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TOPIC: Big Steps 151491 Views

Re: Big Steps 05 May 2016 21:15 #286824

birshusi
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Shlomo24 wrote on 02 May 2016 16:54:

I have been having a lot of romantic fantasy with women. I am struggling with these romantic fantasies because I want to get married and I want to to be ready when I am married.
A lot of my fantasies involve non-sexual touches that are loving. Such as me running my hair through a woman's hair, (I used to brush my sister and her friend's hair, it's a long running thing I have). I also fantasize about holding a women in my arms and hugging a woman. I fantasize about the yichud room, although I have no idea what goes on besides for the fact that they don't have sex. Yeah, if you haven't realized, I'm a sex addict. I really want to be intimate with a woman. I don't currently live outside myself, but I want to. I have no idea what love is, but I want it. Maybe I'm a love cripple, but I've never been in a relationship like that to prove it.

This I don't understand.

It's natural! This is how men are supposed to feel! How could it be that these thoughts are symptoms of a lustaholic?! I have these thoughts and fantasies too, and I'm here on GYE to work on all of it, but aren't there certain things that are just basic normal male feelings?!

Re: Big Steps 05 May 2016 21:39 #286826

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ehrliche.bochur wrote on 05 May 2016 19:42:

stillgoing wrote on 03 May 2016 19:13:

but watch out, most people here will tell that lusting (even for women) aint no picnic.

I do not understand. There is nothing attractive about women. Only that getting married is duty. If already you have wife I do not understand why lust on other women? Already you have a woman

It is important to point out when something moranic is stated.

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Re: Big Steps 05 May 2016 21:57 #286828

gevura shebyesod
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Birshusi wrote on 05 May 2016 21:15:

Shlomo24 wrote on 02 May 2016 16:54:

The basic desire for intimacy is normal. It's the constant fantasizing and obsession that makes it a problem.

!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

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"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
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Re: Big Steps 05 May 2016 22:03 #286830

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ehrliche.bochur wrote:

stillgoing wrote:

but watch out, most people here will tell that lusting (even for women) aint no picnic.

I do not understand. There is nothing attractive about women. Only that getting married is duty. If already you have wife I do not understand why lust on other women? Already you have a woman

Besides for all the other crucial groundbreaking earth shattering revelations on this thread, do you not see the contradiction in your words?

"Already you have a woman (to lust after)", is the conclusion, and the opening is that women are unattractive
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Re: Big Steps 05 May 2016 22:32 #286835

birshusi
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Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 05 May 2016 21:57:

Birshusi wrote on 05 May 2016 21:15:

Shlomo24 wrote on 02 May 2016 16:54:

The basic desire for intimacy is normal. It's the constant fantasizing and obsession that makes it a problem.

See my thread. I didn't want to hijack this one.

Re: Big Steps 05 May 2016 23:10 #286843

shlomo24
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ehrliche.bochur wrote on 05 May 2016 19:42:

stillgoing wrote on 03 May 2016 19:13:

but watch out, most people here will tell that lusting (even for women) aint no picnic.

I do not understand. There is nothing attractive about women. Only that getting married is duty. If already you have wife I do not understand why lust on other women? Already you have a woman

Maybe you can understand it like this: What you just said is like saying, "You already have a chocolate bar, why do you want more candy?"

If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can.

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Re: Big Steps 06 May 2016 03:45 #286889

ehrliche.bochur
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cordnoy wrote on 05 May 2016 21:39:

ehrliche.bochur wrote on 05 May 2016 19:42:

stillgoing wrote on 03 May 2016 19:13:

but watch out, most people here will tell that lusting (even for women) aint no picnic.

I do not understand. There is nothing attractive about women. Only that getting married is duty. If already you have wife I do not understand why lust on other women? Already you have a woman

It is important to point out when something moranic is stated.

Rude.
Shlomo24 wrote on 05 May 2016 23:10:

ehrliche.bochur wrote on 05 May 2016 19:42:

stillgoing wrote on 03 May 2016 19:13:

but watch out, most people here will tell that lusting (even for women) aint no picnic.

I do not understand. There is nothing attractive about women. Only that getting married is duty. If already you have wife I do not understand why lust on other women? Already you have a woman

Maybe you can understand it like this: What you just said is like saying, "You already have a chocolate bar, why do you want more candy?"

maybe I do not understand because I do not have any attractions by women. But it seems if man is married his lust will be satisfied by wife?

