I can totally relate. Try and stay busy with good things. Get together with fiends. Exercise. Read a good book or 3. Stay away from isolation and boredom. Try and stay occupied and connected to people. Keep us posted.

I am really on the edge. Between being home and around a lot of things, people at my house and in shul on Yom Tov, and the more lax situation at home, and a wet dream last night, I am really struggling. I feel like I have been set back a few months. I have little control in times of real nisayon. I still have strong fantasies and urges. I have had times where I don't see the progress that I have made. It's just so close and so easy. My mind and body trick me into feeling that I really want to just give it all up because I'll never change anyway. It's just waiting for an excuse to give it all up. That's one of my main struggles. I tell myself that I really want to go back to the old days. It felt good, it was an out from life, etc. I would resist a little and then I would use my addiction as a free pass to fall. I was always "happy" when I went back because it was something that I felt that I wanted but needed an excuse to get.
Clearly there is much more to be done other than strict avoidance. I need to get to the bottom of what's really going on.
I am struggling to avoid triggers because of my situation at home and my inability to step up in face of nisayon even in yeshiva. I am unable to get to the bottom of my issues because I have no one to really talk about it on the consistent, professional basis which I need. I can see what my rebbi has to say but I doubt he's the answer I've been looking for.

Abd I think you're a great guy!

How about you test the ground with your Rebbi. Perhaps he may be the right person.

Open up to him about the relationship and other issues. Tell him you also have an addiction problem, which you're not yet comfortable discussing. See how he does with helping you with the other issues first and take it from there.

My thoughts are with you!!

markz wrote:


Or a sponsor/mentor of sorts?

I am at a loss for what to do now at home. I can only try to stay as clean as I can in the situation that I'm in. It's not really a fair fight. I am also not able to be who I am. I am nervous, anxious, and moody because of the added struggles on top of my regular issues.

We are having our annual family lunch in the sukkah today. What can I do to avoid negiah issues and the sort. It's really hard that my immediate family has no awareness so I am on my own.

Worried about shomer negia?
Keep a Budd light in one hand and a Burbon in the other. For your sanity try to keep with the men...

Enjoy the lunch, and I'll be thinking of you

Thank you. Baruch Hashem most people couldn't show for various reasons and there were no problematic women around. I am just losing my mind trying not to fall today. It has been getting progressively harder since I am home. There really isn't much to do either.
PS. Thanks for the quote

I'm really struggling. I had a really strong wet dream last night. I have been told to shake them off and keep moving but it's hard. Maybe it wasn't active or intentional but if someone pours a bottle down an alcoholic's throat bottom line he felt the effects. Maybe it doesn't fully reset it because I still stopped myself from doing anything but the effects are very real. Please correct me if I'm wrong though.

I don't know how much longer I can go with all of the temptations around me and my thoughts and fantasies.

I can't about "how much longer I can go". It gets too overwhelming for me. I just have to live life in the now.

Pls ignore the wet dreams and move on.

I'll try my best. Do you have any ideas on avoiding them in the first place?

abd297 wrote:


Ignore the first half.
Deal with the last part, and part one will dissipate too

abd297


What works for me is to view it in the following way.

When we give up something we've learned to depend on, part of us, whether you want to call it our yetzer harah or subconscious,doesn't really want to let go of it.
When we are awake and in control of our faculties, we are not indulging, and part of us is going crazy - How can we give it up?? We need it!
So our Yetzer Harah/subconscious tries to trick us. As a last ditch attempt, it inserts fantasies into our dreams.
There are 2 ways our YH/subconscious wants us to respond to these dreams.
1) Self-Torture/Guilt. Ugh, how can I have allowed myself to dream such things?? What can I do to prevent it from happening again? Did I fall? Oh no, I must've fallen! I'm a terrible person, etc...

These kinds of thoughts bring us to actually fall, and to keep falling.

2) Obsession/Entertaining the fantasy. We think about the details of the dream, and get lost in the fantasy, unable to let go, sinking lower and lower back into the quicksand.

But really there's a 3rd way to respond and that is to smile and say, "Boruch Hashem, it was just a dream! I didn't do anything! I'm still clean!" and then promptly let go of it completely by thinking about other things.

Your analogy of a drunk being force-fed alcohol doesn't really fit. It's more analogous to a drunk dreaming of drinking. He didn't actually drink and he didn't really get drunk. He just needs to let go and move on, the same way a person who wakes up from any nightmare does.

Hope that helps. Hatzlacha!

Thank you so much for the correction and insight. That really answers a lot of questions and concerns which I had. You described my feelings and actions PERFECTLY when you described the 2 ways we incorrectly deal with dreams. Your explanation on why they happen really sheds light onto what's really going on behind the scenes. It shows me that I really am winning battles. Thank you again.

abd297 wrote:


It also shows what can be gained when we talk to people smarter than us.