I began watching porn from 8 years old through 21 years of age, always promising to myself I would stop and feeling "ashamed" of my behavior. It came to the point i got a "clean stretch" of 3 months, that I had a real strong urge to watch porn that led me to call for help and I joined sa. I got a sponsor worked the steps and sponsored another person. I would do daily steps 10,11,12 taking inventory of my character defects and asking g-d to remove them. I did This for 18 months until Tamuz 7 months ago. That's when I began to develop my mind and my "resentments" started getting less and my "need" for lust got less. I realized I could be sane, sober, and comfortable with life if I continued developing my mind, which i did and I left Sa 2 weeks later. 7 months later i feel fine , and like to share my experience strength and hope to whoever is interested.

Wow. Your journey sounds very interesting.
I do not really know what you mean about developing your mind. If you know of a book that outlines what I need to do, that I would appreciate reading one. My own experience has taught me that I would act out despite not only my brain sending warnings not to, but even despite my natural survival instincts. For example, I would get a overdue bill from the credit card company, and a new paying client at the same time. My logical brain, And my survival instinct would tell me to take the client, use the money to pay the credit card bill. Instead I would become overwhelmed, want to escape, watch pornography, miss the client and the bill. Of course this is only because I am an sexaholic, or sex addict. I am sure many people who are not addicts can gain greatly from strengthening their brains. Even for me, I am sure there are ways that a stronger brain would help me as well.

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Tzvi5 wrote on 22 Feb 2019 15:55:



I see that you still strongly subscribe to SA ideology. To the best of my knowledge "changing how one thinks and feels" is a cornorstone of SA.

No book that I know of teaches you what to do. I can tell you what I did that proved to be beneficial. Every few lines i studied I repeated in My Own Words what was said. In the beginning it was pretty hard, however eventually i got better and better. All of this caused me to actually comprehend what I learned instead of just memorizing it without really understanding it. I think that was the real game changer for me, which made this much different than my past years of studying in yeshiva which didn't help me.

Wow, your storry inspires me. My story sounds similar as i started at around the age of ten and am now 23. I tried stopping countless times but couldn’t. I finally broke and told people who i trusted about my issues and they are really helping me find the right steps to recovery. I hope one day i will be able to look back on this the same way you have. And to be able to inspire others as well.

@mirror

I understand your brain because my brain has the same fault!

Sometimes we are in so much pain/stress our brain goes haywire and we resort to the nearest pain reliever/stress reliever...which is porn/acting out etc.

This need for pain relief overides any rational thought.

The only way I consistently manage it is to plan out my day, even sometimes in 10 minute chunks.
Always have a positive activity you can do instead of porn/acting out.