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TOPIC: Big Steps 91074 Views

Big Steps 21 Oct 2014 17:59 #241596

  • Shlomo24
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hey whats up yall? im in israel now, permanently i came to israel for y"t and i am staying here, im going to be going to yeshiva here also.

Why did i switch? well i came here and i was hooked up with a bunch of guys who also have ssa just like me. that is something that i never experienced in america, simply because of logistics and availability. i israel there is a whole support group of guys who are willing to reach out and connect with each other. its amazing.

additionally, because the gay rights group has a much smaller contingent here, many therapists openly say that they can change ssa. something that i would say is close to nonexistent in america, b/c u could lose your job from saying that, especially if the media finds out. i started going to a therapist who specializes in ssa and so far it has been awesome.

another reason is that in israel the general atmosphere is an atmosphere that is dedicated to torah and growth in yiddishkeit (at least in yerushalayim). i personally see that the level of tznius is much higher here. in america it has become normal for women to wear skirts above the knee, i am not sure who made up that garbage halacha. in israel the percentage of women who are untznius is sooooo much lower.

also, i have started going to sa in israel. what is unique is that i would say 97% of the members are frum, not just that, in fact most of them are in yeshiva/kollel and look like yeshivish guys.

basically, the feeling i am getting is an overwhelmingly positive one. with a lot of seyata deshmaya i have arrived here. i actually have to thank gye, because i would have never gone to sa if not for gye. also i made contact with someone who has ssa through gye and he was the one who gave me the original numbers of other guys that i could talk to.

KOT! YTC!
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Big Steps 21 Oct 2014 20:24 #241626

  • shomer bro
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Wow! Tremendous hatzlacha raba! KOP and KOMT!

Re: Big Steps 22 Oct 2014 00:53 #241689

  • unanumun
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Welcome to the country. Glad to hear things are going well.
If you need places for shabbos there are probably a bunch of the guys here that would have you over. Just let out a call and your pm will probably fill up.

Re: Big Steps 22 Oct 2014 02:13 #241701

Wow!

Keep it up. Kol hakovod to you!

Re: Big Steps 22 Oct 2014 03:18 #241710

  • godhelp
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Wow is all i have to say lots of luck.

Re: Big Steps 23 Oct 2014 17:32 #241819

  • Shlomo24
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i have been trying to contact gyers in eretz yisroel but it hasn't been working to well, i would love to meet u guys and even have shabbos meals, that sounds awesome...

feel free to contact me at iam24zman@gmail.com its my gye email.

just in general, israel has been great, i have a bunch of numbers of guys in sa and the oilam here is really non judgmental and they seem like really nice ppl. my current rosh yeshiva is a rockstar, i have already had really deep talks with him and the zman didn't even start yet. i have my chavrusas and it is looking like it will be a great zman. HASHEM LOVES ME!

however, on a more negative note, something has been bothering me lately. i have this massive fear of rejection, even if some1 doesn't answer my call, i automatically think that they don't like me and they aren't interested in speaking with me, which is usually not the case because they usually call right back when they're available.

another example is that i have a really cute 11 month old niece who loves me very much, i am her roommate until yeshiva starts (yes i wake up at random early digit hours) and if i leave the room and don't pick her up, she cries. today i walked into the living room and she wanted me to pick her up but i was in a rush so i couldn't, when i left she was hysterical. i automatically thought that now she isn't going to like me (SHE'S 11 MONTHS OLD!) and that i am a bad uncle.

these thought have been really bothering me and i am not sure how to deal with them, i am not sure why they only came to the surface now, obviously hashem felt that now is the time for me to start dealing with it.

i am really just venting, but any thoughts are appreciated.

KOT! YTC!
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Big Steps 23 Oct 2014 17:46 #241822

  • cordnoy
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Keep on connectin'

Rock star! Wow! There are some that I'd like to have a connection to, but I never was successful.

You might wanna read the whitebook about ego and rejection, or there are plenty of mussar seforim that deal with this as well.


I sent you an email, and I'm usually pretty good at respondin' (ask the oilam).

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Big Steps 23 Oct 2014 20:45 #241839

  • dms1234
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Shlomo24
however, on a more negative note, something has been bothering me lately. i have this massive fear of rejection, even if some1 doesn't answer my call, i automatically think that they don't like me and they aren't interested in speaking with me, which is usually not the case because they usually call right back when they're available.
LOL! I can so relate! But you really don't need other people's approval to make you feel good. In any case we usually dramatize situations. People aren't inherently evil and we shouldn't look sooo closely into people's actions because usually they mean well! Just take a deep breath and keep on FLYING! (Toucans fly right?)
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Big Steps 23 Oct 2014 21:03 #241842

  • skeptical
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Some of the Eretz Yisrael guys could still be away.

