From Rav Elya Lopian, an amazing vort.
It says in Avos, Kach Hi Darka Shel Torah, etc, Chayei Tzar Tichye.
A life of pain you live.
And then it says Im Ata Oseh Kein, Ashrecha Baolam Hazeh, etc.
If you do it, you'll have an amazing life in this world.
Asks Rav Elya, how is it possible for a person to have a chayei tzar, AND an ashrecha baolam hazeh?
And he also asks, if this is the derech hatorah, presumably it is something everyone must do. Why does it say IM ata oseh kein, it should say KISHEATA oseh kein?
He answers, one who doesn't understand that difficulty isn't a contradiction to enjoyment of life is NOT doing it. If he was, IM ATA OSEH KEIN, he would understand the ASHRECHA.
Rabosai, if you are wondering whether or not to take the plunge, to clean house and commit, to give up your triggers, like I was doing, like many others on the forum did until they finally hit bottom, because you are worried- life will be painful, life will be hard...
I'm telling you, life is WONDERFUL. AMAZING. REAL. Yeah, it may be tough at times, but it's the good life. Take the plunge. Start enjoying life- real enjoyment.

Hatzlacha, all!
Meir

Rashi in the beginning of Vayikra Perek 11 quotes the Midrash Tanchuma about why we were commanded kashrus:

A doctor has two patients, one of whom has hope of being cured and one who does not. To the one who does not, the doctor allows him to eat whatever he wants, because it doesn't make a difference. To the one who does, however, the doctor restricts what he can eat so that he will recover.

Jews have a hope of developing a relationship with HKBH, so what we eat makes a difference, and we were thus commanded; non-Jews don't share such benefits.

If so, we can apply this idea to the rest of the Torah--specifically zera levatala:

Every Jew has a hope of being cured. As long as you're Jewish, you're commanded, because there is yet hope that you will develop a relationship with Hashem and keep his Torah.

If you're Jewish, you still haven't lost hope.

A saw a beautiful idea about dveikus in a sefer called Dorash Dovid.

He asks 'why did klal Israel only merit the level of prophecy that they did at the yam suf? How did this happen so soon after they were on the 49th level of Tumah in Mitzraim?'

He explains that inorder to receive prophecy, one has to elevate himself above the physical, inorder to be in a state capable of achieving an intimate connection with Hashem. This process is called dveikus. And the Meshech Chochma speaks about this:

'When a person knows that he is under the hashgacha of Hashem Yisborach, and when he knows that Hashem is capable of anything, and that Hashem feels his concern or pain more than he himself does, that person feels happy and calm. Because, he'll say, 'what is the use in worrying about these concerns, while Hashem feels them more than I do, and he is all powerful'. And this is called dveikus.'

At the sea, Klal Israel were surrounded on one side by a pursuing, mighty Egyptian army that had enslaved them for generations, and on the other by a vast and seemingly endless sea. When Klal Israel walked into the sea before it split - even until the water was up to their noses - so that they could follow Hashem and not go back the the Tumah of Mitzraim - they demonstrated they were willing to give up even their physical existence mamash for Hashem. That is how they achieved dveikus and came to the intimate connection of prophecy.

We should all be zocheh, with Hashem's help, to escape the grasp of Tumah by trusting in Hashem even when the situation seems impossible from every angle. We should always know and feel that He feels our pain even more than we do ourselves, and we should give ourselves up to Him completely.

id like to share with u something nice i recently heard. we all wondr why it looks sooooo enticing to be hanging out with girls and to look at things we shouldnt. why does it appear to look like fun? and then after we act out, so to speak, we feel like dirt?
rav yissochar frand says in the name of rav pinchas ben yair: the tree of knowledge, in the times of adam and eve, was just a plain and simple tree. but wen g-d told adam "dont eat from it", the satan popped in and said to adam, "why listen to Him? why should u have any limitations? u have everything but this! and besides, the fruit from this tree besides for tasting amazing, is the remedy for anything and everything. itll giv u strength freedom fame u name it!... just eat it!". so adam and eve ate the fruit. but then suddenly they felt naked. it says ki airoomim heim. they werent physically naked! they felt naked of everything they gave up for falling to this small temptation. now lets look at ourselves. how naked and nasty do we feel after falling? why are we giving up to a stupid fruit? but lets look on the bright side. how amazing does it feel to stand up to the yetzer hara and say, "boom! take that! im not falling 4 ur garbage!" it feels amazing! stay strong guys!

This may be famous...but I was inspired.

Rav Dessler (Chelek 1, page 42)brings a Gemara which tells of a man hiding in the walls of the house of a woman with whom he was having an affair. The husband came home and was about to drink water that this man knew was poisoned. At the point, the man jumped out and recused the husband.

Abayei says: It is certain that the man did not commit adultery with this woman; otherwise, he would have wanted the husband dead.

The Gemora asks: Isn't this obvious?

The Gemora answers: I might have thought that he preferred the husband alive in order to enjoy the woman as mayim genuvim; km"l not so.

