next morning, or to get in a quick painless car crash, or catch a fast-acting deadly disease. 

- All-night porn binges were getting more and more frequent and I would be a wreck for the following few days. I was increasingly checking out of day to day living.

- I used to think my acting out was a just a side problem, a "bad habit" I picked up and should probably stop one day. Then I came to realize it is my way of coping with life. As I believe Dov puts it, porn/lust is not the problem, it's the solution. Life is the problem. The only time I feel at ease is when acting out, it's my way of escaping and coping with any discomfort and emotion. If I want to stop, I need to learn how to live life on life's terms.

It is an adrenaline rush to watch porn.
But it is bad.
It contributes to insomnia, and depression...and it can be fulled by depression.

How to stop?
Sounds simple, but is hard....but every time you want to look at porn, do something else.
Whatever it is...reading, walking, calling a friend etc.
Divert the desire.