Hi, I'm just starting up on the site. I'm in yeshiva and have been struggling with masturbation for many years. I am very overwhelmed trying to navigate through all of the site's resources. I'm not really sure where to go after signing up. I just want to get involved with everything I can and get all the help possible.

Welcome!
You are among friends who understand.
What have you tried? Have you read the handbook?

Welcome

Dont get overwhelmed.

Take things slowly.

Good first step.

Bhatzlachah

I have not done anything except abstaining when I felt "up to it" which is obviously useless. I had a period of over a year without any active masturbating but I still had strong thoughts and fantasies and had occasional wet dreams. It didn't work and I eventually fell earlier around 8 months ago. I have been away at yeshiva for the past 4 years but even having periods of a few weeks at a time away from active masturbating or Internet access. I either found other ways to masturbate without the Internet or waited until I came home where I usually fall pretty hard. It all began when I was about 3 or 4 with something non pornographic which gave me sexual gratification. I realized what I was doing when I was about 11 or 12. I also moved on to the Internet and active masturbating and viewing things which gave me sexual gratification. I also started having wet dreams and strong fantasies. My parents, friends, and rabbeim don't know any of what I'm going through. I don't know why everything started happening but I need help moving on and living a normal healthy life. Thanks for all your care and help.

WELCOME! It can be overwhelming. Reading the handbook is a good start. Talking to a rebbi you trust can also be a big help. This problem is so common, he will not be surprised (if he is, he is not the one to talk to).

I am waiting for my hard copy in the mail so I can get the most out of reading it in the most convenient way. I'm scared to talk to the rebbi I trust bec I'm in a small yeshiva and scared of it becoming too personal even though I'm at a pretty personal level already. I have also built up a totally opposite image of who I am. I am known as a good student who is very mature and would be the last person to be afflicted so heavily in this area. I'm scared that it'll be too intense and ruin my great relationship with one of my favorite rabbeim. I am seeking a therapist to talk about other personal issues and was hoping to bring it up as well. I have been unsuccessful in finding one so far but am considering working over the phone or the like.

It is a common fear. Click on the "dov quotes" link in my signature and read the first one called Captain Kirk. It's a classic. Having the 2 kirks meet is often the best thing that happens to us.

Unless your rebbi has his head in the sand, it will not ruin your relationship. You are not the first person to have trouble in this area, and you will not be the last.

Great honest and straighup quote, thank you. I'm still scared that everything that I have to do with him will be scarred. How can he think of me the same way? I feel that every time he sees me, I'm in his house, in public, shaking his hand, davening for the amud, he'll purposefully or accidentally think about it. He's really an amazing person with a good grip on dealing with people but some things are inevitable. Even if he doesn't think anything I'll always think that he is.

My wife caught me, and we spoke to our rav, first separately and then together. It was extremely embarrasing, but at that point, I didn't have much choice. I had the same worries, but I don't even think about it any more. If your rebbi is as great as you say, it will be the best thing you ever did. You may be a bit embarrased short term. But, it will be worth it in the long run. The embarrassment will dissipate over time.

Fear of embarrassment is the greatest impediment to our recovery. That's why most of us don't recover until we have no choice. Our lives are out of control, and we begin recovery because it's just too painful.

The smart ones start recovery before they reach that point. This problem does not go away by itself.

Well right now I'm at home for a month and then I'm in camp for a month. Hopefully by then I'll have progressed through GYE and the like and be in a position to break it to him by the start of next year. By the way, what resources to you recommend, I'm at home and no one knows about my problem. What about in yeshiva where I get out at 10:15 most nights and have limited Internet access?

Welcome to GYE and thanks for sharing! Guard recommends that you start with the new comer links you will find below in my signature.

Hatzlacha!

Which phone conference? Which forums? Should I call GYE to get more personal direction? I want to do everything that I need to. I think I need counseling for other things which may or may not be related as well.

What do you think you need counseling for? I would start with the handbook. See how it goes from there.

What are your plans being home for a month? Do you have any structure to your day. Unstructured time is fertile ground for acting out.

I have been struggling with depression, anxiety, relationships, and perfectionism, in addition to my sexual issues. I hae some relatives over for most of the first month so there is some structure. The handbook should come in the mail very soon and I'll get started. I was just overwhelmed by all of the resources that the introduction says someone like me should use.

Welcome aboard! You are amongst friends here, people who are truly pulling for you, and people who can empathize with your struggles.

Everything below is my opinion based on what I've learned so if it works for you great. If not... toss it.

First thing I would say is to take a deep breath. You do not have to read everything on the first day or use every resource. Part of recovery is a balance between working hard to pursue what is right, but not becoming obsessive (another issue that I believe quite a few of us struggle with.) We are looking looking for the Shvil Hazahav, and it's in its pursuit that we develop and learn about ourselves.

I'm not an expert but I can safely say that for most people, issues with lust are tied to larger issues. We feel lonely, depressed etc. and lust provides an escape, a form of pleasure that is hard to resist when other areas are a struggle. Bez"H working on those areas will make working in this area easier, and improving in this area, will help you in those areas.

Hatzlacha!