Tosafos asks: Maybe that is the case?
Tosafos answers: An adulterer is unaware of the concept of mayim genuvim yumtaku.

Explains Rav Dessler: The vast majority of lust is the desire to have that which is not ours. We tell ourselves, "If only I had it, I would be happy." Once we do have it, it is now under our belt and part of us and therefore not special anymore. If we truly understood this, we would not run after lust. By definition, one who runs after a married woman believes that if she were muteres to him, it would be truly heaven on earth.

As I sit outdoors (with my back and screen to the street) enjoying Day 45 (bli ayin Hara), I am in the process of internalizing that much of my life has been about achieving that which I don't have and then being bored once I acquire it. Whether in relatively innocent form - a better job, a promotion, a better car, a new position in the community - or in its more sinister form - the next image or story, the next lady-in-waiting (thank you Dov for that wake-up observation), or the next mb session - I have tended to always feel a lack for what is not yet a part of me.

I am working on realizing that true Chayim means recognizing and appreciating that I can give to the world that is external to me - give my all to the wife and children I have, to the job I have, to the friends I have; rejoice in their simchas and in the fact that they are building their own batim ne'emanim b'yisrael - and know that I am not missing anything; on the contrary, I am now able to coexist with HKBH and the world around me.

On lag baomer we joyfully sing: „Omar R‘ Akiva, Ashreichem Yisrael! Ma hamikva metaher es hat’meim kach Hkb’h metaher es yisroel“ Why was it necessary for R’ Akiva to tell us this?? The torah in speaks in length about Yom Kippur – and in other places as well, long before R' Akiva came around, Tshuva is mentioned, so why make such a big deal of this omar R’ Akiva??
The Lubavitcher Rebbe explains: As we know there are no extra words in Mishnayos. Therefore it may seem strange for R’ Akiva so specify: “Ma mikva metaher - es Hat’meyim” isn’t it obvious that a mikva is metaher tmeyim?? He should have said “Ma hamikva metaher – kach Hkb’h metaher..!?” (Some answer because then the song would be missing words:) )
The gemara (-iforgot where) has a dispute: If someone becomes tuma by touching a sheretz or by seeing shichvas zera he must go to the mikva – and when night falls, he’s tahor. If someone however touches a mess(corpse) he must go thru seven-day procedure that includes getting sprinkled with the ashes of the Poroh Aduma, only then he regains his tahara.
Here comes the question: What, if someone (that touched a corpse and) during the 7 days of purity touches a sheretz or sees shichvas zerah. Do we say “let him take care of the small tumah and then you can proceed “ or do we say “You anyways are impure, so what difference does this small impurity make? Plus: The greater impurity will be removed thru the ashes of the porah adumah – so why make an effort for something that will vanish anyway?”
R’ Akiva viewed the first opinion as correct and is sending us a deep message: Of course a mikva makes a person tahor! However,
“Ma hamikva metaher es hatmeyim” – just like a mikva is metaher the tmeyim, even though he is posessed by a much greater tuma as above-
“Kach Hkb’h metaher es yisrael” -So too, we still may be deep in the mud, but even a small step towards Hashem is very valued by Him and will purify us . Often it doesn’t seem to sense to make a small change, feeling that it is so insignificant and that greater action is needed for any result. R’ Akiva teaches us to No way!

-Ashreichem Yisrael

I have posted (with permission) a number of clips from Irgun Shiurei Torah's Shovavim series and regular Q&A series, in which questions are addressed to Rabbi Yisroel Belsky. I am providing all the links below (all but the first three will require access to the married men's forum).


guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/244893-Going-Out-Into-the-World

guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/262936-Rabbi-Yisroel-Belsky-on-Shemiras-Einayim#262936

guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/265495-R-Belsky-on-Internet-Addiction--the-Twelve-Steps#265495

guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/245025-When-Ones-Wife-Dresses-Immodestly

guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/245020-Relations-When-Shalom-Bayis-is-Lacking

guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/243744-Preparing-for-Intimacy---Halacha-and-Hashkafa#243744

guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/243744-Preparing-for-Intimacy---Halacha-and-Hashkafa#244690

guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/242373-Falling-during-falling-in-love?limit=15&start=30#244694

I found a beautiful explanation of sefer Mishlei from the Vilna Gaon that sheds light on how the yetzer hara, the evil inclination, can trap us. In chapter 7 of Mishlei, Shlomo HaMelech says about the yetzer hara, that it first comes to us like this:

יג וְהֶחֱזִיקָה בּוֹ, וְנָשְׁקָה לּוֹ; הֵעֵזָה פָנֶיהָ, וַתֹּאמַר לוֹ. 13 So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face she said unto him:
יד זִבְחֵי שְׁלָמִים עָלָי; הַיּוֹם, שִׁלַּמְתִּי נְדָרָי. 14 'Sacrifices of peace-offerings were due from me; this day have I paid my vows.

