A guy here said that SA didn't work for him. Now, one of my favorite readings in the program of SA is "How it Works" (apologies to  Cords )  which reads in part "rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path" ***   So I have to ask him the obvious question, did you thoroughly follow the program and what lengths were you willing to go to.  He answers, "if your asking me if I was willing to chain myself to a radiator, the answer is no." I'm totally confused at this point because I missed the part of the program that suggests such a method. I replied that no I didn't mean that, but could you let me know what step work you did. I don't recall getting a reply. 

Just to be clear I did nothing to deserve the recovery I have been blessed with one day at a time. I was forced by my experiences to go into SA  and I don't have the choice to question the principles of AA, if I want to stay sober. That's just me and that's how I work. I am happy that the principles also say take what you like and leave the rest. I just happen to like all of it . 


***Of course this was written for AA and the differences and similarities between alcohol and sex can be debated ad nauseum. Sex also also has the often added component of mental illness in the form of paraphilias.

Seek sobriety 

A couple of days ago, I heard a shmooze on malchiyos and hisbatlus to Hashem. This is the kind of shmooze that would have greatly inspired me in the past, but after studying Dov's posts, I wasn't ready to take that inspiration (I hope that all the healthy people in the room got REAL inspiration from it).
To quote from Dov's longest post
"Most of us learned how to use porn, fantasy, and to masturbate ourselves WHILE we were defining our relationship with Hashem and WHILE we were defining what Torah means to us. This is why what they (we) have often felt so sure was destined to be our answer repeatedly failed as a working way out for us. Absolute devotion to Hashem and His Torah with hisbatlus gemurah simply did not work for many of us. For if it did, why are half of us even here at all? Hey, I am not a ba'al kichsatah on this and am not asking for anyone to agree with me on anything. I am simply reflecting the experience of many, and spelling out what many simply fear to face. If you see it in you, don't give up - seek for the truth about yourself, instead of more truth about Torah, Hashem, or other people. Self-honesty has been the missing ingredient for us all along. Of course, hiding from others and faking to get by has been poisoning us, too. "

It seems then, that hisbatlus might not be the right way for me. 
But I miss that feeling of being on a high after hearing inspirational words. Maybe I should have let it inspire me. I'm so confused....

trysohard wrote on 28 Sep 2016 05:44:

Hi,
I just checked in here after a very long time and I saw your last post. I identify with your confusion. I struggled (and still struggle) with this issue a lot but in recovery it became something I had to address.
Inspiration is a wonderful thing, but has to be recognized for what it is: an external emotion. This can be very instrumental in one's Avodas HaShem but for some it can be detrimental. I used to call it "emotional masturbation". 
If, as you write you miss the "feeling" and you want to consider to "let it" inspire you, then it sounds like you are looking for what I was - emotional high's, which we get from sex, others get form alcohol etc. and the problem for us is that just as with these things when the "effect" wears off we need to find a replacement, so too when the effect of the inspiration wears off we look for a replacement -and that replacement may not be spiritual the second time.
I hope this gives you some clarity. 
Hatzlocho

trysohard wrote on 28 Sep 2016 05:44:
Plently of people "get high". The problem is the hangover afterwards . It's a romantic fantasy that makes us "feel" like we are great. Hisbatlus is a wonderful concept, but for most of us, it's a theory in all the but the most basic sense.

There is a great sefer called בעצתך תנחני, that a fellow GYE member told me about. It talks about growth with a "realistic" understanding of yourself. I think we are inspired by the emotion that "hisbatlus" evokes, but emotion is not what change is built on (although it can inspire us to take action). Raw work (action) is what is needed.

Thanks YT and Gibbor for putting it into perspective. I'll try to check out that sefer.
Gibbor- you welcomed me 2 years ago, and I see that you still welcome the new guys. This forum needs more people like you- with experience and who don't get tired of posting. Good Shabbos and A Gut Yohr!

Thanks .

Have a gut shabbos and a k'siva v'chasima tova!

I do get tired sometimes, but then I come back and have dozens, sometimes hundreds, of posts to read through.

trysohard wrote on 30 Sep 2016 18:53:

Gibbor won't get tired.

cordnoy wrote on 07 Oct 2016 13:11:

So you better keep posting cordnoy. He's only 3500 posts behind you. (the guy you really have to watch out for is Markz, his truck might be passing you in the ocean soon).
By the way cordnoy, I responded to a question of yours here guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/241316-90-is-a-big-number-but-with-time-will-get-smaller

KUTGW

ODAAT




One Donation at a Time ;-)

.

Mark, nothing on this site can sneak past you 
I posted it in the hope of encouraging someone else (and getting a pat on the back  ).

Well you could've tried to hide your good deeds a little better like this

​

That was the shortestpost on my thread.

The way to make sure everyone reads something is to put it in a spoiler.

Yes

You realize that $180 goes a long way