Today is three years since  I joined GYE. It's been a wonderful ride. Thank again to all that contributed along the way. 
My my how my life has changed in the last three years. 

Una, we are fortunate to have you.

Still Trucking Along!!
Picking up speed all the time. 
Just a quick pit stop to refill on gas.
All the best to everyone out there (wherever the out there might be) 
gmar chasima tova

Love,
Una

unanumun wrote on 25 Sep 2017 14:27:

Shuna Tovah!

Love Ⓜ️

Fell Shmell. 
Gotta keep on trucking! 
(Do they still say those things here?) 
I finally decided to come back and fess up. Been a rocky 8 months after almost 4 years of being clean. 
Perhaps the accountability of staying clean for 90 days will get me back on track again, I hope (have they started allowing that word here yet?) that by getting through 90 days, I will have moved passed the bad habits that are starting to gain traction again. 
Don't have patience yet to write a full post and analyze what happened. Done that too much for the last eight months. Time to just move forward and start again. 
I didn't think coming back here would help me for a round two. There won't be any chiddushim to enlighten me, or inspire me. Been there done that. 
But I finally decided that i can perhaps gain from some kind of accountability. 
Other than that life is great.

Welcome back.  It's always nice when long time members come back to check in.  I just flipped through your whole thread.  You had quite the journey!  It's clear that you are well thought out.  Looking forward to reading your future posts.  As an aside, I enjoy reading the camaraderie among the chevra that was displayed in your thread.

Hey there unanumun,

I have a very similar story to yours too. I'm married with 2 kids. 5 years tahor with 3-5 falls total, then crashed down into the shmutz for months and came back here, thinking what else could I learn. And do you know what? I come here everyday now and almost always learn something new, and if not, I get a lot of chizuk on the chats/forums. I'm in day 3 of the 90 day chart. I think just like you. 90 days isn't some sort of miracle medicine. But it could certainly help me.
I think that, after a long time we start to underestimate our addiction, we let the guard down and it all falls back. Senior members who have been tahor for 7 years or more, don't stop coming here and constantly trying new things.
All I can say is, if you were pure for so long, you can certainly go back to where you were. Like myself too. I'm only in day 3 now.

Dear Una, 
I just want to say that I'm so so sorry. I cannot fathom how you must feel. I have the utmost respect for you. 
I primarily spend my time in the BB section because my marriage is what brought me to GYE. I recently came across your thread there and loved everything you wrote. That brought me to your thread here and the day after I finished this thread I saw your last post. My jaw dropped. I said to myself - holy.... this YH is such a BEAST! (of course I knew that already having been fighting the fight for so many years, but your post brought it to a new level for me) 
My first 100+ days have been fairly easy and my marriage is so much better than it ever was, but now I'm shaking. 
I recently read a post from Dov where I THINK he said that the 12 steps is the ONLY way to fight addiction. I know people say (and probably will say in response to this) that there are other ways, but maybe they're wrong? 
If I recall correctly, I don't think you were into the 12 steps too much. Just wondering what your thoughts are today. 
I really hope you're doing OK and my heart and prayers go out to you. You have been an inspiration. 

DiamondWithAFlaw wrote on 18 Nov 2019 16:01:

Godspeed to you, Una and all,
Dov never said that, nor does he think that.
I had a fall as well.
There is a strong y"h, and there is a strong pull towards these things. To some it's a bad habit, to others it's an escape mechanism (also can be habitual), and to others, it may very well be a full scale addiction. Some people need simple distraction tools. Others need a heavy dose of mussar. Some need meetings, books and steps. Others use mindfulness. There is a fear tactic that can also help. Prayer works. Smart recovery is gainin' traction. I have found that the number one most integral step which is needed for almost all people is to open up to someone else in a real manner. 

Godspeed to all!

Ok, you know him way better than me so I trust you're correct. I should have read that post again before I posted. 
Thanks for clarification and thanks for all your posts which have helped me as well. 

DiamondWithAFlaw wrote on 18 Nov 2019 16:01:

Interesting that you note this.  One of my big takeaways from GYE, is seeing members who were clean for many years have falls, sometime leading c"v to the "black hole".  I had naively thought, that once I was on a long clean streak, I was "good to go".  This really reinforces the idea that we cannot ever let our guard down.  The Y"H is always lurking...

No matter how long you have ben clean, take things day by day, every day, for the rest of your life.

sleepy wrote on 21 Nov 2019 18:11:

Gehinom is cleansing for the neshama.
lichuurah one would be soiled regardless of whether he's ""sick"" or not. 

sleepy wrote on 21 Nov 2019 19:01:

You can have him email me: thenewme613@hotmail.com

sleepy wrote on 24 Nov 2019 16:08:

With pleasure.