I'm happy to be involved to some degree with you all. I still haven't broken free of my bonds of sexual lust. I am not an adulterer in the actual sense of the word and would love to have a companion who could help me express my love at times. I'm married and love my wife but for medical reasons beyond our control she has been unavailable to me for almost two years now. I am on the other hand healthy and virile BH. So I am besides myself at times. I feel that I'm slipping into the abyss of hit and miss online relations, but haven't done anything yet because my family is everything to me and I'd be embarrassed and mortified if anything would I do not pretend to be go wrong. I've grown over the years in many good ways and I want to gain total control over this part of me . I hope there is some way I could find my way to true purity and holiness. there is a lot more I'd like to say but won't until I can speak to individuals that are really experienced and serious about helping me and I'm sure many others like me in my shoes.G-d help us all

Welcome brother - sorry to hear about your situation

Have you read Shalom Bayis's thread?

I think a guy like Dov or Cordnoy fit your bill


.

Welcome,

B'hatzlachah

Sounds tough indeed.

The topic of Dov's call today was love. Maybe it would help you to call in and listen to the recording. 

Welcome.
What many people here have found, is that relations are not actually necessarily needed in order to have sobriety from lust. In fact, some people have even said that they find it easier to stay clean when ones wife is assur! Now, two years is a long time, but there are unmarried people who have become sober too.

Welcome to the club. We are all striving for the same goal.
Hatzlacha and KOP (keep on posting)

II know that "I was always lookin' for love in all the wrong places."

I had issues similar to those you describe (hit and miss online relationships) before I was married. I was able to get clean and stay that way for quite some time. It was actually easier to be so, before I was married, with the stresses that brought. 

You can find other ways of connecting with your wife - of expressing your love, and being loved in return. 

And one thing I can assure you of, looking for love in other places is a fool's errand (having been a fool myself, I know of what I speak): you will not find what you're looking for, because it's not "out there," so you cannot find anything to make you happy.

Paraphrasing: Nothing is so bad that lusting can't make it worse.

Wow. 2 years. You're on a level, for sure.

Keep it up. Know you're running the Comrades Marathon.

Welcome!  That does sound tough indeed.  Have you spoken to a Rav about the problem?  I'm not a Rav and not qualified to say, but perhaps there are heterim for your situation to be intimate with your wife in other ways that can satisfy you.  I don't know, but it's worth asking.  Especially, considering the situation.

Is it something that can change, or are you stuck in this situation for the forseeable future.  What do the doctors say?

What was your relationship like before this happened?  How did it change as a result?

Is this the only issue?  Did you have any issues before your wife's medical condition?

How does your wife feel about the situation; not being available to you?  Does she know how difficult it is for you?  Do you discuss it with her?

Sorry for all the questions.  Feel free to answer, all, some, or none.  I think it would give us (and maybe you too) a clearer picture of what is going on.

lostsoul wrote on 28 Dec 2016 06:02:

Perhaps this article can help? There are a number of Rabbanim mentioned in that article that are experts on these kind of issues.

Also, there may be certain heterim in these kind of situations that could be helpful for you. Contact me at eyes.guard@gmail.com for more info.