The Vilna Goan asks what to peace offerings have to do with the yetzer hara? He says that with a peace offering its a mitzvah to eat the WHOLE thing, AND to be happy while you are eating it! Meaning, there is a real risk that through a mitzvah such as a peace offering, where there is a commandment to enjoy the physical world in a sense, there is a real risk that the yetzer hara will then take that experience and turn it to sins.

What's interesting is that I've noticed that I tend to fall with guarding my eyes after Shabbos, after I have enjoyed the physical world, when that enjoyment in a sense was a mitzvah! Here the Gra is teaching that even so, don't enjoy it so much to the point where the yetzer hara can then take that enjoyment of the physical world and isolate it from its spiritual root.

He says also there is a sense that when we do mitzvahs such as eating on Shabbos, we can think we 'paid our vows.' We did our part to enjoy the world in a spiritual way, and now we can take a "break" and enjoy it in a selfish way. Why do we think like that? Perhaps it is because we were wrong to think in the first place that it was ever ok, even on Shabbos, to enjoy the physical world as the physical world. Even on Shabbos, when we are allowed to indulge in pleasures that we normally aren't advised to enjoy during the week, it is still so important to keep in mind that this is still a spiritual form of serving Hashem, and that it is never recommended to us to enjoy the physical world for its own sake. Because once that happens, the yetzer hara says...

טו עַל-כֵּן, יָצָאתִי לִקְרָאתֶךָ; לְשַׁחֵר פָּנֶיךָ, וָאֶמְצָאֶךָּ. 15 Therefore came I forth to meet thee, to seek thy face, and I have found thee.
טז מַרְבַדִּים, רָבַדְתִּי עַרְשִׂי; חֲטֻבוֹת, אֵטוּן מִצְרָיִם. 16 I have decked my couch with coverlets, with striped cloths of the yarn of Egypt.

Here the Gra says that the the bedding represents the pleasures of this world that put us to sleep to our spiritual mission, and then the yarn of Egypt wraps us tighter in the pursuit of pleasure. This was all because the yetzer hara made us thing that when we were doing 'pleasure mitzvah's like eating on Shabbos, that it was ever ok, in the first place, to enjoy these pleasures as physical. No, we were only ever allowed to have those extra indulgences by seeing the physical pleasure as rooted in the spiritual world, and in that way to realize Gd's unity on all levels. But it was never ok, even on Shabbos, to enjoy the physical world for its own sake. Then the yetzer hara says...

יז נַפְתִּי מִשְׁכָּבִי-- מֹר אֲהָלִים, וְקִנָּמוֹן. 17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.

Here he says 'perfuming the bed' means that the yetzer puts the person 'to sleep,' 'in bed,' asleep to his spiritual mission and to his post as a soldier fighting the yetzer hara. This is done through perfume, which has the same root as niuf, adultery. The yetzer hara is trying to steal us from our true spouse, our soul, by putting us into spiritual sleep.

Then it speaks about myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Here the Gra says that this represents the aspect that a person who does teshuva out of love is able to turn his sins into these beautiful fragrances. The yetzer hara knows that we want to grow and to teshuva, so it tells us that it is ok to sin by enjoying the world in a selfish way, because we can always do teshuva out of love and fix it. This is a big mistake, because we know that someone who says I will sin and then do teshuva will have a very difficult time doing teshuva. Not impossible, but much more difficult.

יח לְכָה נִרְוֶה דֹדִים, עַד-הַבֹּקֶר; נִתְעַלְּסָה, בָּאֳהָבִים. 18 Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning; let us solace ourselves with loves.

Again, the yetzer hara says let's enjoy sins until the morning, until the end of life when we pass away,; when at that time we can "solace ourselves with loves," i.e. that we can fix the sins at the end of life by doing teshuva from love. But we know, it is a big mistake to think that way "l'chatchila!"

I just found it interesting, helpful, and inspiring that I was having trouble consistently on motzei Shabbos, after Shabbos, when we were allowed to enjoy the physical world for spiritual purposes. Perhaps I have been enjoying the physical world for its own sake on Shabbos. Then the yetzer hara could get me to think that it was ok to do physical sins after Shabbos. But if we never enjoy the physical world for its own sake, even on Shabbos, we don't give the yetzer hara any chance to make us think that that is ever ok. So it could be that guarding the eyes, according to this, really begins with eating properly etc. with holiness..

Breaking Free Chizuk # 1664
The torah part, about כל הגדול-מחבירו, יצרו גדול-ממנו is an unbelievable pshat, i love it,

The מאור ושמש says it too last week, parshas Kdoshim, that רש"י says that this parshe was said בהקהל, when all the yidden were all together, so he asks, that all the מצוות were said בהקהל, there is no מצוה was said seperately to one jew or a seperately part of jews, so he answers that by kedosihm someone can think that the best way to be holy is when he is a loner, goes only by him self, so thats what he says, that in order to be קדושים, you must be בהקהל, you must be together with friends, so you can learn from each other how to be and sgay holy....