Ok so get back up was tough, I fell a few more times, to combat that I'm turning off the internet off my phone and turn it on only when I need it. And to put my phone away after a certain time by night, and no browsing randomly on the internet for no reason, despite me having webchaver, cuz boredom is what caused my to fall last night. 

So odaat, day 1

Ok so get back up was tough, I fell a few more times, to combat that I'm turning off the internet off my phone and turn it on only when I need it. And to put my phone away after a certain time by night, and no browsing randomly on the internet for no reason, despite me having webchaver, cuz boredom is what caused my to fall last night. 

So odaat, day 1

Day 135 on first try!

But that's not really what's special about today, the good move I did tonight is probably worth more than my 135 days of sobriety. 

Since I switched yeshivas my former person rav isn't so accessible so I basically went over to a new Rav/mashpia in my Yeshivah and said "שלום עליכם" this is my name and I want you to be my mashpia/personal Rav and this is my main issue etc, it took me a whole week to get myself to go over.. I was hesitant maybe I should, maybe not etc

I was literally shaking and changing colors as I was telling him about my struggles, he was familiar with gye, not surprising, he told me one of his talmidim is getting divorced because of it... Very sad...

Anyhow me opening up to a real person which knows my true identity and face, is life changing, he told me to go into shiduchim based on my situation and my sobriety, so iyh hopefully it'll be a smooth process in finding the "right one". 

In his words: give yourself a tap on the back for opening up to me and for being clean for so long". 

I would also like to give a big shout-out and huge thank you to מלאך רפאל on this site, which goes by the name of "it only gets better" he really helped me out and encouraged me, hence a malach helping me get cured!!!! And to all those other who help me, if you think I meant you, then your right, cuz Its too many to spell out

Keep on inspiring Klal Yisroel!!

People with such positive attitudes like yourself are the yezter haras worst enemies. You are a different person then when you started this journey!

in actuality your are at Day 140 (+1). The growth you did to get to 140 hasnt gone anywhere. as soon as you pick yourself back up you will see that you are that much better at this because you've practiced this already for 140 days.

I am super confident you can put the y''h to shame on this one.

Keep Trucking!!!

Realestatemogul wrote on 30 Oct 2018 04:10:

I like that point of yours (140+) 1! And like hhm will say "a ditch high up in the mountain"

So today is bh #day (140+)1, I'm back up full force, with the will to keep fighting! 

I didn't realize my Rav is an expert in this field, today I spoke with him again, it wasn't easy to (I was even to embarrassed to tell him I fell two days ago) but it's worth the 20 min uncomfortable conversation for the 20 relieved days that follows after opening up. 

He has a guy he knows who's a therapist, he directed me to go to him, he said i shouldn't wait once I'm a choson to go for therapy. He even arranged a nice discount for me! How special! 

And I definitely feel different this time day 1 then when I started day 1 on first try. I know I escaped and not locked up anymore into acting out without zero control.

That's all I have to say. Hatslocho to all!

Bh day (140+) #2

Someone posted here on the forums just before Rh that during the blowing of the shofar it's a good idea to take a resolution in this area. 

I did that and asked the eibishter to help stay clean for an additional 50 days. I had in mind to reach 250 days, 50 more then my goal I made after reaching 90 days which was to hit 200 days. But i guess he took it differently and I ended up staying clean for 140 days, 50 days more then 90, I reached 90 days on erev Rh. Just realized this.

...אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו אין יכול לו