-"Все наши слова - пустой звук, если наше сердце не с нами"

-"есть око видят и ухо слышащее и все твои дела записываются в книгу

Re: Big Steps 06 May 2016 03:59 #286892

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I guess that explains why there is only single people on this site.

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Re: Big Steps 06 May 2016 04:12 #286895

inastruggle Current streak: 25 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder the picture is shimshon hagibor. not st. mary.... Posts: 1263 Karma: 35	ehrliche.bochur wrote on 06 May 2016 03:45: maybe I do not understand because I do not have any attractions by women. But it seems if man is married his lust will be satisfied by wife? You're attracted to men. Do you think if you have one man you'd be satisfied? If you're like everyone else you'd probably want more once you have it. Cords, you're being a bit harsh.

Re: Big Steps 06 May 2016 04:29 #286899

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inastruggle wrote on 06 May 2016 04:12:

ehrliche.bochur wrote on 06 May 2016 03:45:

maybe I do not understand because I do not have any attractions by women. But it seems if man is married his lust will be satisfied by wife?

You're attracted to men. Do you think if you have one man you'd be satisfied? If you're like everyone else you'd probably want more once you have it.

Cords, you're being a bit harsh.

I actually do not think so.
This is a public forum and you never know who will be influenced by what.
For a fellow who is attracted to men and married to a woman and thinks about other men when he is with his wife and sees nothing wrong with that and has never been attracted to a woman and has never acted out (all his words), to tell all of us that it is absurd to lust after another woman when you are married to one, borders on the asinine. Nobody knows who he is, so he can say whatever he wants. If he is writing publicly, then be man enough to take it like a man. Wanna hide in the ocean like a submarine, then do so, but if you show your mast, the waters can get stormy.

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Re: Big Steps 06 May 2016 05:12 #286901

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cordnoy wrote on 06 May 2016 04:29:

inastruggle wrote on 06 May 2016 04:12:

ehrliche.bochur wrote on 06 May 2016 03:45:

maybe I do not understand because I do not have any attractions by women. But it seems if man is married his lust will be satisfied by wife?

You're attracted to men. Do you think if you have one man you'd be satisfied? If you're like everyone else you'd probably want more once you have it.

Cords, you're being a bit harsh.

I actually do not think so.
This is a public forum and you never know who will be influenced by what.
For a fellow who is attracted to men and married to a woman and thinks about other men when he is with his wife and sees nothing wrong with that and has never been attracted to a woman (all his words), to tell all of us that it is absurd to lust after another woman when you are married to one, borders on the asinine. Nobody knows who he is, so he can say whatever he wants. If he is writing publicly, then be man enough to take it like a man. Wanna hide in the ocean like a submarine, then do so, but if you show your mast, the waters can get stormy.

Hay, no one said to agree or not to point out the wider held option. Just talking about bein a little more diplomatic, a little more trumplike.

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Last Edit: 06 May 2016 05:14 by stillgoing.

Re: Big Steps 06 May 2016 05:28 #286908

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I dont like the idea of being harsh on people. But Cords has a point. At which point do we just say "this is crazy!" If we make believe it makes sense then we are giving credence to it. I feel bad for the harshness. But, EB, I have to tell you, you are not even close to understanding your friends here. Maybe speak this out with someone.

Oh, Cords, btw, I am happily married. So there arent just single guys here

Re: Big Steps 06 May 2016 05:36 #286913

inastruggle
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the picture is shimshon hagibor. not st. mary....
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cordnoy wrote on 06 May 2016 04:29:

I'm sorry but that really bothers me. I agree that ehrliche.bochur is completely off track. I didn't say not to disagree I said you were being a bit harsh.

All you did was write one line calling what he wrote moronic. You didn't bother to explain why.

The forum needs to be a place where everyone feels safe stating their views. If they're going to get flamed for saying something stupid, especially by a moderator, then you're going to scare away a lot of beginners. Maybe they're not man enough to take it like a man but they're also not going to be helped.

Re: Big Steps 06 May 2016 05:40 #286915

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realsimcha wrote on 06 May 2016 05:28:

RS, there have been posters in the past who refuse to hear the thoughts of others which contradicts theirs. Perhalps i can hear harshness there (although it most probably won't work), my impression here (which could be wrong) is rather of someone willing to (at least) hear.

Re: Big Steps 06 May 2016 05:45 #286916

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inastruggle wrote on 06 May 2016 05:36:

cordnoy wrote on 06 May 2016 04:29:

It didn't need to be explained.
This site is guard your eyes, it's not the cooking channel.
Have some respect for the hundreds of other posters.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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