i usually don't have web access but for the next 2 weeks i'm staying somewhere that has. just tonight i fell and decided it's time to join. i've been struggling on and off for over 10 years. even when i don't have a pc, i use my wife's cellphone (not a smartphone) which she doesn't realize has internet. Hashem please help me find a permanent solution here!

Welcome Trysohard!!!

join the club its great to have you here opening up is step number one,

so let us know what your struggling with and keep in touch,

kol tuv!!!!

thanks for making me feel that there's someone out there who cares! can i console myself that i wasn't motzi zera tonight even though i spent a long time viewing inappropriate material?

Welcome

Yes; you can; any step forward is a positive one, and each step, for no matter how long, is stored away.

Welcome to the club.
What methods have you tried?
What worked; what didn't?
Have you read the GYE handbook/manual?
This site has a wealth of material.

Nothin', however, compares to the chevra, so don't be a stranger.

b'hatzlachah

Shalom aleichem, Try So!

There is infinite schar waiting for you for every moment being koivesh your yetzer.
Having said that (from my brain), I also find it so so difficult to internalize and feel it (with my heart).
At least I try to be aware that the same yetzer hara that wants me to feel so down when I do wrong, is the same one that does such a good job trivializing the good I do.
That awareness (sometimes) puts things into perspective.

You may want to connect with some of the oilam and exchange emails, so that when you don't have access to the net, you can still get chizuk and reach out (if you at least have access to email). For me, acting out was not about Internet. Way before I had access, I was hooked.

Anyway, I hope you get as much from gye as I do!

thanks ineedchizuk!!!!

i'm really feeling bad about myself and you just pointed out that the YH that wants me to fall is the same monster that wants me to feel down about myself,

GEVALDIG i will not give in even on erev tisha b'av , i will try to rebuild my temple for hashem,

have a easy fast!!!

Welcome to the community.

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its great to you have you. As ineedchizuk wrote, i recommend you in touch with people here that you can contact when you don't have email address (i assume you don't get email, so perhaps phone?) Anyhow, perhaps you can print out some material for offline.

Check out: Skep's tips

WELCOME! You have come to the right place. Read and post. Read the handbook. You can open up here. We're listening.

Welcome TSH!

A better way to console yourself is by looking forward instead of behind you, I think.

After all, did you open up on this forum yesterday?

We're here waiting to here from you! We can do it!

thanks all! i especially appreciate the link to skep's tips. the idea of phone help is a good one. i guess i should try to find a sponsor, right? one time i made a kabbalah that if i acted out i'd have to say 5 kapitlach tehillim, and it worked for a while. except that i did on a weekly basis, from shabbos to shabbos. and then came the motzei shabbos when my wife was sleeping and i convinced myself that i didn't really renew it that shabbos...

But you're to be commended for reaching out. For me, my path to recovery only truly began when I reached out and finally told my story to the guys here on GYE. Once I took that step, a whole new world opened up. The best piece of advice that I've gotten here is to never get depressed and sad by yesterday or 5 minutes ago's fall. You have to constantly be focused on the here and no, and that's it! You got to take it one day, one moment, at a time. Best of hatzlcha to you.

another thing. this computer doesn't have a filter. the problem is that i share it with my wife. so the simple solution would be to have her make the password or half of it. however i'm scared that if i get too tempted, i'll just go into her email and switch the password. she'll then assume that she forgot it and will just make a new one if she needs it. i don't think this is a ridiculous worry because on her parents computer this is exactly what happened, and i still know the password to their filter from then, and that has caused me many problems. any suggestions?

Trysohard

You have hit the nail on the head! I did the same thing and delaying started my recovery process by years!

I'd suggest that you strongly consider accountability software and make a Talmid Chachim your report recipient. There's no point in being a Talmid Chachim if you don't use it IMHO.

In my case my Rav's father was who I selected and B"H it was a good choice -- uncomfortable at the beginning, but you'd be surprised how understanding people are. I just explained that I have found myself looking a P**, that I've tried to stop on my own and have not been successful.

I reminded him of the story of Rav Yochanan ben Zachai on his death bed, where he Blessed his students that their fear of men should be as great as their Fear of Heaven. "Is that all?" they asked. "Halavei" was his answer. Any Talmid Chachim will at that point see how great a man you are.

You have caught a virus -- that's what addiction is. Its a thought virus. It happens from living in Western Culture.

You can succeed if you want to!

B'hatzlacha

Is it possible to ask her to change the password on her email so that you can't access it? Because having a good working filter is pretty important.
OR, if she wants to be saved from nisayon as well, you can open a new email address, just for your filter, and each have half the password to that as well!
Granted, you'll be kind of stuck if either of you ACTUALLY forgets the password (to the email), but it's worth the risk, no?