Hi, I just joined GYE today with the blessings of my therapist (as I am seeking help for my addiction of calling chat lines). The reason im writing in is to share my thoughts a bit and see if anyone felt the same way... In my situation it was actually my wife who discovered my addiction that i had for abt 7 yrs (3 b4 marriage and 4 once i was married). My first reaction was a feeling of relief, it was weighing down on me so strongly all these years that even with the seriousness of the situation (facing the uphill battle that i am, and my marriage being on really shaky ground) it was still bittersweet.
Im sure many out there can attest to the guilt that enveloped us any time we were machshil in a nisayon. to have the oppurtunity to, bezras hashem, break out of it completely was the cause for my positivity.
That being said, the more im reading up and researching the psychology of addiction ive learnt that its a long road ahead and regrets alone won't solve the issue. so there may be feelings of relief and strong motivation originally but we have to keep up a support system to keep us in line.

BH
Well written
You are in a good place here.
Welcome
B'hatzlachah

Welcome to GYE!

You came to the right place. Indeed it sounds to me as well a long jeurny. Maybe a life long one.

So, relax and take it easy. Stay here, keep on posting.

Hatzlacha

Welcome! You're among friends here.

Welcome! Youve come to the best place... i hope you have alot of hatzlocho!

fresh start wrote:


Welcome again,

I was into chat lines for many a years, but other stuff as well.
Are you somehow a 'one trick pony'?
How d'ya manage that?

Thanks

b'hatzlachah

Cordnoy, thank you for your replies. i greatly appreciate the welcome messages!

As for your questions, firstly chat lines is my one and only addiction (not at all to minimize bcz we all know how far reaching the fallout of it goes).
I'll go off on a little tangent here but bear with me, and it will answer you're other question as well.
i have internet at home for my wife's work duties but we do have k9 filter on a white list blocking system that only my wife has the code to. but since i am an avid sports fan there are a few sport websites that are unlocked (espn etc). so although i was unable to access porn, its not fool proof and there were occasions that a link came up that allowed me to enter (i.e. cheerleaders and the like). but i never had an addiction to that, it was more spur of the moment at times of weakness. But since it was pretty much controlled by the filter it never developed into a strong habit/addiction.
also keeping my eyes off of billboards or at malls was always a challenge but i think that is self understood.
as a bachor i never really had an opportunity, B"H, to access internet, my parents didnt have internet, i never had a smart phone even to this day! that surely saved me from falling into pornography. so it was chat lines at every and any opportunity as im sure u can relate.


if u would like to ask me anything else i would be more than happy to share.

all the best

Thanks for your response.
What are you doin' for recovery?
How is your wife handlin' this new info?

Sounds to me like you wanna put major efforts into 'nippin' this in the bud' so to speak.

And smile....tis' almost pre-season.

WELCOME! We are all the same and all different at the same time. The tools for recovery are the same for any addiction. AA principles work for SA etc. Read the handbook. Keep posting.

glad to have this give and take, always good to be able to write out thoughts to share with others besides for a diary
so in regards to recovery, im currently in therapy with someone who's in touch with rabbi twersky, (i guess a talmid of his) together with my wife. i am currently getting assisted in searching out a professional in addiction specifically. i am reading thru alcoholics anonymous which i find quite informative and helpful in just understanding what addiction is and what process im in for (may i add looking fwd to).
my wife discovered the addiction thru phone records on line and obviously freaked out, she called her kallah teacher right away and didnt approach me when it was still fresh which was admirable. later that evening she brought it up to me armed with a month of logs just in case i would deny it. I right away owned up to it and by the end of the night we already scheduled to meet the therapist the next day.
its been almost 3 weeks only(!) and bchasdei hashem me and my wife have grown tremendously thru the ability to be open with each other and be there for one another. obviously our main hurdles from her side are feelings of being violated, cheated on and left with a lack of trust.
so to sum up, she was shocked, hurt and scared for her future and the future of our 2 children. but b"h she's been ultra supportive and sensitive to me. i think the main thing for us is that its not her against me rather its us, as a unit, against the addiction!

It sounds like you are taking appropriate steps. It is really really hard for wives. With some work, patience, and siyata dishmaya you should see bracha and hatzlacha!

sounds good, my biggest MO is also chat lines, some ppl don't understand it but i definitely understand you.

shlomo24, I appreciate your comment its s/t that i had never talked to anyone abt and thought i was all alone in this... so its nice to hear others that r going thru it and r recovering bh

gibbor120, for the wives it is really difficult. for a few days after she found out, and us being open about it i came to realize that she had subconsciously known that she was competing against other women for my attention and her pain of trying so hard to please me but never feeling that she accomplished, that was eye opening for me. her pain is so deep and that is s/t thats drives me to do e/t i can to get all the help possible.

agav, my wife tells me that the spouses of addicts side of this website is really shvach with very little interaction with other ladies...

Clearly you are off to a very encouraging start. Your wife has shown a lot of wise judgement in how she has handled the situation. As well, she is willing to go along and support you accordingly, to the point you are a team tackling an addiction.

She could have easily said "Hey buddy this is not what I signed up for" and you'd be in so much trouble the dog house would look like paradise.

Your wife is one special lady! Make sure to appreciate her.

Hatzlocho

Just realize it may come in waves. She may respect you one day, and be in turmoil the next. Over time, things should even out more or less. This is a great opportunity to make incredible strides in communication and shalom bayis! My wife once said to me, I never would have asked for this, but we are much closer as a result! Your relationship can grow a lot from this. Keep heading in the right direction!