Re: Big Steps 23 Oct 2014 21:39 #241846

  • shomer bro
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I can totally relate to your feelings. I've called people and left messages and they didn't return them! Does this mean they don't care, that I'm not important to them? No! Usually it means that they're busy, so they can't drop everything to call me back right now. Basically its a matter of being dan l'kav z'chus. Its not easy, but we have to try. I used to go to my cousins to visit and my younger cousins loved it because i played with them, and i loved it because they showered me with attention.

Also, feelings of rejection and being alone are very much connected and all a part of the struggle we all face. Part of what i like in reaching out to others is getting the feeling that I'm not alone, and that people can still like me even though i have ssa. I am still an awesome person, just with a different lust struggle than others.

Re: Big Steps 23 Oct 2014 22:37 #241862

  • Shlomo24
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shomer bro wrote:
I can totally relate to your feelings. I've called people and left messages and they didn't return them! Does this mean they don't care, that I'm not important to them? No! Usually it means that they're busy, so they can't drop everything to call me back right now. Basically its a matter of being dan l'kav z'chus. Its not easy, but we have to try. I used to go to my cousins to visit and my younger cousins loved it because i played with them, and i loved it because they showered me with attention.

Also, feelings of rejection and being alone are very much connected and all a part of the struggle we all face. Part of what i like in reaching out to others is getting the feeling that I'm not alone, and that people can still like me even though i have ssa. I am still an awesome person, just with a different lust struggle than others.


thing is that i know that but i dont KNOW that unconsciously, i know they like me, i just cant get by that. its frustrating. in terms of ssa i think i have gotten past the feeling that ppl won't like me b/c of it. in sa nobody even blinks if u say that u have ssa, its pretty great. i appreciate ur help, have u gotten past it? i need some tips... this is also a general invite for any advice on this topic, its really bothering me now...
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Big Steps 23 Oct 2014 22:40 #241865

  • cordnoy
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Hey; how many emails do you want from me already?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Big Steps 24 Oct 2014 23:32 #241954

  • gibbor120
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You may want to check out Dr Sorotzkin's site. He may give you insight into what sounds like low self-esteem (which many of us have). You made it sound like a recent phenomenon, but it sounds like something you've been struggling with for years.

Hatzlacha!

Re: Big Steps 01 Nov 2014 22:08 #242505

  • Shlomo24
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hey whats up? i have limited gye access and it's sooooooooooooooooooo sad that i can not go on really. thank god i got some emails from ppl so i could email them. or so i thought, because when i send out an email from my yeshivas email it shows my full name which limits my "guys" to 1.

however, i am feeling really positive nowadays, i am currently 5 weeks sober with minimal lusting. YAY! i am not focusing on the weeks though, it just usually is a good rayah of where a person is... (although i did like getting the 30 day token from sa).

speaking of sa, i have one problem, i cant find a sponsor that i like, there's one guy who i might ask, but he has a much different view and outlook then me... if i dont find someone by the end of this coming week i am going to ask him. also maybe the family could give me tips in terms of what i should be looking for in a sponsor, if he has enough of those things then i may just go with him, i am not exactly sure what i should be lookig for...

in terms of yeshiva, my first and night seder chavrusa (its the same person) is OUTTA THIS WORLD! we really mesh and we learn great, plus he's a super sweetie pie. one "downside" is that i am attracted to him, but i had a similar situation before and i think i know how to deal with it, usually the more close i get personally with someone the less the attraction "rears it's ugly head". i am never not going to think he is unattractive, but i am not really obsessing over him at all and i haven't had any fantasies. i think i just have a strong desire for connection with him, iy"h i will be able to deal with it better.

i mentioned guilt before and i have a very good method of dealing with it now, its too long for this post and i don't have much time on here. i basically seperate from how i actually feel and from how the yetzer hara wants me to feel. a person b'etzem never wants to feel like a piece of garbage, its unnatural. once u have that clarity then it's much easier to deal with unwanted negative emotions.

also i ate by my rebbi on friday night and it was amazing. he is "kuloi torah" and at the same time he is really chilled, i really have a strong desire to get close with him and i think that i am going to "act out" on that desire also he wants guys to have a kesher with him, or so i have heard.

all the responses get sent to my email so feel free, i just wont really be able to respond back. love and miss u guys.

YES TOU CAN!
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com
Last Edit: 01 Nov 2014 22:08 by Shlomo24.

Re: Big Steps 02 Nov 2014 07:00 #242525

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Gevaldiggg!!!

KUTGW and Keep on Toucaning!!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
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