thank you thank you!

You are in good hands.

I'm B"H still going strong and getting my life back in order. My value in tfillah has soared. I've never been able to carry over from yomim noraim into succos still on such a high level of tefilla!

My value for life and every minute is growing daily. Learning at least a half hr each day! Spending more time with my wife. etc.

But i just so desperately want things to be normal between my wife and i, obviously it's not a reasonable expectation, yet it's still very frustrating at times. (even if I don't show frustration outwardly, inside I just wish for normalcy)

90 days!!

WAHOO!!!!!

Amazing!!!

Now go buy your wife a massive bouquet of flowers or something else special for her - she saved you, and has also held your hand since. She doesn't have to know why, and you'll probably enjoy such a form of celebration too

Unfortunately I know of other husbands that were too far gone... gone...

And thank Hashem!
And some of the great guys here
And most important - thank yourself
אם אין אני לי...

fresh start wrote:


Nice
BH
Kot

MAZAL TOV! KUTGW! KOT!

מזל טוב, עד מאה ועשרים שנה, one day at a time!

Mazel tov on 90 days !!!

Mazel Tov on 90 Days!

Keep it up!

fresh start wrote:


How goes it now?

It's been almost a year! Wow!! The support i got then was a tremendous source of inspiration for me.
Just looking back, it's almost comical how little i knew of what was coming my way, and how little i understood about myself and mitzad my wife.
B"h I've come a long long way in a year. bchasdei hashem i have had no incidents of Z"L, chat lines, or any other form of acting out! Shmiras einayim is still a challenge and something that i have to stay diligent on at all times. The thing that I've learnt though is that it's quite difficult to avoid seeing things out there and the main thing is how you react to it. It can't become a developed thought and you have to respond with a good day the next day. It's just such a slippery slope and the tactics of the yetzer hara can be so subtle.
One of the outcomes of many years of acting out is that I became a low energy, low functioning human being with no passion or excitement about anything (other than inappropriateness and sports). There is a vacuum of many years in there that I just sat and rotted my brain and personality traits. My motivation suffered, i had no sheifos (ruchniyos and gashmiyos), and bad work ethic-learning ethic. B"h I have managed to rekindle (better yet "kindle") my excitement for my wife and kids. Giving them more attention, being excited to be around them, just more engaging overall. Also, as a friend and family member I have been able to reassert myself into society.
However as a person in terms of accomplishing, or taking on projects in learning or anything i still shy away from and have difficulty when i am thrust into things.
That being said I am at a crossroads in my career, to stay in kollel seems to be detrimental as I don't feel like I'm accomplishing. So job searching or schooling is scary for me bcz I've never challenged myself in any way that will come close to what I'm heading into.
Anyways, b"h I've come a long way but as seems the case, every step in recovery and restoring order to my life is a challenge unto itself.
B'Hatzlacha

Wow
My twin!

Amazing

But how?
How are you clean for so long?

fresh start wrote on 17 Jul 2016 19:07:

Very exciting.
Mazel Tov on your accomplishment.

You seem to be developing wonderfully!

Embrace it. Enjoy becoming the true winner you've always craved to be.

Looking forward to follow up posts.

Kadima!

That is truly amazing! Can you share what you did?